Keeping things exciting

[zippi]

I've been with my partner now for almost 4 years. We still have a very loving relationship but have got to the stage where we both get a bit irritated by each other. Life doesn't seem as much fun as it used to and I'm worried we might be on a slippery slope. I think this is probably down to pressures of work & general pressures of life, but I'm keen not to let things slide - I think we are in danger of getting into a rut.

Any tips on how to regain the fun & excitement we had in the early days?

[Kate]

Dear Zippi

Most relationships start off with the romantic stage, where you are trying to impress each other, to win each other. Little niggles are ignored or not noticed because life is exciting. Then the relationship settles down into a sort of routine. Then things that niggle surface and irritate.

If a couple are married they have made a clear commitment to each other so they have an incentive to work through their differences. They have an identity as a couple and a purpose which can help them through. They still need to work on making the relationship fun and worthwhile, but they recognise that there will be seasons when it isn't. We have a section on the site about this called coping with disillusionment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffdisill/) and we encourage married couples to go on enrichment weekends.

If you are still living together, then perhaps a question to ask is, am I committed to this woman for life or am I testing the water to see if this relationship is for me or not? What am I prepared to do to make things last? What do I expect from a relationship? How do I judge the health of the relationship? What can I do to strengthen this relationship? Actually spotting that things could be better is a good start. Why not look at some of the tips here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/cftcartoon/). Put some time and effort in on your relationship, carve some time out of your busy lives and see if that helps.

Kate