Can't let Go

[digger_the_white]

Hi. I have bee married for nearly 8 years, and together for nearly 12. After a number of years of unhappiness, my wife left walked out, with our daughter, for what i thought was a cooling off period,and a chance to re group. Maybe i have old fashioned values, but no matter how bad things were i always thought we could get through and be happy. After all, we'd been thorugh some crap and were (i thought) coming out of it now. we are nearly out of debt and on decent money between us and had great plans for the future.
Only thing is she didn't intend coming back when i look back. She is now seeing another man and has been from an early stage of our split. Like in one of the other threads, she told me of this through a text. This hurt loads. Then a week or so later,my daughter,who is 8, tells me they've all been going off on day trips.
My point i think is, it's been nothing but lies both during and after the split and currently i hate her guts. I was getting over the hatred stage, but i've just found out that she intends to go to cyprus with him and my daughter. i was aware of the holiday as a wedding, but i have just found out he will be going too (all more lies). To cap it all off i got a letter from her solicitor re divorce and wanting permission to take holly on the holiday. she also wants the car even tho she doesn't have a licence.
Despite all this (i've not covered anywhere near all of it) i still love her deeply. I know it wouldn't work as i couldn't trust anything she ever said again, but i am finding it difficult to let go. all i can think of is all our plans and how things couldv'e been if we'd gotten help or listened to each other. I hate hating her and its now getting me down. i despise the thought of her with someone else let alone my daughter. It should be us going away. I feel as if i've been living in a lie for how ever long, and rejected for someone with a better job (he's a copper). I even feelsick when i see police.
Sorry if i've waffled on a bit, but i'm getting to the point where i don't know where to turn. I think my family are sick of me talking about it (they never got on with her) and i'm becoming very down about all of it, to the point where i want to cry at the littlest thing.
Not sure what i want out of posting this, but any advice would be greatly received. Cheers.

[Kate]

Dear Digger


I am sorry that no-one has replied to your post. I expect that things may have moved on since you last wrote.

Many of your emotions are similar to those many folk here have been through. There aren't any easy answers or advice. The emotions will come and go as you coem to terms with the decision your wife has made and all that you have lost. There is a thread calledMoving on after separation (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=1958) in which a number of folk share the pains that they are going through and what they have found that helps.

In the end there is little you can do to change your wife's mind, other than showing her the best possible side of your character and being as fair as possible about arrangments, between you. It is worth getting professional advice about your legal position and using any support networks you have. It may be worth looking here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/whenover/) too. I am not saying there is no possibility for a future for your marriage, but that it is very easy to push your wife further away or be taken for a ride. Do consider goign to see your doctor to get soem advice on how to take acre of your health adn perhaps find soemone who you can talk face to face with about what you are going through.

Keep in touch

Kate