Parents dont approve - stuck in the middle HELP!

[shazfrost]

HI

Sorry its such a long post but i wanted to give you as much of the full picture as possible :)

.... right this might be a bit confusing! I moved out to Australia in March 2006 and my boyfriend of 3 months followed me shortly after.. this was never intentional but we just fell head over heels and wanted to give it a chance to work.. we lived together, got engaged and everything was perfect UNTIL he left to go back to the UK!!!!

this was a very unexpected turn (i had 1 day notice) and it had nothing to do with our relationship he just wasnt happy there and didnt settle (and didnt want me to give up my dream for him apparently) i was an absolute wreck as yuou can imagine and i mean not sleeping, not eating crying at everything and my parents came over to visit with for xmas and they saw me in this state!!!

They now (and i can understand why) hate him, i stayed in OZ for 6 months after he left and we continued to talk everyday on the phone as i decided i didnt want to rush back to the uk and give up my life there until i was sure (even though that was all i wanted to do!)

I am now back in the Uk and he has moved down to the town where i grew up (at my request) to continue being with me. So now i am staying with my parents temporarily (im 26 so this is horrid!) he is lovely and has done everything i have asked of him on order to prove to me that he is comitted ( i didnt want to move in with him etc and rush things until i was sure he was serious) My parents were devastated when i told them taht we were back together as they saw how hurt i was by him..

the problem is we now want to get officially engaged again and start planning the wedding but i dont know how to prove to them that yes he did make a mistake, yes he did hurt me but everybody makes mistakes and he makes me so happy. i just want to have my parents happy for me and to be at my wedding..
does anyone have any ideas?

[Helen]

Shazfrost,

I am not sure what he has done wrong. Yes, the two of you met, fell in love and wanted to be together. He moved out to Oz to be with you. And it didn't work out. It wasn't about you it was about his inability to settle there. I suspect he would have had more success if he was a psyched as you were about the trip beforehand. Maybe there is a part of you that was upset because you should have been enough to keep him there, despite his unhappiness...

Your parents have no right to hate this man. Yes, they saw you in a state and crying but to 'blame' him for this is to view things too simplisticly. To try to ostracise him from your life is, frankly, overkill. His only mistake was failing to think through joining you in Oz - or, perhaps, failing to outline the terms of his being there properly. Hardly the worst thing he could do to you, in the grand scheme of things. I think you need to explain this to your parents. They cannot protect you from every hurt and this is what they are trying to do. Life is never this safe. Sometimes everything goes swimmingly and you both disappear into the sunset together. Sometimes not. But this does not make this man a bad person or unworthy of you. I am sure you know this.

I wish you luck talking your parents around.


Helen

[markus]

Do whats right for you , they will accept it sooner or later

[mia misty]

I think that you need to tell your parents how much you really do love this guy. And that you want to get married. That the reason he hurt you was because he didn't want to live where you were living. Tell them about how he loves you and that he did make a mistake but he wants you and that you would like them to be happy for you but if they don't give it then that doesn't mean that you are not going to be with him. That you love him and that's final. Hopefully all you really need to do is let them know everything. Parents don't think that anyone is really good enough for their little daughter. Just tell them everything and then do alot of praying. Hopefully that will work.
Heather
My parents don't like my fiance and we have been together for eight year and his mother hates me but we love each other and we love our families and if they don't like it to bad we aren't going to separate just for them.