Nothing works...

[YellowButter]

Hi,

I have been married for 2 years. Reciently I've become aware of how terrible a job we/I are doing. I feel like I don't know him. I don't know how to order food for him, I don't understand his moods...nothing. On top of it he has expressed how dissatisfied he is with me.
This past spring was especially difficult and he told me that I was the reason he was doing so badly and that I drain him. This breaks my heart. My visions of an intimate relationship are going up in smoke. I want to spend time with him but he is always glued to the computer. Eye contact is rare. Sex is even more rare. It's always been like that though... after the honeymoon it almost stoped completely.
I just dont know what to do. He takes everything I say out of context which makes it very hard to talk. He also refuses to talk through problems and prefers hours of silence. I don't think he wants me anymore.
Is there anything I can do? I think I missed "Wife 101..." I need advise...
Thanks, - Butter

[bmymelody]

Hi, I am sorry that you feel this way. I might not be in the same situation as you are in but, like you, I have issues concerning my marriage. You mentioned that he is glued into the computer, does he watch porn? Could this be the reason why sex is almost non-existent very little intimacy? The reason I am asking is because sometimes, pornography takes more of men's time and energy from their wife. I am not saying that your husband is into porn and I truly hope he is not. Anyway, did you talk to him about what's troubling you? I would if I were in your shoes. I'd find out why he is acting like this and go from there. No sense in worrying if you don't know the cause. You deserve to be happy and being with him should do that to you not the opposite. I believe we all deserve to live a happy marriage life, no ifs and buts. Let us know what you find out. Best of luck to you:)


bmymelody

[qsabilder]

Hi.
Your message made me feel really sad! I'm so sorry that you have these difficulties in your marriage.
There's no easy answer, I wish there was. You say communication is difficult, but it's only by opening up a dialogue that you'll know which way to proceed. I think you still really love him and want to be with him. Try gently asking him questions, but you've got to get this right otherwise it might make matters worse. There's obviously something wrong, he has problems which he doesn't want to tell you about because it's a sign of (perceived) weakness. It's that male ego getting in the way.
I think you should try and begin by asking what it is about YOU which he doesn't like, or maybe what it is that you've done to hurt him in the past. I can't be specific because I don't know him, so these are only guidelines as to how to open up a line of communication. But whatever you do, don't retaliate or criticise him, because that will make matters work. It can be extremely difficult to get men to talk about themselves, but I think if you approach him as the person who is in the wrong, then this might work. It's hard, I know, and you'll suffer, but it might be the only way.

Do let me know if you think you can do this, and tell me how you get on
Regards
Phil