Husbands Best Friend

[BAtGirl]

Hi everyone.
Im getting really upset.
My husbands best friend is horrible person, and tries everything to be the first in my own marriage! tries to stop me talking to my husband everytime he is around, because he cant stand the fact that my husband has someone now. As if that wasnt enough, he rings home everyday to give him news about new girls.. pff.
I cant complaint to my hub because Its his best friend. but im willing to fight against it. anyone can help or had a similar prob?.. thank you so much

[AlwaysGreen]

BatGirl,
We can safely assume that your Husband married you because he loves you. Do you really think he would want you to be unhappy. Give him a chance. How can he help you if you don't tell him what is wrong.
I suggest that you tell him nice and calmly how you are feeling and I am sure he will sort things out. Yes, this is his friend, and I am sure you are not suggesting that their relationship should stop, (He is after all entitled to the friends of his choice) but if you don't say anything, you will just get more bitter.
Another suggestion is this: Any chance you can get together with his friend and go for a coffee and have a chat. You say he is horrible, but if your husband likes him then something about him must be ok. He might just behave in a certain way but that doesn't necessarily portray the real him. He sounds quite unconfident and he might well be feeling a bit jealous, but if you give it a shot, he could stand to gain an additional friend as could you.
If this fails and you really can't get on then take the bull by the horns and let him know. Tell him you don't appreciate him phoning your husband to talk about girls.
But the sooner you talk to your husband, the quicker this will all be sorted out.

[hoxton]

Batgirl,

I agree with alwaysgreen your H must love you so why dont you try telling him how his friend is making you feel, I am sure if he know just how much it is upsetting you then he will ask his friend to calm down a bit,
Or like alwaysgreen says maybe you should meet his best mate and ask him how he would feel if he was in your situation.

It sounds like it has already turned into a battle and no marrage is big enough for three people if he is having that much of an impact then you need to tell your H you want him to set time aside for his friend but the rest of the time you want him kept at arms length, Tell him how you feel and that sharing him with his best friend is hard work especially when he goes on about other women ect ect,

Good luck,

Amanda

[BAtGirl]

thank you ladies. But something is not right. his friend is always trying to send me the looks. i talk about something and he doesnt stop fixing my eyes. This is not normal and if I tell my H he will probably go potty and do something crazy: either telling me im making up stuff and he knows his friend very well, or get jealous and not do nothing about it. Im scared because of that. My H is jealous. And I've always been very careful with the things I do or say so i wont hurt him in any way. But now it comes all this, I dont feel comfortable having his friend around because might put me in trouble (Although I wouldnt do anything wrong).
It sounds all like a big deal... Plus, knowing that his friend was a paedophile a long time ago and now he is ''dont worry darling, he is not like that anymore''.
And know my husband wants to invite him to be the baby's god father...?!
Another fact, is that the daughter of my husband never liked me, tried everything to break us up, and shes really friend of the other bloke....

:eek:

[hoxton]

Batgirl,

When you say giving you the looks do you mean he fancys you ?

But firstly any man who likes little girls or boys does not just stop likeing them not without a lot of profesional help and even then I personaly dont think they change, Trust me I know, Please do not leave your child aloane with him not even for a few mins.

Why don't you tell your H that maybe he is staring because he does not like you ( act dumb) just tell him you feel uncomfortable, Tell him you know he is good friends with him and you don't want to come between that ( even though I am sure you would like him to dissapear into a big hole ) but you want him to keep his friendship with him seperate from his home life. Maybe he could just meet him once or twice a week for a couple of hours and the rest of the week spend with your and your child,

But if all else fails then you need to tell him you do not want him around you and there is no way he is gonna be god father to your child and stay strong on that,

At the end of the day he married you if he wanted to be with his mate all the time then he should of stayed single.

Tell him if he continues to put his friend first then he is running a risk of putting his marraige in crisis that might give him a kick up the bum,

Good luck,

Amanda

[BAtGirl]

ty amanda. Im gonna get a way of putting him away of me and my H. As soon as I find another fail, Im gonna get hold of a solution. thank you for your help :)

[AlwaysGreen]

BatGirl,
Hello Again.
I totally agree with Hoxton. The fact that he was a Paedophile is huge reson for concern. Yes he might well have stopped but something remains. His will to resist has to always be there and chances are he might slip up. I don't want to say he will for definite, but with a daughter to consider, keeping him at bay would certainly be advisable. You certainly don't want to dangle carrots.
As for the "eye"... hummmmm. I would say out loud, next time he does it, "Sorry, Have I done something to offend you, you keep looking at me strangely"
This will certainly have an effect, and hopefully he will then abstain from it again. At least by hearing this and witnessing it, your husband will be aware of something being "Not quite right".
Be firm with your husband with regards to your not wanting this man as a god parent.
As for your Step daughter. very often children "don't like" their new parents partner. This is understandable because she sees you as a mum replacement and isn't ready for that or doesn't want that. That is fine. You are a mother figure to her now and she will slowly adapt. As for her liking your husbands friend. This is normal. She has known him for ages no doubt and doesn't feel competitive with him for "Dads" attention. Obviously, with the news of your husbands friends past, do keep your eye on this young girl, and if anything, try to win her friendship so that she can "Come to you" if ever there is a need. Plus, having a young girl in the house is just plain lovely, and hopefully you two can have a great relationship.
Hoxtons last two points are also apt. Don't be timid. This is also your life so make sure you enjoy it.

[London]

Plus, knowing that his friend was a paedophile a long time ago and now he is ''dont worry darling, he is not like that anymore''.

Is he on the sex offender's registry? If so, isn't there a stipulation that he NOT be near children? You can always use that to convince your H that he would not be allowed under the law to be the god-father. If H refuses, then you'll need to take other actions.

[BAtGirl]

Thank you all. My mom also told me I should tell him off if he looks at me again like that. I will try and protect my marriage and kids no matter what:)