Over sensitive?

[Abbey]

Hi, I've been married for 10 years this year. My husband has had high blood pressure for about 5 years and has to take medication. Unfortunately the tablets his on have side effects, one being a lack of interest in sex.

I finally had to say something to him the other day because he didn't realise that we weren't having a sexual relationship anymore. He admitted that it just wasn't on his mind at all. He said he would go to the doctors and change his tablets.

In the meantime I know that he has been masturbating and he also has a fetish about women in PVC and he looks at them on the internet. When I confronted him he admitted he was trying to get turned on by them and says he can't help it because its in his genes. He knows how much this really upsets me, because i told him it makes me feel that I'm not enough for him and he just says that he really loves me still. What i don't get is that on the one hand he says he has no interest in sex but then he's looking at these women and maturbating. I just need to know if I'm being really over sensitive and stupid about this or whether he is taking the piss. He has gone to the doctors and has been given viagra because the doctor says he can't come of the tablet. I would be grateful for any advice or help. Abbey

[Kate]

Dear Abbey
I'm sorry but viewing pornography is not in anyone's genes - they choose to do it until eventually it becomes an addiction. The trouble is that it can cause problems in your sexual relationship. If he is having trouble making love, then he may have turned to the porn to help him and reassure him.

Now he has the viagra then perhaps you could ask him to focus on your love life and work together to make it fun and enjoyable. There are lots of romantic things you can do together and if he likes pvc, then why not try and find out whether you can get PVC underwear to wear for him!

There are some resources here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthsex/) to help spice up your love life. Why not have a look.

Kate

[mdon]

you are not being oversensitive. My husband has sexual problems and also turned to porn/masturbation. This was because it allowed him to avoid the intimacy and feelings in sex with a 'real' person. It does become habitual and they get conditioned to it - in our case he finds it difficult to orgasm without masturbation now.
The first step is to talk . My husband and I did this - it enabled him to acknowedge the problem. He is now waiting for a counselling appointment. There is also on-line sex therapy and telephone counselling e.g relate There are also some good books around.
The sooner you address this problem the better.
good luck and hope you can work it out

[Lovey]

I agree. You are not being overly sensitive. He is still interested in sex. He's avoiding intimacy with you for whatever reason. If you can, start a deep gentle conversation with him and ask what's going on inside. Wearing PVC underwear/dresses might help your situation, might not. My hubby watches porn sometimes and his fetish is anal sex. We have anal play yet he still watches it. I believe that the guys watching porn has nothing to do with us, but something to do with them. If you can find out what the problem is, it's the first step to finding out a way to treat it.

Counselling works.