Treated like a queen

[willmetts]

i have read quite of few of the post trying to make sense of my own situation, and one thing that stands out is most of the partners have taken for granted, cheated, beat, abused. i treated my wife like a queen i would do anything for her which she knew, she keeps saying she knows how much i love and worship her. so being loved and worshipped by someone doesn't always make things right! i wish my wife would read some of the post here, but she hates computers and the internet and wouldn't entertain it.

[London]

Treating someone like a "queen" or elevating them on a pedestal is definitely not going to set anything right - as a matter fact, that's when they know they can walk all over you and crush you like a bug..... partners are just that - equal people in a relationship. Treat them as such and the relationship at least remains on healthy ground.

[Helen]

i have read quite of few of the post trying to make sense of my own situation, and one thing that stands out is most of the partners have taken for granted, cheated, beat, abused. i treated my wife like a queen i would do anything for her which she knew, she keeps saying she knows how much i love and worship her. so being loved and worshipped by someone doesn't always make things right! i wish my wife would read some of the post here, but she hates computers and the internet and wouldn't entertain it.London is right but you didn't always treat your wife like a queen, did you? You smoked too much dope, listened to misguided friends and accused your wife of all sorts of things. To add insult to injury, you pinned her to the bed and shouted at her pretty aggressively, then you upped and left with your 8 year old son and moved 500 miles away!

I have no doubt your wife was going nuts while you were gone, worrying about her son and worrying about what was going on in your head to drive you to that point. Now, 4 months later, you want to reconcile and you wonder why your wife doesn't want to know. Newsflash - if I were your wife, I would not want to know either. Are you still smoking dope? And what steps have you taken to earn your wife's forgiveness because after kidnapping her child, you need to - big time. Trust me.


Helen

[mdon]

I read your post with interest as to others I too was treated like a 'princess' by my hubbie- everyone thought he was a fully domesticated 'new man'. He did so many things for me BUT in reality emotionally he was not there for me. We were not equals.
He was unable to express his emotions or connect with me as an equal. It met his needs to 'look after me' as that made him feel close to me and wanted/needed.
He eventually after 18 years together had an affair with a mutual friend. Reason he says - he felt he could have status /power and control he did not have with me. She was a traditional woman who ran after him , looked up to him and made few emotional demands.

In relationships we play roles that meet our needs in some way. It is not your partners responsibility- if you treated her 'like a queen' (though in reality that seems to be in doubt) then that was the role you chose.
You really need to look in side yourself- ask why you wanted or needed to put her on a pedestal -was this is a way of keeping a distance from 'real' feelings and truly knowing the real her. Have you considered individual counselling to try and explore yourself? This is really NOT about her but about you.
mdon

[willmetts]

Helen

No i quit dope the end of last november which caused the massive depression, on the subject of kidnapping OUR child, we came to an agreement that our daughter stay with her and our son come with me, i realised as myself and son were sat on the plane that splitting the kids up was the worst thing parents could do! and believe me i have tried and tried to make my wife see the kids need each other as much as they need us both, but she is happy for them to be apart, then six weeks later my daughter wakes to find another man in bed with her mother. i have been blamed 100% for everything that has gone wrong, and i do take responsability for the most part, but i have suggested councilling etc. but shes not having any of it. i am going to councilling when an apointment becomes available to find out where the agression came from, one of the last things my wife said was she just wanted the old me back, and she said she knows i love her to bits! do you think shes playing on that? knowing shes been with another man and being told by my daughter hurt me deeply, and then she told me what they had done i was devastated. i still picture them together in my mind nearly all the time and its ripping me to pieces. what do i do?

[brandy24]

You should not treat your wife any better than she treats you. Take it from me. I waited on my husband hand and foot and he cheated, lied, and hit on me. What ever he asked me to do I would do, and now he has taken my kindness for granted. I wish I would have broken the chain early and made my husband pull his weight around the house. I might be better off today. We have holidays.. he gives no gifts, he won't cut the lawn, take out the trash, wash clothes, cook, clean or anything.

[willmetts]

if i treated my wife the way she treated me, we would never have lasted 10 years! maybe that was our downfall, she knew she could do just about anything and i would forgive her! that i'm afraid was the old me, the new me isn't such a push over. this week hopefully will have a house, flat, shed, tent sorted for me and my son, then i am returning to college to finish my degree. i'm not on the look out for another relationship although i do miss not having female company, but my 13 year old has promised to come and stay with me all the time. i have a lot of making up to do with her, as my wife never got on with her (daughter from another relationship before i was married) and basically stopped me from seeing her and my eldest son as much as i should have.

the ONLY two girls that matter in my life for now and the forseeable future are my two lovely daughters, both have bright red firey hair and tempers but they are MINE, god help any man that tries to date my daughters, i know i know but hey i'm a father and its my right to worry myself sick and be protective!!!

[blackbeard]

Willmetts - Yet another similarity - I used to actively encourage my ex to go out and enjoy herself every now and then as I understood what it was like to be stuck in the house all day with the children (I was out of work for 8 months doing the househusband thing). However if I was even ten minutes late back from work she would be on the phone asking where I was.
On these nights out I would have no idea what she got up to but I would always forgive if she was late back or went on somewhere without telling me till the next day. I have forgiven her for so many things but I always felt that our relationship was built on a solid foundation of trust. This is one of the reasons that I cannot forgive her now, she not only broke that trust but actively abused it and now somehow she blames me for the marriage breakdown!!! These people are unbelievable and if it weren't for my children I would wish I had never met her, but the children are there and I see it as my responsibility to instil a sense of honesty and responsibility into them whenever I see them.