Marriage probllems

[scotm]

After nearly 18 years my wife and I are still struggling with many of the same problems we have always had. We are very different people, but were good friends before and since we got married. We got a rock start in that in our first year she began to have memories of long-term sexual abuse by her father, who committed suicide, which lead to her not being able to even think about sex for the nearly 2 plus years she worked through her issues with a therapist. After that it was hard for me to just turn back on sexually to her since I'd suppressed it so long. We eventually worked through it some, although sex has been spotty and in streaks, some months often then some months no sex at all.
We have a couple of grade school children, whom we both love very much, but I after they passed out of their toddler years I have pretty much been their major source of nurture. My wife, who received no love from a mother growing up, is short-tempered and has unrealistic expectations for the behavior of young children. Until recently I was home quite a bit with the kids, but a new job has me away all day now and my wife has growth hostile to being "cooped up" with the kids. She was always in agreement that she wanted to stay home with them until school age, but she still hasn't really made movement to get any sort of job. She does very little around the house, I generally end up doing dishes and laundry just to keep us clothed for school and work. Add to this she suffers depression and you can imagine our struggle.
Lately we are distant and disconnected.
I'm hoping we can find a path out of this darkness but don't know what to do. Good counselors are scare around here, but I am looking and hoping she will go.
I don't mean to sound like a saint. I should have taken charge long ago and not just withdrawn from her hostility. I suppose I knew I was punishing her more from withdrawing.
We both are vehemently opposed to divorce. But we are looking at some sad days ahead if we don't get help.
I just needed to tell somebody. Pray for us.

[candelaria]

I am a woman who has been married for 11 years. I was also sexually abused and find that it is a problem in my marriage. It's so hard to explain - as much as you want to move on - you can't. I continue to pray about it and try to move on. One of the problems that I am having is that I feel my husband views our problems as my fault because of my previous abuse. I find myself becoming more and more isolated, because I'm afraid if I talk about it that he will use it as the only reason for our problems. When I pray for my marriage I will also pray for yours. Sometimes it feels as though your all alone - it helps to know that there are other people out there struggling with the same issues.