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miriam
31st March 2006, 05:27 PM
I have just come out of a damaging relationship, of 3 years we were yo-yoing back and forwardfor the last 8 months. I moved in with him very quickly after a whirlwind romance, he swept me off my feet it was fantastic, I have a daughter whom I'm very close too and he was very jealous of our relationship. He had a bad childhood so I put a lot of his behaviour down to that thinking I would give him the security of our relationship that he needed. but he became a control freak we have had so many arguements you would'nt beleive. We finally parted nearly 5 weeks ago and I'm distraught. I think it is too late now for us. my daughter hates him for the way he's treated me I have also lost some friends because of him they have lost respect for me now so I dont think I can contact them. I only have my daughter who has been a rock to me. My problem is I left my job for him so we could travel because he wanted me to do this. so I have to find work now I am 51 been told I am very attractive but I have lost all faith in Men and I suppose people. I have lost my confidence because He controlled me for 3 years. any advice........

hoxton
31st March 2006, 06:38 PM
Hi Miriam,

I know it is hard for you at the moment, You feel like you have lost everything,
Do you really have no friends left ? because part of being a friend is always being there for each other maybe you could try and build some bridges ?

You said you have your daughter, Why dont you try and take up some new hobbys or join a gym, Just try and go out and meet some new friends it will also help build your confidence back again.
Try and be strong and take it one step at a time.

Good luck

Amanda.

miriam
31st March 2006, 08:15 PM
Hi Amanda, thanks for replying I'm new to the site.

Yes I have two friends and a few people I know, I have just joined the gym, this week everything is a struggle I'm also learning to live on my own everything is scary I just want everything to be as it was. even though he was controlling, but I know it can't because I would have to give my daughter up and I certainly wont do that.

hoxton
1st April 2006, 08:15 AM
Hi Miriam,

Well you have made a start and it will get easier as time goes on,
So many people stay in unhappy relationships because they are frightened of being aloan, So they put up with all kinds of stuff because they just arnt strong enough to leave. Leaving someone or starting a fresh is hard especially when you are used to being with someone who was such a big part of your life, But life is to short to be unhappy and it takes a lot of strength to go it aloan so you should be proud of yourself, I know I am trying hard to make my marrage work but if I ever find out that he has broken my trust or been deciving me again I hope I am now strong enough to go it aloan, I want my family together but I am not prepared to be unhappy and if he can not regain my trust and I dont feel happy again soon then it has to end. I want to look back on my life and think about all the good and fun things I have done, Not to think why did I spend my life with someone who made me more unhappy than happy Or in your case someone who is controlling and has knocked your self confidence to the point of where you feel you are worth nothing. Everyone deserves to be in a happy relationship and when you love someone you are ( sopposed ) to make them feel special and build their confidence not knock it.

And as you said in your last post you put a lot down to his up bringing, Well your up bringing does have an impact on the way you are, but if you know what you are doing isnt right then you need to try and fix it. So often we see abused kids become abusers or little girls who see mum getting hit think it's normal when a man hits them or little boys who see Dad hit mum think it's ok to hit their partners. I am banging on but what my point is I have grown up in a disfunctional family Drugs Alcohol Violence, My sister has three kids she does drugs and drinks all the time. My brothers One is in Jail One can not function unless he has dope, and also does drugs when he goes out which isnt often but never the less still does it, and my other brother Drinks daily, They have all gone on and taken these things with them and are bringing up their own children,

Some people think the way they behave is ok, and if they know it is wrong then only they can change it, And by the partner excepting their behaviour does not help their relationship, or Kids all they are doing is helping to raise the next generation of screwed up people,

We can all change if we want I never took the same path as them, It was not easy but I hope I have give my kids the stable secure home that they need to grow up into decent adults ( hopefully )

Well that is enough from me,

Take care
Amanda.

miriam
1st April 2006, 01:35 PM
Thank amanda,

I am getting stronger, I know it will take a long time to get over the hurt, and build my self worth up again, I had some encouraging news yesterday. Career wise I would like to work as a receptionist in a Hotel not being experienced is quite difficult to get in I have all the abilities you need just not the title, anyway I have To ring one of the major hotels in my area on Monday they may take me on as a volunteer this will give me some experience no money but there could be a job in it later on. I have lost a lot of trust in people but have to try and keep focused not everyone is like the people who have hurt me.

Hope you get the happiness you deserve as well. good luck and thank you for being there.

hoxton
1st April 2006, 01:58 PM
Miriam,

I hope all goes well wth the hotel and maybe you will get a good job out of it so good luck,

And your right there are lot's of nice people out there. You will find someone that truely deserves you. ( hopefully )

Take care. x
Amanda.