Deciding on Divorce

[blackbeard]

Hi All, my issues have been posted here before so I won't bore you all with the details again, but a brief outline for those who may or may not remember. I found out that my wife was having an affair over the christmas period this year, I have since been staying in the spare bedroom of our house but will be moving into rented accomodation this weekend (Hurrah!!). Where we stand at the moment is a bit of an impasse, I have always paid all the bills from my account and as she earns cash in hand she has always had her money to herself, I have been trying to come to agreement with her around finances and telling her that we need help to sort out the financial situation as neither of us knows exactly what we should / shouldn't be paying for. I have made her an offer which she does not think is enough, apparantly she has spoken to a solicitor who has also said that it is not enough, but she hasn't said anything about what she does expect. Once I leave my salary will no longer be paid into the joint account and I will transfer a set amount each month.
I guess my question is would petitioning for divorce on the grounds of her adultery force her to take responsibility financially? If I file for divorce does she have to respond or can she just ignore the petition? Also if I file for divorce and state that I don't want a stake in the house would I still be liable for the mortgage?
We have two young children and I would rather not have them uprooted but at the same time I want to get on with my life away from her whilst still being close enough for the children. Is there an alternative way to force her to come clean over income etc.?

[Kimberley]

Hi


I used to be in a Matrimonial Department approx 5 years ago and my understanding is that if you are a joint owner/borrower on the mortgage you are jointly liable for the payments and if she stops paying they will look to you to pay. Especially as technically you are the sole earner on paper because she is paid cash in hand. This needs to be resolved.

You will also need to ask any Mortgage Lender to approve a transfer and mortgage commitments via a Solicitor if possible if you wish to transfer off the house and mortgage. Perhaps she could buy you out?

With regards to maintenance, spousal maintenance is rare these days especially as most parties have their own income and if not are expected to get a job to provide the same after the event of a divorce.

With regards to maintenance for children, either agree it or if she or you wishes it will be assessed by the Child Support Agency at a set amount each month.

Hope that helps.

Regards

Kimberley

[blackbeard]

Thanks for the reply and the information. Do you know if there is an alternative to starting divorce proceedings to ensure that she starts to pay her way? We only really have 1 months grace now and if she doesn't start putting her money into the account then I am going to have find rent as well as the mortgage along with all the other bills and trust me the sums just will not add up!

[Kimberley]

Hi


Quite difficult to make her pay - it is in her interest because if the mortgage is joint should it not be paid then bad credit rating and mortgage debts do not do her any favours in the future for if these occur the Mortgage Company will not consider her for taking on a full mortgage payment or transfer of property. But physically making her pay it in full or part is tricky because she isnt making it easier for you to move out - it means that you are possibly taking on two commitments you can ill afford - I really feel that you should go to CAB or at least go for a consultation even if its just a one half - one off with a Solicitor because you need to be able to secure your future.

It does not sound like she wants to behave financial responsibly for the house and couldnt care less if you cant afford to make ends meet. Protect yourself by getting more detailed advice before its too late.

Regards

Kimbereley

[blackbeard]

Thank you so much for your response, I have booked a half hour session with a solicitor today and will certainly focus on this. Your advice is much appreciated.

[blackbeard]

One other thing......How the hell do we tell the children??? two girls 4 (5 in two weeks) and 7 years old.

[Kimberley]

Hi


There is no easy way just keep it short I had to tell my then 8 year old daughter and not really sure I made a hash of it - I just said that mummy and daddy still loved her very much but that they did not want to live together any more. I think at their ages you need to keep it brief. Also state you are not going far and they can stay and phone when ever they like and you will both always be there for them.

Good luck

Kimberley