sexual problems help please

[husband34]

My wife and I have been married for 9 years and been together for 14 years.
I am 34 years of age and my wife is 40. We love each other very much.

In the beginning of our relationship we had a great and regular sex life which we
both enjoyed. After being together a few years I suggested that we try a threesome
with another guy, this turned us both on and we went ahead and tried it. We both
enjoyed it and we carried on doing it on and off for a number of years.

After we had our child who is now 7, things started to change, she said that she didnt want
to have threesomes anymore and that she said that it now made her feel dirty
and that she was only doing it for me.

I could not see this point of view and sat and talked to her to try and find
out what had changed her mind. I didnt really get a full explanation, only that
she just didnt want to do this anymore.

Becasue I wanted to carry on having threesomes I tried to identify exactly
what had changed her mind, in doing so I said to her that she had actually
enjoyed it, (she said only on certain occasions) and that if we could re-create those occassions when she
had enjoyed it would she be prepared to carry on doing them.

We did come to an agreement that as long as it wasnt regular and as long as
she liked the guy a lot and got on with him she agreed to carry on.

This pattern went on for a few years, but it always ended in arguments because
she said she **really** *only* did it to please me. This I continued to deny
saying that she did actually enjoy and admitted to enjoying it. (even if it was only on certain
occassions she did enjoy it)

We ended up not talking and falling about the same subject over and over again.
I feel I have never got any real explantion from her as to why she wanted to stop.
She just kept saying that she now thought it was dirty and something that she just
didnt want to do anymore.

I have eventually accepted this and agreed not to ask her to do it anymore.
(although I still would like to)

All this has been on top of the fact that I havent felt loved by her in a physical sense.
She doesnt initiate sex anymore, she says she cannot understand why this is a problem
becasue she never says no to me and that I can have sex with her whenever I want.

I explained that by her initiating the sex I felt like she wanted me and fancied me
and was turned on by me, she could see my point I think but couldnt really understand
how i felt. She didnt see it as a problem because she wasnt denying me sex.

She has however agreed that her sex drive has diminished and is very low and has agreed
to seek advice on this, maybe this is a hormone issue ? or rather a lack of a hormone ?
I dont know. She is going to seek advice from her G.P becasue she does agree that her sex drive
has virtually gone and she also wants it back as much as i do.

Having accepted that the threesomes or not going to happen I asked if we could compensate
buy doing other things. It really turns me on when she talks dirty to me. She has
tried this but isnt very good at it becasue she says she cant do it very well and feels
embarassed by it, (although she is still willing to try and improve on it) I also get turned
on by her not wearing underwear when we go out now and then, again she has tried this but again
she says it makes her feel uncomfortable.

All this is causing so many arguments and tension and stalemate. Besides the
possible lack of hormone on the sex drive front, she also says that if she starts to
maybe talk dirty to me or watch porn, or get a kinky with me she says that it is always
in the back of her minds that I will ask and want to start the threesomes again. Although
I have told her i will not, she just cant seem to get it out of her head and tells me this is
the reason why she feels unable to do the other stuff.

So hence my posting to this forum for help and advice. I have never asked for any online
help before, I always felt I am very reasonable and understanding and prepared to comprimise.
But we just dont seem to be getting anywhere. This is just driving a wedge between us.

We both love each other and dont want to split up but I just dont know what to do anymore
or how to approach a solution.

Your help and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[hoxton]

HUSBAND 34

Have you actually thought to your self that is possible that there does not have to be some deep reason for why your wife no longer wants to take part in threesomes, We all change and it could be quite poss that what she found fun five yrs ago she doesnt find fun any more. And also I know from my own experience even though she was very willing in the begining the fact is more times than not these things end up continuing because one partner does not want to upset the other and they think to them selfs I will do it because it makes him happy. It takes a lot of strength to be honest and tell your partner that you do not want to take part in the sexual stuff you usually do.

It would be good for you to both come to a compromise but she needs to feel sure that by watching porn and having kinky sex between you is not going result in you being pushy and wanting more.

And you say she says herself that her sex drive has gone, sometimes that happens try and support her,

Why dont you make her feel special buy her a nice gift or some flowers men allways forget to do the little things it's nice to get something not just on your birthday but just because your loved.


good luck
Amanda

[RON]

I'll give you some advice! You're a very sick man! Get help quick!

[Kimberley]

Hi


I would say that your wife sounds depressed and probably fed up with all these demands - you dont say why your normal sex life isnt enough for you and why you keep introducing new elements to make it more exciting. Have you become put off by thinking of your wife as a mother and housekeeper perhaps instead of a sexual partner?

I would take the pressure off her and arrange for her to see a GP to discuss possible depression and the low sex drive and stop making demands and keep the pressure off and see if things improve. If you love her as you say you do you will need to be patient.

I would stop trying threesomes as if this goes wrong and your wife fell for the other man you would deeply regret it in the future.

Regards.

Kimberley

[London]

HI h34 - well, you have said quite a bit - let me see if i can deconstruct what you have said and help... I'm not going to pass judgement on your sexual life (I always maintain that what is agreed between CONSENTING adults is between them), but I will say that you seem a little preoccupied on what makes *you* happy and not really concerned about what makes your wife happy in a sexual relationship.

After we had our child who is now 7, things started to change, she said that she didnt want to have threesomes anymore and that she said that it now made her feel dirty and that she was only doing it for me.

h34 - is this really hard to believe? Your W feels that now (more than ever) that she is a mother, she really shouldn't be having sex with someone outside her marriage. Actually, i think, although she may have enjoyed the physical sensations (and yes, DP can be very enjoyable and all those hands and attention on her), the truth of the matter may be that (emotionally) she only engaged in it to make you happy becuase you insisted on it. Its not something that she would have chosen to do. There is no contradiction here.

Also, the fact that she is a mother, means that she does not want to "fool" around with someone other than you, but that she recognises she doesn't want to make you unhappy so she goes along with it while actually not being happy about it.

This pattern went on for a few years, but it always ended in arguments because she said she **really** *only* did it to please me. This I continued to deny saying that she did actually enjoy and admitted to enjoying it. (even if it was only on certain occassions she did enjoy it)

Again, I'm sorry but did you not understand from her reluctance that she did not really want to be doing it, but felt that you bullied or pushed her into doing something she didn't want to. Perhaps she even felt that unless she did what you wanted that you would no longer love her.

I have eventually accepted this and agreed not to ask her to do it anymore. (although I still would like to)

All this has been on top of the fact that I havent felt loved by her in a physical sense. She doesnt initiate sex anymore, she says she cannot understand why this is a problem becasue she never says no to me and that I can have sex with her whenever I want.


Well, this comes as no surprise - she now associates sex with you as being "pointless" becuase you are not content with just her - that you *need* the other chap and that she fears deep down that that is really what you want (which you did admit above, is what you want). She fears that she cannot make you happy even by initiating becuase deep down you really want the other guy there.


All this is causing so many arguments and tension and stalemate. Besides the
possible lack of hormone on the sex drive front, she also says that if she starts to maybe talk dirty to me or watch porn, or get a kinky with me she says that it is always in the back of her minds that I will ask and want to start the threesomes again. Although I have told her i will not, she just cant seem to get it out of her head and tells me this is the reason why she feels unable to do the other stuff.

On the hormonal aspect - is your wife on the pill? I ask becuase there are certain types of the pill out there that reduce the level of testesterone in a woman which can lead to diminshed libido. So, yes, that is a legitimate "excuse" - one that can be remedied by medication. There may be other hormones that are affected or maybe her diet is leading to a hormonal imbalance. So, by all means, get her to check it out with her GP or Gyn.

On the other issue of porn/talk dirty/kinky sex etc... again, its quite engrained in her pysche now that the only sex that can please you is within a threesome and that unless you get that, you won't be happy. Unfortunately, it sounds like you have (for lack of a better word), "bullied" her into feeling and believing that.

The "solution" is actually quite simple - if you really do love her, you start paying attention to what *she* wants in a sexual relationship, not only on what *you* want. That may mean giving up on having a threesome for good.

Alternatively, you come to an understanding with her that you pursue the threesome elsewhere without her or, you agree to split up becuase she no longer makes you happy sexually. But it's quite clear from what you have written that threesomes aren't for her anymore.

Unfortunately, its also clear from your posting that you are not really concerned about what she wants but are looking for a "solution" as to how to "convince" her that she should cave in and get back into thressomes with you becuase as you put it - she did once and "said she liked it" why can't she do it all the time.

[AlwaysGreen]

Hello Husband34.
This is the first thread I have replied to, but feel I should . The first thing I will say is Love your wife for who she is. Don't make demands. For if she were gone tomorrow you would miss her.

I, as a wife, spent many many years of my marriage "Experimenting" with my Husband. I did it for him, I did it for me, and I did it for us. Not once did I feel pressured into doing anything for him. If I didn't have the want to do it, then I didn't do it. My husband has made suggestions in the past about many things that he fantasised about or many things he wanted to try. If I had the scope and the want, then I did them for him. He even said on a few occasions many years ago that he wondered why guys slept with prostitutes. He made this comment enough times for me to think " Think Woman". Think I did. I drew up a price list, plonked myself into the roll, and made lots of money out of him. He enjoyed the fun of it and the naughty inuendo but the wallet being more empty than full, soon stopped him thinking about it. We laugh about it now.
I, probably like your wife, also felt that once I was a mother, well that was it. Once a womans brain switches into mother mode, it can be really difficult for her to feel like that ultimate sexy creature again. Sometimes it is very hard to associate packed lunches, nappies, snotty noses and sexy black basques all together.
To be honest and fair. Your wife just has to say NO I don't want to do it anymore. She does not need to offer explaination. This is HER body afterall, not yours. She shares her body with you because she choses to. It belongs to her and her alone. If she chose to never have sex again, you might not like it, but it is her right.
Love her and enjoy every little part of her that she has to offer. Appreciate her exactly the way she is. Ok, so what you had was fun and great. But sex, alone, with just you and you wife can still be fun and great. It depends on how you chose to see it.

[shadow]

My opionion is with all the mentions of threesome, porns, etc.... if it was me I would feel like that I was not enough women to turn you on just by being myself.

Threesome gross me out but we do very occasionally take in a good porn or due something out of the normal, but like I said occasionally. She probably feels that it is all you think of cause that is the impression I get, and it is turning her off knowing that she alone cant satisfy you.

Dont know about all women but I like to have a little added to it once in while but I need romance too, I need to know that my husband finds me attractive I need to feel some bonding, kinky sex is no bonding, it is passionate but it is what it says kinky sex and there is more to that for a woman. To me it sounds like you had enough of the kinky and put it to rest and start bonding to your wife and make love to her instead of having sex.

[husband34]

I'll give you some advice! You're a very sick man! Get help quick!

Thank you for your opinion Ron. However what *you* find "sick" I do not, your entitled to your opinion however narrow minded it is. Insults dont help anyone.

As for the rest of the responses, many thanks. Having read these responses I do beleive at some point I did probably bully her into it, although it certainly didnt feel like that at the time.

Please remeber that is was something that we *both wanted* to try and we did for a long time *enjoy*

I (wrongly so it seems) just wanted an explantion. If I for example just walked out and said that I didnt love her anymore would this be acceptable ? I just dont think it would, I would feel a need to explain my feelings to her and not just say "I dont love you any more" I applied that theory to the threesome situation. But it seems most of you think I have no right to ask why and that I must just accept it.

I have difficulty in "just accepting" anything, war, murder, discrimination etc etc, I know this is totally different but thats me.

I will sit down and talk to my wife some more and will ask if this is how she really feels. If so then I will apologize for making her feel this way.
It was never intended that way but seemingly that is the way it came across.

Thank you for pointing me in the right direction.

[London]

H34 - actually, your wife's right to refuse a sexual scenario far out weighs your right for an explanation. The fact is, it's actually *you* that wants the threesome, not her, she doesn't have to explain "why" to you - as someone mentioned above, you don't really have the right to *demand* any sexual favours from your wife. This isn't the same as getting an explantion for a war, or murder or other kind of denial of service. I know you "know it" but your arrogance and self-absorption seem to prevent you from fully accepting and understanding that.

Rest assured that even though you wife may not have really wanted the threesome (despite her enjoying it while it happened), she did it FOR YOU and is still with you. That says a lot. Perhaps it's time you think about what is best for her and the two of you and perhaps not just yourself. Good luck

[husband34]

H34 - actually, your wife's right to refuse a sexual scenario far out weighs your right for an explanation.

Yes your right.

you don't really have the right to *demand* any sexual favours from your wife.


I haven't *demanded* *any* "sexual favours" London. *Asked*......yes, coerced, probably.

[hoxton]

H34
I dissagree with London,
If you and your W did that for years and at the time you both enjoyed it or at least you thought you were both happy then yes you are entitled to ask why she feels this way but by the same token you have to except that somewhere along the line she stopped enjoying it and done it for you, And like others have said It is quite upsetting to think that you aloan are not enough for your man.

Try doing what makes her happy, Every woman needs to feel loved and special maybe then you might make her more enthusiastic in the bedroom.

I hope you both work through this

Amanda

[husband34]

H34
I dissagree with London,
If you and your W did that for years and at the time you both enjoyed it or at least you thought you were both happy then yes you are entitled to ask why she feels this way but by the same token you have to except that somewhere along the line she stopped enjoying it and done it for you, And like others have said It is quite upsetting to think that you aloan are not enough for your man.

Try doing what makes her happy, Every woman needs to feel loved and special maybe then you might make her more enthusiastic in the bedroom.

I hope you both work through this

Amanda

Thank you Amanda.

[AlwaysGreen]

Question H34 ?
Do you love your wife for being your wife. Or do you love her for the sex ?

She sounds like a woman who loves you very much and has tried everything to keep you happy sexually.

Time to give what you get.

Maybe, Just Maybe, 'cos us women can be a bit stupid (Not) Maybe she just wants some lovely loving love making with the man she loves.

The fact that she doesn't want to share her body with anyone else should be rejoiced by you. Have you not read all the other threads here about affairs and stuff. Your wife wants only you. Do you realise how lucky you are?

[husband34]

Question H34 ?
Do you love your wife for being your wife. Or do you love her for the sex ?


Both.

Have you not read all the other threads here about affairs and stuff.

No I haven't

Your wife wants only you. Do you realise how lucky you are?[/

*I* (with my want for threesomes) could put that same question to a guy, who's wife wanted threesomes, but he didn't.

We all want what we haven't.

[London]

I haven't *demanded* *any* "sexual favours" London. *Asked*......yes, coerced, probably.

whatever... it amounts to the same thing. You admitted above that there was an element of "bullying" above.

Fact remains, she does have the right to say no, and while an explanation would be nice, she doesn't owe you one. Its her body, her emotions, not yours.


*I* (with my want for threesomes) could put that same question to a guy, who's wife wanted threesomes, but he didn't.

that's irrelevant to you.

[AlwaysGreen]

I am sorry H34
I did not mean to put you on the defensive. I have no qualms whatsoever about what sex goes on between couples as long as it is consentual and enjoyed by both. There are couple who never have sex and this is fine by them. Likewise there are couples who are into fetish sex and like swinging off lightshades while beating their partner with a hairbrush. Again, this is fine by them. What you have enjoyed in the past is entirely up to you. I judge no one their preference providing as said it is completely constentual, no one gets hurts and has nothing to do with kids.
But your wife is no longer consentual. For you in this, I am sorry. You have had something that you enjoyed and now you don't have it anymore. It is going to take you a long time to learn to live without this, but you will. If you let your wife love you her way, she might well surprise you. She might not want to do all the things you suggest, but that doesn't for one minute mean she won't be fantastic and knock your socks off.

Give her a chance. See where the tide takes you.

[husband34]

I am sorry H34
I did not mean to put you on the defensive. I have no qualms whatsoever about what sex goes on between couples as long as it is consentual and enjoyed by both. There are couple who never have sex and this is fine by them. Likewise there are couples who are into fetish sex and like swinging off lightshades while beating their partner with a hairbrush. Again, this is fine by them. What you have enjoyed in the past is entirely up to you. I judge no one their preference providing as said it is completely constentual, no one gets hurts and has nothing to do with kids.
But your wife is no longer consentual. For you in this, I am sorry. You have had something that you enjoyed and now you don't have it anymore. It is going to take you a long time to learn to live without this, but you will. If you let your wife love you her way, she might well surprise you. She might not want to do all the things you suggest, but that doesn't for one minute mean she won't be fantastic and knock your socks off.

Give her a chance. See where the tide takes you.

No need to apologize and you didn't put me on the defensive, I'm sorry if it came across that way.

I understand and appreciate your comments, and thankfull to you for taking the time to help and reply.

[RON]

Husband 34, please forgive me. It's none of my business but the idea of somebody else with my wife really upsets me. If it's something you both agree on then it's both of your private lives and I have no right to such a strong opinion. Now that she's a mother, she probably feels as though she needs to set a good example. Is your child a girl? If so, would you want her doing the same thing? Just asking and forgive me for my strong response. Ron

[Helen]

I have no comment on what you and your wife did or do. That is your business. But if a threesome makes her unhappy now, why are you so dead set on looking for 'explanations'? Maybe there is no explanation! Surely if she says 'I don't want to do it anymore' that should be enough? In which case, what is an explanation going to do? Are you going to try to find a way to make it more palatable for her, just because YOU want it to continue? I can guarantee you, you will not find it and you will make her even more unhappy into the bargain!

Your wife has moved on sexually and emotionally. And maybe she now sees marriage as being between one man and one woman. She is no longer interested in entertaining outsiders. Do not pressure her in any way to try to see things from your point of view. Threesomes now make her feel dirty and used. I think you just have to accept that and find some other way to get your jollies in the bedroom. Whatever you do, do not do anything behind her back. That is cheating and if she finds out, she is likely to cut you loose entirely.

I have never done it myself but I have seen enough disasters to know that external partners almost invariably bring misery to a relationship if one partner is unhappy about it.


Helen

[husband34]

RON, apology accepted, you are entitled to your views. Just to add to that, if people are coming here for help as I did, and have less experience of internet forums may have been scared off by your insults when they really needed some one to listen to them, maybe bear that in mind for the future.

Is your child a girl? If so, would you want her doing the same thing?

I am not prepared to disclose the sex of my child, but lets just assume for this purpose my child is a girl.

I would want her to be happy, healthy and safe. If she wished to participate in any sexual activity that was legal however "sick" some people thought it was then that would be perfectly fine with me. My childs future sexual activities will be what *they want* and what makes them happy and not what I approve or disapprove of.

[husband34]

why are you so dead set on looking for 'explanations'? Maybe there is no explanation! Surely if she says 'I don't want to do it anymore' that should be enough?

No its not enough, let me explain. If a husband/wife comes home one night and tells their partner they are havin an affair, or they tell their partner they are gay or simply that they just dont want to be with them anymore and when asked why, they simply say "because i do and thats that",.....ie no explanation, according to your theory that would be perfectly acceptable. Well I disagree, an explanation help deals with the issues and helps people understand and indeed goes a long way to being able to accept them.

In which case, what is an explanation going to do?

Again it helps one *understand* its all part of communication between two people, if there is no communication how can we be expected to deal with problems and issues ?, and subsequently put in place solutions to resolve them ?

[Helen]

No its not enough, let me explain. If a husband/wife comes home one night and tells their partner they are havin an affair, or they tell their partner they are gay or simply that they just dont want to be with them anymore and when asked why, they simply say "because i do and thats that",.....ie no explanation, according to your theory that would be perfectly acceptable. Well I disagree, an explanation help deals with the issues and helps people understand and indeed goes a long way to being able to accept them.

Again it helps one *understand* its all part of communication between two people, if there is no communication how can we be expected to deal with problems and issues ?, and subsequently put in place solutions to resolve them ?This is not the same issue as being gay or simply not wanting to be with a partner at all. I cannot agree with the examples selected. Being married to someone who turns out to be gay could be deemed as marrying someone under false pretences. Marrying a man who you think wants you and only you is not the same thing at all. Given that you have admitted to bullying your wife into having threesomes, why are you surprised that she is now saying she doesn't want to do it? She doesn't have to explain herself to you at all and if she isn't, chances are she doesn't know how to. But if I knew her, I would tell her not to try.

An explanation of homosexual behaviour or not wanting to be with YOU would obviously be expected! How can a man make love to a WOMAN if he is saying he is gay? It just isn't possible. If she is saying she does not want to be with you, of course she has to explain that. But this is not what she is saying. What she is saying is she does not want to be with the third parties! To expect your wife to explain why threesomes turn her off is perhaps expecting a bit too much but then, the advent of threesomes came after you married. When she married you she didn't marry you and a. n. other. She married you. She only knows that she finds threesomes a turn off. I suspect she always did, which is why she says she did it for you. It wasn't something she wanted to do. She does not owe you any explanations at all.


Helen

[Helen]

I want to say as an extra, if you find it such a problem that your wife doesn't want to sleep with you and other parties, maybe you should consider divorce? You seem to be going all out to look for explanations and justifications to keep this up, despite what your wife is telling you. It is not the same as being gay or going off a person at all! Your wife isn't saying these things. What she is saying is she no longer wants to share her bed with you and another person. I can understand that, without explanations. The question is, why can't you?


Helen

[husband34]

This is not the same issue as being gay or simply not wanting to be with a partner at all. I cannot agree with the examples selected

Im not asking you to agree I am simply disagreeing with your response. Whether you agree or not the principle is the same no matter what subject you wish or dont wish to choose.

Being married to someone who turns out to be gay could be deemed as marrying someone under false pretences.

How can that be ? If I chose to marry my wife on the pretence that there was a 90% chance of having threesomes as part of our relationship, then this happened to change, would she be gulity of marrying me under false pretences,....of course not. People change, be it turning gay or not having threesomes as the case may be. I fail to see where pretence is applicable.

An explanation of homosexual behaviour would obviously be expected! How can a man make love to a WOMAN if he is saying he is gay?

Not according to your theory, it should be accepted and thats that. He could have been straight at the beginning of marriage and "turned" gay, its a reasonable assumption and does happen.

I suspect she always did, which is why she says she did it for you

You suspect wrongly she has admitted she *did* enjoy at the beginning and on those occassions it was for both hers and mine enjoyment, *not* just to please me.

[London]

look dude, it seems that you are hell bent on finding some "explanation" on these boards that you can take back with you to "coerce" your wife (your words and admission) into having a threesome again.

She's already given you an explanation - that she doesn't want do it BECAUSE (and here is the explanation) - it makes her feel dirty and used and that she did it to please *you* after the birth of your child. Yes, maybe she did enjoy it at first, but she's moved on now and doesn't feel comfortable emotionally. Why is that not enuff for you?

You won;t find anybody on this board that can tell you what your wife is feeling and what lies behind her feelings of being dirty/used. Perhaps its becuase she thinks that having another man inside her besides you is debasing her. She's not your whore. And she iis entitled to say no. I suspect that the feelings of debasement and being treated like a whore is what she is feeling deep down. That when it comes to sex, you are using her for self gratification.

If you still don't get it then you never will.

ps: Have you ever given her a deeper insight into why you want threesomes besides "because it turns you on?" or becuase "I've always liked it". Those are hardly "legitimate" reasons.

Anyways, we haven't seen you explain it here.... all we've see is what i wrote above...

[husband34]

I want to say as an extra, if you find it such a problem that your wife doesn't want to sleep with you and other parties, maybe you should consider divorce? You seem to be going all out to look for explanations and justifications to keep this up, despite what your wife is telling you. It is not the same as being gay or going off a person at all! Your wife isn't saying these things. What she is saying is she no longer wants to share her bed with you and another person. I can understand that, without explanations. The question is, why can't you?


Helen

I never said it was a "problem" as you have said. All I wanted was an explantion, there is a big difference.

No i dont "seem to be going all out to look for explanations and justifications to keep this up, despite what your wife is telling you."

I wanted an explanation.........thats it ! your wording and emphasis is completely wrong. Again I wanted an explanation nothing more and I was certainly not "going all out", I really dont know from where you draw these unfounded assumptions.

"I can understand that, without explanations. The question is, why can't you?"

Well maybe you can but I cannot, this does not make you right as it does not make me right, it comes down again to my earlier point of an explantion and communication.

[husband34]

look dude, it seems that you are hell bent on finding some "explanation" on these boards that you can take back with you to "coerce" your wife (your words and admission) into having a threesome again.

She's already given you an explanation - that she doesn't want do it BECAUSE (and here is the explanation) - it makes her feel dirty and used and that she did it to please *you* after the birth of your child. Yes, maybe she did enjoy it at first, but she's moved on now and doesn't feel comfortable emotionally. Why is that not enuff for you?

You won;t find anybody on this board that can tell you what your wife is feeling and what lies behind her feelings of being dirty/used. Perhaps its becuase she thinks that having another man inside her besides you is debasing her. She's not your whore. And she iis entitled to say no. I suspect that the feelings of debasement and being treated like a whore is what she is feeling deep down. That when it comes to sex, you are using her for self gratification.

If you still don't get it then you never will.

ps: Have you ever given her a deeper insight into why you want threesomes besides "because it turns you on?" or becuase "I've always liked it". Those are hardly "legitimate" reasons.

Anyways, we haven't seen you explain it here.... all we've see is what i wrote above...

look dude, it seems that you are hell bent on finding some "explanation" on these boards that you can take back with you to "coerce" your wife (your words and admission) into having a threesome again.

What is "seems" like "dude" and what the facts are, are two completley different things. I came here to ****discuss**** a sexual relationship. NOT to find an "explanation" to take back with me to coerce my wife ! So lose the attitude "dude", I never asked *nor* implied that. Also I certainly didnt admit to coerce my wife at all, I said that **maybe** she saw it as that way, but is was not intended that way, read back and absorb !

She's not your whore
Who the hell said she was !!!

And she iis entitled to say no
Of course she is, who said or implied that she wasn't ??

ps: Have you ever given her a deeper insight into why you want threesomes besides "because it turns you on?" or becuase "I've always liked it". Those are hardly "legitimate" reasons

Yes I have in **detail** but that is not the issue and where is that relevant to this conversation ??

[London]

What is "seems" like "dude" and what the facts are, are two completley different things. I came here to ****discuss**** a sexual relationship. NOT to find an "explanation" to take back with me to coerce my wife ! So lose the attitude "dude", I never asked *nor* implied that. Also I certainly didnt admit to coerce my wife at all, I said that **maybe** she saw it as that way, but is was not intended that way, read back and absorb !?

I've shown great understanding and been quite non-judgemental - so tell me where the "attitude" is. But quite frankly you are not really "discussing" anything. You are being argumentative becuase no one seems to agree with your position.

As far as not admitting to coersion - well you did:

I haven't *demanded* *any* "sexual favours" London. *Asked*......yes, coerced, probably.

Whatever.

Perhaps its time for you to spring a few hundred quid or dollars and seek professional counselling - perhaps even with your wife, that is if she'll agree to see someone and feel like you are forcing a threesome on her. The face-to-face thing might actually help. You won't get anything here.

Goodbye and good luck to your wife.

[husband34]

I've shown great understanding and been quite non-judgemental - so tell me where the "attitude" is. But quite frankly you are not really "discussing" anything. You are being argumentative becuase no one seems to agree with your position.

As far as not admitting to coersion - well you did:


Whatever.

Perhaps its time for you to spring a few hundred quid or dollars and seek professional counselling - perhaps even with your wife, that is if she'll agree to see someone and feel like you are forcing a threesome on her. The face-to-face thing might actually help. You won't get anything here.

Goodbye and good luck to your wife.

I've shown great understanding and been quite non-judgemental

What your looking for praise for that ?

so tell me where the "attitude" is.

The attitude is where you suggest I am here to find reasons off this board to coerce my wife with.


As far as not admitting to coersion - well you did:


No I didnt, I said probably, that is not an admission, well not the last time I looked in a dictionary it wasn't.

But quite frankly you are not really "discussing" anything. You are being argumentative becuase no one seems to agree with your position.

I have been *discussing* this with other board members, so speak for yourself. I am not looking for anyone to agree with me ! I was putting a situation up for opinions.

You won't get anything here.

I agree not from you. Others have been considerate and understanding, so again your speak for your self.

Goodbye to you too.

[shadow]

so I said to her that she had actually
enjoyed it,

You have said this time and time again in your post, you have tried to convince her that she was enjoying it. I do not think she enjoyed it, I think she did it all to please you. Maybe at first she did it out of couresty but she has came right and told you she did it to please you.

I am sorry but there is no explanation to why she wants to quit. It is her body and she has the right to say yes or no, with no explaination. She does not like it and does not want to do it anymore. Respect her wishes and move on. Besides I feel that NO MATTER what EXPLANATION she tells you it WONT be enough for you. You want to go back to the way it was, and the only thing you want to hear is that she will give in and go back to what you want and that is selfish. Be glad that she did agree for a long time to give into YOUR sexual kicks and do it to make you happy. She did it for you now it is your turn to do what she wants.

I cant blame her for not having a sex drive or initutating sex. She has made it clear that the stuff you ask her for makes her feel dirty. With your constant wanting something like threesome, porn, has her turned off. And since it seems to be such a strong issue for you then she is feeling unacttrative, you are not making her feel like a woman, like you love her..... you make her feel like a sex toy. you have tried to compromise??? I think she has done all the compromising to please you.

Stop nagging for answers, there is none and she does not owe you, be happy that she was willing to do that for you for years, and now respect her as a woman, as your wife, as the mother of your children and stop being selfish asking her to do things she does not wishes, and learn to control your sexual fetish, even if you need to get help for it do, and learn to stop having sex with your wife, and making love to her!

Marriage is not a one road lane, it takes too and she has put her effort into now do the same for her

[Helen]

I never said it was a "problem" as you have said. All I wanted was an explantion, there is a big difference.

No i dont "seem to be going all out to look for explanations and justifications to keep this up, despite what your wife is telling you."

I wanted an explanation.........thats it ! your wording and emphasis is completely wrong. Again I wanted an explanation nothing more and I was certainly not "going all out", I really dont know from where you draw these unfounded assumptions.

"I can understand that, without explanations. The question is, why can't you?"

Well maybe you can but I cannot, this does not make you right as it does not make me right, it comes down again to my earlier point of an explantion and communication.Can you not see that the fact that you are insisting on an explanation is the problem? Your wife doesn't have to explain herself to you! As has been pointed out, she may have enjoyed it once upon a time but she doesn't now. That is explanation enough.

I will say no one here is going to say you are right to hound your wife about this. She married you. All this talk about marrying someone you know is 90% likely to want threesomes is a joke! 90% likely is 10% unlikely and I am willing to bet your wife didn't step up the aisle with you knowing that you were going to bully her into accepting threesomes. Even if she did, maybe she never thought it would come to pass (and you have admitted, it only came to pass because you coerced her into it). And now, the time has come where she is no longer willing to do it. Regardless of whether she did or didn't find enjoyment in it in the past.

Incidentally, the fact that she may have enjoyed it in the past (we will never know if that is true) is no justification to insist that it continues. She doesn't enjoy it now. She doesn't want to enjoy it anymore. That's it.


Helen

[Helen]

How can that be ? If I chose to marry my wife on the pretence that there was a 90% chance of having threesomes as part of our relationship, then this happened to change, would she be gulity of marrying me under false pretences,....of course not. People change, be it turning gay or not having threesomes as the case may be. I fail to see where pretence is applicable.

It would be a pretence if you were pretending to be heterosexual and then turned around one day and said "honey, you know I said I was hetero when we married? Well, actually, I am gay and I demand that you let me sleep with men"! People do not suddenly become gay. That is something that is always there and they take into marriage with them. It would also be false pretence if you told her that threesomes were a fantasy and then suddenly demanded to make it a reality after you married. Yes, people do change but those changes are not usually as drastic as sexuality and those changes do not normally lead to one partner being bullied into doing something they wouldn't normally do either. It sounds to me like you 'changed' (you may have been like this all along but perhaps she didn't know) and she didn't - and isn't willing to go along with it any more.

Not according to your theory, it should be accepted and thats that. He could have been straight at the beginning of marriage and "turned" gay, its a reasonable assumption and does happen.

I am not talking about you changing from being a quiet person into an extrovert here. Of course small changes (that do not impact on another individual) should be accepted without question. Your wife is only trying to re-establish normal marital boundaries. That is, no third parties in her bed. Why shouldn't that just be accepted, without explanation? Do you think it is normal for married people to sleep with a third person in their bed? It isn't! And people do not 'turn gay'. They are gay all along - or at least, bi. That sort of thing should be admitted at the outset, not once the wedding cake has been cut and kids have been born. That way a person knows what they are getting into, they know the risks and it is up to them whether they are going to take those risks by marrying the individual in question.

You suspect wrongly she has admitted she *did* enjoy at the beginning and on those occassions it was for both hers and mine enjoyment, *not* just to please me.

Regardless of whether she may or may not have enjoyed it in the past, she has a right to say no and she is exercising that right. She has told you why too - an explanation she didn't have to give you, by the way, but she did anyway - but you don't want to hear it.

[hoxton]

HUSBAND,

Everyone has different views on this but we are going round in circles. We have all said she has told you why she does not want to continue and I personally think that it is her right to just say NO of corse it is, but by the same token good communication is what makes a relationship work and I think as I said before no matter what you are doing in a relationship if one person just closes the door on something they owe it to there partner to tell them why they feel that way, ( to help them understand )

It does sound like she has been doing this to please you and it takes a lot of strength to stand up and say NO I dont want to do that any more.

You need to try and work on maybe doing what your W wants. It does sound like she has had enough of feeling used as a sex object,

I also think it must be hard thinking that you were happy and enjoyed this great sex life to have your partner wake up one day and tell you "Thats it no more and I never enjoyed it much anyway" The thought of thinking she did IT to make you happy all them times and in actual fact never enjoyed it must make you feel pretty crap,

But the fact is she has been brave enough to tell you that she does not like it anymore ( Dirty ect ect )
You have to put it behind you and concentrate on making your wife feel loved again,

Good luck
Amanda.

[Murray]

Hey Loudmouth,

looks like you've crossed swords with another bloke, Husband34, by being your usual, arrogant, bullying self.

Tell me, have you had limited success with men over the years, or is it they just don't like you ? Wonder why..

Husband34 - theres a lot of really considerate posters on here, people who will listen and comment very candidly, but listen nonetheless.

But not that prat.

You're thread ? My read is you're a bit cheesed off because your wife used to do something you were really into but has now moved away from it for all types of reasons. In your shoes I would like an explanation I can understand and 'buy into' as well, but the explanation seems to be that she just doesn't care for it anymore and whilst it dissapoints you I feel you're gonna have to live with it.

If you can't then you may have to think about moving on. Sorry to be so frank but I'm kinda travelling down the same road ie can I live with an explanation or not, and it's bloody difficult. It's taking me for ever to live with an explanation and it's very hard.

Many posters on here have given me the blunt facts time after time and we can frill it up as much as we want but it's basically live with it or walk. It's a tough call but the decision will show you how much you really think of your wife I think.

I hope that does not come across as disrespectful to you, I hope you two can work it through my friend.

All the best,
Murray

[AlwaysGreen]

Murry, I am really sorry to say this, but it appears to me that you are enjoying argueing and deliberately goading London. Please just bite your tounge and refrain form your opinions to him on peoples threads. Surely H34 can make up his own mind and say thank you but No thank you to London.
Personally I think London on all initital answers to posts has just offered his opinion honestly. He might not sugar coat the answers and necessarily give answers people want to hear, but when we come to forums we are looking for repsonses from all angles.
Could we please put the arguements to bed.
And London, likewise, please stop speaking with Murry. Then this can all end, and the forum can be once again used for it's proper aim.
Thank you you to.

p.s. I know i have just done what I asked you not to do...ie refrain from your opinion on others threads. Apologies.

Sorry H34 for posting this on your thread.!!!

[poppy]

H34 - well I've been following this thread and it seems to me that you are a pretty horrible and selfish person in your attitude to your wife. I can’t help wondering why you so wanted threesomes in the first place. Did you perhaps feel so inadequate as a lover? Who knows?

I don't think this has been highlighted here, but the fact is that your wife is now, first and foremost, a MOTHER. When a woman becomes a mother, almost at the moment of birth, the world takes on a very different hue indeed. All her protective and nurturing qualities will kick in at the rate of knots. Perhaps she feels that she wants a cleaner and less polluted world to surround her child and maybe that's why she no longer wants to participate in any kind of 'extreme' sexual activity, (which you are still basically pressuring her to do, simply by forever going on about this 'explanation'). All she probably wants is to be a normal and happy family unit. Some chance eh with you constantly banging on about her failure to satisfy your desires, which is what you are doing. How rotten you must make her feel every time you bring up this subject. No wonder she’s ‘gone off’ sex.

Also, when a woman has a child, the H kind of slips well down her list of priorities and the child fulfils much in her that she previously got from her husband. I guess that’s how nature works.

I agree with what someone else said somewhere in this long thread. You need help, if only to learn what is really valuable in life and to respect your wife as a person in her own right.

Move on mate and appreciate what you have. Many people of here would give their eyeteeth to have a relationship that is worthwhile keeping and nurturing.

[AlwaysGreen]

H34
I have re-read your initial post and then re-read it again. I would like to say, understanding the written word is difficult. It is so much easier to have things actually spoken to get clear comprehension. Written text is often without correct grammer and wriiten the way we "Think" it, making it difficult sometimes to decipher or understand correctly.
Anyway, what I am getting at is this:
With regards to the threesomes you had during the earlier part of your marriage and her reluctance to continue you said this:
I have eventually accepted this and agreed not to ask her to do it anymore.
(although I still would like to)
No doubt you will always have lustful thoughts in this area. It is incredibly hard for us to turn off the strong feelings we have. The majority of us, as I am sure you too, learn to put them to the back of our thoughts and kinda forget about them. But they very rarely go away. The fact that you have said you will not ask again is a huge step in the right direction.
What though has invariably happened is that you have now channeled your desires and frustrations into wanting other things. Your sexual needs need to be met and you are suggesting to your wife other ways in which this might be possible.
i.e It really turns me on when she talks dirty to me.
We tend to swap one vice for another. The person who tries to stop smoking for example tends to substitute with food or drinks more. (I know this is a poor example but I am sure you get my gist)

I appreciate that due to the arguements regarding sex, that you have indeed reached a stalemate. This can be worked out though.
Just for now, don't think about doing anything that might be regarded as "Kinky" Put all your energy into making your wife want you and enjoy sex with you again. Let her look forward to going to bed instead, of her feeling it is a battleground.
I, having re-read your initial post a few times, believe that what you have actually asked of us is maybe a way of making things just more normal between your wife and yourself, albeit more exciting.
Ask her what turns her on. A wild woman allowed and encouraged to express herself fully tends to rock a mans world. Have lovely candlelit baths together. Try massagaging and fully exploring each other to discover those sensitive areas with intense intimacy to boot.
Try playing with food during love making. Messy, but great fun and a fantastic tension breaker.
Play "Twister" naked. Again... great fun and can lead to wonderful sex. (obviously in a locked bedroom whilst the child is asleep)
These are just some suggestions for you to learn to have fantastic sex withought the yearning for what you had.
I think Poppy earlier said that maybe you had concerns that you were not enough to satisfy your wife (or something akin to that) . Have faith in yourself. Believe that you can knock her off her feet all by yourself.
She will get her sex drive back once she realises there is no pressure. Of this I am sure. But have immense patience. Her self worth and sexuality have taken a huge blow. She needs to know that she "Just as she" is more than enough for you. It will for sure take her a while. Patience, understanding and being loving will be of the most help.
Good luck.

[London]

Hey Loudmouth,

looks like you've crossed swords with another bloke, Husband34, by being your usual, arrogant, bullying self.

Tell me, have you had limited success with men over the years, or is it they just don't like you ? Wonder why..

Husband34 - theres a lot of really considerate posters on here, people who will listen and comment very candidly, but listen nonetheless.

But not that prat.

Actually, I tend not to like bullying men like you and H who think they can make outrageous demands on their GF's or wife.

And yes, unlike you or H34, i tend not to aim for "success" with men - perhaps you being in Korea and in such close quarters with "men" you think that emotional bullying of your partner is acceptable, but then come crying here like a wussy. Which is really what you are. You are NO man, and you're worse than a girly girl. Perhaps you should ask one of your "men" friends to to make you into a "real man" - like the way H34 is.

And as far as telling him not "listen" to me - that's not your call - even your Sue doesn't listen to you on that - see her thread inviting me to meet her. But then again, you can't even handle the fact that she slept with another in your bed, how will you handle us getting togethr for coffee? Deal.

You're thread ? My read is you're a bit cheesed off because your wife used to do something you were really into but has now moved away from it for all types of reasons. In your shoes I would like an explanation I can understand and 'buy into' as well, but the explanation seems to be that she just doesn't care for it anymore and whilst it dissapoints you I feel you're gonna have to live with it.

If you can't then you may have to think about moving on. Sorry to be so frank but I'm kinda travelling down the same road ie can I live with an explanation or not, and it's bloody difficult. It's taking me for ever to live with an explanation and it's very hard.

Many posters on here have given me the blunt facts time after time and we can frill it up as much as we want but it's basically live with it or walk. It's a tough call but the decision will show you how much you really think of your wife I think.

I hope that does not come across as disrespectful to you, I hope you two can work it through my friend.

All the best,
Murray

Hmmmm. I think we've all said the same thing here to H34 and to you, wussy.

[Murray]

Alwaysgreen,

I'm not sorry I have goaded the prat, I'm afraid I really despise bullies, always have, always will. But you're right, I'll back off and won't make her look stupid any further. However, I have to admit that if she ever posts something asking for help like the rest of us it would be very tempting...

Willpower for goodness sake ! Anyway, tks for the heads up, message understood and will be complied with.

To Husband 34, I hope that you find the answer you are looking for old chum. I think though that you will probably have to accept the explanation as is and live with it. Take it from me, it's very difficult, but if you love your wife as I'm sure you do you can do it.

I couldn't see the wood for the tree's for many months, to be honest still am not 100% certain, but the majority of people on here have suggested / TOLD me I'm in the wrong so I'm gonna try their suggested approach of acceptance and move forward as best I can.

Hope things work out for you my friend,

Best wishes,
Murray

[husband34]

HUSBAND,

Everyone has different views on this but we are going round in circles. We have all said she has told you why she does not want to continue and I personally think that it is her right to just say NO of corse it is, but by the same token good communication is what makes a relationship work and I think as I said before no matter what you are doing in a relationship if one person just closes the door on something they owe it to there partner to tell them why they feel that way, ( to help them understand )

It does sound like she has been doing this to please you and it takes a lot of strength to stand up and say NO I dont want to do that any more.

You need to try and work on maybe doing what your W wants. It does sound like she has had enough of feeling used as a sex object,

I also think it must be hard thinking that you were happy and enjoyed this great sex life to have your partner wake up one day and tell you "Thats it no more and I never enjoyed it much anyway" The thought of thinking she did IT to make you happy all them times and in actual fact never enjoyed it must make you feel pretty crap,

But the fact is she has been brave enough to tell you that she does not like it anymore ( Dirty ect ect )
You have to put it behind you and concentrate on making your wife feel loved again,

Good luck
Amanda.

Again thankyou for your comments Amanda I do appreciate them, and you have been helpful.

[husband34]

Hey Loudmouth,

looks like you've crossed swords with another bloke, Husband34, by being your usual, arrogant, bullying self.

Tell me, have you had limited success with men over the years, or is it they just don't like you ? Wonder why..

Husband34 - theres a lot of really considerate posters on here, people who will listen and comment very candidly, but listen nonetheless.

But not that prat.

You're thread ? My read is you're a bit cheesed off because your wife used to do something you were really into but has now moved away from it for all types of reasons. In your shoes I would like an explanation I can understand and 'buy into' as well, but the explanation seems to be that she just doesn't care for it anymore and whilst it dissapoints you I feel you're gonna have to live with it.

If you can't then you may have to think about moving on. Sorry to be so frank but I'm kinda travelling down the same road ie can I live with an explanation or not, and it's bloody difficult. It's taking me for ever to live with an explanation and it's very hard.

Many posters on here have given me the blunt facts time after time and we can frill it up as much as we want but it's basically live with it or walk. It's a tough call but the decision will show you how much you really think of your wife I think.

I hope that does not come across as disrespectful to you, I hope you two can work it through my friend.

All the best,
Murray

Thankyou Murray I accept and thankyou for your comments and help, and wish you good luck too.

[husband34]

Actually, I tend not to like bullying men like you and H who think they can make outrageous demands on their GF's or wife.

And yes, unlike you or H34, i tend not to aim for "success" with men - perhaps you being in Korea and in such close quarters with "men" you think that emotional bullying of your partner is acceptable, but then come crying here like a wussy. Which is really what you are. You are NO man, and you're worse than a girly girl. Perhaps you should ask one of your "men" friends to to make you into a "real man" - like the way H34 is.

And as far as telling him not "listen" to me - that's not your call - even your Sue doesn't listen to you on that - see her thread inviting me to meet her. But then again, you can't even handle the fact that she slept with another in your bed, how will you handle us getting togethr for coffee? Deal.



Hmmmm. I think we've all said the same thing here to H34 and to you, wussy.
Actually, I tend not to like bullying men like you and H who think they can make outrageous demands on their GF's or wife.
YOU LONDON are utter pr***, My WIFE DOES NOT THINK I MADE **ANY** "OUTRAGEOUS" "DEMANDS" YOU BLOODY IDIOT !!
AND THAT IS FROM MY WIFE NOT ME !!!!!!!!!
YOU FALL INTO THE LINE WITH POPPYAND HELEN, NARROW MINDED, "YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY" catergory, everything you say is so right isnt it ?, dumb ass !
Im not even going to comment on your pathetic personal attack on another board member, its YOU thats the rude and arrogant idiot, 'nuff said !!

[husband34]

H34
I have re-read your initial post and then re-read it again. I would like to say, understanding the written word is difficult. It is so much easier to have things actually spoken to get clear comprehension. Written text is often without correct grammer and wriiten the way we "Think" it, making it difficult sometimes to decipher or understand correctly.
Anyway, what I am getting at is this:
With regards to the threesomes you had during the earlier part of your marriage and her reluctance to continue you said this:
I have eventually accepted this and agreed not to ask her to do it anymore.
(although I still would like to)
No doubt you will always have lustful thoughts in this area. It is incredibly hard for us to turn off the strong feelings we have. The majority of us, as I am sure you too, learn to put them to the back of our thoughts and kinda forget about them. But they very rarely go away. The fact that you have said you will not ask again is a huge step in the right direction.
What though has invariably happened is that you have now channeled your desires and frustrations into wanting other things. Your sexual needs need to be met and you are suggesting to your wife other ways in which this might be possible.
i.e It really turns me on when she talks dirty to me.
We tend to swap one vice for another. The person who tries to stop smoking for example tends to substitute with food or drinks more. (I know this is a poor example but I am sure you get my gist)

I appreciate that due to the arguements regarding sex, that you have indeed reached a stalemate. This can be worked out though.
Just for now, don't think about doing anything that might be regarded as "Kinky" Put all your energy into making your wife want you and enjoy sex with you again. Let her look forward to going to bed instead, of her feeling it is a battleground.
I, having re-read your initial post a few times, believe that what you have actually asked of us is maybe a way of making things just more normal between your wife and yourself, albeit more exciting.
Ask her what turns her on. A wild woman allowed and encouraged to express herself fully tends to rock a mans world. Have lovely candlelit baths together. Try massagaging and fully exploring each other to discover those sensitive areas with intense intimacy to boot.
Try playing with food during love making. Messy, but great fun and a fantastic tension breaker.
Play "Twister" naked. Again... great fun and can lead to wonderful sex. (obviously in a locked bedroom whilst the child is asleep)
These are just some suggestions for you to learn to have fantastic sex withought the yearning for what you had.
I think Poppy earlier said that maybe you had concerns that you were not enough to satisfy your wife (or something akin to that) . Have faith in yourself. Believe that you can knock her off her feet all by yourself.
She will get her sex drive back once she realises there is no pressure. Of this I am sure. But have immense patience. Her self worth and sexuality have taken a huge blow. She needs to know that she "Just as she" is more than enough for you. It will for sure take her a while. Patience, understanding and being loving will be of the most help.
Good luck.





Thankyou alwaysgreen, you have made very impartial and understanding comments, many many thanks to you.

Its someone like you that should be modding this board.

Thankyou.

[Helen]

YOU LONDON are utter pr***, My WIFE DOES NOT THINK I MADE **ANY** "OUTRAGEOUS" "DEMANDS" YOU BLOODY IDIOT !!
AND THAT IS FROM MY WIFE NOT ME !!!!!!!!!
YOU FALL INTO THE LINE WITH POPPYAND HELEN, NARROW MINDED, "YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY" catergory, everything you say is so right isnt it ?, dumb ass !
Im not even going to comment on your pathetic personal attack on another board member, its YOU thats the rude and arrogant idiot, 'nuff said !!Funnily enough, I have never been called narrow minded. As things go, I am pretty broad minded. If you think I am not, you tell me where I have ever made a judgemental statement. I haven't.

That said, you are the only one who uses this board who has had an issue with what I have had to say. I would therefore say you are close minded. To quote you, enuff said!


Helen

[husband34]

How can that be ? If I chose to marry my wife on the pretence that there was a 90% chance of having threesomes as part of our relationship, then this happened to change, would she be gulity of marrying me under false pretences,....of course not. People change, be it turning gay or not having threesomes as the case may be. I fail to see where pretence is applicable.

It would be a pretence if you were pretending to be heterosexual and then turned around one day and said "honey, you know I said I was hetero when we married? Well, actually, I am gay and I demand that you let me sleep with men"! People do not suddenly become gay. That is something that is always there and they take into marriage with them. It would also be false pretence if you told her that threesomes were a fantasy and then suddenly demanded to make it a reality after you married. Yes, people do change but those changes are not usually as drastic as sexuality and those changes do not normally lead to one partner being bullied into doing something they wouldn't normally do either. It sounds to me like you 'changed' (you may have been like this all along but perhaps she didn't know) and she didn't - and isn't willing to go along with it any more.

Not according to your theory, it should be accepted and thats that. He could have been straight at the beginning of marriage and "turned" gay, its a reasonable assumption and does happen.

I am not talking about you changing from being a quiet person into an extrovert here. Of course small changes (that do not impact on another individual) should be accepted without question. Your wife is only trying to re-establish normal marital boundaries. That is, no third parties in her bed. Why shouldn't that just be accepted, without explanation? Do you think it is normal for married people to sleep with a third person in their bed? It isn't! And people do not 'turn gay'. They are gay all along - or at least, bi. That sort of thing should be admitted at the outset, not once the wedding cake has been cut and kids have been born. That way a person knows what they are getting into, they know the risks and it is up to them whether they are going to take those risks by marrying the individual in question.

You suspect wrongly she has admitted she *did* enjoy at the beginning and on those occassions it was for both hers and mine enjoyment, *not* just to please me.

Regardless of whether she may or may not have enjoyed it in the past, she has a right to say no and she is exercising that right. She has told you why too - an explanation she didn't have to give you, by the way, but she did anyway - but you don't want to hear it.

Of course it would *if* someone was "pretending" to be hetero and suddenly turned around and said "I'm gay",
But who the hell said **anything about pretending ????, I just really dont know what where you get these ideas#
from ?, I bet you can **actually** pull rabbits from hats cant you ?? Who the hell is **demanding** **anything**
??, your just **** stiring Helen and coming with, quite frankly, stupid, uneducated, unfounded, and infantile
commensts !! jeez !!, No people dont **suddenly** become gay, again where did I say they did !!! ????????, I said
people **do** ******change******, thats it !!, where did the rest of it come from ??
"That is something that is already there and they take into marriage with them"
errr, hello ! **Always** there eh ?..............utter rubbish, I hope you can provide the independant,impartial
and detailed survey or study results that can back that outrageous claim !!, My wife and I know two lesbians,
one of whom was married to guy and **had no lesbian tendencies** **whatsoever** on her wedding day.
Your comments are not backed up by any evidence or even strong proffessional sound opinion !!, they are just **your**
**views** on a particular subject, I fear for people coming here for advice and hearing such ridiculous
statements. At the very very least add to your replies, "this is my view" or "this is how *I* beleive things to be"
Dont make unfounded statements that you cannot backup, its the first rule of debate !

It would also be false pretence if you told her that threesomes were a fantasy and then suddenly demanded to make it a reality after you married

Demanded !! demanded !!, we ***B.O.T.H*** ***W.A.N.T.E.D*** the threesomes, <sigh>
This is just boring me now because you just dont listen, I, you hear that bit ?.......I, **I** **felt** *I* needed an explanation.......THAT IS IT.............PERIOD, NOTHING ELSE !!!
I TAKE NO PLEASURE WHATSOVER THINKING MY WIFE DOES NOT WANT TO DO SOMETHING, WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO THEM
ANYMORE, NOR AM I GOING TO ASK ANYMORE, FOR GODS SAKE, I LOVE MY WIFE !!!!!! AND SHE LOVES ME AND WE WILL WORK THIS OUT.
THERE IS NO PRESSURE FOR HER TO DO ANYTHING ****AND**** SHE KNOWS THIS !!!!!!.
YOU BEING SUCH A DAMN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT IM ASSUMING THAT YOU HAVE HAD MANY FAILED RELATIONSHIPS !!
You and the few others who persist in sayiing "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO AN EXPLANTION"...........FINE, FINE I HEAR
YOU..........I TAKE YOUR OPINIONS ON BOARD AND THANKYOU FOR THEM !!, BUT THAT DOES *NOT* CHANGE HOW I FEEL AND IT
NEVER WILL, OK ????, DONT KEEP BANGING ON ABOUT TELLING ME SO **YOUR** SO RIGHT AND IM NOT, ITS JUST SO DAMN
HYPERCRITICAL. I HAVE MY OPINIONS AND YOU HAVE YOURS, I HOWEVER CAN ACCEPT YOURS BE THEM RIGHT OR WRONG, *YOU*
HOWEVER CANNOT !!!!........GOD HELP ANYONE WHO HAS TO PUT UP WITH YOU MISS PERFECTLY RIGHT ALL THE TIME.

[husband34]

H34 - well I've been following this thread and it seems to me that you are a pretty horrible and selfish person in your attitude to your wife. I can’t help wondering why you so wanted threesomes in the first place. Did you perhaps feel so inadequate as a lover? Who knows?

I don't think this has been highlighted here, but the fact is that your wife is now, first and foremost, a MOTHER. When a woman becomes a mother, almost at the moment of birth, the world takes on a very different hue indeed. All her protective and nurturing qualities will kick in at the rate of knots. Perhaps she feels that she wants a cleaner and less polluted world to surround her child and maybe that's why she no longer wants to participate in any kind of 'extreme' sexual activity, (which you are still basically pressuring her to do, simply by forever going on about this 'explanation'). All she probably wants is to be a normal and happy family unit. Some chance eh with you constantly banging on about her failure to satisfy your desires, which is what you are doing. How rotten you must make her feel every time you bring up this subject. No wonder she’s ‘gone off’ sex.

Also, when a woman has a child, the H kind of slips well down her list of priorities and the child fulfils much in her that she previously got from her husband. I guess that’s how nature works.

I agree with what someone else said somewhere in this long thread. You need help, if only to learn what is really valuable in life and to respect your wife as a person in her own right.

Move on mate and appreciate what you have. Many people of here would give their eyeteeth to have a relationship that is worthwhile keeping and nurturing.

H34 - well I've been following this thread and it seems to me that you are a pretty horrible and selfish person in your attitude to your wife. I can’t help wondering why you so wanted threesomes in the first place. Did you perhaps feel so inadequate as a lover? Who knows?

Also, when a woman has a child, the H kind of slips well down her list of priorities and the child fulfils much in her that she previously got from her husband. I guess that’s how nature works.
I agree with what someone else said somewhere in this long thread. You need help, if only to learn what is really valuable in life and to respect your wife as a person in her own right.
Move on mate and appreciate what you have. Many people of here would give their eyeteeth to have a relationship that is worthwhile keeping and nurturing.
Your as bad as Helen Poppy, Im "horrible" and "selfish" ? totally baffles me how one can make a detailed character reference of someone they do not know at all !!! have never met, and just read a few paragraphs
of their ***opinion*** on a very small subject mattter !!!!..............AMAZING !!!
You say you cant help wondering why I wanted threesomes ?, again what has that got to do with you ? *WE* did
and thats that !!,...........did I feel an inadequate lover ?...........errr no, again another amazing
**assumption**, an experienced *open minded* willing to experiment lover *maybe* !!

I don't think this has been highlighted here, but the fact is that your wife is now, first and foremost, a MOTHER. When a woman becomes a mother, almost at the moment of birth, the world takes on a very different hue indeed. All her protective and nurturing qualities will kick in at the rate of knots. Perhaps she feels that she wants a cleaner and less polluted world to surround her child and maybe that's why she no longer wants to participate in any kind of 'extreme' sexual activity, (which you are still basically pressuring her to do, simply by forever going on about this 'explanation'). All she probably wants is to be a normal and happy family unit. Some chance eh with you constantly banging on about her failure to satisfy your desires, which is what you are doing. How rotten you must make her feel every time you bring up this subject. No wonder she’s ‘gone off’ sex.

What are you on ?....drugs ??, what the hell has being a mother got to do with my wife ???, this is NOT an issue
now AND NEVER WAS !! FACT !! It seems you **know** **every** womans feelings the world over, hows that ? becasue
that is how YOU would feel ????.
"extreme" ?? again YOUR OPINION, I can put you in touch with 100's of THOUSANDS of people who will totally disagree, AGAIN THATS YOUR OPINION ON THE SUBJECT, DONT TAR EVERYONE ELSE WITH YOUR NARROW MINDED BRUSH !!
and you are AGAIN TOTALLY WRONG, I am NOT "pressuring" her TO DO ANYTHING !!! I ***asked** for an opinion which
*I* felt I needed.......THAT IS IT,I may get one I may not, so be it, but whether you think im entitled to one or not doesnt matter, i do and NOTHING will change my mind !! I AM NOT "BANGING ON" about anything !!
A "cleaner and less polluted world for her child" ? !!!! you are very freaky !! Pollution ?? where the hell does that come into it ??, go talk to daft lad george bush about pollution, him and his country are the biggest polluters on the damn planet !!
A "normal" and "happy family unit" ??, good god !! dont even attempt to try and define "normal", every group, culture, suburb, town, religion, and every individual has their *OWN* defintion of normal and none of them are "right" its subjective, and it certainly isnt what YOU define as normal!!
AND MY WIFE HAS **NOT** "GONE OFF SEX", she loves sex with me, and loves me !!.
Cue the bunny out of the hat eh poppy.

[Helen]

Of course it would *if* someone was "pretending" to be hetero and suddenly turned around and said "I'm gay",

But who the hell said **anything about pretending ????, I just really dont know what where you get these ideas#
from ?, I bet you can **actually** pull rabbits from hats cant you ?? Who the hell is **demanding** **anything**
??, your just **** stiring Helen and coming with, quite frankly, stupid, uneducated, unfounded, and infantile
commensts !! jeez !!, No people dont **suddenly** become gay, again where did I say they did !!! ????????, I said
people **do** ******change******, thats it !!, where did the rest of it come from ??
"That is something that is already there and they take into marriage with them"
errr, hello ! **Always** there eh ?..............utter rubbish, I hope you can provide the independant,impartial
and detailed survey or study results that can back that outrageous claim !!, My wife and I know two lesbians,
one of whom was married to guy and **had no lesbian tendencies** **whatsoever** on her wedding day.
Your comments are not backed up by any evidence or even strong proffessional sound opinion !!, they are just **your**
**views** on a particular subject, I fear for people coming here for advice and hearing such ridiculous
statements. At the very very least add to your replies, "this is my view" or "this is how *I* beleive things to be"
Dont make unfounded statements that you cannot backup, its the first rule of debate !

Demanded !! demanded !!, we ***B.O.T.H*** ***W.A.N.T.E.D*** the threesomes, <sigh>
This is just boring me now because you just dont listen, I, you hear that bit ?.......I, **I** **felt** *I* needed an explanation.......THAT IS IT.............PERIOD, NOTHING ELSE !!!
I TAKE NO PLEASURE WHATSOVER THINKING MY WIFE DOES NOT WANT TO DO SOMETHING, WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO THEM
ANYMORE, NOR AM I GOING TO ASK ANYMORE, FOR GODS SAKE, I LOVE MY WIFE !!!!!! AND SHE LOVES ME AND WE WILL WORK THIS OUT.
THERE IS NO PRESSURE FOR HER TO DO ANYTHING ****AND**** SHE KNOWS THIS !!!!!!.
YOU BEING SUCH A DAMN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT IM ASSUMING THAT YOU HAVE HAD MANY FAILED RELATIONSHIPS !!
You and the few others who persist in sayiing "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO AN EXPLANTION"...........FINE, FINE I HEAR
YOU..........I TAKE YOUR OPINIONS ON BOARD AND THANKYOU FOR THEM !!, BUT THAT DOES *NOT* CHANGE HOW I FEEL AND IT
NEVER WILL, OK ????, DONT KEEP BANGING ON ABOUT TELLING ME SO **YOUR** SO RIGHT AND IM NOT, ITS JUST SO DAMN
HYPERCRITICAL. I HAVE MY OPINIONS AND YOU HAVE YOURS, I HOWEVER CAN ACCEPT YOURS BE THEM RIGHT OR WRONG, *YOU*
HOWEVER CANNOT !!!!........GOD HELP ANYONE WHO HAS TO PUT UP WITH YOU MISS PERFECTLY RIGHT ALL THE TIME.
Why so angry? Why all the swearing and capital letters? Uneducated? Hardly! I have 2 degrees! A BA in Politics and a MBA. I am currently doing a PhD. I am therefore FAR from uneducated. And I know how to spell and use grammar in the correct context too! But homosexuality was used as an example in an earlier post (and in your last post to me). I simply expanded on it.

I find your manner highly offensive. You are angry because I don't agree with you? Because I have torn your last argument to shreds? Such is the nature of this board. You ask for help and you will get advice, some of which you will not like or agree with. Get over it or find more constructive ways to challenge it. It is pointless getting so angry with me. I am just another anonymous voice in cyberspace. Not that distance would stop me saying any of these things to your face. I am known for being a candid and to the point person.

I wouldn't say I am right all the time and never professed to be. But I have had a stormy life and have a lot of insights to offer. Many people would say this is true but I am not going to lose any sleep AT ALL if you are not one of them!

Now I do have to report you to the mods because you have revealed yourself to be infantile in your approach to opposition. You really do need to grow up.


Helen

[husband34]

That said you are the only one who uses this board who has had an issue with what I have had to say.
Helen

point ?????

[Helen]

point ?????The point being are you sure you are right and I am wrong? I am not going to quarrel with you since doing so is clearly pointless...

Hopefully the mods will delete this entire thread and ban you!


Helen

[Helen]

Your as bad as Helen Poppy, Im "horrible" and "selfish" ? totally baffles me how one can make a detailed character reference of someone they do not know at all !!! have never met, and just read a few paragraphs
of their ***opinion*** on a very small subject mattter !!!!..............AMAZING !!!
You say you cant help wondering why I wanted threesomes ?, again what has that got to do with you ? *WE* did
and thats that !!,...........did I feel an inadequate lover ?...........errr no, again another amazing
**assumption**, an experienced *open minded* willing to experiment lover *maybe* !!

What are you on ?....drugs ??, what the hell has being a mother got to do with my wife ???, this is NOT an issue
now AND NEVER WAS !! FACT !! It seems you **know** **every** womans feelings the world over, hows that ? becasue
that is how YOU would feel ????.
"extreme" ?? again YOUR OPINION, I can put you in touch with 100's of THOUSANDS of people who will totally disagree, AGAIN THATS YOUR OPINION ON THE SUBJECT, DONT TAR EVERYONE ELSE WITH YOUR NARROW MINDED BRUSH !!
and you are AGAIN TOTALLY WRONG, I am NOT "pressuring" her TO DO ANYTHING !!! I ***asked** for an opinion which
*I* felt I needed.......THAT IS IT,I may get one I may not, so be it, but whether you think im entitled to one or not doesnt matter, i do and NOTHING will change my mind !! I AM NOT "BANGING ON" about anything !!
A "cleaner and less polluted world for her child" ? !!!! you are very freaky !! Pollution ?? where the hell does that come into it ??, go talk to daft lad george bush about pollution, him and his country are the biggest polluters on the damn planet !!
A "normal" and "happy family unit" ??, good god !! dont even attempt to try and define "normal", every group, culture, suburb, town, religion, and every individual has their *OWN* defintion of normal and none of them are "right" its subjective, and it certainly isnt what YOU define as normal!!
AND MY WIFE HAS **NOT** "GONE OFF SEX", she loves sex with me, and loves me !!.
Cue the bunny out of the hat eh poppy.Er...where did I EVER make judgements about your character? Please point me to the post because I told you up front that I wasn't going to judge you!


Helen

[London]

London: But quite frankly you are not really "discussing" anything. You are being argumentative becuase no one seems to agree with your position.

H34: I have been *discussing* this with other board members, so speak for yourself. I am not looking for anyone to agree with me ! I was putting a situation up for opinions.

No, you are not being argumentative at all.

I guess your way of discussing other poster's opinions is by yelling in CAPS at them and calling them names. Yup.......

Well, seems like you have another argumentative friend on this board who equally bullies hie GF, like you do. Are you guys together by any chance?

[husband34]

Why so angry? Why all the swearing and capital letters? Uneducated? Hardly! I have 2 degrees! A BA in Politics and a MBA. I am currently doing a PhD. I am therefore FAR from uneducated. And I know how to spell and use grammar in the correct context too! But homosexuality was used as an example in an earlier post (and in your last post to me). I simply expanded on it.

I find your manner highly offensive. You are angry because I don't agree with you? Because I have torn your last argument to shreds? Such is the nature of this board. You ask for help and you will get advice, some of which you will not like or agree with. Get over it or find more constructive ways to challenge it. It is pointless getting so angry with me. I am just another anonymous voice in cyberspace. Not that distance would stop me saying any of these things to your face. I am known for being a candid and to the point person.

I wouldn't say I am right all the time and never professed to be. But I have had a stormy life and have a lot of insights to offer. Many people would say this is true but I am not going to lose any sleep AT ALL if you are not one of them!

Now I do have to report you to the mods because you have revealed yourself to be infantile in your approach to opposition. You really do need to grow up.


Helen

Oh right thanks for the resume. As for the grammar and spelling, important to me on this board and in this discussion ?.............not at all.

You have shreaded no arguments because I never made any.

I voiced my opinion....period.

The stormy life surprises me not the least.

Please report away.

Banned........... If they choose to do so.........fine.

[Helen]

Oh right thanks for the resume. As for the grammar and spelling, important to me on this board and in this discussion ?.............not at all.

You have shreaded no arguments because I never made any.

I voiced my opinion....period.

The stormy life surprises me not the least.

Please report away.

Banned........... If they choose to do so.........fine.If that post was an attempt to belittle, you failed. My mother in law admits I am a pretty easy going person and she cries every day about what my ex did to me. She also gives him a hard time because I did not deserve it. My ex went the way of a lot of men and looked elsewhere for his jollies (i.e. he put sex before me) because he thought I was too wrapped up in my career. He realised (after the fact) where his bread was buttered but it was too late. I would not touch him with a bargepole after he sullied himself elsewhere. He remains bitter about the fact that I would not give him another chance but that really was too bad...

Do not make judgements about me. You do not know me at all. All you know of me is what I have posted here. My point with the resume was responding to your point about my lack of education. I am educated. More educated than you, I would guess. And yes, I have had a stormy life but do not assume it has been stormy due to my marriage...it hasn't.

You voiced an opinion? So did I. But only one of us is being torn to shreds by the other for daring to do so. Guess who THAT is?


Helen

[husband34]

London: But quite frankly you are not really "discussing" anything. You are being argumentative becuase no one seems to agree with your position.


No, you are not being argumentative at all.

I guess your way of discussing other poster's opinions is by yelling in CAPS at them and calling them names. Yup.......

Well, seems like you have another argumentative friend on this board who equally bullies hie GF, like you do. Are you guys together by any chance?

Go back under the stone form which you crawled, LONDON

[Helen]

Go back under the stone form which you crawled, LONDONLondon,

This person cannot be reasoned with. Ignore him. He is only interested in hearing the opinions of those who appear to agree with him. Or those who are sympathetic. Not the way to conduct yourself on a message board at all!

I would suggest you use you voting buttons to get this offensive 'character' booted off the site instead, as his posts are clearly intended to goad. Do not let them.


Helen

[husband34]

If that post was an attempt to belittle, you failed. My mother in law admits I am a pretty easy going person and she cries every day about what my ex did to me. She also gives him a hard time because I did not deserve it. My ex went the way of a lot of men and looked elsewhere for his jollies (i.e. he put sex before me) because he thought I was too wrapped up in my career. He realised (after the fact) where his bread was buttered but it was too late. I would not touch him with a bargepole after he sullied himself elsewhere. He remains bitter about the fact that I would not give him another chance but that really was too bad...

Do not make judgements about me. You do not know me at all. All you know of me is what I have posted here. My point with the resume was responding to your point about my lack of education. I am educated. More educated than you, I would guess. And yes, I have had a stormy life but do not assume it has been stormy due to my marriage...it hasn't.

You voiced an opinion? So did I. But only one of us is being torn to shreds by the other for daring to do so. Guess who THAT is?


Helen

If that post was an attempt to belittle, you failed. My mother in law admits I am a pretty easy going person and she cries every day about what my ex did to me.

Not at all, and for what your ex did to you is none od my business, but he strayed because he wasn't getting something from you, whatever that may have been, so your totally blameless...right ?, hmm


You voiced an opinion? So did I. But only one of us is being torn to shreds by the other for daring to do so. Guess who THAT is?


Torn to shreds ? Not at all, I have no desire to tear anyone to shreds and I dont feel in anyway that you have me, I am not on a power trip !

[husband34]

Oh and just to add, yes you are way more educated than me.
I only have one degree Bsc Computer Science, Good luck on the Phd.

[Helen]

Not at all, and for what your ex did to you is none od my business, but he strayed because he wasn't getting something from you, whatever that may have been, so your totally blameless...right ?, hmm

You do not know what happened in my marriage so do not behave as though you know why my ex went elsewhere. He looked elsewhere for whatever reason but he told me it was because the woman he went with wasn't always asking to work on the relationship. In other words, he went there for sex with no strings. It is unsurprising that she wasn't asking for more seeing as he was only screwing her... A pretty weak excuse, wouldn't you agree? He now admits our relationship needed work. Because he treated me like a piece of meat. When you are MARRIED, it is sex with emotional ties. I was not prepared to do no strings sex all the time. Judge me if you want to but I do not need your approval because I know divorce was the only way forward for us - and so does he. The whole point of getting married to someone is to form an emotional tie! Tell me I am wrong...

Torn to shreds ? Not at all, I have no desire to tear anyone to shreds and I dont feel in anyway that you have me, I am not on a power trip !

Er there are many here who would say your posts to me have been overly aggressive, designed to belittle and yes, I would say you have attempted to tear me to shreds. It hasn't worked, by the way...


Helen

[Helen]

Oh and just to add, yes you are way more educated than me.
I only have one degree Bsc Computer Science, Good luck on the Phd.Well, clearly grammar and spelling is not a requirement in computer science...

[husband34]

London,

This person cannot be reasoned with. Ignore him. He is only interested in hearing the opinions of those who appear to agree with him. Or those who are sympathetic. Not the way to conduct yourself on a message board at all!

I would suggest you use you voting buttons to get this offensive 'character' booted off the site instead, as his posts are clearly intended to goad. Do not let them.


Helen

Im sure LONDON can convey his offensive comments himself Helen.

Oh and please dont preach to me about board etiquette, I have built ran and moderated 100's of boards, Irc channels, BBs', and web sites than i care to mention.

[Helen]

Im sure LONDON can convey his offensive comments himself Helen.

Oh and please dont preach to me about board etiquette, I have built ran and moderated 100's of boards, Irc channels, BBs', and web sites than i care to mention.So have I. But I do not assume that a certain way of conducting myself is acceptable on all boards.

And yes, I agree - London can take care of himself.

[husband34]

Not at all, and for what your ex did to you is none od my business, but he strayed because he wasn't getting something from you, whatever that may have been, so your totally blameless...right ?, hmm

You do not know what happened in my marriage so do not behave as though you know why my ex went elsewhere. He looked elsewhere for whatever reason but he told me it was because the woman he went with wasn't always asking to work on the relationship. In other words, he went there for sex with no strings. It is unsurprising that she wasn't asking for more seeing as he was only screwing her... A pretty weak excuse, wouldn't you agree? He now admits our relationship needed work. Because he treated me like a piece of meat. When you are MARRIED, it is sex with emotional ties. I was not prepared to do no strings sex all the time. Judge me if you want to but I do not need your approval because I know divorce was the only way forward for us - and so does he. The whole point of getting married to someone is to form an emotional tie! Tell me I am wrong...

Torn to shreds ? Not at all, I have no desire to tear anyone to shreds and I dont feel in anyway that you have me, I am not on a power trip !

Er there are many here who would say your posts to me have been overly aggressive, designed to belittle and yes, I would say you have attempted to tear me to shreds. It hasn't worked, by the way...


Helen

The whole point of getting married to someone is to form an emotional tie! Tell me I am wrong...

If thats what *you* beleive and are religious then thats fine.


Er there are many here who would say your posts to me have been overly aggressive, designed to belittle and yes, I would say you have attempted to tear me to shreds. It hasn't worked, by the way...


Many ? well there maybe poppy and LONDON but thats hardly many is it ? Although no doubt you can "drum up" some more eh ?

[London]

Im sure LONDON can convey his offensive comments himself Helen.

Oh and please dont preach to me about board etiquette, I have built ran and moderated 100's of boards, Irc channels, BBs', and web sites than i care to mention.

clearly using a board is not your forte......

[husband34]

Well, clearly grammar and spelling is not a requirement in computer science...

I give my grammar and spelling on here about as much attention as I do making a cup of tea. So dont judge my grammar and spelling its just so unimportant to me on here, I am not writing academically.

I passed and thats all, Math, Java, C, C++, XHTML, PHP, PERL where much more important.

[husband34]

clearly using a board is not your forte......

Yer right and you would know all about that. tut.

[Helen]

[QUOTE=husband34]If thats what *you* beleive and are religious then thats fine.

I would not say I am overly religious. I have faith but I do not knock on doors! The whole point of marrying is to commit to another person in the eyes of God. With commitment comes ties. Mainly emotional. If you don't see marriage as such, why did you get married? Not just for kids. You can have them without wedlock. So why do it if not because you want to commit to one person in particular?

Many ? well there maybe poppy and LONDON but thats hardly many is it ? Although no doubt you can "drum up" some more eh ?

Look outside this thread. Look at my post count. I have posted many, many times in this forum and yours is the first aggressive (overly so) voice that I have encountered. Maybe your life is reduced to your thread and the post count therein. Mine isn't.


Helen

[husband34]

[QUOTE=husband34]If thats what *you* beleive and are religious then thats fine.

I would not say I am overly religious. I have faith but I do not knock on doors! The whole point of marrying is to commit to another person in the eyes of God. With commitment comes ties. Mainly emotional. If you don't see marriage as such, why did you get married? Not just for kids. You can have them without wedlock. So why do it if not because you want to commit to one person in particular?

Many ? well there maybe poppy and LONDON but thats hardly many is it ? Although no doubt you can "drum up" some more eh ?

Look outside this thread. Look at my post count. I have posted many, many times in this forum and yours is the first aggressive (overly so) voice that I have encountered. Maybe your life is reduced to your thread and the post count therein. Mine isn't.


Helen

The whole point of marrying is to commit to another person

Yes true.

in the eyes of God.

No.

Look Helen Im sure you have all the time in the world to keep going on and on, but thats probably becasue you have a lot of time on your hands being single. I have a lovely wife who I adore and love and two beautiful children and it will stay that way no matter what you *think*, and ill tell you something else I would give up all my education for it.

I will have someone to love and to be loved by until I die. But I'm sure you will be happy in the knowledge you will grow old with your two degrees and Phd.

[Helen]

I give my grammar and spelling on here about as much attention as I do making a cup of tea. So dont judge my grammar and spelling its just so unimportant to me on here, I am not writing academically.

I passed and thats all, Math, Java, C, C++, XHTML, PHP, PERL where much more important.Whatever. The point is, if you are going to give people a hard time about communication, you need to be able to communicate yourself - and clearly. Don't you agree?


H

[husband34]

Whatever. The point is, if you are going to give people a hard time about communication, you need to be able to communicate yourself - and clearly. Don't you agree?


H

With the people that matter.............yes, You ?.............no

[Helen]

[QUOTE=Helen]



Yes true.



No.

Look Helen Im sure you have all the time in the world to keep going on and on, but thats probably becasue you have a lot of time on your hands being single. I have a lovely wife who I adore and love and two beautiful children and it will stay that way no matter what you *think*, and ill tell you something else I would give up all my education for it.

I will have someone to love and to be loved by until I die. But I'm sure you will be happy in the knowledge you will grow old with your two degrees and Phd.Another attempt to slight! I have lots of male friends and lots of men who want to date me! So the chances of me dying alone, as you predict, are slim. But yes, I am alone at the moment - BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE CHOSEN!!! Another attempt to belittle? Keep trying! I am an ex model. I attract men like flies. I will not be alone when I die. This is the reason my ex is still trying to get back with me! I will never take him back because I have a choice and I am making the most of it.

For you, I am hoping you make the most of your wife and your child. The alternative is you end up with someone you do not love quite as much...


Helen

[Helen]

With the people that matter.............yes, You ?.............noLike I said, I ain't losing no sleep! :)


H

[husband34]

[QUOTE=husband34]Another attempt to slight! I have lots of male friends and lots of men who want to date me! So the chances of me dying alone, as you predict, are slim. But yes, I am alone at the moment - BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE CHOSEN!!! Another attempt to belittle? Keep trying! I am an ex model. I attract men like flies. I will not be alone when I die. This is the reason my ex is still trying to get back with me! I will never take him back because I have a choice and I am making the most of it.

For you, I am hoping you make the most of your wife and your child. The alternative is you end up with someone you do not love quite as much...


Helen
I am alone at the moment - BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE CHOSEN!!!

So who is shouting and getting angry now ?

I am an ex model
Good for you.

I attract men like flies.

Im sure your boasting is such an attraction.

I will not be alone when I die.

Maybe, maybe not.

[husband34]

Like I said, I ain't losing no sleep! :)


H

Did i say you was ?, did I say that I am an important person to communicate with ?....................no.

[Helen]

[QUOTE=Helen]


So who is shouting and getting angry now ?


Good for you.



Im sure your boasting is such an attraction.



Maybe, maybe not.I am not angry. Not at all. My post was not punctuated with swear words and asterisks! I do not boast in real life. I do not have to! Say whatever you like! :)

H

[Helen]

Did i say you was ?, did I say that I am an important person to communicate with ?....................no.You have revealed yourself as inessential to my wellbeing...but you voiced an opinion about not caring. I felt bound to respond. Don't you have a wife and kid to get back to? :D


H

[husband34]

Did I swear ?, I really dont recall now.

Oh yes I know you dont in "real life" men just drop at your feet dont they ?
Thats why why your alone, ooops my aplogies, thats becasue you want it that way. silly me.

[Helen]

Did I swear ?, I really dont recall now.

Oh yes I know you dont know in "real life" men just drop at your feet dont they ?Never said they did! But I get plenty of male attention, regardless. Is that the same thing?


H

[husband34]

Never said they did! But I get plenty of male attention, regardless. Is that the same thing?


H

no i dont think so.

[husband34]

Did I swear ?

[Helen]

Did I swear ?You asked me if men fell at my feet. I never said so! But I do get a lot of male attention (I circulate where bright, older guys hang!) because they do not expect women who look like me to be as bright as I am. I do get lots of marriage proposals too. But I am in no hurry to get married again and will only get married to have kids (because i have another 15 years (at least) before I need to worry...based on when my mother had her menopause...).

And no, you never swore... this time!

Helen

[husband34]

You asked me if men fell at my feet. I never said so! But I do get a lot of male attention (I circulate where bright, older guys hang!) because they do not expect women who look like me to be as bright as I am. I do get lots of marriage proposals too. But I am in no hurry to get married again and will only get married to have kids (because i have another 15 years (at least) before I need to worry...based on when my mother had her menopause...).

And no, you never swore... this time!

Helen

i also asked if i used swear words ?, you did say i "punctuated with astericks and swear words, didnt you ?, or am i seeing things ?

[husband34]

or the first time ?

[husband34]

You asked me if men fell at my feet. I never said so! But I do get a lot of male attention (I circulate where bright, older guys hang!) because they do not expect women who look like me to be as bright as I am. I do get lots of marriage proposals too. But I am in no hurry to get married again and will only get married to have kids (because i have another 15 years (at least) before I need to worry...based on when my mother had her menopause...).

And no, you never swore... this time!

Helen

(I circulate where bright, older guys hang!) because they do not expect women who look like me to be as bright as I am. I do get lots of marriage proposals too

Why are telling me this ?, it seems your on a right ego trip to me.

I am in no hurry to get married again and will only get married to have kids

*only* to have kids he ? no emotional ties then ? like you claimed was the whole point of marriage under the eyes of god then ?

Jeez your gonna be whole lot of fun. I see another another failed marriage on the cards if thats the "only" reason your gonna marry, I do hope yuo tell him this at the alter.

[Helen]

i also asked if i used swear words ?, you did say i "punctuated with astericks and swear words, didnt you ?, or am i seeing things ?Yes, you are. Because I never swore. Ever. Or used asterisks. If you see them against my posts, you are seeing things.

[husband34]

No i didnt say that, read it ! *you* said *I* punctuated my sentences with swear words and astericks, Im asking you where ?

I never *you* swore !, its very plain if you read it.

[Helen]

Why are telling me this ?, it seems your on a right ego trip to me.

I am on no ego trip. But this (clear statements) is what you seem to respond to.

*only* to have kids he ? no emotional ties then ? like you claimed was the whole point of marriage under the eyes of god then ?

I said if you do not marry to have emotional ties, why bother? To have kids? Then I pointed out that marrying to have kids was not necessary in the eyes of God. I am not confused. Do not attempt to confuse me! I do have views on this and they are not absolute. But I know how my mind works...


Helen

Jeez your gonna be whole lot of fun. I see another another failed marriage on the cards if thats the "only" reason your gonna marry, I do hope yuo tell him this at the alter. I would. I would never dream of fooling him or introducing the need for third parties after the fact... I am also pretty clear about my fantasies! There would be NO confusion!

[Helen]

No i didnt say that, read it ! *you* said *I* punctuated my sentences with swear words and astericks, Im asking you where ?

I never *you* swore !, its very plain if you read it.I never, ever swore. You did. It is obvious if anyone can be bothered to read our exchange...


H

[London]

Is this the way you badger your wife into having threesomes and sex? By beating her down with your verbal prowess? Or is it bc you know you can't satisfy her by yourself? Or wait a minute.... those two "lovely" kids of yours - are they really yours or are they the second dick's? Do you know for a fact? Of course you do....

[husband34]

Why are telling me this ?, it seems your on a right ego trip to me.

I am on no ego trip. But this (clear statements) is what you seem to respond to.

*only* to have kids he ? no emotional ties then ? like you claimed was the whole point of marriage under the eyes of god then ?

I said if you do not marry to have emotional ties, why bother? To have kids? Then I pointed out that marrying to have kids was not necessary in the eyes of God. I am not confused. Do not attempt to confuse me! I do have views on this and they are not absolute. But I know how my mind works...

hahahah, I am not trying to confuse you Helen.


Helen

Jeez your gonna be whole lot of fun. I see another another failed marriage on the cards if thats the "only" reason your gonna marry, I do hope yuo tell him this at the alter. I would. I would never dream of fooling him or introducing the need for third parties after the fact... I am also pretty clear about my fantasies! There would be NO confusion!

I would never dream of fooling him or introducing the need for third parties after the fact... I am also pretty clear about my fantasies! There would be NO confusion

Here you go again ! where did i mention anything about *your* fantasies ? I commented on the fact that *you* said that *you* would *only* get married to have kids ! *you* just said that said, read back.

[AlwaysGreen]

I don't know what to say.
I am annoyed that this forum seems to have become an arena for slanging matches.
I am sorry H34... Helens and Londons input has been valued by many and their intention to help people through difficult times can only be commended. They do not for one minute have to spend what precious spare time they have trying to help and console people who are suffering from breakdowns in their relationships. But choose to do so,they do.
You have entered this forum and I do believe with the fueling of Murrey, decided that, Well, you are not getting the answers you want, so resort to insults and arguements.
I suggest (Maybe wrongly) that you say night night, accept that we could not help you the way you feel was needed, and call it a day.
Please let other people entering this forum for help and advise, see logical threads posted instead of insane banter and aggression.
I wish you well in your relationship, and hope that with dedication, your problems can be resolved.

[Helen]

Here you go again ! where did i mention anything about *your* fantasies ? I commented on the fact that *you* said that *you* would *only* get married to have kids ! *you* just said that said, read back.It doesn't matter. It is a means to an end. That is all. Most people reading this will understand exactly the point I am making here...

[husband34]

Is this the way you badger your wife into having threesomes and sex? By beating her down with your verbal prowess? Or is it bc you know you can't satisfy her by yourself? Or wait a minute.... those two "lovely" kids of yours - are they really yours or are they the second dick's? Do you know for a fact? Of course you do....

Listen LONDON go away you insulting idiot, I live in Nottingham why dont we arrange to meet up and lest see if you have the balls to say that to my face !!

Becasue trust me you wont go home with an attuitude.

Well you up for it hard man ???????????????????

[husband34]

It doesn't matter. It is a means to an end. That is all. Most people reading this will understand exactly the point I am making here...

Well I hope they do because i dont !, your avoiding justifying what *you* said a few minutes ago about you would *only* get married to have kids.

That is unfair on the guy you are marrying.

But it seems again you cant back up what you ahve previously said !

[Helen]

I don't know what to say.
I am annoyed that this forum seems to have become an arena for slanging matches.
I am sorry H34... Helens and Londons input has been valued by many and their intention to help people through difficult times can only be commended. They do not for one minute have to spend what precious spare time they have trying to help and console people who are suffering from breakdowns in their relationships. But choose to do so,they do.
You have entered this forum and I do believe with the fueling of Murrey, decided that, Well, you are not getting the answers you want, so resort to insults and arguements.
I suggest (Maybe wrongly) that you say night night, accept that we could not help you the way you feel was needed, and call it a day.
Please let other people entering this forum for help and advise, see logical threads posted instead of insane banter and aggression.
I wish you well in your relationship, and hope that with dedication, your problems can be resolved.AlwaysGreen, thank you for being the adult here and reminding me of my own responsibilties. At this point I will bow out of this pointless dialogue...


Helen

[AlwaysGreen]

Please can I suggest to Helen and London.... That to give attention to H34 is fuelling him. I am not sure how it works, but maybe if never again do you respond to his attention seeking behaviour, then maybe he might let up.

And I do personally believe that you two are here with the kindest intentions.

night night guys

[Helen]

Well I hope they do because i dont !, your avoiding justifying what *you* said a few minutes ago about you would *only* get married to have kids.

That is unfair on the guy you are marrying.

But it seems again you cant back up what you ahve previously said !Who says I am getting married besides you? Lost? I think so! :)

[Helen]

I am definitely giving up now, since you clearly need to have the last word. Good luck to you! Argue with yourself, why don't you! :)



Helen

[Helen]

Well I hope they do because i dont !, your avoiding justifying what *you* said a few minutes ago about you would *only* get married to have kids.

That is unfair on the guy you are marrying.

But it seems again you cant back up what you ahve previously said !I believe I said Matrimony isn't necessary to have kids - it is a commitment to a certain person...but I give up! Argue with yourself. I cannot be bothered any more...


H

[husband34]

I don't know what to say.
I am annoyed that this forum seems to have become an arena for slanging matches.
I am sorry H34... Helens and Londons input has been valued by many and their intention to help people through difficult times can only be commended. They do not for one minute have to spend what precious spare time they have trying to help and console people who are suffering from breakdowns in their relationships. But choose to do so,they do.
You have entered this forum and I do believe with the fueling of Murrey, decided that, Well, you are not getting the answers you want, so resort to insults and arguements.
I suggest (Maybe wrongly) that you say night night, accept that we could not help you the way you feel was needed, and call it a day.
Please let other people entering this forum for help and advise, see logical threads posted instead of insane banter and aggression.
I wish you well in your relationship, and hope that with dedication, your problems can be resolved.

You have entered this forum and I do believe with the fueling of Murrey, decided that, Well, you are not getting the answers you want, so resort to insults and arguements

I have not insulted anybody.

I think you will find LONDON is the insulter here.

Just take a look at his last post to me

[husband34]

which was this;

"Is this the way you badger your wife into having threesomes and sex? By beating her down with your verbal prowess? Or is it bc you know you can't satisfy her by yourself? Or wait a minute.... those two "lovely" kids of yours - are they really yours or are they the second dick's? Do you know for a fact? Of course you do...."

and im insulting am i ?

[Helen]

I have not insulted anybody.

I think you will find LONDON is the insulter here.

Just take a look at his last post to me Eh, eh? Can you hear something? I can't!

[Helen]

which was this;

"Is this the way you badger your wife into having threesomes and sex? By beating her down with your verbal prowess? Or is it bc you know you can't satisfy her by yourself? Or wait a minute.... those two "lovely" kids of yours - are they really yours or are they the second dick's? Do you know for a fact? Of course you do...."

and im insulting am i ?Eh, eh? Can you hear something? I can't!

[Helen]

We are no longer listening. Forget about it! :D

[AlwaysGreen]

When my children argue insesently, I send them to their rooms. I cannot do that here. For one, you are not my Children, and No 2, I would have to take your word for it that to your rooms you have gone. I have little doubt as to what my answer to that would be. I believe you would all be peeking through the banisters on the stairs waiting.
I do of course have the option of logging out. Bot should I have to do that. I think not.

Please all of you................... TIME OUT ...........

I have a head ache............... Aggghhhhhhhhhh

[husband34]

Why are telling me this ?, it seems your on a right ego trip to me.



*only* to have kids he ? no emotional ties then ? like you claimed was the whole point of marriage under the eyes of god then ?

Jeez your gonna be whole lot of fun. I see another another failed marriage on the cards if thats the "only" reason your gonna marry, I do hope yuo tell him this at the alter.

Here ya go Helen just prove what I said was indeed right. You did not use the word "matrimony" look !! its there plain to see ! *you* wrote that.....not me !!

and you still insist and avoid the question about your claims that i have swore, I didnt................tell me ? where ?.......where ????

Just just avoid the question and respond to something completely different !!

[husband34]

Oh and LONDON im still waiting for that reply mr hard man ???? where is ya big mouth now ??? eh ????

[London]

Listen LONDON go away you insulting idiot, I live in Nottingham why dont we arrange to meet up and lest see if you have the balls to say that to my face !!

Becasue trust me you wont go home with an attuitude.

Well you up for it hard man ???????????????????

Sure.

i see you like the idea of "balls" to your face quite a bit.....

Speaking of hard, at least I know i can get hard without having a second dick inside my wife. And i also know for a fact who my children are. Do you?

I'm sure you'll come back and rant some more, but I'll respect Helen and Alwaysgreen's wishes and bid you adieu....

[husband34]

Sure.

i see you like the idea of "balls" to your face quite a bit.....

Speaking of hard, at least I know i can get hard without having a second dick inside my wife. And i also know for a fact who my children are. Do you?

I'm sure you'll come back and rant some more, but I'll respect Helen and Alwaysgreen's wishes and bid you adieu....

Just as i thought all mouth and no trousers, a mouthy coward who has no guts !

Hard ons for me are fine and my has no complaints. with or witghout another dick makes no difference dick head.

Yes the kids are mine, bet your not even capable of producing are ya ?
Jaffa comes to mind dick head !.....seedless i bet........hahahahaha

You let me know when you have have the bottle to say that to my face and we will see who walks away eh ?....................coward!!, a mouthy coward at that !!

[Helen]

Here ya go Helen just prove what I said was indeed right. You did not use the word "matrimony" look !! its there plain to see ! *you* wrote that.....not me !!

and you still insist and avoid the question about your claims that i have swore, I didnt................tell me ? where ?.......where ????

Just just avoid the question and respond to something completely different !!I never avoid questions..ever. I am yawning here! In what context do I use matrimony? Well, the whole thing, not parts of it. At this point though, I really could not care less. I am BORED with this dialogue. You have proved yourself tenacious, if nothing else. Bully for you. Tenacity does not mean a thing when it comes to certain aspects of relationships. No doubt your partner is equally worn down! Good luck to you...and I mean i!


Helen

[husband34]

I never avoid questions..ever. I am yawning here! In what context do I use matrimony? Well, the whole thing, not parts of it. At this point though, I really could not care less. I am BORED with this dialogue. You have proved yourself tenacious, if nothing else. Bully for you. Tenacity does not mean a thing when it comes to certain aspects of relationships. No doubt your partner is equally worn down! Good luck to you...and I mean i!


Helen

You are one weird woman, i now honestly beleive you cannot actually read.

1: i didnt ask in what context you used matrimony

2: You said that you used the word matrimony instead of the word marriage
(you did not, i have just checked the post again, something that you obviously havent done)

3: You said "you would **ONLY** get **married** (no mention here of the word matrimony) ONLY to have kids,

4: I questioned that

5: you then went on to avoid the question, just take the time to read back and you will see.

Oh and if your bored and yawning, and you "cant hear me" why the hell do you keep responding ????????

[Helen]

You are one weird woman, i now honestly beleive you cannot actually read.

1: i didnt ask in what context you used matrimony

2: You said that you used the word matrimony instead of the word marriage
(you did not, i have just checked the post again, something that you obviously havent done)

3: You said "you would **ONLY** get **married** (no mention here of the word matrimony) ONLY to have kids,

4: I questioned that

5: you then went on to avoid the question, just take the time to read back and you will see.

Oh and if your bored and yawning, and you "cant hear me" why the hell do you keep responding ????????WHAT-EVER!!! Why the Hell do you keep responding? Go and be a nuisance to your wife and child - why don't you? It is abundantly clear that your opinions are not welcome here! Call me weird? Only to you! :D I am going to bed now - and I shall sleep well. Bet that bothers you, doesn't it? :D

As to my views on matimony - I keep saying I do not owe you any explanations and I MEAN IT"!!!

Helen

[husband34]

WHAT-EVER!!! Why the Hell do you keep responding? Go and be a nuisance to your wife and child - why don't you? It is abundantly clear that your opinions are not welcome here! Call me weird? Only to you! :D I am going to bed now - and I shall sleep well. Bet that bothers you, doesn't it? :D


Helen

I am going to bed now - and I shall sleep well. Bet that bothers you, doesn't it?

Yerr right !!!!
"Mrs avoid everything thats put to you"

[husband34]

WHAT-EVER!!! Why the Hell do you keep responding? Go and be a nuisance to your wife and child - why don't you? It is abundantly clear that your opinions are not welcome here! Call me weird? Only to you! :D I am going to bed now - and I shall sleep well. Bet that bothers you, doesn't it? :D

As to my views on matimony - I keep saying I do not owe you any explanations and I MEAN IT"!!!

Helen

(YAWN) (YAWN)

Dont you have a Phd to be focusing your attentions on !

[Helen]

(YAWN) (YAWN)

Dont you have a Phd to be focusing your attentions on !I do. But I can focus on several things at once. Can you? Given that I am divorced now and have no man and no child (and only myself) to think of, and given that I can think on several levels at once (proven) I do not think so...:)



Helen

[husband34]

I do. But I can focus on several things at once. Can you? Given that I am divorced now and have no man and no child (and only myself) to think of, I do not think so...:)



Helen

I am divorced now and have no man and no child (and only myself) to think of, I do not think so...
You dont think so of what ? you on an imaginary dream again ??
You are very suited to politics Helen, Ya know what is said about politicians dont you ?...............They are like babys nappies, they both need changing regular and for the same reason !!

[Helen]

You dont think so of what ? you on an imaginary dream again ??
You are very suited to politics Helen, Ya know what is said about politicians dont you ?...............They are like babys nappies, they both need changing regular and for the same reason !!whatever I am a strategist. I advise on political strategy. I do not need YOUR approval because I KNOW I am good at what I do! Not only that but my kid is an adult and is as bright as I am - if not brighter. He went to Private school, unlike me. You should thank the lord that he is not here supporting me because he really would tear you a new one! But he is working in Germany as an Au Pair and an interpreter and he is at university there...and he has better things to do with his precious time.

Too bad...though I shall take a leaf out of his book (seeing as you have neglected your partner and child to stay on this board all evening...) But unlike you, I am drawing a line and going to bed RIGHT NOW!!!


H

[husband34]

whatever I am a strategist. I advise on political strategy. I do not need YOUR approval because I KNOW I am good at what I do! Not only that but my kid is an adult and is as bright as I am - if not brighter. He went to Private school, unlike me. You should thank the lord that he is not here supporting me becuse he really would tear you a new one! But he is working in Germany as an Au Pair and an interpreter and he is at university there...and he has better things to do with his precious time.

Too bad...though I shall take a leaf out of his book (seeing as you have neglected your partner and child to stay on this board all evening...) But unlike you, I am drawing a line and going to bed RIGHT NOW!!!


H

I am a strategist. I advise on political strategy.

God help us !!

I do not need YOUR approval because I KNOW I am good at what I do!
Your right you dont, (although I never said nor implied you did) there ya go yet again !!! making something out of nothing)

Not only that but my kid is an adult and is as bright as I am - if not brighter.
Point ? relevence ?

He went to Private school,

Woopee dooo, good for him !

You should thank the lord that he is not here supporting me becuse he really would tear you a new one!

Oh i am so intimidated !!

But he is working in Germany as an Au Pair and an interpreter and he is at university there

well good for him, i hope he's having a great time, but what has that got to do with anything ??? and am i really interested ?....no, boasting again are we ?

[Murray]

Hi Always green,

I think you're being a little unfair with your comments re myself here. I've only ever responded to london becuase I felt strongly about what she said to me. Others, including Helen, have come across as being very highbrow at times (some of the things she has said here about being well educated, ex model, attractive to men etc, have come across as a bit needless but that's one guy's view, and not meant to be insultive) but she has helped me a hell of a lot over the months and I'm grateful.

You can't expect people to be personally attacked, as I feel H34 has been here, and not respond.

As in all our relationships, it takes two doesn't it ?

As a side issue, is London a guy or a gal ? I'm uncertain now. What I am certain about though is that he/she really is a gutless, insulting, bully as H34 says and I've been saying for some time.

Best wishes and good luck with your moderating !
Murray :-)

[Helen]

Hi Always green,

I think you're being a little unfair with your comments re myself here. I've only ever responded to london becuase I felt strongly about what she said to me. Others, including Helen, have come across as being very highbrow at times (some of the things she has said here about being well educated, ex model, attractive to men etc, have come across as a bit needless but that's one guy's view, and not meant to be insultive) but she has helped me a hell of a lot over the months and I'm grateful.

You can't expect people to be personally attacked, as I feel H34 has here, and not respond.

As in all our relationships, it takes two doesn't it ?

Best wishes,
Murray :-)H34 has NEVER been attacked by me. If you think I have attacked him, as I asked him, give me examples. Otherwise be quiet. H34, on the other hand, has goaded me about various aspects of my marriage When that failed, he then moved onto my appearance - not by my invitation, either. If I come across a highbrow, blame him. At the end of the day, I know I am not ugly so I use whatever I can to defend myself. I do not welcome personal attacks because I do not use them myself. And I defend London because I understand him. That, in itself, is not an invitation to attack me. I have no problem with anyone attacking me so long as it is properly defended. I have yet to meet a proper defense... apart from hatred


Helen

[Helen]

Hi Always green,

I think you're being a little unfair with your comments re myself here. I've only ever responded to london becuase I felt strongly about what she said to me. Others, including Helen, have come across as being very highbrow at times (some of the things she has said here about being well educated, ex model, attractive to men etc, have come across as a bit needless but that's one guy's view, and not meant to be insultive) but she has helped me a hell of a lot over the months and I'm grateful.

You can't expect people to be personally attacked, as I feel H34 has here, and not respond.

As in all our relationships, it takes two doesn't it ?

Best wishes,
Murray :-)Excuse me? When have you ever said this? Except when you have known you have an ally? What a coward you are! You can go forth and multiply from now on. I am no longer someone who will look to your point of view from now on either. I always tried to be balanced and look at both of your points of views (although I admit, I NEVER understood what your problem was - you were always angry about something that NEVER happened). No matter. From now on, I am only for Molly and I do not give a t*ss about you Murray. Poor Molly is what I say. Molly, if you need any friends, you have plenty over here...just identify yourself as needing our friendship. Murray and Husband - go forth together and multiply together...


Helen

[Murray]

Helen,

I did not in any way say that you attacked H34, I said - 'You can't expect people to be personally attacked, as I feel H34 has here, and not respond'.

It doesn't say you attacked him at all.

But don't presume to have the right to tell me to be quiet. That is an attack and also an order and you have no right to speak to me like that. I have every right to comment as you and everybody else does on a public forum.

Your defence of London is your business, my comment was not an attack or anything hostile toward you. My comment about your views on this thread were 'not meant to be insultive', just my view.

I also stated loud and clear 'she (you) has helped me a hell of a lot over the months and I'm grateful' so I would hardly attack you at the same time.

I hope we can remain friends,

Best wishes,
Murray (Russell)



I hope we can continue to communicate

[Helen]

Helen,

I did not in any way say that you attacked H34, I said - 'You can't expect people to be personally attacked, as I feel H34 has here, and not respond'.

It doesn't say you attacked him at all.

But don't presume to have the right to tell me to be quiet. That is an attack and also an order and you have no right to speak to me like that. I have every right to comment as you and everybody else does on a public forum.

Your defence of London is your business, my comment was not an attack or anything hostile toward you. My comment about your views on this thread were 'not meant to be insultive', just my view.

I also stated loud and clear 'she (you) has helped me a hell of a lot over the months and I'm grateful' so I would hardly attack you at the same time.

I hope we can remain friends,

Best wishes,
Murray (Russell)



I hope we can continue to communicatePersonally attacked by who? And why the hell does that have anything to do with me? And why don't you mention the attacks that H34 has made on others, including myself? To mention one attack without the others is hardly fair - IS IT??


H

[Murray]

Hi Helen,

I didn't accuse you of being highbrow, I said - 'Others, including Helen, have come across as being very highbrow at times' if you feel that is an accusation toward you I apologise, it was not meant to be insultive or disrespectful to you.

Look, what I said is how I feel, there have been lots of things said between H34, yourself and London that are not nice and can be taken as personal attacks. That's life and thats the long and the short of it.

It's often, very often, not what's said it's how its said and therefore we all become provoked especially on chat forums or emails becuase the body language that accompanies the chat is obviously not present to see.

Without going back to check every single detail of your last two or three threads I believe you have told me to be qiuet and also go forth and multiply (made me chuckle, have'nt been told that one for a while - just F*** off is the normal one :-) ), but nonetheless it is'nt nice to be told these things and it often prompts a response.

You know this as well as I do.

You have helped me tremendously over the months and I am really grateful. Molly (Sue) has seen a different side of things since last weekend becuase of this forum and theres a good chance she will leave me in the near future as a consequence. That was my risk but it couldn't go on as it was so I took it. I'm not looking for, nor expect sympathy either.

I'm not intentionally being a hypocrite, nor am I trying to crawl up your backside here. I'm a regular, bloody hard working, 48 yr old guy who's screwed up and doesn't know how to deal with it properly.

If you choose to cut me out by not communicating then thats your choice. In not patronising you here, simply stating what is.

I hope not, you're call.

Best wishes, Murray :-)

[Helen]

Hi Helen,

I didn't accuse you of being highbrow, I said - 'Others, including Helen, have come across as being very highbrow at times' if you feel that is an accusation toward you I apologise, it was not meant to be insultive or disrespectful to you.

Look, what I said is how I feel, there have been lots of things said between H34, yourself and London that are not nice and can be taken as personal attacks. That's life and thats the long and the short of it.

It's often, very often, not what's said it's how its said and therefore we all become provoked especially on chat forums or emails becuase the body language that accompanies the chat is obviously not present to see.

Without going back to check every single detail of your last two or three threads I believe you have told me to be qiuet and also go forth and multiply (made me chuckle, have'nt been told that one for a while - just F*** off is the normal one :-) ), but nonetheless it is'nt nice to be told these things and it often prompts a response.

You know this as well as I do.

You have helped me tremendously over the months and I am really grateful. Molly (Sue) has seen a different side of things since last weekend becuase of this forum and theres a good chance she will leave me in the near future as a consequence. That was my risk but it couldn't go on as it was so I took it. I'm not looking for, nor expect sympathy either.

I'm not intentionally being a hypocrite, nor am I trying to crawl up your backside here. I'm a regular, bloody hard working, 48 yr old guy who's screwed up and doesn't know how to deal with it properly.

If you choose to cut me out by not communicating then thats your choice. In not patronising you here, simply stating what is.

I hope not, you're call.

Best wishes, Murray :-)If not intended towards me, why mention me at all in the post? You specifically mentioned that I came across as highbrow. Very sorry Murray. Especially sorry to be hearing this NOW YOU HAVE AN ALLY...

The fact is, H34 has attacked others. When are THOSE attacks going to get a mention? The explanations mean nothing, You can also count on nothing from me, from now on.

Helen

[Helen]

Incidentally, those attacks on others, on me in particular, were vicious and unprovoked. I asked H34 to tell me where I had ever judged him and he couldn't. He couldn't because I never did! Do you get me now? Side with someone who makes sweeping judgements about people at your peril...


H

[Murray]

I'm sorry too Helen, but wow, have you had a real, hard look inside yourself lately ? It's absolutely no wonder you're single.

Murray

[Helen]

I'm sorry too Helen, but wow, have you had a real, hard look inside yourself lately ? It's absolutely no wonder you're single.

MurrayMeaning what? Remember, I dumped my ex and he begged me for months to get back together. I refused. So what point are you trying to make? 'No wonder I am single?' I am single because I choose to be!

[shadow]

GEEEEZZZZ go up town for a little bit and look at how the kids tore up the house!! :-)

Should I put my 2 cents worth in risk of the fighting to continue or should I just assume that you all know what I will say??

[Helen]

GEEEEZZZZ go up town for a little bit and look at how the kids tore up the house!! :-)

Should I put my 2 cents worth in risk of the fighting to continue or should I just assume that you all know what I will say??Yeah, I know. But it pisses me off that the 'men' think I should just give up! Especially when I have yet to hear any sense from them!

[shadow]

I hear ya hun!

You can talk to your blue in the face and it is not going to soak in. They just want to hear what they want to hear.

[Helen]

I hear ya hun!

You can talk to your blue in the face and it is not going to soak in. They just want to hear what they want to hear.You are absolutely right. And, in the interest of having a life of my own (SAD single that I am - ACCORDING to some :D - er...I am not attached but that does not mean I am single! Not by a long chalk! :)) - I will call it a night and get back to...er...better things! :) Helen

[Murray]

Nobody is saying you should give up Helen, least of all me. I'm just saying that perhaps you're not right all the time.

But I'm tired of crawling up your backside. You're single becuase you're an arrogant cow, (yes that is insulting, deliberately), you're choice perhaps, but arrogant nonetheless.

Murray

[shadow]

Murray,

It was pointed out ealier that you are on purpose egging London on for a fight, you did agree to it and said that you would stop. But even so you continue doing so on this site and other, I just decided to respond on this one cause it seems where the butt chewing is going on anyways and to me it seems molly feels bad for your action, your part in the continue hogwash that is going on.

I too have had my words with London before, but after just a very few posts we decided to act like mature adults, and let by gones be gones. And London respected my wishes right away. I have wacthed other postes by London since then and have not seen nothing to wrong with the posts, and even agreed on some of the post. SSHHHHHH dont let that secret out LOL :-) But the point is we had a few words, and then acted like a adults and let it go and respecting each other for that, even tho London never said it I just assume cause London does not jump all over my posts. like the way you are doing. You are the one that is continue adding fuel to the fire. And I dont blame London if I was lashed out like that too, I would also come back with a respond.

You can say all you want about London, but at least London always kept the disagreement with the orgnial poster, unlike you, London would never lash out to Helen like you did or anyone else that posted unless they put their nose in it.

I have seen so many posts from you and each post is such a different from one to the other, one can be cry for me I feel bad post, the next is I know what I did wrong help me make it right post, the next one is full of hate and rage, and then the next to thanks for being there for me, then it starts all over and go from different tune each time. Today I have been really trying to figure which of the posts is the real you. but tonight I think the real you is being shown, your true colors are shining thru. The way you treated helen nailed it in the head.

This is a advice forum, when you ask for advice you are going to get all kinds of answers about what they did and they believe. For example a affair, your going to get answers from ones that did not tolerate it, and made their spouse leave, your going to hear stories from the ones that decided to forgive and work it all, from ones that tried but no matter what it still failed. From ones that hold religion close to their heart to the ones that dont. Your job is weed out the ones you dont like and try the ones that will fit you in what you are looking for.

What I am seeing and the feeling I get is both you and husband34 are both being self centred and thinking of yourself and are getting upset cause you are finding that more disagree with you then are in your favor, when majority rules you should at least do some deep soul searching and think well I am the only one that feels this way so maybe I am in the wrong and need to change my way of thinking. But instead you both get upset cause you are only thinking of yourself. Facing facts about yourself is a hard pill to swallow, but to save a realationship and to be happy you got to make yourself a better person. If you dont like the answers here, if all of us dont agree with you and not giving you want to hear instead of what we believe is the truth, well there is a whole wide world web out there and I am sure if you search enough that you will find the one that will actually stroke your ego and tell you what you want to hear.

Husband34, I have always stressed on communication, almost every post I highly stress COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE!!! But why I say she owes you no explaination, is because there is none. Women have a different look on sex then men, to women it is not just a act, it is a bonding and wonderful experience. I hold sex very personal and close to my heart. To women their is so much more to it then the act itself. Women need the bonding and needs to feel the love, having a threesome and talking dirty wont cut it, it is not touching the need that women need and crave for. Yes I love the occasionally kinky passionate sex, but it is the other times that makes me feel satisfied and loved, the kinky is just feels the animal passion that arises once in while. Tho I have been a very willing partner in most of the sexual acts, but to me a threesome is something I cant do, just like your wife it would make me feel dirty, that I was nothing more then a sex object, instead of being something that you loved and treasured which is very important to a women. why???? there is no answer, there is no explaination I can give you, it is just the way it is, just like I cant explain why I love speghitti and gag at the sight of liver, no reason why just the way it is. If my husband constantly asked or wished that all the time that our sex life had to do something with a threesome, porn, dirty talk, I would feel degraded, knowing that I was unable to turn my husband on with the just the sight of me, or the smell of me. And if my husband wanted to share me with another man that would for sure make me know that he did not hold me precious enough that he was willing to share something so dear with another. But that is me, and I got a feeling that your wife might feel the same way, not sure without talking to her but just something that you might want to think about it. All honest stop looking for a explaination and start giving your wife what she needs. I have seen many posts saying that same thing, And as a women who knows most about what a women needs, what her views are and what we feel then a women.

But I got a feeling that these two will continue so I would like to ask everyone we are helping them, giving them kicks by answering back. Havnt we taught our children that if some one is teasing you to ignore them and they will stop??? Maybe that is what we should stick together and do, no more replies to thier arguements . And that they too will not hop onto another post and start, give your advice and story and end it. Act like adults and let by gones be by gones.

All in favor raise your hand!

My 2 cetns worth

[London]

As a side issue, is London a guy or a gal ? I'm uncertain now. What I am certain about though is that he/she really is a gutless, insulting, bully as H34 says and I've been saying for some time.

So care to elaborate what makes me "gutless" - what posting here and disagreeing with you that neither you nor H34 can getaway with badgering your respective partners? That you and he are actually the bullies. Look at both your outrageous behaviour on this thread.

And as far as you claiming to not know my sex, well, its clear you haven't really read my posts.... or are you confused bc Sue actually respects what I have had to say and wants to meet me. What next, you will go ballistic becuase she has offered to meet another man. Well, to be honest, a real man, becuase with all your crying for help on these threads you are just a wussy (or is the term sissy). Now that you found yet another sicko bully in H34 on the site, you think the two of you can gang up on this community?

So tell me, any more progress with Sue? Or is being in Korea difficult? Perhaps, if you don't succeed with her (and yes I hope she dumps your sorry arse), perhaps you can hook up with H34 - he's in Nottingham you know, and he's looking for another dick. Perhaps you two can offer how to badger women courses or how to bully posters on Internet advice sites. The possibilities are endless. Or maybe you can plot together how the two of you will take me on.... Come on wussy. Post your address here and I'll pay you a visit........

[Helen]

Nobody is saying you should give up Helen, least of all me. I'm just saying that perhaps you're not right all the time.

But I'm tired of crawling up your backside. You're single becuase you're an arrogant cow, (yes that is insulting, deliberately), you're choice perhaps, but arrogant nonetheless.

MurrayArrogant? That's a first! I am single by choice. My ex didn't want a divorce - I divorced him. I have had men in my life but I chose not to get seriously involved with any of them. Again, that is my choice. But do you think my 'arrogance' prevents me from forming relationships? From making friends? It doesn't. The reason why it doesn't is because I am a 3-dimensional, rounded individual. If I come to post on a site, I listen to all views. I might not like what I hear sometimes but I post for a reason and I am receptive to what is being said to me. The good and the bad. The only thing that gets my back up is pointless sniping - especially when I haven't said anything bad enough to justify it. Unless, of course, what I have to say is too close to home - for some reason the exchange about homosexuality set H34 off. I can only take an educated guess why...

Why insult me, Murray? I simply pointed out what you said to me in your posts. Both you and H34 insulted me - FOR NO REASON- and, to be honest, after the hours I have spent posting in your thread, it is annoying to have you come into another thread and gang up on me (and others) with another poster. I have never said I am right. All I offer is the benefit of my own life experience and learning. Take it or leave it.

Shadow says it all.

As for crawling up my backside? Hardly. I suspect you are stuck so far up your own backside that you have not seen the light for a while. Hence all the to-ing and fro-ing in your own thread and the pointless bickering all over the site.


Helen

[shadow]

So tell me, any more progress with Sue? Or is being in Korea difficult? Perhaps, if you don't succeed with her (and yes I hope she dumps your sorry arse), perhaps you can hook up with H34 - he's in Nottingham you know, and he's looking for another dick.

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

I'm sorry!

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

OMG!

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

NO REALLY SORRY!

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL

OK JOOLS he outdid your norman bates on that !

LOL LOL LOL

THAT IS NOT FUNNY

LMAO

[AlwaysGreen]

Good Morning everybody.

I hope you all slept well.?

Isn't it a lovely Spring day ? And what a fine start to it I see some of you have had.

It's saturday. A wonderful day off work day. Do nice things day and chill out day.

I am pleased to see that you all think this too.

Have a lovely day.

May I suggest that we all grab some time in the sun. The p.c and forum will be here later, but the sun... well... can't really depend on that for being here too long.

x

[hoxton]

Good morning everyone.

Well can not beleive what has escalated in the last day,

Let's ALL try and remember why we are here,
To give and receive advice from people who are going through a really difficult time.

Let's put all the bitching to bed.

AlwaysGreen you are right make the most of this nice day...............

Amanda.

[jools]

Flippin heck! Glad I didn't join in on this one...........Damn...I just did!!
________
Sikhism forums (http://www.religionboard.org/sikhism/)

[AlwaysGreen]

Lol @ U Jools.

[Helen]

AlwaysGreen,

You are, of course, right again. I am angry with myself for getting drawn into a pointless argument on this board. I should have given up a lot sooner. But lessons are learned from what you do wrong, not what you do right (this is what I believe, anyway). Having learned my lesson, I will not be repeating this nonsense.

My apologies to anyone who had the misfortune to witness this spectacle. Now I am off to do some housework - and to catch some sun because it really is a gorgeous day.


Helen

[husband34]

Yes go and get some sun Helen, you need it after proving you cannot answer any direct question put to you,
You are also a person who throws unfounded accusations around and are seemingly very insecure and conradict

yourself.

Again I will provide evidence to eveything I have said here.

Example of your false accusations:

In post number #47 you said:



Why so angry? Why all the swearing and capital letters?


And again in post number #74 you said:

My post was not punctuated with swear words



Where was the swearing ? no swear words at all in there is there Helen ?

False accustion ! Proven

Another ?.......here ya go

You said in post number #119 that I:

he then moved onto my appearance - not by my invitation, either


Again yet another false accusation, please Helen show me the post and quote where I attacked your
appearance ??...............go on show ?? you CANNOT because there never was one, was there Helen ?

False accusation proven !!

Its actually YOU that puncuates your posts with swear words isnt it Helen ?
Post number #129

But it pisses me off


You are one hell of a hypocrite.

================================================== ================================================== ==========

Example of you self contradiction.

You said in post number #58


The whole point of getting married to someone is to form an emotional tie! Tell me I am wrong...


You then went on to say in post number #66


The whole point of marrying is to commit to another person in the eyes of God. With commitment comes ties. Mainly

emotional. If you don't see marriage as such, why did you get married? Not just for kids. You can have them

without wedlock. So why do it if not because you want to commit to one person in particular?


And then you went on to say in post number #80

But I am in no hurry to get married again and will only get married to have kids


See that Helen, you say you will ONLY get married to have kids..........very sad, and a total contradiction.
You will probably be much better off nipping down the sperm bank and being artificial inseminated.

Self contradiction proven !
================================================== ================================================== ===========

Example of your continued inability to answer a direct question.

I asked you in post numbers #76, #79, and #82 if you could show me, did you ?........no !
three times I asked and not one direct reply !

you then said in post number #109


I never avoid questions..ever.


But not once did you prove or show me where i swore !

Your responses to those direct quiestions in posts #76, #79 and #82 where as follows:

In respone to the first time asked in post #76
you replied with, (in post number #77) with:

Never said they did! But I get plenty of male attention, regardless. Is that the same thing?


Inabilty to answer a direct question number 1

In respone to the second time asking in post number #79
you replied with, (in post number #80)

You asked me if men fell at my feet. I never said so! But I do get a lot of male attention (I circulate where

bright, older guys hang!) because they do not expect women who look like me to be as bright as I am. I do get

lots of marriage proposals too. But I am in no hurry to get married again and will only get married to have kids

(because i have another 15 years (at least) before I need to worry...based on when my mother had her

menopause...).

And no, you never swore... this time!


Inabilty to answer a direct question number 2

In respone to the third time I asked in post number #82
You replied with, (in post number #84)

Yes, you are. Because I never swore. Ever. Or used asterisks. If you see them against my posts, you are seeing

things


Inabilty to answer a direct question number 3 !!

Of course this doesnt surprise me in the least, being in politics, your fully
trained in the art of hot air and avoidence tactics !!

Again proven !!
================================================== ================================================== ============

Finally on my observation that you are very insecure:
Post number #70


I am an ex model. I attract men like flies


Post Number #77

I am an ex model. I attract men like flies


Post Number #80

But I do get a lot of male attention


Post Number #80

(I circulate where bright, older guys hang!)


Post Number #116

I KNOW I am good at what I do!


Post Number #127

I dumped my ex and he begged me for months to get back together


Why did you have a need to tell everyone Helen ?? wow you are so insecure and arrogant !

YOur also bloody infantile, not mature. In respone to my posts last night, numbers #99 and #100
your relpies where: (post number #101)

Eh, eh? Can you hear something? I can't!


and your second respone: (post number #102)

Eh, eh? Can you hear something? I can't!


Very Very childish.

You are a very arrogant, infantile, insecure person who babbles on incoherently. You avoid direct questions, you

swear, and make constant false accusations against other people. You cannot provide evidence about anything you

"claim" to be true, have a need to tell everyone how guys adore you, how nothing is your fault (including your

failed marriage), how educated you are, how clever your "kid" is, how good you are at your job, Your expertise on

how you "rip other peoples arguments apart"..........(YAWN).

You can give me a thousand respones, and I'll guarantee I'll come right back at ya with a thousand more !
GET OVER YOURSELF, MISS PERFECT !

[Murray]

Shadow,

polint taken, not entirely agreed with but taken nonetheless. I'll stop replying to London completely.

Helen, Apolgies to you, you have your views, I have mine, perhaps agree to disagree on this one.

London, clearly we have a personality issue, let's simply ignore each other's posts entirely in order to prevent further problems.

Shadow, tks for your post,
Murray

[jools]

H34
Let It Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
________
Expert Insurance (http://xpertinsurance.com/)

[husband34]

H34
Let It Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry if this thread gets on your nerves jools, But I have to respond.

If you dont like it then dont read it, and dont take offence at that, its just a suggestion.

:)

[Helen]

YOU LONDON are utter pr***, My WIFE DOES NOT THINK I MADE **ANY** "OUTRAGEOUS" "DEMANDS" YOU BLOODY IDIOT !!
AND THAT IS FROM MY WIFE NOT ME !!!!!!!!!
YOU FALL INTO THE LINE WITH POPPYAND HELEN, NARROW MINDED, "YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY" catergory, everything you say is so right isnt it ?, dumb ass !
Im not even going to comment on your pathetic personal attack on another board member, its YOU thats the rude and arrogant idiot, 'nuff said !!Here is the swearing. And in internet etiquette capital letters mean you are shouting. I asked why all the asterisks, swearing and capital letters? You said you never swore. Here is the evidence.

Call me what you will. You were the one who made this personal. But if you look at what I posted there was absolutely no reason for you to freak out in the way you did. Unless, of course, something struck a chord. Whatever. I really could not care less. I am not always right and I do not pretend to be perfect, either. Yes, my marriage ended but you have issues too - don't you? Otherwise why are you here, asking for advice?

In all my time posting here I have never attacked another poster. You have been here for less than a week and you have already shouted at/denigrated at least 4 people - in this thread! Way to go.

Before pointing fingers at me, I suggest you look at your own conduct.


Helen

[husband34]

Here is the swearing. And in internet etiquette capital letters mean you are shouting. I asked why all the asterisks, swearing and capital letters? You said you never swore. Here is the evidence.

Call me what you will. You were the one who made this personal. But if you look at what I posted there was absolutely no reason for you to freak out in the way you did. Unless, of course, something struck a chord. Whatever. I really could not care less. I am not always right and I do not pretend to be perfect, either. Yes, my marriage ended but you have issues too - don't you? Otherwise why are you here, asking for advice?

In all my time posting here I have never attacked another poster. You have been here for less than a week and you have already shouted at/denigrated at least 4 people - in this thread! Way to go.

Before pointing fingers at me, I suggest you look at your own conduct.


Helen

Pr*** is a not a swear, However it does represent a swear, You however actually *use* a swear, look at the quote.

I have no issues with my marriage, and you didnt strike *any* chord with me, you are not capable of that.

And what no respone to all my other comments ?...............no I didnt think so, becasue you know I'm right !

You just as usual answer *only* the comments you choose to and avoid everything else......................highly typical, and everyone who sees this thread can that, i.e.............right through you.

[Helen]

Pr*** is a not a swear, However it does represent a swear, You however actually *use* a swear, look at the quote.

I have no issues with my marriage, and you didnt strike *any* chord with me, you are not capable of that.

And what no respone to all my other comments ?...............no I didnt think so, becasue you know I'm right !

You just as usual answer *only* the comments you choose to and avoid everything else......................highly typical, and everyone who sees this thread can that, i.e.............right through you.I don't answer because what is the point? If what I say to you seems childish, it is because you are behaving like a child. I am therefore sinking to your level. You think you are right. I disagree. We will therefore have to agree to disagree. Besides, I don't have to explain myself to you! I am not going to engage in another pointless exchange with you either. Stay here and quarrel in your thread - alone - if that is what you want to do. I would be very surprised if anyone else has any more 'advice' to offer, given your reaction to things that you don't like...


Helen

[husband34]

I don't answer because what is the point? If what I say to you seems childish, it is because you are behaving like a child. I am therefore sinking to your level. You think you are right. I disagree. We will therefore have to agree to disagree. Besides, I don't have to explain myself to you! I am not going to engage in another pointless exchange with you either. Stay here and quarrel in your thread - alone - if that is what you want to do. I would be very surprised if anyone else has any more 'advice' to offer, given your reaction to things that you don't like...


Helen

I don't answer because what is the point?
The point is made quite clear, to expose your lies and unfounded accusations, and self contradiction, but of course you already know this dont you ? your just avoiding again. Which is so plain to see, its damn boring now just as you are.

I don't have to explain myself to you!

Again and again and again and again you say this, WHEN have i ever asked you to ? well ? I dont WANT any explanation form you whatsoever...ok ?
Can you get that into your head ??

I am not going to engage in another pointless exchange with you either.

Again and agin you have said this, ill check back if you wish and prove that as well, Your just here becasue you want the last word, countless times last night you said this, but persistantly you kept on returning and replying.

Did I EVER SAY once I was going or not continuing this converstaion ???, NO becasue whatever I say I carry through unlike you !!

I would be very surprised if anyone else has any more 'advice' to offer, given your reaction to things that you don't like...

YAWN YAWN YAWN Again, I dont want anymore advice from you or anyone else.

[Helen]

The 'ignore' button is a wonderful thing. You should try it if what I have to say annoys you so much. I have! :)

[husband34]

The 'ignore' button is a wonderful thing. You should try it if what I have to say annoys you so much. I have! :)

Yer yer yer yer, (yawn) (yawn), no direct replies YET AGAIN, it wore thin many many posts ago Helen.

[Hope]

Hello Husband 34,

I've just been catching up on this thread which seems to have stirred up quite alot of bad feelings between people on this forum.. thats a shame because we all try to support each other.

Anyway I have a couple of questions... Do you feel that your sex life is boring if you don't have the extras like "threesomes", porn or kinky stuff?

My concern here is that your needs during sex could eventually lead to an addiction ie. needing more and more stimulation to keep you interested. Looking at things from a womans perspective, perhaps your wife only wants to do things differently occassionally? She may be worried that if she says yes to your requests too regularly you'll begin to expect it and all the time. Your partner alone should be enough to turn you on most of the time!

I can understand how she feels about it all now that she's a mother. People do change and thats ok because she's not saying she doesn't want sex with you. As for you always having to approach her for sex... if she has a low sex drive after having a child then she can't do much about that... if a woman isn't "in the mood" then she's not going to ask for it. Woman are so different from men BUT once she does begin making love she probably enjoys it.

[husband34]

Thankyou Hope for your comments everything has been resolved now.

But sincere thanks for taking the time to reply, its much appreciated.

:)

[Kate]

Can we all calm down here too!!


Kate

[DamselnDistress]

I came to this forum because it is a Christian marriage forum... I am surprised that no one has mentioned God's role in this situation. It is sinful to bring anyone outside your marriage in to your marital bed - whether this be through pornography, fantasy or the "real deal" with threesomes or orgies.

I strongly suggest that you pray long, hard and often for God to change YOUR heart on this subject, NOT your wife's.

[Helen]

I came to this forum because it is a Christian marriage forum... I am surprised that no one has mentioned God's role in this situation. It is sinful to bring anyone outside your marriage in to your marital bed - whether this be through pornography, fantasy or the "real deal" with threesomes or orgies.

I strongly suggest that you pray long, hard and often for God to change YOUR heart on this subject, NOT your wife's.Hi DamselinDistress,

The reason why no one has commented on God's role in this situation is because this is a forum for everyone - and this particular thread is not for Christian marriage (although there is a section on the forum that deals with Christian marriage, this isn't it). Ultimately, most of us believe that what a man and woman get up to in private is their business if they are both consenting adults. Therefore it is not our place to point fingers and moralise over the actions they chose to take.

I would suggest, if you are easily offended, that you stick to the Christian marriage part of the site because in this area, all sorts of things emerge and I don't think it is particularly helpful for people who are in difficulty to hear what sinners they are when what they really need is practical advice.


Helen

[hoxton]

DamselinDistress,

I am not religious in the slightest but I have no problem with other peoples belifes, Live and let live,

I second everything Helen has said,

What goes on between Husband and Wife, is their affair, As long as they are both Happy,

I may not agree with the way they live, But he is trying to rebuild his marraige and I am sure the last thing any non beliver needs to hear is that they should pray for god's forgiveness,
Like helen says there is a section for religous people I suggest you stick to that part as you obviously do not like the way some non belivers live there lives,

Amanda

[AlwaysGreen]

Personally I am a bit baffled.
Your name suggests that not only are you unhappy or "Distressed" abot something, it is also indicative of you wanting to post something. I get the impression that the majority of people (if not all), sign up to this forum to air a problem and seek advice or kinship. You apparently have signed up just to upset those people already upset.
As stipulated by Helen, there is a section in the forum for Christian marriage, but even there, the lack of tact that you have portrayed and what comes across as condescending preaching, would no doubt still be unwelcome.
I apolgise if I appear rude but I judge no-ones religious beliefs. People are people irrelevant to creed, culture and religious beliefs. I don't give a hoot if the person seeking comfort is Jewish, Christian or whatever. If I can be helpful in anyway I will.

"Don't judge people until you have walked a mile in their shoes"

[Liz]

I think that Damselndistress misunderstood what this forum was about and wouldn't necessarily have posted in that way if she had realised that this forum was open to anyone whatever their background.

Her words would not be out of place in a wholly Christian context, where she assumed that she was talking to Christians. No doubt now she realises the situation, she will phrase any future posts in a different way.

Liz