I want as many opinions as possible!

[marlenefilla]

My husband's workplace is closing and he found another position inside the company but in Europe. He has to move in May. I am my half way done with my Master's and I want to stay until I finish. The problem is I know the risks this means for the marriage. What would you do? Would you stay and finish even if it takes a year of being apart, or you just give up on your personal enrichment project and move to be with your husband?
He is German, this is his 3d marriage, I just moved her to Texas a year ago to marry him (this is my 2d marriage). We met on match. com two years ago. I am from the tropical Costa Rica.
Help!

[jeannie]

Marlenefilla, the fact you have come on here for answers makes me feel that just the his moving to Europe is not the only issue here. You mention it is his 3rd marriage and yours 2nd. Has he given you any reasonto trust him ?

Personally I would stay and finish my course, you do not say where in Europe he is going but flights are cheap now and you ( or he) can fly regularly - may even add something to your relationship. If not you there may also be a resentment there that you gave something up for him and wish deep down you had done it for yourself.

Good luck

[jools]

Hi Marlenefilla
I think Jeannie's right about there being "other issues". Looking at your response to the post before this one I notice that you mention sex "going down" and your H wanting to be left alone. But you mention this as though it's normal and to be expected. I certainly wouldn't expect my H to want less sex with me after only one year of marriage...unless there was a problem.
Jools
________
Uggs (http://uggstoreshop.com/)

[Dave]

Hi there

Well, you asked for lots of opinions - here's mine!

When you got married you made yourselves into a unit, a couple - and you can't be a couple if on different continents for a year or more whilst you both pursue your own personal agenda - if you want the marriage to work "US" has to come ahead of "ME" for both of you.

It sounds to me like your husband is the main financial security right now, and actually providing for you may be high on his personal agenda. Have you talked to him about what the move means to him, why its important, his feelings and emotions around it?

Your masters is clearly important to you too - but I wonder if you've really explored the options - can it be done by distance learning, does the uni have a partner programme or similar in Germany? Can you transfer your course, or even do a different one here in Europe??

My point is that you both need to sit down and talk about this from the perspective of "what's the purpose of all this for US". If you keep it focussed on you as a couple I'm sure you will be able to find creative ways of stitching life together, and keeping the marriage alive.

Good luck

Dave

PS - before you leave the States, take a look at www.Smartmarriages.com (http://www.Smartmarriages.com) and find yourself a good local marriage enrichment programme - it will give you the enrgy and tools to put your marriage first. D

[marlenefilla]

Thanks to the ones who have anwered my question. My husband is a family oriented person, and we really want this marriage to work because of our past experiences in marriage, we are both hurt. We love each other very much, he is really worried about all this and it has been a very difficult month, he gladly found that option to work in Copenhagen because many other co-workers have worse situations. About "other issues" in my marriage, honestly I don't see them. Sex is not like the first time we met of course, twice a week or once a week is our rythm now and enough for me, I have adjusted more to him than the opposite but it does not bother me, I mean, I love sex and could have adjusted to have it every other day :)
Yes I know it sounds suspicious him being married twice before, but he was with his first wife for 8 years after 7 years of dating. It was the 2d marriage the problem. When he moved to the US and dated one of his friends' exgirfriend and got pregnant. She left to Germany to another exboyfriend with the baby, and my husband was devastaded for loosing the family he was always dreaming to have.
Going back to my actual situation, He does not want me to stay, but he said if I can finish in December it's ok, he can come and visit me as much as possible. I have an appointment with a proffesor to see if the department can help me accepting some credits I have from my former studies in Psychology to be substitution for some of my Master's.
Other issues for me are about the weather, the system and the distance from my country of origin. My youngest son is still there. About my daughter, she is going to Germany to study next year, that sounds great to me, we will be close to visit each other. My oldest son wants to stay in Europe exploring for some years, that is good too, I guess.
Thanks again to the three of you who answered. I think I will try all I can to stay until December, if it is going to be more than that, I will move with him in May, that's what he prefers anyway.

[London]

That sounds wonderful! I am glad you are able to find a solution where BOTH of you can be happy with the decision. But you know, May is not that far from December, so it may turn out that you can finish it if you guys can live through this arrangement until Dec. Good luck!!!!

[marlenefilla]

Finally I made up my mind and I'm moving with my husband in may. It took me a hard time to make the decision but I'm feeling better now. Dave thanks for your ideas, they helped me a lot to remember that I got married and that "Us" is more important now than "me" or "you". It also helped me that you said my husband is the provider and he is the one with that responsability on his shoulders. Thanks a lot to all of you again. I am so glad we have internet!! This forum is amazing, I am recommending it to friends already.

[brandy24]

Can't you take online courses?? Its a very popular option now a days?? University of Phoenix has a really great MBA Program and they are nationally acreddiated. I would not let my husband go with me. Marriage is about being a unit. together.