responsibility

[vettegirl]

Hi,
I am not sure what to do in my situation. First I will tell you a little about my marriage.

I am 24 and my husband is 27. We have two boys. 1 is 3 and the other was just born this January. We have been married ofr 5 years this coming November. Ithas been a very rock 5 years and we have even nearly gotten a divorce a few times. We have serperated but have been together non-stop since 2003. I thought maybe telling you a little bit about our marriage might help so now I will go onto our real problems.

1 major problem is my in-laws (his family). My MIL would come over to our place (she lives in the same town mind you) and would stay from dusk to dawn practicly. She would help herself to anything and everything and didn't even ask. I got feed up with it and told her off in a letter. But it isn;t her that is the problem it is my husband. He lets her get away with this ****. I told him I don;t want her in my home when I am here but he lets her in anyways. Him and his family think that because I have no income (which I am working on that) that they have the say in everything and I don't even though I live in this house too. Marriages should be giveand take but do you think my husband see it that way? Absolutley not!

Another problem I am having is if I need to go to a job interbiew or need to go to town to get somehitng form the store I cannot get my hubbie to watch our boys without bitching about it. I never get to have a break from them unless I am going somewhere by myself. Him he always does. He works outside while I am inside watching the kids. He isn't taking responsibility for his own children. Yesturday he said that he told me he had hobbies when he met me. But that doesn't give the excuse that he cannot watch his own kids.

He won't go to marriage councling or any councling at that because he thinks he is right all the time.He think he will be proven wrong and that there is nothing wrong wiht him.

I don;t understand what I am supposed to do to get him to take resonsibilty. Not that I want to force him to though either but these are his children and this is his family. He would rather be with his mother than he would me because his mommy is perfect and can do no wrong.

Also wanted to note that when every little thing goes wrong in the family guess who my in-laws blame? ME even if I had nothing to do with it.

I hope someone has some insight on this situation.

Thank you,
Vettegirl

[hoxton]

Well my MIL is like that only lucky she does not come to my home,
But if anything goes wrong it is my fault,
if my two year old is a bit naughty its my fault
no matter what happens it allways ends up being my fault.
I had enough so I said to my H he can phone his mum when ever he likes and he takes the baby round to see her every sat afternoon and I dont go I used to feel left out but now I look forward to it He goes with the baby and i get a couple of hours break.
Why dont you suggest to your H that he should go round there and see her,
There is nothing worce than another woman invading your space especially your MIL.
And as for not working, so what you are at home with two babies arnt you ?
All familys are different and I hate it when people think if you stay at home with your children that means your being lazy.
I am not working my youngest is two and when he goes to full time nursery then I will go to work. untill then I am at home with him. It is still your home and you should have as much say about what goes on in it as your H.
Maybe you should tell your H that it gets you down and that you need to have a couple of hours break even if it is once a week,
I joined a darts team tues evening so I do get a break now.
good luck
Amanda
(hoxton)

[vettegirl]

Thank you Hoxton but you know... I don't even want her to see my kids because she is that much of a phycopath

[Helen]

Thank you Hoxton but you know... I don't even want her to see my kids because she is that much of a phycopathUnfortunately for you, your mother in law has rights to see those kids, in a court of law. So I guess it is a case of trying to find a way to get along with her, since I doubt she is going to be going anywhere, anytime soon...


H

[matthew]

Your husband will regret not spending time with his kids,they will not stay that age forever.
I have my three on saturdays whilst my wife works and it is far harder than doing a days graft at work.but i wouldnt change it for the world.

Go out dont give him the option.

[vettegirl]

Helen,
Thank you I do realize that and I wish that the courts wouldn't have a say in it because she wouldn't see them for sure then. Thank you though for your input.