Any Advice

[Kath]

Hello every1 ,let me start with i m 20 and my husbands 36 we ve been married for almost 2 years .We have a lot of money worries and he works 12 hours a day I work about 30 hours a week .The problem is I wont a baby but he does nt cause of our money worries he says it s not far on the baby and thinks we should wait another 8 months am being selfish not wanting to wait.

[London]

what do you think would be the best for your baby?

[Kath]

It s me kath i havent had many replys and would really like 2 now what u think thank u:D

[Kimberley]

I would try and sort out the financial situation first or at least have a long term goal of when it will be sorted out. If there are pressures in a marriage already a baby will only add to them i.e. lack of sleep, less wages coming in, baby minding costs etc. etc. Babies although lovely cause already flimsy relationships to dissolve quicker trust me I know.


Why is there a sudden need for a baby now, your still very young - enjoy life some more - I had my first baby at 22 and although I love her very much she is 16 now - there were times when I could not go out because I had no babysitter or no money. My friends who were true friends stuck by me but my going out friends never called because they knew I had a baby and would be unlikely to go.

I had my second baby at 27 so that was a better situation but there is still lack of sleep and money worries. Enjoy your husband and your friends for a while and if you feel broody borrow one for the evening from a friend and you will soon realise the reality.

Hope that helps without sounding like a know all!!!

Kimberley

[Kath]

Thank u 4 ur reply ,I now i am still younge and have plenty of time but my hubby is 36 and thats another worry or maybe i m just being stupid.anyway thanks:)

[Kath]

sorry 2 keep going on does any 1 think that i am right in saying it s the right time for him 2 have a baby at his age or could he leave it 4 a bit ,any replies pleasekath;)

[Kate]

Dear Kath

There is no hurry for your husband. He is still going to be able to fahter a child in 8monthe time. My Dad was 45 when I was born! I still had lots of fun with him. There is no hurry. Listen to your husband - what he says is wise and he is concerned for you and any future baby.

Kate

[jeannie]

Kath, what is the rush, as Kimberley says you are still young. Your H may be 36 but he sounds sensible to me advising you to wait until you are more financial secure. I know there is never a right time to have a baby and for each couple the circumstances are different. But think carefully why you want a baby right now, if there are other issues why H does not feel he wants one just yet please sit down and talk to him about how you both feel and for you why you think a baby would be right for you.

I had my first baby after 4 years of marriage, we were trying almost from the start but it took that long to concieve and it did put a strain on our marriage at times but we were both committed to a family. Now looking back I am glad we had that time together as a couple and getting to know each other. That child is now almost 30yrs old and a great comfort to me now my H has left me for a younger woman and two small children, who I feel are a added pressure to his new relationship that he could do without. THey hardly know each other.

Think carefully and listen to what he says. Good luck

Jeannie

[Kath]

Thank you so much 4 u replies I was just rushing and being selfish I guess and 8 months is not a life time away ,I don t understand why I have this strange feeling 4 a baby it doesn't wont 2 go this feeling,I wish it would go away 4 me and my husbands sake cause at the moment every time I c a mother and baby I feel so hurt and feel like crying,I hope it goes away soon this strange feeling.If any 1 else has felt like this I d like 2 now.Kath

[Kath]

HAS ANY1 FELT LIKE THIS ?kATH:(

[Kimberley]

Not really but I word of advice a friend of mine around ten years ago who was about 19 just after she married she desperately wanted a baby and her husband who was equally as young did not. She basically started to put her contraceptive pill down the plug hole - he didnt trust her so he watched her take it and went to bed but she put it under her tongue and down the plug hole. The inevitable happened and she became pregnant the husband was OK but never really believed it was an accident - when the baby came he went with it but never appeared fully hands on. Then after a few months he started going out with his mates more and more and one night when she was at her mum's she came home to find a lady's earring in her bed and lots of body glitter all over the sheets.

Needless to say divorce followed and he always maintained it was having the baby that started the problems.

The moral of this tale is simply this - if he is reluctant now it wont necessarily improve when a baby does come along.

I think the need for a baby is perhaps you are not feeling loved by him and want to love and receive love from a child perhaps.

God I sound old and Im only 38!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take Care

Kimberley

[Kath]

I now he loves me ,but the problem is I never c him max 2 or 3 hours a day cause he works long hours and I am in a new city just moved here about 2 years sounds a long time but i still have no friends here.So i m along all the time so it s so hard being alone all of the time .2 be honest I don t now what 2 do HELP!

[jools]

Sounds like you need friends, not a baby. A baby will NOT provide company...quite the opposite. I remember my one with colic, screaming for hours and for every minute that my H was late it seemed like an hour! Don't think you'll have a little person who'll stop you feeling lonely. It doesn't always work like that. Now my girls are in their teens they ARE good comapny (when they're not out with their mates!). But that's a long time to wait!

Aren't there any people in work that you can socialise with? What sort of work do you do? If there aren't any, then what about a change of job? Or a night class at college? You need to get out and meet people.
Jools.
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[Kath]

I work in a care home which is ok but sometimes that can be sad init self,not very lively place and the ppl who work there seem 2be alot older than me ,Also I m afraid 2 leave my job cause I might not get another 1 fast as we need ever Penny. Kath

[jools]

Can't you get another job first and then pack it in? You need to mix with more young people!
Jools.
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[Kath]

Yeah I don t c why not,I just need something 4 myself and not 2 need my husbands company so much,although he s 16 yrs older I really need his company all the time cause I feel so alone,maybe if I had a more active life I wouldn't have these feeling 2 be a mother.kath

[jools]

I think you've just answered your own problem! No wonder you want to get pregnant; you see it as a way out of your present situation. I say get a life of your own before bringing any new ones into the world. It'll make you a better mother in the long term (and a more interesting wife!). Anyway, if you can't afford to pack in your job at the moment, how on earth would you afford a baby?
Jools.
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Jolite Vaporizer (http://vaporizerinfo.com/)

[caitlin]

Hi Kath i understand you wanting a baby but your husband is right you need to be more financially secure than you are right now. Theres nothing to stop you applying for other jobs while you remain in the one you have to keep the money coming in. Being in a job you don't like can be very depressing so good luck in the job hunt. If you think you see little enough of your husband noe it would be worse if he had to work more hours to provide for a baby too. You need to find some hobbies of your own and enjoy yourself more then then when you're happy in yourself everything will come together in its own good time. Good luck

[Kath]

Thanks every1 hope 2 get a grip soon

:) KATH

[hoxton]

Thank you so much 4 u replies I was just rushing and being selfish I guess and 8 months is not a life time away ,I don t understand why I have this strange feeling 4 a baby it doesn't wont 2 go this feeling,I wish it would go away 4 me and my husbands sake cause at the moment every time I c a mother and baby I feel so hurt and feel like crying,I hope it goes away soon this strange feeling.If any 1 else has felt like this I d like 2 now.Kath If you miss him now trust me there is nothing worce than being at home with a teething baby all on your own. I know My old man never wanted the baby he was an accident (lovely one) but I lost my job then he was supporting us all. A baby is a precious thing but you should never just have one because your lonely or you think it might change your man. I know my H loves the baby but since having him I couldnt go out with him to work ( in pubs ) and it has all gone down hill since then.
But I do think some women have a very strong urge just to be a mum. I think it is natural I allways felt the same when I was young I had my first at 20 then 22 and then 29, All boys.
If we never had that strong maternal urge to have babies we would not be here would we ?
Even when you think the time is right things go wrong in relationships but still you should never Have a baby when you know its not right because if your relationship isnt solid enough a baby will very possibaly kill it then where will you be,
You are young be patient try and make some friends and things will get easier. x
Amanda x