ScarlettDiva
3rd February 2006, 10:47 PM
Hello all! i'm new here & trying hard to find something to help with things. i've been with a very stubborn man for the last 2 years. it's been hard at times!! he gets depressed & takes it out on everyone around him. nothing seems to be right or good with him. you could give him a million dollars & he'd find fault with it. i love him dearly & i do understand him about 80% of the time. that does help because i can help him get over the dark times but here lately i can't & i seem to be cause.i know from all our talking about the past i know he has issues with trust & self loathing in a major way.anytime i want to talk about "feelings" he ask if he has to move out?? his ex would do that him or he'd throw her out they went down that merry path for about 10 years. i ttoally think we need to sit down & talk about things & he fights it tooth & toe nail!! if we do talk it ends up with him going for my throat & hurting my feelings BAD!!!never lays a hand on me in reality but crushed me all the same. it's so hard not to walk away from him totally at this point.
the root of all this is i caught him spending big money on porn & when i asked what was going on he got furious & turned it on me. said that they money i spend on NetFlix & games where much more & he can't talk to me on this or anything else because he can't trust me?!! i've never given him cause not to trust me. this all started about last christmas when i had to make the ole mistake of asking him why he won't make love to me anymore. after jumping out of bed & stomping around he screams at me that he's not my trained sex monkey & i need it that bad we live in a city that's open 24/7 out find someone. ok, i was shocked & hurt!! he goes on screaming at me that it's all i wanted him for & he's sick of me & he should just leave (normal answer to any problem in his book) or maybe i should just move now. now i'm getting mad but watching what i say....i finally get him calmed down enough to lay back down & we'll talk later, so i thought. nope he flipped out again at new years because i asked if he could see way to be sweet and show some affection with me. well after a rotten 15 minutes of sex he gets up for the next 6 hours. i find out later that all he does after i go to bed is surf for porn, he rather be there than with me. now after a year of once a month sex i find out he's spending about 60$ a month & on average 4 hours a night on line. he has no use for me at all, he has these women sending him underwear( don't want to know) he ignores me when i talk to him & i have no idea why??
i know he's stressed at work & he claims that has nothing to do with the house problems but he says that everything is closing in on him & he hates himself & his life & he can't talk to me because i just don't get it. well if he told me what it was maybe i could.....problem is he says he doesn't even know?!! this sounds like a cop out!!! i don't push him to do anything with us, i give him alone time, i just flipped out once over the sex thing but i feel so rejected & hurt. he used to call him his pretty one...now it's hey you.
i don't know what i can do but save my money & leave him because he's getting to be toxic to me. bad thing is i truely do love him & want to make things work but i don't think i can if he doesn't want to change things.
any ideas?
the root of all this is i caught him spending big money on porn & when i asked what was going on he got furious & turned it on me. said that they money i spend on NetFlix & games where much more & he can't talk to me on this or anything else because he can't trust me?!! i've never given him cause not to trust me. this all started about last christmas when i had to make the ole mistake of asking him why he won't make love to me anymore. after jumping out of bed & stomping around he screams at me that he's not my trained sex monkey & i need it that bad we live in a city that's open 24/7 out find someone. ok, i was shocked & hurt!! he goes on screaming at me that it's all i wanted him for & he's sick of me & he should just leave (normal answer to any problem in his book) or maybe i should just move now. now i'm getting mad but watching what i say....i finally get him calmed down enough to lay back down & we'll talk later, so i thought. nope he flipped out again at new years because i asked if he could see way to be sweet and show some affection with me. well after a rotten 15 minutes of sex he gets up for the next 6 hours. i find out later that all he does after i go to bed is surf for porn, he rather be there than with me. now after a year of once a month sex i find out he's spending about 60$ a month & on average 4 hours a night on line. he has no use for me at all, he has these women sending him underwear( don't want to know) he ignores me when i talk to him & i have no idea why??
i know he's stressed at work & he claims that has nothing to do with the house problems but he says that everything is closing in on him & he hates himself & his life & he can't talk to me because i just don't get it. well if he told me what it was maybe i could.....problem is he says he doesn't even know?!! this sounds like a cop out!!! i don't push him to do anything with us, i give him alone time, i just flipped out once over the sex thing but i feel so rejected & hurt. he used to call him his pretty one...now it's hey you.
i don't know what i can do but save my money & leave him because he's getting to be toxic to me. bad thing is i truely do love him & want to make things work but i don't think i can if he doesn't want to change things.
any ideas?