Where do I go from now

[pixie]

I am married and have been for 15 years. We had a wonderful relationship but it seems that we have drifted very much apart. We use to talk all the time and now do that very little. When we discussed things about our problems my husband always feel that I am blaming him, which is not so. I feel that I am no longer good enough for him and that he tells me the problems are from me. I sit and think about what I have done and it just does not make sense. Our sex life is nil and he is not willing to try because he feels that I push him away, that is not always the case but he has hurt me and I am struggling with that.

[Kate]

Dear Pixie


It really sounds as if you have got your wires crossed with each other. If you could manage to talk to each other gently and be understood, then you might recover the warmth you obviously have had for each other. Have you thought of getting away together on some form of marriage enrichment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/) to give your selves the time and space to talk.

Kate

[ScarlettDiva]

Pixie,

i do know where you're coming from!!! i almost hate to ask if everything is ok cause it'll start a fight. or he'll do things like tease me harshly & if i speak up he gets mad & ask if i even know how to tease & play?! half the time i feel like a deer in headlights.
i don't even know what i did to be treated like this or why he feels like he has to act like it? if we talk i have to use alot of "i" statements to stay away from making him feel like i'm blaming him for everything...but it is his fault!!! that's the bad thing.
i can't even ask if he'd go to counsling with me, tells me that it's my issue & i should deal with it on my own & leave him alone.....*sigh*

all i can say is the same thing i have to tell myslef every day is have faith...if anything have faith in yourself if you can't in the relationship...

huggles,Jan

[Nick]

Dear Pixie

takes one to know one (I shook mine off thank God). I detect strongly the trouble is with him not being happy with himself. Nothing to do with you, not your fault. And he needs to blame things. You perhaps. If you still love him, support him. Is he under any pressure? Is he not where he wants be? Are their external pressures on him, or that he takes upoin himself and can't really resolve?

You say you are hurt. Is it because of his rejection of you generally? Or something specific?

Really does sound as though he needs support, even though its you who is suffering. Its unfair, but so are lots of things. I have lots of trouble, but I can see how important it is to look behind things, and find causes, before you spend your whole life dealing with effects.

Best of luck

XX