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View Full Version : The hurt of an affair - I wanted so much! This is alesson for us all!


davey_ramsey
18th January 2006, 08:47 PM
I have been married 20 years, read on please, our honeymoon was in Amsterdam! We did not consummate the marriage there, that was off the cards. I was 28, she 24 and after ups and downs married after a a 5 year relationship where I was not allowed to "get close". I was told by my wife that sex is not important in a true marriage - I believed her!

This has always been an issue, you know the classic joke one child! Ok its reality here!

I am now 49 and wonder what life is all about, professional, well off big house etc. but lonely. In September 05 I met an amazing woman. 15 years my junior. She is warm, and just lovely. The trouble is she has a partner, and loves him, they want a family.

Ok this is where it gets tough. We started to see each other, she was fascinated by my looks & personality (what moi!). We do Dinner, Walks, talks, and I have fallen so head over heals in love with her, I cant sleep, work, think its just awful.


She has said she loves me, that I'm gorgeous, but in reality this wont work, she cuts herself off saying she wants to concentrate on her life. After all I have it all (do I?) and she has been wanting a family for ages with her man. Then I turned up!


OK its a mess, I think of her as my future life partner, she is quirky in her walk, manner, ideas but so warm. I am taking all sorts of concoctions to stay sane.


So everyone, welcome to the real world of an affair, this has been 4 months and turned into hell in my head.


For those who say "Cake & eat it" I have no cake, and I am not eating it either! You have no idea what you are saying!


I dream of being in bed with her, since I know in the past she had had other men, but refuses me because its the ultimate deceit, I understand, but it really hurts.


D.

jools
19th January 2006, 01:43 PM
Hi D

Tricky indeed! But having read this i've got more questions in my head than possible solutions.

1) Have you had (with the exception of trying for your one child) a sexless marriage?

2) Did you question your life before meeting this other woman?

3) Do you love your wife?

4) How can this other woman possibly say that she loves you and that you're gorgeous and still want to go ahead with marrying someone else? OK, she wants children - but if she really loved you, wouldn't she want to have these children with you?

5) What would she say if you said that you were leaving your wife for her and that she could have her children with you? (i.e. how committed to you is she really?)

6) If your wife knew that she was in danger of losing you would she be prepared to seek help with her sex hang up?

Jools :confused:
________
Nice tits live (http://www.girlcamfriend.com/webcam/medium-tits/)

lnkd777
21st January 2006, 03:52 AM
What do you mean?

"I dream of being in bed with her, since I know in the past she had had other men, but refuses me because its the ultimate deceit, I understand, but it really hurts"

She has had other men but see you as the ultimate deceit? If she has cheated on her man in the past what makes you different?

How did you meet her? If she loves her man and yet is meeting you isn't that cheating? Would you really ever trust someone that was cheating on their partner/husband?

Maybe you have to evaluate what you do have at home?

Sierra
21st January 2006, 06:31 AM
I say go for it and then go home and behave yourself.


D

anon
27th March 2006, 01:48 PM
I can sympathise with you. All day I having been trying to find a post from someone who is in a similar boat to me - but everyone seems to be on the other side here!

At last. I think you truly need to evaluate whether she would ever leave her fiance for you/would you leave your wife? I understand exactly how the confusion feels. I have been married 10 months, but with him for 8 years and I just don't know whether I'm in love with him anymore. I love him, but not sure whether I'm actually 'in love' if thats makes any sense!?

I had my doubts before the wedding whether to go through it or not - the problem is I'm only young - 24, I met my hubby when I was still at school and only 16. I just think we've grown apart - and become a 'habit'. I know that sounds awful and I know I need to tell my hubby but I'm so scared of breaking his heart - I knowI have to and I know I'm being selfish by not telling him straight away, but I just can't find it in my heart to tell him yet.

You need to think long and hard about what you want and whether you want to leave the girl and concentrate on your marriage or if this is the excuse you've been waiting for to end it with your wife.

I'm assuming you were successful and do have a child and this is the most important thing here. But remember not to stay together for the sake of that child - it won't work. I know coming from parents who divorced when I was 10 how hard it can be for a child to understand whats going on, but the older I got the more I realised that it was for the better that they weren't together, they were both so much happier apart.

I think sometimes we are constantly trying to please others that we do forget about ourselves. I'm lucky and there are no children involved. To be honest I think that's what's started me thinking - we keep talking about trying for a family and it's made me think about the future more and evaluate our relationship - I really don't want to bring a child into the world if I'm considering leaving the father - I know that's wrong. I have to try to express these feelings to my hubby and I'm unsure how.

I know this perhaps hasn't helped you much, but at least you know there is someone out there that does understand how you feel - unfortunately no-one can tell you what to do it is something you have to decide for yourself.

Good luck

Anon
xx