Christian/Muslim marriage problems [Archive]

SarahM

28th December 2005, 11:47 AM

I'm new, so hello. Please I need some help and advice...

I married my Muslim husband in October of last year and if I'm honest it has never been easy. There are so many differences and its ruining what we had. When I met him he wasn't practising, we met in a club whilst he was drunk and he moved in with me shortly afterwards. At that time I was in the process of a divorce which he didn't seem to mind about. His father died about a year later - after we had done Fetiha in his home country. I agreed to do as I was told, he didn't even really explain what went on - but I am confident in my religion and went along with it. A year later we married in England, firstly in a Registry Office so religion was not a problem but I wanted to be blessed, we modified the wedding so as not to offend or cause a problem with Islam for my husband or his friends, which meant I had no sign of the cross and no kneeling - I did this for him. 4 weeks prior to our wedding he decides hold me that if and when we have children they must be Muslim, now I'm sorry, I love my husband but I find this very difficult. My husband has now semi-returned to practicing Islam - he doesn't pray or go to the mosque - doesn't drink, only eats halal and is now pretty much trying to keep us at home. Due to his semi-return my life has changed, I don't drink, we very rarely go out, I end up eating halal, which I don't agree with, but I have to accept this because of him. We all know from above my husband has committed extremely serious sins, I was not the first woman he had an affair with. He tells me he will be punished severely for these sins but the fact is he still insists the children must be Muslim. I don't understand this, if he was fully practising then perhaps (and it is perhaps) I could understand this better but he is not. We have discussed names of children so we can try and find some common ground - Joseph and Yousef but he insists that they must been known as Yousef - I am fair haired and blue eyed - what if we have a child the same, he is going to have so much to deal with from a very early age. I do not hate Islam, but I do not understand the constrains it puts upon us, my Christianity never comes into it, we are never not able to do anything due to Christianity. I feel I sound like a spoilt child who is not getting her way but this is splitting up our relationship, I love my husband but he will not give on one point, which I'm lead to believe is Islam - can anyone else give me some ideas on how to get through this, I don't want to divorce but its getting to the point where I just don't want to be miserable anymore. I'm 32 years old, I don't go out other than to work - I hold down 2 jobs while he has 1, I stay at home, cook halal and feel I have given up my identity. There are many many more things that have gone wrong in the last 3 years too many to put on here and they are all based around my husband's selfishness towards me and my religion.

I am sorry to have ranted on but I'm desperate to find people who have been through this and got out the other side. Sorry to be so miserable on my first posting.

Kind regards
Sarah

jools

28th December 2005, 02:40 PM

Hi Sarah
I haven't shared similar experiences to you but am familiar with what you describe as we have many muslim friends. One particular family that my H and I have been friends with since leaving college. The boys were all born in this country and had/have local accents. They smoked, drank alcohol frequented clubs and dated white British girls. The one boy fell deeply in love with a work colleague and they dated for years. And then when the time was right he followed through with his family's expectations and married a girl from his country of origin (known to the family). The long term girlfriend was "dumped"! These "boys" (now in their forties), all married girls from back home though they continue to drink in pubs, smoke, celebrate Christmas to the full and live a very western style of life. They certainly don't observe the Halal rule. They married Pakistani girls because they really wanted to keep the extended family happy. They would never allow any of the older generation to see them breaking the rules and would do nothing to upset the family's status quo.

Which is why your situation is quite unusual. Did his family not try to stop your marriage in the first place? Did you not discuss these cultural differences and how you'd resolve them. Especially as regards having children. Or has he changed his mind recently? Sounds to me like the death of his father has stirred up guilty feelings in him which has turned him back to his religion. He probably "sees" his father watching and judging him. Their religion runs very deep and very strong, and I'm not sure how your desires can hope to compete with this. Generally Muslim men expect their wives to be obedient - something that a lot of us western women would find very difficult. Also something that many western raised Muslim women find hard to deal with. You need to talk (obviously) and consider YOUR happiness (not just his). If it seems that these differences cannot be overcome then there seems little hope for the marriage. For God's sake don't have children before you have things well and truly sorted!
Jools. X
________
BODY SCIENCE (http://bodyscience.ws/)

SarahM

28th December 2005, 02:55 PM

Thanks Jools, your comments are much appreciated. This is based around his father's death but I do think it would have happened at some point.

His family had no problems with us marrying, they are not in the UK but North African, they push religion when I am there and I got to the mosque with my husband's mum when I can because her own daughters won't. They seem to be quite tolerant, but I'm not sure they would be if they thought I was "acting up". My husband came to England in 2001 to study and we met the following year, I wasn't his first girlfriend and he was and is very happy to live the "western" life when he chooses... I have tried my hardest to read and learn about Islam, I'm always asking questions and reading and finding my own answers. Once my husbands training ended he could only return on a Fiancé Visa which meant we had to marry after 6 months, trouble was he came back into the country still not practicing - it was part way through the wedding plans when he asked about a church blessing that he was told the children must be Muslim - If I'm honest, I can't believe he didn't know, but he swears he didn't. It therefore left me 4 weeks to decide what to do. We had always previously been able to sort things so I assumed (stupidly) that we could sort this as well but I honestly don't think we can. We talked to an imam and I was totally blanked in the conversation, I dressed as I should and was respectful but I didn't feel that came back, if I'm truly honest my own C of E Vicar was of no help to me. Sorry I'm ranting again. Just nice to be able to get it off my chest. Thanks again for your posting, it all helps.

Take care

Sarah

Liz

28th December 2005, 04:25 PM

Dear Sarah

Might I suggest you look in our interfaith section (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/interfaith/). There is an organisation that specialises in supporting people in Muslim Christian marriages linked from there, which might be able to help you and would certainly understand the issues that you are facing.

Liz

Lost-Soul

30th December 2005, 04:28 PM

Its very difficult because basically if he has returned to Islam the kids have to be brought up as Muslims thats not negotiable. I have been in Saudi Arabia for the past 7 years and the cultural differences between Muslims and Westerners is frightening. I am agnostic so this is not from a religious point of view but an observation. You will never see a Muslim woman marry a Christian man its not allowed. I have seen a few western girls marry in to Muslim families and in most cases it has worked but the girls have to make the sacrificies, most of them have gone in to the relationship with there eyes open and its worked, but we will see, when the second wife usually the phillipino maid hired to look after the kids gets her claws in to the guy, the first wife get thrown on to the scrap heap. Sorry to answer this in such a cynical manner

Liz

29th January 2006, 07:52 PM

IF you want some advice from those who have experience in this area, have a look at some of the organisations here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/interfaith/).

Liz

Rosalind

19th February 2006, 07:56 PM

Hi,

The Muslim Christian couples group meet in London twice a year, and the next meeting is in March. I can't post the details here, but if you want to know more, you can contact someone either through the www.interfaithmarriage.org.uk site or www.mcmarriage.org.uk

Liz

20th February 2006, 04:56 PM

Thanks for posting, Rosalind.

Liz

SarahM

21st February 2006, 05:10 PM

Alex,

I'm with you all the way, no matter what I do or say it makes no difference, he will always put me on the guilt trip so I back down. My mum has stopped coming for dinner now because he's being so strict. I have to say you should be proud for making 7 years, I honestly don't think we will make 2 - I don't want a divorce I've already been through one but it gets to the point where we need a life too. I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you - its been a bit hectic - sorry again. Always around to kick things about. Thanks everyone for your support, its a comfort to know and I do agree about Mia - its nice to see things from the other point of view.

martin123

26th July 2006, 10:11 AM

Good morning Sarah and all others who have contributed and had thier say. I would like to contribute also but perhaps in a way that many of you will not agree with or even consider.This all boils down to the universal, ongoing problem that the world and it`s human occupants are facing and will continue to face until we all GROW UP. If this wonderful planet, that belongs to us all, is to ever be a place of peace and understanding we must stop pointing our fingers, accusing and believing that what we consider to be the only way to live life has to be forced onto others. If an individual chooses to live thier life a certain way then he or she should not consider those who do not choose to live thier lives the same way as being some how lacking, evil or unacceptable. I, along with many others, are fed up to the back teeth of hearing the obsessive rantings of people (from which ever side of the fence they may be) who believe they are right and everyone else is wrong. Fact! Just turn on your televisions to see the death and destruction that is being caused by those who think this way.
I know that this discussion strarted with Sarah`s plea for advice and help but I think that she is in a no win situation. She is desperatly unhappy and her husband believe`s that his way is the only way- end of story! It is all to easy to say " Well I love my husband so I have top listen to him" or "I love my wife so I will put up with what ever she say`s". At the end of the day we are all individuals and we make choices. If you believe that you have made a mistake then be mature enough to admit it and change it. You don`t have to put up with being unhappy. No one should be forced to accept the unquestionable beliefs of others, who have this obssesion that thier beliefs are right so anything to the contrary is wrong and evil.
These are just my views on the subject Sarah, views which you may or may not agree with but if you want my advice, pack you bags and get out, you have a right to be happy.
I will end my little say by quoting something that has helped me in the past, it is taken from a book about reinventing your life and escaping subjigation.
" Pull back from relationships with people who are too self-centred or selfish to take your needs into account. Avoid one sided relationships. Change or get out of a relationship where you feel trapped or subjigated"

If I had written these words I would have added, " You CAN leave the situation and find a better one that suits YOUR needs, without feeling any form of guilt"

My respect to you all.
Martin

phoebe

22nd September 2006, 06:24 AM

O would just like to say that some marriages can work. Not all muslim men are so self centred. I am christian and have been married to a muslim man for 4 years. He has never asked me to convert to muslim or stopped me doing anything i dont want to do. The only sacrifise I have made is to not eat pork. More out of respect for him. I continue to drink alcohol. We have learned how to work around any difficulties. If I want to go out and drink, he doesnt enjoy it so I go out with my friends. If I drink at home it doesnt bother him. I do ramasan with him - with the exeption that I drink water. He will then join me an my family for christmas. With the issue of children - they will be brought up as muslim and this is a decision I completely go along with. Christians in this day and age dont do nothing. They say very proudly they are christian but what do they do? If I have a chrisis I go to pieces get emotional and dont know how to cope. If he has a chrisis he will go and pray for help and guidance. nothing seems to worry him as God is there and what happens will happen. This has surely got to be a better way of life for my child than the one I had. At 16 I was on anti depressants and by 20 nearly successfully committed suicide. His life is at peace and since I have met him, so has mine. Although I will never convert I have all the respect for his religion. Its just a shame some people believe what they see on TV relates to all muslims.

Rosalind

13th October 2006, 04:31 AM

Franky4: the rule about Muslim women not marrying non-Muslim men is a religious prohibition and it is stated in the Qur'an. It is connected with the idea that the male is the head of the familt and that a non-Muslim husband could prevent his wife from following Isalm; also that the faith of the children could be compromised if their faither didn't folllow Islam.

In the west we can marry across religious boundaries, and find it strange that some countries do not recognise inter-religious marriages as valid. But some countries would require you to convert to Islam if you wanted to marry a Muslim woman. Even when the wife is a Christian and the husband a muslim there can be a lot of pressure for her to convert - it even appears to happen by default in some places.

Helen

19th November 2006, 10:48 AM

Maya,

Have you thought about contacting a refuge and explaining your concerns? I have to admit, I agree with you that your former husband is not the sort of person who is going to be in a position to teach your children tolerance. It is far more likely your son will grow into a carbon copy of his father, will join this Jihad and your daughters will be thoroughly cowed. There does need to be a balance. Your kids do need to know about their Muslim culture but this man is not the person to teach it to them.

There is a site for women fleeing from domestic abuse and for those wanting to protect their children from the harmful influences of their fathers. You can find it here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/ There is a free phone number to ring to talk to someone about your concerns and, if they agree it is essential, they will help you to relocate and make a new life for you and the kids elsewhere.

Do give them a ring. And let us know how it goes, won't you?

Helen

Rosalind

8th January 2007, 10:38 PM

Some of you posting here may find the London-based Muslim-Christian support group useful; they meet twice a year in West London. The next meeting will be in March/early April and the date will be announced on www.interfaithmarriage.org.uk/forum

Rosesrred

22nd February 2007, 08:18 PM

I am married to a Muslim man and i am not having any problems....

I know some men are bad towards their women, but this applies to all faiths....

i have been reading up on Islam and it is a very respectful religion towards women. Men are told to respect their wives, the hijab was invented to prevent women from receiving unwanted male attention.

Women do have a defined role in Islam as mothers and wives but they are also free to work as long as they do not neglect their family (fair enough). The husband is meant to support his wife and Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon Him) was well reknowned for respecting his wife and taking her advice.

Sharia law is a cultural invention and not the word of God.

As part of an inter-faith marriage I would advise always discussing with your husband to be exactly what you both want out of life.

Raymond

10th March 2007, 12:56 PM

Please check everything about it Hannah. What your rights are in the religion etc. etc. I know stories on this sort of thing which are horrific. One girl I know in her sixties has never fully recovered.

Please Please Please Hannah check it out. You could be entering a prison.

I know some Muslims are trying to be reasonable on this site, but there is an awful lot to beware of now before it is too late.

Raymond

Bee

23rd April 2007, 11:34 AM

I have been married to a Muslim now for 14 years and if there is one thing I have learned from this experience its that I often made the mistake and still do sometimes of trying to behave as a "good muslim wife" whatever that is !!!!!

This impression was largely gained from what western observers thought muslim wives were like and about as real obtaining advice about being a good christian wife from observing the lifestyle of some newsworthy cult christian group.

When I first married him there were very few genuine "from his own country" muslim wives to refer to and none that understood English enough to give me an insight. So it was pretty hard to find our what real muslim women were like and how they behaved within marriage and what they expected from their husbands.

Like many before me I nodded and smiled and tried to conform.

What I didn't register with me then was that this society which I was entering was not as it was at home for the men at all.

Imagine this a bunch of men working abroad largely without female influence at all creating their own rules for how a wife or girlfriend should be.

Now whether thats a bunch of Bricklayers from newcastle or a bunch of waiters from Bangladesh, its inevitable that you are going to get phrases that boil down to :- in my country men are allowed to do as they please and women just have to put up with it.

It more or less covers all situations where men merely want their own way and if they are creating their own rules for utopia this IS how they are going to behave if we let them get away with it and has little or nothing to do with religion.

As more genuine muslim wives arrived over the years and my ability to comunicate with them improved I found that far from being these downtrodden beings I expected, they were strong women with firm views and expectations of marriage.

Not least being treated like a treasured and respected human being that far exceeded anything us western women expected from marriage. Whatsmore this fundemental respect and good treatment of women was a basic part of their faith and actually mades it very easy to stay happy in marriage if the man obeys basic rules about keeping his wife happy and cared for.

In christanity we work on the basis that if your a good wife it will make them want to behave, stay with you and be a good husband (er not really working is it)

In Islam as far as I can work out, it all works on the opposite theory that you can't expect a wife to be good and loving unless you treat her with respect and caring first.

So as christians if the husband is being less attentive more demanding and generally badly behaved, We are being good wives if we put our head down and tolorate it in the vague hope that he will see us as being a "good wife that he can't do without". In fact he sees us as a "not really worthy of him" servant and seeks solace with the more interesting woman at work because his wife has become boring and easy to manipulate.

Now muslim wives don't as far as I can see put up with this kind of thing as they have the basics on their side and are much more likely to demand some attention and decent treatment, and what do you know the men step up to the mark as it would be unmanly in their society not to please your wife. Rather than the opposite "wimp" image which seems to be true of your average western man.

I find that my main problem in marriage to a muslim is allowing my christian attitude of turning the other cheek to come to the surface too often, then being unhappy that given the inch he would not be allowed by a muslim wife, he takes a mile.

So whenever I am not happy instead of fretting I try as hard as I can to give him the opportunity of knowing, so that he can put it right. Its hard to overcome my fears of being seen as a nag as would be the western veiw, but in this society its seems more accepted that you need to constantly negociate to keep the marriage on track which is the higher and more treasured aim.

As for bringing up children. Well do you know what, if its that important to him let him take the kids to mosque. As we all know as adults we tend to make up our own minds in the end anyway and its likely that a man who marries out of faith is far from being a fundamentalist. He probably just a bloke trying to get his own way let him win this one and put your foot down over more fundamentalist issues like your daughter choosing whether or not to cover her head when the time comes.

Above all strive to be happy and equal in whatever way works for you together.Its your marriage and nobody else's.

titi

18th May 2007, 12:31 PM

hi , im been married to a muslim man for about 14 years , for the first it was nice ,we get along toghter ,he was religios , but now he is getthing even wores,because 5 monht ago he whent to mecca one of the five pillars,that sappost to do , he is getthing strinct the tv allways on religion programms ,he is tell me that i am going to hell , because i am christian , he tell me that he whants to save me from hell and came muslim , he says that he never suppost married me because i beliave that jesus is the lord , i want to save others , because in the first they go out ,and says that they agree whit other religion ,but if they practice islam everthing chage belive me ,good luck out there

titi

18th May 2007, 01:07 PM

i forget to tell you i dont have kids, so it was even horribol im not joking, and he tells me he wants to save money to go me and him to his country , and i dont want to go ,he tell me that where the hasband go i go ,

titi

21st May 2007, 04:41 PM

hi ,you mr, the trute, your wife christian , she believe that jesus is god,
if so, you ,not soppost you married her because that not a christian from the book ,

titi

21st May 2007, 04:47 PM

right now my husband in trouble because he married me , because i believe that jesus is lord , he never know for 14 year that me not christian from the book ,

titi

21st May 2007, 04:57 PM

hi ,you mr, the trute, your wife christian , she believe that jesus is god,
if so, you ,not soppost you married her because that not a christian from the book ,

titi

4th June 2007, 05:51 PM

please wright messeges in inglish because i dont understand what are you saying i am like you married to a muslim he want to convert me ,

titi

4th June 2007, 05:53 PM

i am christian and i want to stay like that

titi

4th June 2007, 06:05 PM

every where in the world ,is surruded by muslims , they are going to collaps us for sure if the poeple not going to open there eye OPEN !!!!!!!!

titi

5th June 2007, 12:37 PM

im sorry for you rita ,but that a good thing you done, i dont know what im going to do ,to let go somthing im stupid, have you got kid?

titi

6th June 2007, 10:46 AM

mariana , hello hi , please can you wright in inglish , because i dont understand a bit thank , i think this people dont appreciate a thing what we done with them,

MARIANNA

6th June 2007, 03:32 PM

hi titi

I was asking to Alexa how she is doing, because she was depressed, her husband left the house last week, i am worry for her.

And how are you

titi

7th June 2007, 05:05 PM

i am worried because im not married in church , and when i sin i cant confess with the preast, and cant receive holy communion, and im upset with that , i pray for you Alexxa

titi

8th June 2007, 10:05 AM

ALEXXA he devorce you or just left ,

titi

8th June 2007, 10:08 AM

thanks for wrighting in inglish , you Marianna he just left or divorce you,
i think you better stay like that.

titi

8th June 2007, 11:56 AM

Alexxa why he left can i asked you , you got kids?

titi

9th June 2007, 12:11 PM

ALEXXA, my real name is Doris, i wish you from my bottom of my heart a very very rest in your heart , so look at me ,to let go something is very hard for me , so pray a lot for me to dicide what is good , but sometime i says if we going to live like this ,we living both ways in religion , to confort him need to convert to islam but i dont want to , so i think if he tells me to marry a muslim lady , i think is better for him ,and then i leave, he thinks his religion is best and i am goiing to hell,he whants to save me he says , just now he is acthing much better to show me that islam is peace,thats what he say , he says that this war is coming not from the muslims , sow lets pray for each other , bye Alexxa

titi

9th June 2007, 12:18 PM

Marriana , my real name is Doris ,my husband is acthing good , to show me how peace is islam, thats not what i see , we pray for each other , bye Marriana, god bless your family.

titi

10th June 2007, 10:08 AM

hi ALEXXA , thing very hard to stay with him again, i done manny things with him,when i mantion them ,he say what did you done,they dont appriatiat, i dont have kid to and it great because if there even worse, he have his sperm very low , sometimes tell me that because of me we dont have kid because im not muslim and the lord punish us , i love animal and i have a dog he tells me the angels dont come on the roof because of my dog , bye ALEXXA

Alexxa

11th June 2007, 05:42 PM

Titi,

Pray to God to Heal Your Marriage.

IM feeling so so.

Regards
Alexxa

titi

12th June 2007, 11:38 AM

im so happy for you ,Alexxa ,he dont want to leave me any way , please pray for me because im living in a sin for god, he dont care for that ,when i look at him i pity him ,that who i am , but lately is acthing good , i think to show me that islam is peace, bye your friend in jesus name,

titi

12th June 2007, 11:52 AM

hi marianna be care full when you buy the house chat it with someone got experience,because your husband as i know he got half of it , dont say im with him know ,because thing happens,ok god helps you

bye Marianna
and god bless you

titi

16th June 2007, 07:07 AM

hi my friends yesterday we were chat about religion, i about jesus and he about muhammed, and he tell me that jesus is only a prophet and muhammed came to tell the true about jesus,and he make me nervous , and i start teling him about how many wife have muhammed, and making laugh of it , and he tells me to stop but i dont,and he hit me, and then tells me that this time he is going to forgive me , from my inside i said this is my fault that why he hit me, he came from the moscua were they pray,and here is hot and i wear sleeveless all the time he was drinking water and split it under my neck ,i think he is nervous about the way i dress, i dress onest , you guys wear sleevless ? because i allways put the blame on me , bye ALEXXA and MARRIANA

titi

16th June 2007, 07:15 PM

hi my dear friend ALEXXA, you are so wonderfull thank for your word so nice, thats jesus is talking, i wish you the very bestttttt, from my heart onest , you so kind and know what you saying , thanks , how are you doing ? the real name of mine is Doris, please to meet you , im , MALTESE, take care of yourself and we pray for all the world , bye,

dear friend ALEXXA and MARRIANA

titi

18th June 2007, 11:43 AM

hi ALEXXA, i am fine thank ,i am going to live in my own way good thing not bad.,
yesterday i went swimming with my mother and untie,he said ok .he dint want to come because the bikinis so and so,but i went, last summer only twice we go with him, if he doese not like this way is his choice,
bye my friend

titi

26th June 2007, 08:28 PM

hi Alexxa , and marrainna , how are you both, im with you all the way . how are you Alexxa i hope you allright , i like to say and talk to you both ,but i dont know inglish so much my wrighthing is like a kid i dont know how to exspress my self ,but you both with me in my mind , in jesus name amen, marrianna do good things as you are doing and tell him to help you , if he dont want to tell him again , thats what im doing right now ,i used to do everything he wonts help him with everthing and i get nothing back , i used to do everthing to pleased him , sometime i say its for nothing ,so used your mind not your heart, and if he not satisfide with that is his choice, ok your friend i be with you both MARRIANNA ALEXXA ,

titi

5th July 2007, 06:28 PM

hi Alexxa right know im fine thanks i missed you too ,my husband is in his country for visit his family ,im alone with my beauty full pets,im so happy for you,let still pray for each other inclued Marriana bye for know ,keep wrighting god bless the whole world in jesus name amenxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MARIANA

5th July 2007, 11:15 PM

hi alexa, and titi, how u doing

i am doing good, i have 2 days i am resting, because i had much work and now is relax for me,
yes alexxa you are doing good in your prays, i need to do the same thing, once a day i had problem i prayed and i recover myself, congratulations because you put all your efforts to save your life, i really appreciate you and i would like to see your picture one day.
Hi titi happy caring your pet eh, thats very good to listen every body is feeling good, me too, whateaver, we are ok, thanks to jesus

be carefull
best regards

marianna

alpha

23rd July 2007, 11:51 PM

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1aokgal

25th July 2007, 05:34 AM

To Smile...

I think you have never met this person who speak about who is Muslim. You use great care. I do not know your background but there are con men who want to get one thing...no not sex...a US or canadian passport. They will say or do anything to marry a woman to get into these countries.

Many of these scams come with men from NIgeria who are black and pretend they are white south africans. You can hear the accent if you talk to them on the phone. Many women fell for these games and sent a lot of money as these men said they were going to fly here to meet the women but something happened to their funds so they need flight money. Many sent that and more to these crooks.

They have many women they email from chat lines on the internet. One women sent the guy she never met over $3,000 all with a promise his funds were tied up and he wanted to come and meet her and wanted to marry her.she also was broken hearted/. You are playing with fire. You do not know who you talk to on the internet and he may be black or white. YOu are being led down a path as they have a good game plan and do this to many women.

Don't be a dumb bunny ...find a man who you see and know what they are about. Don't go on these internet chat sites as you will be played and taken advantage of there.

raygirl

5th August 2007, 08:29 PM

http://www.quran-islam.org/137.html

This article above makes it rather interesting in how translation can be lost/adapted to suit people...

titi

8th August 2007, 12:09 PM

hi Alexxia how are you , i hope you ok , and you Marriana how are you, he still insist on me to convert, bye for now i pray for you,and now i need the whole world to pray for me,to stay as i am ,xxxxxxxxxx

sonceree

30th August 2007, 06:00 PM

This thread is very interesting to me... some of it actually boggles my mind.

To introduce myself myself first though, I am 29, and I am engaged to a Muslim man from Egypt who is 27. We both live in the US... We will be married very soon and are having a wedding with a Christian minister, as well as an Islamic wedding ceremony.

The overall tone of this forum is sad to me. Most of the women here seem as though the became involved in relationships with their Muslim counterparts, with eyes wide shut! When I started getting to know my fiance I went out of my way to begin reading more about Islam, understanding the traditions, beliefs and especially those of his particular country and region (He is from Egypt). In other words educate yourself before you become too involved; understand him and his perspective.

For those who mention things such as moving him into their home, and one who stated 'he said we didn't have to get married to live together', I am very surprised. Mainly because I know the values of Islam and as his potential spouse you should be willing to uphold at least these particular values; 1) any Muslim man who is willing to have sex with you before marriage and/or live with you will probably not respect you or your relationship in the end 2) if he takes you seriously he should want to marry you before having sex with you and before living with you, this is only the right thing based on his core values if he grew up in an Islamic society. I strongly advise any woman that seriously wants to marry a Muslim man to never have sex with him before marriage, or move him into your home.

Also if you know he is going to eat only halal and you aren't willing to compromise on this then you shouldn't marry him. Some things will be important to take a stand on others won't. For example I don't want to wear a hijab and if my fiance expected me to do this I wouldn't marry him. He doesn't expect me to convert and if he did I wouldn't marry him. Why stay with someone who has demands you don't want to fulfill, this is just asking for conflict in the marriage.

Also I would have never considered marrying him without discussing some of the very important issues of marriage: did he expect me to convert, di he want to have children, how would we teach our children about religion, what country did he expect us to live in, would he respect and observe my holidays/celebrations as I would his, what do we expect from each other as husband and wife...

I don't believe there is anything impossible about a long-distance relationship if the person lives in another city or state etc... What I find so mind boggling is the number of women who are willing to have Internet 'relationships' with men, which in my opinion are not real relationships since they are in cyberspace and don't require the same emotional investment and work from the men involved, and then bring these men to their country to create a real relationship. In the instance of the cyber-romance you don't truly know anything about the person other than what they are telling you, and you make a conscious choice to put faith in their word or not. So for those who feel they have been the victim of fraud or of a con man there is no one really to blame but yourself. Why are you blaming religious differences when it is clear that you should have made a more sound decision than marrying a complete stranger that you met on the Internet and truly knew nothing about?!

titi

31st August 2007, 12:39 PM

hi every one ,if you dont want to change your religion think twice or even more, today is saying everything good and agree with you but, but they change i know for sure, my husband today says even tv film,is not good, he was not like that, when he went to mecca 6 month ago he change alotttttt, always say he is right and i am rong,he thinks that i am mad being a christian the way we believe,you dont realise it how they change ,for 12 year he was ok ,but now he change , every one he met when we go out the chat is on religion , and if the kids come is more worse,i dont have kids ,i thank god for that, think it befor it to late god bless,

Liz1952

1st September 2007, 11:08 PM

I do not have a religion but I believe in God and live my life in a good way avoiding sin. I am in love with my Muslim boyfriend and he loves me very much. We would like to get married but are both very aware that it is a sin for him to marry me because I do not have a religion. I do not want to convert to Islam just to marry him; I feel this would be wrong and hypocritical, if I do this I need to do it because it is the right path for me and when I am ready.

We love each other so much and know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together and have a family. When we decide it is time to have children, I have no problem with them being brought up as Muslims because I respect this religion so much and realise how much good can come from living your life this way.

What can we do?

POLLY

17th September 2007, 11:32 AM

In response to: Sanam1

Hi, I was so interested in reading your message as I feel it the one I can relate to the most – it actually made me feel quite relieved finding this page as it made me realise that I am not alone!! None of my friends have found themselves in such tricky circumstances and as a result they find it difficult to understand the complexity involved.

I am currently engaged to a westanised Muslim man of Egyptian origin. His family live and work in UK also. He is such a fantastic man – kind, loyal, fun, and generous – all his/our friends are of mix of religions and cultures but mostly of Christian, British origin. He went to a Church of England School and is very well educated. He is popular and warm and very loving towards me and my family. We live together (pre marriage) he drinks and we live a completely western life. He prays but not 5 times a day, he does practice Ramadan, he has done his pilgrimage and he is a believer in the religion. It gives him real solace. He does not tell his parents how he lives his life and they do not know that we live together. All this I understand and respect and agreed to before we made that commitment.

I was raised as catholic (I am half Finnish, half Irish) I have an affinity with the church but am not overtly religious. My parents brought me up with a simple moral code - do unto others as you would have them do to you. I love life, I love my family and friends and I am such a lucky person to have such people in my life.

I adore my parents and we are all very close – they are open minded people – a lot of fun and have accepted my partner as part of the family (as long as I am happy) However, they foresee problems and have their concerns.

My partner’s family are extremely religious and believe that Allah should come before anything else in life. They have asked me to convert to which I can not do but as I am a woman of the ‘book’ they will eventually accept me providing I bring our children up Islamically. I find Islam too strict and restrictive and over encompassing. I struggle with the fact that history will be repeated and my children will be torn in life just as my partner was. I can not be a hypocrite and expect my children to only marry within the Muslim faith. I want them to marry who they love and who respects and love them in return and above all not live in fear of rejection by their family. The anxiety I feel keeps me awake at night. The rejection from his family makes me feel in such turmoil and the fact that my partner does not stand up to his parents about our plans for the future makes me very concerned.

My partner originally agreed as a fair compromise to a neutral religious upbringing and for our children to decide when their time is right. He then later changed his mind and said that it was important to him to bring his children up as Muslims and if I could not agree then we would have no choice but to separate. I said I could not agree to that as it was too one sided and that if that is what he needs then he must set me free as I should set him free to find a more ‘compatible’ partner.

He has since changed his mind again and has (verbally and in writing) agreed to a neutral religious upbringing. His inconsistency concerns me and so have asked that we speak to his parents and tell them of our plans. I feel I need this reassurance in order to progress. He keeps fighting that and I fear that he is not being completely honest and is trying to keep all parties involved happy…to me that is not a viable solution.

I am 30 years old. I love him but my primary concerns are that I am going to take on board big problems when my life, as it stands, is without problems… I am concerned my partner will change once we have children and will want to have more of an Islamic presence following the pressures of his family and the unendurable guilt that they put upon him.

I read Sanam’s message and as much as she is in love and they have a lovely son together – she would, in hindsight, not have progressed with the marriage. I am concerned that in a few years down this road I too will have the same regret. I also have concerns that I could lose the man that I am meant to be with?

I need a crystal ball!!

Any advise or further words of wisdom would be very much appreciated.

Thank you…

tippee0

29th September 2007, 03:42 AM

i have 2 beautiful children to a somalian man. he is muslim. my eldist is 6 and my youngest is 7 months. the topic of religion comes up all the time with him. when we first started dating i never saw the muslim part of him. he never showed it to me. but after he ran away from home he lived with my family.

i noticed that he was missing something in his life so i told him to go back home to his family (this i now know was my error- 8 years later ha!)

he then asked me to convert to his religion i thought that he was a mormon or a jerhavah's whitness i never knew there was such a thing as a muslim!

long story short i am where all of you are now, but with kids.

i have learnt by books and others not to get passports or leave the country that you live in.

my next thought is that if your men really loved you they would never have placed you in a bad situation like that.

telling you to convert. when it was them that could see that you were not a muslim, so what was it that they desired about you in the first place?

i was the fact that you were not like him! i know this for a fact.

then when he asked you to convert it was because he knows that his family would not approve of him looking at a non-muslim.

this is why they back track..... this is why they want the children to be muslim. because they fear rejection from their family.

i know this now.

i am still with my musilm man, however....
he thinks that the children might be musilm if he stays with me.

but i wont let this happen and he knows this. if you stay true to who you are then they know where they stand regarding the children and yourself.

DONT FALL VICTOM TO THEM, BE YOUR SELF they wont leave as you are what they wanted in the first place.

YOU HAVE THE UPPER HAND IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!!! NOT THEM.

i celebrate christmas and easter with my family.
can you?

the next question that you should ask them is what would they say if their sister were in that same spot. they wouldnt want them to change their religion now would they?

Fatimah

18th November 2007, 08:41 PM

I became muslim 4 years ago, because it felt right to do it. Some months later when I was living in London, and ways from my family, I met a Pakistani muslim, he was 11years younger. A year later we married. I thought it was a marriage that would be great. I always had my suspicions about him, and last year he went home to get his visa, as here would have been impossible. He wasalready a failed asylum seeker. He should have been gone 3 months but was gone six months instead. He returned Christmas Eve . On Boxing Day I asked him outright if he had another wife. And of course he did. He was already married to her, but hadnt seen her or his family because of his status in the UK. We separated in May, as I asked for this, but I have tried to reconcile. Still it has not happened. I moved from London in August to be nearer my family again, and he has occasionally visited. He went back to Pakistan 6 weeks ago. He says when he comes back we will be together again. He does not contact me as often as he should, and if he loves me as much as he says, then he would try harder. I am in the process of dropping my support with his visa. I only have to fax it off to the British Embassy in Pakistan now. I love him very much, but its made me so ill. I dont want to give up on him, but I feel I'm just another statistic in a 'meal ticket' marriage. Any advice please. I'm almost past the stage of our 'marriage made in heaven' I see it more as me having to survive on my own. I just need some opinions please. Thanks

Rosalind

21st December 2007, 08:54 PM

Hi, Brandi

Click on the marriage clinic and then look at Interfaith Relationships; you will find details of our network and you can also download our resource pack for interfaith couples. If you are in the UK you may be interested in the London group of Muslim/Christian couples - the next meeting is March or April. It's a small and friendly group, children welcome too.

sarih

2nd January 2008, 10:29 AM

Salaam to all brothers and sisters and peace be with you all
Firstly i would like to say i feel very sorry for all your christian sisters on the way you have been mistreated by your so muslim husbands.
In islam the teaching is that we are allowed to marry chaste women of the book
(christianity and jew) also we are taught to even be allowed to marry we must be willing to look after our wives financially and emotionally for women are held in hgih esteem and men are the protectors and maintenrs of women notice to protect and maintan does not mean to be superior to.
in marrying a christian there is a law..the children must be raised as muslims however this does not mean u can disregard the wives religion u must allow her room and freedom to practise. One should also not be too demanding of the wife and should truly love her and should only teach islam by example and not ask her to convert and be a hypocrite.
inshAhalla god willing the two may have a very harmonious marriage and live happily.
sisters i ask of you to think is it islam thats causing the problems or is ur husband using islam as an excuse of rbeing a bad husband.
This is because in islam we cherish our wives and love aand appreictae them for all there work. All of you as ive read make alot of sacrifices and deserve to be loved for that.

Allah knows best
thankyou

Hi,

I am new to this forum and was drawn to this as I also face a similar situation. I am a Christian girl married to a Muslim guy. As per our previous discussions prior and within our marriage, we have both decided to let our future children exercise their freedom to choose what religion they will want to follow. However, what I have learned through this thread bothered me a lot-- that kids in this type of marriage have to all follow the religion of their father and that in cases of divorce, the children will have to stay with their father. I know a source was quoted around page 4 of this thread but my husband and i are wondering where exactly in the Q'uran this law came from.

Many thanks in advance!

Lateria

3rd January 2008, 09:54 PM

Hello Everyone!
First let me introduce myself. Im a 21 year old african american Christian female and Im engaged to a black Muslim man. I've been doing my research on weedings and things when I came across this site. I have read all of the passages posted before mine of peoples opinions and everything so I now find my self confused. One things for certain is that I love My Fiance' and he definitly loves me. We've been together for two years and no matter what forces have been thrown our way, we remain best friends before anything, he doesn't judge me and I dont judge him. I have been ridiculed by most of his family one because Im considered a "non-believer" to them and second because Im a professional model. All that I ask was to be looked at as a person, a person who has morals and standards with goals attached. Im nnot a super saint, but I do live by whats wrong and whats right, whats makes me happy and consider what makes others sad. I believe in GOD the creator of all things and many people of all religions try to put a face on him and out to be what works best for them. I do believe that man wrote the Bible based on their own opinion and partly Gods rule. One thing that I do agree upon in this scientific explanation muslim book ( forgive me for not remembering the name but its true) is the theory's of evolution and the first organisms and the galaxy and things of that nature. You cant cover what has been discovered. We often have constructive dabates and we agree to learn from each other and pick and choose whats right in our eyes. I figure if he can love me for me than why cant his family. maybe in the past days, arranged marriages and interacial and reliogous datings were prohibited, then maybe we wouldnt be together, but in todays time, more people should concentrate on living right and living for love. Not saying that practicing religion is wrong or should be forgotten.
I guess many people are questioning whether or not he has asked me to convert: my answer is, Ive been raised in a household of on again off again christians and baptists, I have never really read the whole Bible, neither have I done me research fully on other religions either. Iv done more research on the Muslin religion and in the Quaran than any other, more so I can have a better understanding of why my fiance is the way he is and WhyI love him the way that I do. I know in the muslim community, Women who convert on the strength of marrying a muslim man is frowned upon more than a non believer because it isnt done whole heartedly. So I have committed myself to learning more than anything and I feel once I get older and maturer, If i feel a certain wayto go , then Ill do so and he respects that. We've never had sex nore have we ever broken our commitment to each other. All we really have is each other to depend on in this world. We do for each other and we are each others backbones. I may sound ignorant tho those that are very strict on the separation but I would have everlasting love that only a fraction of people ever experience, than to miss out becuase were not the same religion. I am open to discussion though if someone feels that theres something I need to know.

ange1babez

17th January 2008, 11:59 PM

Greetings,

I have done quite a bit of research before (luckily) stumbling onto this thread. I have a great respect for the opinions here, which is why I am posting at all to begin with. I am impressed to put in writing the situation I am about to become immersed in, simply because it is difficult or impossible to achieve the kind of clarity and insight a stranger would have. I am 24 years old. I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist (non practicing, but believe all the core values of the faith). I am marrying an 18 year old non-practicing (for now) Muslim from Morocco. We have been seeing each other for a year, though in the beginning it was nothing more than a pleasant diversion (physical relationship). As the months went by, we both grew more and more attached to each other, to the point where he was practically living with me. We did everything together, and I knew he cared for me a great deal. I also knew that he needed a green card to stay in the US, which is where I come in. I am not like most females - I realized where he was, what he wanted out of life, and why he couldn't achieve the kind of goals (educationally and otherwise) he had if he stayed in Morocco. I also realized as time went by how much I loved him, and that even if it wasn't something we would necessarily do immediately if it weren't a necessity - that I would marry him. I knew that even if things didn't work out between us, he would still be able to do what he needed to do - and I was willing to give that to him because I was able. However, I have always had a problem with our age difference, and the fact that he is much younger and more inexperienced than I am. Perhaps he really is in love with me. Sometimes I have a hard time giving him any credit - how much could he possibly understand about the risks we are taking with our lives? What if we don't love each other later on down the road? How will it be if we both want to practice our religions again (currently we are quite young and still into the party stages of out lives), and god forbid - have children? What if he grows up and realizes I am the last person he would ever want to be with, and I am actually still in love with him? Or what if it is me who is dissatisfied with him and want to move on? I am so scared that the love we have for each other will be destroyed by religious backgrounds, age, and changes that occur during life stages that we may/may not have control over. He is a good man - a good person. Yes - he is Muslim, a tad controlling, jealous at times, ferocious temper when truly provoked but he is also kind, generous, humorous, understanding, romantic, care-giving, nurturing, and my best friend. I don't think he could be with a woman who didn't stand up to him, challenge him, and push him. Any timid woman wouldn't be able to withstand a strong-willed man like him I would imagine. He says he will probably go back to more religious ways later in life. I will probably do the same. Are we to have out and out war? We both have such volatile personalties that I'm afraid it might come to that. I am also afraid of him changing into a person I don't know - permanently through his religion, his maturational process, etc. I have done enough research to know how difficult interracial ( I am as white as they come), interfaith mixed marraiges are. But the less cynical, more in love part of me says to give it a chance, if I walk out on him I may never have the opportunity to be with someone as amazing as he is. A large part of me also tells me to be afraid, to be cautious, to tread lightly, as I am gambling with my future, my happiness, and my entire life. Its like my heart is at war with itself - one part pointing out all the things he has said and done to make my life easier, happier, how he has stood up for me and been there for me when everything else was dark, then the other part pointing out all the things that could go wrong, how miserable I could be, how much of a mistake I could be making. Do I sound redundant? Probably because this has all been in my head for far too long. I have told him I want a premarital assessment. He has no argument there. But is it enough? I have my eyes wide open, and I am blinking in the harsh reality of what I am about to do. When I agreed to marry him, I felt happy - like someone who is getting married should be. Then the shadows of doubt emerged and like the rainclouds on a stormy day, refuse to go away. Yes, I love him. I truly believe he loves me as well. But is it enough? Will it ever be enough for us to be truly happy with all the obstacles we face in our lives? I have seen enough divorce, enough unhappiness to last me a lifetime. The last thing I want to do is sign up for that. I suppose the point of this post is to ask for insight, for wisdom, for any response to this at all.

Frank Lucas

23rd January 2008, 04:16 PM

i had a dream.....20%

Nathalie

1st February 2008, 12:39 PM

amekki

27th April 2008, 08:06 AM

I understand your problem. I married a muslim man 8 years ago. I was a christian but I said the Shahada and tried to live according to Islamic life. There were so many rules that it became hard for me. My husband wanted me to pray with him, but then he didn't. He wanted me to wear my hidjab when I was not with him, but not wear it if I was with him. He knew all about me before we married but he constantly brings up wanting children (I am unable to), treats my family very badly, makes me pay at least 3/4 of the bills, calls me names, ect. I felt like this was not a religion I could agree with after awhile of being tortured and treated poorly, so I went back to my christian faith. He continues to taunt me and call me a gin or evil spirit, sorceress and has spit in my face many times. I am currently filing for a divorce I cannot take the abuse anymore. With children it is very difficult because the husband has the rights to delegate the religion and also to take the sons if you seperate. Be very careful about going to another country with him.

Showshannah

3rd May 2008, 12:19 PM

Hi,

This is my first post here. This question, is particularly for Christian wives who have endured varying levels of abuse...

Has any of you taken the counselling route prior to divorcing? Or just divorced? How have you reconciled this with your faith? Has anyone received or know of anywhere online where I can privately contact them for advice, before making such a big decision?

I'm at this cross-roads too. I've been advised by an online advisor to divorce but since I've relied on my faith during the marriage I do not want to go against my beliefs which officially turns its nose up at divorce. I am fed up with having to lead an almost double life - one when I'm with him and one when I am with my friends and family. Because of what I've been through I do not now believe that we worship the same God. I'm not sure if I should share that with him because I am afraid of his reaction.

Showshannah

29th May 2008, 04:37 PM

Hello, does anyone have any advice for a Muslim woman and a Catholic man who wishes to marry?

How strict a Muslim are you? How strict a Catholic is he? Would you or he be happy to go to each other's places of worship? How comfortable are you about the prospect of you guys starting a family? (sorry so personal). If your then husband insists that the kids were to be Christened in a Catholic church, how would you feel? How would he feel about the fact that your kids should be raised Muslim? How do your family feel about the prospect of you marrying a non-Muslim? How does his family feel?

I realise that right now such questions may not seem pertinent but if there is even a drop of doubt, I'd take your time and talk through such scenerios before getting married.

Even in same faith marriages there is a continual period of adjustment and getting use to each other. Add also to this inter-faith values and you'll see that it is not a thing to be lightly entered into.

Penelope

18th June 2008, 09:46 PM

Girlfriend,
maybe this too late to be replying to your 2005 cry for help. Girlfriend, wachu needed to do and do fast, was to cry out to Jesus, you needed to call on Jesus.
You needed to shout Jeeeeesus come save me. I have a muslim boyfriend. And i'm now in another country for studies for a few weeks. But while i'm here i've been washing that man off my skin and hair and trying to wash him off. Cos no matter how much he loves me, he is still muslim, and that means he believes Jesus aint a son of God, God dont be sleeping around with women, God is Grrrreat, how can He have a son like humans? And u know what girl? Dont be giving up the faith of ur fathers for some loser who wanna marry u for some papers! Wachu look like? Ugly? I'm sure u aint ugly! If u can cry out to Jesus to save you in that marriage, cos once u're in it's a lot of work to come out. You gotta cry out to Jesus to save your marriage now and save your husband.
U know my muslim boyfriend, he loves me so much, and i also began to love him. But something woke up in me one day at church and i realised i'm been led astray. how could i get myself into this... he belivs in polygamy n alah whom i dont trust at all! But i do care abt my boyfriend, but the thing is, he comes packaged with the spirits of islam, i can trust my boyfriend, but i aint gonna trust those spirits! No way! U know once u're at some really toigh point...it's hard to get out. Even if u aint married to him. Just if u slept with him. Then there's a bond that has to be broken. there's 2 hearts that have to be broken. then there's need for emotional healing and stuff. It aint easy! But it's allowed i guess, we aint married yet.
But marriage is something else girl. Sacred! And if u have kids now. U gotta be careful. their hearts are more fragile.
U know i dont wanna sound like a muslim hater here, i aint, i love muslim people, it's the spirit of muslim i dont trust! And i never will, no matter what u tell me!
I've seen my own sister and my own aunt go thru very irritating muslim husbands.
So i'm gonna learn from them n run away...!
Ever had the song RUN BABY RUN by Jason Upton?
I just wanna say to u my Christian sister, sarah, these people are not like us. And there are many muslim women for them to marry. So there was no need for you to marry him! Come on now!
Read 2Cor 6: 14 and ask a Christian pastor really bathing in the Holy Spirit to explain to u what that mean. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers! Come on, even their profet mohamed said they sould read the Bible. If u dont have one, visit a library, buy one. whichever works for u my sister.
What the muslims are trying to do is get more believers! thats why they like to marry Christians. Dont be fooled by all this muslim thing, it's not just a practice, it is antiChrist, what u have believed for generations back to Jacob! Comeon now, the God of Jakob is not the allah they believe. So he's gonna mess you up. The 2 of you, u and ur mate, live in a house with 2 differemt spirits, that of the true God and that of allah. Ofcoursse they'll fight, ofcourse there'll be no harmony! No good marriage! Unless i dont know what.
hear me out girl, u gotta really pray. I mean fast, cry, use salt, write to Morris Cerullo, i dont know what else. otherwise ur kids just let him give them those Asha and Ahmed names while you secretly pray and fast that ONE DAY, ur kids will be saved and be names Ann and Aaron or something like that. Your name is Sarah, that means you're meant to be a woman of faith. oh come on, a name isnt just a name! Come on now, read Hebrews 11.
That's what i leave u with.
Remember now that u have had sex with ur muslim partner, u have become one flesh, and marriage is sacred. so dont be thinking of gettin out of it now! it's sealed. read 1Cor 7. You as a Christian are not to leave your partner!
You should stay thru thick and thin now. But you must pray that ONE DAY, the true God will be known in the hearts of your beloveds.
Okay, been talking long. Actually, i leave you with 1Cor 13 the chapter of love.
Keep loving your husband.
As for me, the Lord will show me my way. i aint married to my muslim boyfriend yet. But he already telling me my name should be Jamilah. But no, my name will stay Penelope and i will stay a lover of Jesus Christ, Son of God. And muslims gotta understand Son means something spiritual here. U aint gonna believe this new Darwin yeah, Dawkins, and be all atheist now and think thta's gonna solve ur problems. dawkins himself got problems like hell!
I aint even gonna talk more.
Goodluck Sarah, may our Lord be with you and your family.
peace & love,
penelope

bourri

19th June 2008, 08:19 PM

Hi
You know Sarah the problem is in your husband himself he needs to learn Islam. The only major difference between the two faiths is the Concept of Jesus Christ (Peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) and other minor things that you could both discuss like drinking alcohol and how is that gonna effect the children in the future.?
I can't see eating Halal meat could make anyone's life miserable I do suggest that you learn about Islam from Trusted sources. There have been recently a lot of scientific researches about Halal meat and prooved it is healthier than the other meat for a simple reason coz the islamic way of animal sacrifice is more efficient as a lot of the animal blood is not kept inside the animal and as we all know blood could carry a lot of the diseases....but that is not the subject at the moment I do suggest that you both sit down put your point of views across he needs to find out about Islam more and you as well because your husband is a muslim and don't look for the differences between you both but instead try to look for what bring you together. I recommand you go to some genuine islamic website. I will give you some if you want.
If you choose to stick to your belief your husband has to respect that as it is mentioned in the Holy Koran.As it says in chapter Baqarah verses 256 : There is no compulsion in religion. The right direction is henceforth distinct from error. And he who rejecteth false deities and believeth in Allah hath grasped a firm handhold which will never break. Allah is Hearer, Knower. (256)

I hope this will help and you both settle down

Showshannah

20th June 2008, 06:48 PM

As a practicing Christian and also one who is married to a Muslim I would strongly caution a Christian woman from marrying a Muslim man. The essential reasons comes from 2 Cor 6:14, 1 Peter 3:1 (the fact that we must submit to our unbelieving husband i.e. he has the final say to keep the house harmonious), and 1 Cor 7:13 (we cannot divorce if the husband is happy with our conduct but we're unhappy with theirs).

The two faiths are not both equal and correct - only one way is the truth. So if we believe that Christianity or Salvation comes only through Jesus why would we want to be yoked with someone who believes the polar opposite? I'm not addressing those like myself who have made the mistake of marrying or who know this only after we've married but to those who still are only dating. Please do not take the next step and marry.

When you have kids - and bearing in mind that Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life - will you be comfortable knowing that your children will have to learn about Islam and possibly revert to it.......so that on Messiah's return they end up in hell for rejecting Christ?

If you love your husband - and bearing in mind that he has got an obligation under Islam to make every effort to raise his children as Muslim to the point of removing them from you if you resist - how would you feel if your child wants to take part in a Nativity play but you have to make a choice between arguing with your husband or watching your child cry because they're the only ones in their class to not take part?

What happens when you have kids and your husband forbids you from taking the children to church??? You have to obey him or else be against our faith.

What happens when he annouces that he is going to have another wife? Sha'riah law still permits him to do this even if his first wife disagrees because as head of the household the final say lies with him.

*sighs* I was backslidden when I married my husband and though I love him, I really cannot support the union between our two faiths. He follows Islam by the book and it is burdensome for a Christian to exist like that, knowing full well that we are free in Christ.

Trust the Lord to find you a Christian husband who will love you as he loves his own body Eph 5:28

Showshannah

16th July 2008, 06:52 PM

Hi, I've been reading this thread with interest, wish I'd seen it years ago.

I would really appreciate some advice.
I've Christian (not practicing) and have been married to an Egyptian Muslim for quite a few years.
He used to practice in the early days but hasn't now for at least 5 years, we have a daughter and a son who he wants to have circumcised (our son) but I don't, he is threatening to do it without my consent, does anyone know what the legal situation is here?
Also I'm trying to work out what sort of marriage we have as far as I know as we married in the Egyptian embassy in saudi arabia it is a civil marriage, we never had any other ceremony so am I right in saying that we didn't have a religious marriage so does that mean my rights change?

Hi Jen,

I'm sorry to witness your situation (praying for you). I'm thinking that your first port of call might be the local citizens advice bureau for the marrital rights with your marriage certificate. My initially feelings is that it might be the same as a civil ceremony over here (UK)

Also we live in the UK and both children (age 2 and 5) were born here if we split who has stronger rights re: custody of the children?
If your husband has right of stay/citizenship in the UK, then according to UK law I think it's swayed towards the mother still. If he hasn't yet got right of stay then you're in a better position. Either way please be very careful in terms of any indication of your immediate intentions (both online and offline). If you make the decision to separate and he is able to take the children into any Islamic country it will be harder for you to get them back.

It's a tough one for the little boy and your husband's wish to circumcise the son, has he said why he now wishes to do it?

Sorry I'm not more help but be rest assured that you and your family will be lifted up in prayer. (hugs)

Showshannah

19th July 2008, 10:02 AM

Hi

I have met a man from morrocco. We are now both living in the UK and we are engaged to be married next month.

I am a Christian and he is a muslim. He doesnt pray but he fasts, doesnt eat pork etc. I read the Bible as much as possible but I dont go to church as much as I wish unfortunately.
Lately, he has been trying to convince me to "see the truth" and convert to islam. He has sent his friends wives to be to teach me about islam and I just cant stand it. I am scared that he starts practising his religion again and starts preaching about islam in our house everyday and raises our future kids as muslims etc etc

The views he has on Christians are horrific!!

Shall I leave him or what shall I do?

I would really love some asnwer from people in my situation.

I dont know what to do!! :(

Regards

Rima

Blessings to you Rima,

As mentioned earlier, I would urge you to cut your losses and go now before marriage and before any children. I've emboldened the areas of your post which concern me because this was the same process I went through but ignored. Like you I was not practicing my faith and so was ignorant of what the Bible states on such unions. Please don't go through what many of us here (who are already married) are going through. Your walk and his walk will invariably change as you grow older - don't risk the prospect of him going more stricter in his faith.

Trust the Lord to heal the fact that in spite of still loving him you have to go but face the reality that it tends to be a very difficult road should you go ahead and marry.

Big hugs to you!

kazlau

17th August 2008, 11:11 PM

me2

22nd August 2008, 06:21 PM

i read ur post Sarah and i would want to know how u solved ur problem.....Its been 3 yrs since then, and i accidentaly found ur post whn i tried to find a site regarding muslim-christian marriage/relationship. It really gave me chills reading it...because my relationship with the muslim i love is "young" in the sense that its been almost 3 yrs since i know him and since we communicate ,only once having the possibility to c each other in real.And he is not so religious, he misses some pray and he is not quite proud of his relathionship with God,bt he is hoping to change that for the future. Bt he deosnt drink nor smoke ....I fear alot also, because ultimately he will change for being more religious and this can jepardise our relationship.It barely survived these 3 yrs because at far distance its very hard to maintain it fresh.Especially if other problems like not receving the visa to c me come along...we do not have financial possibility to reunite...and now we are hoping for a miracle....for something to happen so we can c each other again. His parents barely know abt me because of the letters i have sent to him in the past time.....mine knows abt him and makes my life a hell everytime she has the occassion (ive jst a single parent who raised me) because shes coming up with ideas and reasons that are not always real ...basically she told me not to think i can hav a future with this man because too many things separate us ,starting with the most important....religion.I feel very frustrated...because of that....and at the same time my fear grows more and more....I am living in Europe, he lives in North of Africa....and i cant even go to c him. Its devastating to b stuck and wait.I often didnt have anyone to whoom to share my exprience...and i often found myself crying due to this. Thats why reading ur post, gave me chills over my back...i fear to live what u go trough........and at the same time i do not have the strenght to quit and turn my back....

kind regards sarah,i know u wont b replying its been way too long since u posted

me2

23rd August 2008, 09:27 PM

for Rima:
im more or less close to ur experience although the one i love doesnt live with me ,hes in fact very far.But i am thinking abt the possibility of marrying him and although we didnt live 24 from 24hrs together its hard to advice u.Im also scared that he will change into someone that will not only make me hate him but who knows mayb worse,because i have invested time and feelings in this relationship...mayb as he did, but from our past missunderstandings i got to the conclusion that its somehow easier for him to leave me aside that it is for me. Yet i dont find the strenght to say goodbye.I dont even get any kind of support or advice or positive thought regarding my relationship,as all that know me say i should have not get involved in the 1st place.I understand u.....From what u said there,u seem preety scared...and thats not the way a future wife should feel jst b4 her marriage. An advice would b to leave him, as much as it hurts and as much as u feel u cant continue ur life if he is not with u. So far, mine was hoping for me to convert....whn we had an honest talk and i clearly told him i will never do that...and he has accepted it.....I also didnt like that in our chats he used to say that his religion is the best of all...the most correct,the most and most and most. There is a long time since we approached this subject,i guess because of an eventual fight which we both wanted to avoid. But at least now after almost 3 yrs he doesnt ask me to convert anymore...but that doesnt mean he wont try it b4 marriage -if we will get to that point. So the ground i walk on is nt as safe as i would like. Its very risky....
Hav u discussed with urs b4 setting the date for ur marriage,abt how ur lifes are going to b, abt religion,work and other detailes as such? so wat if he became more religious now...that deosnt mean he has to force u into it....remaind him that u can keep ur own religion
Its so so scary what i read in these posts (i didnt manage to read them all ,but hopefully i will ) because like 1% of all who wrote talk abt being happy family after thy got married.

Showshannah

25th August 2008, 08:25 AM

He has started practising islam lately and well he is kinda rude to me... I feel like im less worthy in his eyes as I am a "kafir". Will my kids be muslim?? I dont want them to go to hell, I want them to see the love of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Sorry, Im just upset.

Please anyone in my situation, reply.

Sarah
Sarah,

I'm sorry I missed your post before. Your husband is going through a stage where he is beginning to read into his belief. In my case this occurred about 3 years into my marriage. It's like a knee jerk response in that he'll have realised that according to the stricter elements of his belief he should not have married a "Westernised Christian" but a "person of the Book" i.e. a Christian woman who wears a scarf on her head, who doesn't drink, and who basically lives within the Holy Land still (check out the hadeeths on islamqa.com). In terms of this, point this out to him and mention that he can actually divorce you if he so wishes if you are that "bad". He is still obliged to treat you with respect in his belief.

2) He has no right to call you a "kafir" which is a derogatory term, the English equivalent is "low down heathen". You are a daughter of the Most High, a child of God. Tell him that according to his beliefs you are just a non Muslim, nothing else.

3) According to his belief, any children you have must be raised Muslim and he is allowed to force the issue if necessary. In reality, your children are sanctified by you (as is your husband) (1 Cor 7:14) and they are not destined to hell - you do need to be in a position to be able to educate them about Christ throughout their life, though and from personal experience this is a difficult road. If you have any children, continually pray over them, they will see the Love of Christ in you by what you do and how you react to things. In the car talk about Jesus' parables or stories about how Jesus interacted with little children. Talk the love at every opportunity. We are bound though in terms of the harmony of the home to respect the husband's wishes and this will mean that you won't be able to talk openly about your faith in the home.

In an Ephesians 6:10-18, you will feel a greater sense of pressure whilst at home but know the truth that our Lord promised us that He will never leave you nor forsake you, know that you are dearly loved by the Lord and know that all of us here are keeping you in our prayers *HUGS*

Showshannah

25th August 2008, 08:36 AM

I read your post with some horror. My 23year old daughter (half chinese and christian educated) has been dating a muslim boy for nearly 4 years. His family do not know she exists. I allow him into our home as I do not want to alienate my daughter and feel that as I married a Chinese man I have very little right to say anything against mixed marriages. However, in truth, mixed marriage is a different kettle of fish to mixed faith marriage. He has started to talk about her converting to islam and how that would make everything ok with his family as she would no longer be Chinese but a Muslim. How can this be acceptable to my daughter - it would be removing her entire identity. I have instilled pride into all of my children about their mixed heritage and feel that they have a lot to offer the world and here is a man who would wipe all of that out just to have his parents accept her.
He treats her very badly, belittling her and telling her that she is fat etc. I believe that he does this to take her confidence from her so that she feels that she is lucky to have him.

What should I do as a mother? Does anyone else recognise his behaviour traits? I love my daughter and despair that she may go along with his demands and have a life that I do not want for her.
Hi Kazlau,

Bring your daughter to this site (if she has internet access) and encourage her to talk with those of us in an inter-faith marriage. Above all else pray for her. His attitude towards her is very typical and controlling/abusive in nature. Even outside our beliefs the relationship does not sound healthy.

In his belief he is right in that your daughter must revert to Islam to marry - that would be his ideal situation, even though they are permitted to marry a "Person of the Book" which in some circles is construed as a Christian/Jewish woman.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Showshannah

25th August 2008, 08:47 AM

I have been married to a North african man for eight years, no children. In this time he has changed from being easy going social person into someone that will not come to family gatherings with me, telling me to cut down on the make-up i wear (not much) what type of clothes to wear, not to listen to music or go to any concerts, the latest is not to shake a man's hand! This is all driving me to distraction, don't know what to do, what can the future hold?I feel
compromised in every part of my life, I would say that 70% of the time I am upset and thinking about the future.

Gill, I truly truly feel for you. Your post speaks volumes to me in terms of how I felt a few years back. The experience nearly finished me off. The flashback on reading your post moved me to tears.

Back then the only thing I did to strengthen me was to return fully to my faith and to remind myself just who I am in Christ (hence my signature below). I began to look at my obligations as a Christian and what I found was that I began to say, "Great, duly noted but IF I revert to Islam then I'll know what to do but for now I'm a Christian". For example with music he cannot forbid you from listening to Christian music because of Psalm 150.

Take a stand (i.e. feel free to practice your faith), if you can but in kindness, respect and love. If you are able, let him know how you feel. Remind him about how according to Islam, "there is no compulsion" but by his own acts you can't see that right now.

Sis, be assured to know that the Lord is continually there for you, remain close to the Lord.

God bless you!

Showshannah

me2

26th August 2008, 04:04 PM

Hi. Can you advise me,because i m so mixed.I met one boy in chatting-i the beginning we were just friends,but now..everything is different.We love eachother and the problem is that i m christian and he is muslim.For him-its np,but for me-its problem-this is against christian religion to get marriage with some person who is not christian too.I dnt know what to do-i love hime and he love me too. We were talked about this a lot of times and every time he said me that he is ready to live with me without marriage and so on-but i dnt want it.My familly is against this relationship.He live in Africa and for me-i live in Europe,but there is one big possibility to see eachother soon and i dnt know what to do.I have one friend,who has husband-muslim and she is christian-she told me to not accept my friend as husband,because this will be the biggest mistake of my life.She told me about her husbad thay he became changed after their marriage-he doesnt let her to go in church and so on...i m really so mixed what to do.I cry a lot of times,because of this...
pls tell me what you think about it

Hello smille, please if u come here again , i would like to talk to u because i am in the same same situation as u are....jst leave a comment or something to "me2" and i will check the forum for any answer. ok? i need to talk to u in private if it possible. thank you.

Showshannah

12th September 2008, 06:23 PM

Hi i am a latin girl before i posted my case, but now i have to say more, i have been married for almost 5 years to pakistani guy, we have twins 3 years old, at the beginning he agreed to raise them in a christian faith, but 1 month ago he visited his family and he became religious and wanted to live in his moms house in USA, and last night my babies and me we were praying and he interruped us with his pray words, and he told me my babies will be muslim because they have his blood and he will take my one baby with him if we divorce, now i am afraid i dont know how to solve this situation.

We have already many cultural, misunderstanding problems and this is a new one and the most difficult for me.

I will glad you showshannah some advises
thank you
*big hugs to mariana*
I'm so sorry to read the situation you're in. What you must take care to do is not to push him to the point to where he leaves the country with one of the children or arranges for one of his family members to leave with them. Alas, until greater options arise it may be better to comply to his wishes.....to a point. Do you take the children out for walks? You can give thanks to the Lord for all the beautiful animals the twins will see. If you go shopping with just the kids, you can have them give thanks to the Lord for the little treats they may get whilst out with just you. But while at home, if he insists that they have to be shown to do their prayers you'll have to comply (but silently pray over your children as they partake).

Are you a US citizen? Also is he a US citizen? If you are see if you can clarify where you stand in terms of custody rights of the children. If you're a US citizen and he isn't you may have more rights to both children in order for them to remain in the States.

May the Lord encourage you during this time.

God bless you!
Showshannah

Rosalind

18th September 2008, 12:32 AM

Hi, I've been reading this thread with interest, wish I'd seen it years ago.

I would really appreciate some advice.
I've Christian (not practicing) and have been married to an Egyptian Muslim for quite a few years.
He used to practice in the early days but hasn't now for at least 5 years, we have a daughter and a son who he wants to have circumcised (our son) but I don't, he is threatening to do it without my consent, does anyone know what the legal situation is here?
Also I'm trying to work out what sort of marriage we have as far as I know as we married in the Egyptian embassy in saudi arabia it is a civil marriage, we never had any other ceremony so am I right in saying that we didn't have a religious marriage so does that mean my rights change?

Also we live in the UK and both children (age 2 and 5) were born here if we split who has stronger rights re: custody of the children? I should add that although they are Muslim on paper my husband has never ever in any shape or form tried to teach them anything about Islam, (the thing that concerns him most is that they don't eat pork)
Sorry this is a bit confusing I'm a bit upset at the moment

Thank you in advance
Jen
I just noticed your post and will add my opinions.

I don't think a reliable circumciser would carry out the procedure with the opposition of a parent. There's a bit about religious circumcision here http://www.interfaithmarriage.org.uk/children_birthcelebrations.html in case you do decide to allow it - in which case you can make sure it is done by someone you approve.

If you split up the UK courts would prioritise the childrens interest rather than the rights of either parent. However, in some countries custody is generally awarded to the father and once children have been taken to a place where the father has final say in the upbringing of his children, it can be very difficult to get them back. You shoulld bear this in mind if any trips are planned to see family, etc.

you can download a free copy of the Resource Pack produced for mixed couples through the 2-in-2-1 marriage clinic interfaith section or on
http://www.interfaithmarriage.org.uk/resource_packs/Resourcepack.pdf
while it doesn't have all the answers for your particular situation it may help you find out about some of the help available

Showshannah

21st September 2008, 09:00 AM

Hi Showshannah,

Really I Apreciate Your Nices Advices, I Married In Pakistan, I Live In Mexico And My Twins Were Born In Usa, Its A Big Mix, I Am In My Country But Still Very Afraid For What To Be Happen, He Treatens Me Too Much And I Look Strong But I Am Becoming Sick, I Am 31 Years Old, But My Head Is Bloasting, I Need More Power For My Babies, But Now I Read Your Comments And Thank You, I Feel Better.
I Bring My Babies To Church Watheaver I Can And They Like So Much, They Repeat The Prays, They Remember What They Listen At The Church When They Are At Home, And Really They Would Like To Listen What The Lord Have Done For Us.
I Hope To Find They Good Way,

God Bless You, And All Of The Women In This Situation
Blessings to you Mariana,

While you are still in Mexico, seek the advice of your priest/vicar/minister and any women's help group against abuse. I can see now why he would want to live with his family in the US. See what you can find out in Mexico.

The Lord is so compassionate during these difficult times and I remember drawing comfort from His Holy Spirit when I lived away from my family. Know that He has you and your twins in the palm of His Hands and that His countenance on over you. *hugs*

Will continue to pray for your strength, sister.

God bless you!

FADEDROSE

15th October 2008, 04:04 AM

I forgot to add before if anyone checks this please feel free to email me at lovedinzecrecy@hotmail.com with any advice. Thanks

God Bless
Alaiikum'a Salaam

Showshannah

17th October 2008, 09:11 AM

I have been reading this forum for about 2 hours now and I've read various replies... My situation is slightly different. I am a 19-year old New Yorker, Christian by baptism, but I don't really practice it. I believe in God, and that's it. My boyfriend of almost 2 years is a Muslim from Pakistan whose family is a very strict Muslim family. They have no direct knowledge of me or the relationship, but his cousins know me and they like me. I have never ever felt this way about anyone, and I am sure that he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have been researching Islam for a long time now, and it is a beautiful religion. It teaches about respect for women and the strength of faith. We have spoken about marriage and kids, and he says that he would love to get married and have kids, and we have both agreed it would be good for the kids to be brought up Muslim. As I said before, I don't practice Christianity. I find myself being more and more drawn into Islam, and my family is not very religious except for my mother. Honestly, I could care less what anyone says about me converting to Islam because its beautiful and I think that may be the path I am heading down. My boyfriend has never pressured me to convert or anything. The problem that we face is his family. He says that his parents would be devastated if he didn't marry someone who was from the same tribe (Puhtan), and that he would not be able to give up his parents. It hurts to know that he would not be willing to give up everything for this relationship as I would, but I do understand where he's coming from and it just illustrates how much Islam teaches someone about respect.

The question I have now is does anyone know how to win over a Muslim family? PLease, I believe this is the only obstacle in our way now. And I am willing to fight for this relationship to work, I love him too much to give up. Any help would be much appreciated.
Hi,

I'm curious as to why you're not consulting an Islamic ("ask the scholar") website given that you intend to convert?

Not sure how a Christian could advise someone on how to win over a Muslim family who consider their culture of the utmost importance. I've got a muslimah friend who eventually disowned her family for similar reasons in that her husband-to-be was from a different village and her family forbade her from marrying him on that basis. But she had consulted her iman before making such a tough decision. But other than that can really comment from a Christian perspective.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful...

Dave

12th November 2008, 11:56 AM

Hi there

Just thought it would be worth pointing out that there are various resources here on the site (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/chapel/otherfaiths/)

Best wishes

Dave

Showshannah

18th November 2008, 02:18 PM

Hi,

I've been reading this thread the last few days in an effort to gain insight into this issue. I am a Christian (semi-practising) getting involved with an Arabic Muslim (not fully practising--but not completely sure), contemplating marriage to this man and having him immigrate to Canada.

So far he has been honest. He was married, and from what I understand, has divorced her (the Islamic way--not "legally") and has 3 children. He has told his mother about me and I have spoken to her. He has talked some about certain customs, such as the wearing of the hijab (sp?) and that his wife didn't. We have not delved too much into other practices, such as alcohol consumption or halal foods.

But, having read everything here, I have many, many questions and concerns!! I want to enter this with my eyes wide open... I plan on discussing many of these things with him for certain. I have my own children and no plans for more (from what I've read here about how to deal with raising the kids with faith, thank goodness for that).

This man is so different from anyone I've known and if he is even half of the loving, insightful, attentive man he is now, I would be a lucky woman indeed. I do love him, but if the issues are too great, then I am prepared to walk away before it gets any more involved and messy...

Any advice, useful information is appreciated!!

Hi Writerlychik

I agree with what Maggie asked. Has he got official divorce papers because according to Islam he can utter "I divorce you" to his wife 3 times and in his eyes he is divorced?

Also, where does he stand with your children, if he got serious about his belief would he expect them to comply Islamically (no bacon sandwiches and having to eat halal produce) if they live in the same house as you both?

Sis, please please consider this carefully, but first and foremost make sure that he is actually divorced according to Canada's immigration standards (in possession of a decree absolute). *hugs*

eliza_leigh

18th December 2008, 04:19 AM

Some people practicing Islam as their religion tend to be polygamists, that includes you're not the only woman in his life but there are others that he's having an affair with. It's like the same situation as with the Jews fathering children from different women in the Bible times. And there isn't so much freedom that you could do being a former Christian, Muslim rites have strict rules when it comes to food, they don't eat pork, they eat halal. It seems that you have no choice but to respect your husband. Some couples with different religion sometimes never work out due to their incompatibility of religious views in life.

Showshannah

20th December 2008, 02:15 PM

Gill and Me2 and all others. It would be really great to be able to get in touch with you. Maybe someone could leave their email? Mine is too risky to leave here... I dont want to get caught. But anyone who wants to chat in a similar situation as me (Chrsitian in a relationship wioth north african semi practising muslim), please feel free to leave email and i shall get in touch with you.

Me... I am dying to speak to someone who understands.

Situation has not got better. I have postponed "wedding" complaining we dont have enough money etc but the truth is that I really need to think things through.

I am a sincere Christian. I will die a Christian entering heaven to live with our Lord.

However, I am not sure I can see my life with him... Him thinking I will go to hell and me thinking he is sanctified by my faith?

Confused.

I love him so much, I moved to another country to be with him so it is hard to leave. Pack your bags and go "home" to a country you havent seen for more than 2 years.

Many times he tells me muslims will rule the world again. When I tell him what I have read about muslims on how they conquered the world and spread islam (with violence!) he gets upset, very upset.

I wish he could see the light and be guided to the truth... The only truth...
*hugs*

Sis I am so sorry to hear about your update.

He still sounds quite verbally abusive which doesn't bode well for yoru future together.

Praying for you.

Dave

20th December 2008, 04:52 PM

Hi

We wouldn't recommend posting your email on the site, but if you want it passed to another registered user then we will usually do this for you. Just drop us an email (Use the contact us form (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/php-bin/contactus.php)), letting us know your email and the Username you want it passed to.

Dave

titi

10th May 2010, 02:34 PM

dont marry her becuase first you have to convert, and it not good ,marry a christians one like you ,but if you want to have many problems then go for it, good luck

titi

10th May 2010, 02:37 PM

sorry i forget the children muslims, and you to muslim, to marry her,

nookie

30th June 2010, 08:48 AM

Well I'm the Muslim husband married to a christian, although I was honest from the beginning that we cannot have children together because of the children religion identity , now we have hit this problem again, because she wants children.
We have respect & love, I just thought if anyone needs an insight, I've read the 15 pages, all of them till the very last post, and if anyone needs advice or help out there, I would be glad to help.
want my e-mail, just send me a private message.
Peace be upon you.

chosen

5th September 2010, 09:45 AM

Hi, I have been in a serious relationship with a wonderful man for about 3 years now.He is muslim and I catholic. We have always been open and talk to eachother regularly about how our life would be together. Everything was wonderful and fine until I brought up to him that I would like to raise our children following Islam but would like to celebrate christmas. Jesus is mentioned in the quran several times and muslims believe in him. So I am having a hard time with this...I am nervous because this is very huge for me. He has told me that it is considered haram. Has anyone dealt with this?

fatima
If you a born again Christian, then you shouldnt be even considering marrying this man,because God very wisely tells us to marry another believer. Muslims or others in other faiths are in the darkness spiritually, and they are walking the path that leads to destruction unless they come to know Jesus for who He really is. Do you really want your children being bought up to believe lies? Yes they believe that Jesus was a teacher, but He is the only begotton son of God, BIG difference. Oil and water dont mix and never will.This will be the first of many many dissagreements that you will have over this.

chosen

5th September 2010, 09:48 AM

Hello, I am a Christian wife i heard of problems like that, But my Muslim husband love me and we are married for 7 years and have children and we discuss problem before we got married ,And now we are really happy, I still Christian And he is Muslim.
I think you should discuss problems before getting married.
Sorry for your satiation .

So are your children being bought up to believe the truth or lies?Are they being bought up in the muslim religion or as Christians?Honestly love isnt enough, your childrens future salvation is at stake.

chosen

8th September 2010, 01:02 PM

Hello Sara, how are you? I know it`s 5 years later... but has your situation improved? How are you feeling? I`m living with Muslim man too. Having 2 children. Would be grateful for a chat sometimes... Love, J.

This post is a good example of why Christians shouldnt marry a non believer.

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Ruby

9th October 2010, 10:21 AM

I did post a very long messge in February this year, I was not registered and just did this as a guest. This message has now been edited and typed over - maybe now I'm registered what I have to say will remain! Anyway this is my story as brief as I can make it. I met my husband on holiday more than 7 years ago, I always knew he was a practising Muslim. I can also say that I was also aware from the start that our children would have to be brought up as Muslim. Stupidly and naively I thought I would be OK with this. Although I was brought up as a strict Christan I had stopped practising for many years when I met my husband. I guess I put it to the back of my mind and tried to convince myself that it was not such a big issue.

This was very STUPID! I have constant regret and guilt that my children are now Muslim. Before marrying my husband I did drink alcohol and eat non halal meat and even pork. Giving these things up was never an issue for me, I drank alcohol rarely and was not really bothered about eating pork. I live in a very multi-cultural area and the local butchers are halal anyway so often ate halal meat before I even met my husband. I certainly am not bothered by having to do this. The nurturing of a child and the instruction that as a parent we give to essentially form who they will become as an adult is something different. This is especially difficult when you are dealing with two religions such as Christianity and Islam which although are full of similarities are NOT THE SAME.

Islam is a very strict religion most (not all) Islamic men will expect a certain role from their wifes - particularly those who are not from the West! Socialising outside the family is no longer understood, particularly with the opposite sex. Socialising within the family is not particyularly liked either as my familiy are non-muslim and therefore a bad influence - alcohol consumers and port eaters etc! In more than six years of marriage I have gone out socially without my husband less than 5 times. Although I do remind my husband that I was an independant person before we met and that if I wasn't we would not have met it make no difference. Upon my return there is always a row where I am made to feel as if I have deserted our children etc. The outcome is that although my husband does not forbid me to go out I find it makes life easier and more peaceful not to. Things are very black and white with Islam - there is no compromise. I often feel as if I have sacrificed myself and my identity for the sake of my husband and my marriage. Now please do not get me wrong this is definitely something that I regret, BUT it is something that I am willing to do as long as my childrens are happy.

I do still and have always loved my husband, I do not like the way he changed after we were married and had children - we have 3. But he is a good man, he loves his religion and is not fundamental or a fanatic. I try my best to bring our children up with a respectful understanding that I have a different religion. Muslims historically showed respect to other religions.

My ultimate advice to anyone considering marrying a muslim is obvious - really think hard and try and look at all aspect of your life that might be affected. Food, Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Socialising, Friends (mine have pretty much gone now!), Family, Children (remember if you have a son he will have to be circumcised; something I found very distressing with my son!) and of course yourself...how much of yourself are you willing to give up?! Also find out as much about Islam as possible, then you really will know what is for instance Haram (forbidden) and Halal. As some Muslims say things are Haram and it turns out not to be so.

When I look at my situation I truly belive it was a mistake to marry my husband, but I also cannot guarentee that if I went back in time I wouldn't make that same mistake again. My children are happy and as long as that remains the case I will do my best to tollerate the bad things in my marriage.

So you could say I'm hopeful for the future

Lovingmommy

30th December 2010, 10:24 AM

I hope someone can help me as well. I am a Christian married to a Muslim man. He said he was catholic when we were married 3 years ago, but never went to church, except a few times in all the years I was With him. His parents are both Catholics and very involved in their church. My husband is a soldier and in a recent trip to Iraq he converted to Muslim. My marriage has turned ugly and filled with arguments. I feel awful because he made this change while i was pregnant with my son. I do not want to divorce, but surely do not want to live so unhappy and let my son see that. He is now 2 years old and I want him to be raised Christian. I feel my husband did me wrong. :(

Raymond

30th December 2010, 11:45 AM

Basically you are married to an unbeliever in Christ Lovingmummy. The scripture says that if the unbeliever is willing to dwell with you as a christian let them, but if they depart you are not under bondage in these cases. The scripture also says that because of your faith your children are clean.

Really the battle is to keep your faith within the marriage and not be forced into becoming a moslem. This will take giving the situation to God in your prayers. He is ever mindful of your predicament. As he is not of middle eastern descent the whole thing could wear off but I wouldn't bank on that. Although the word says wives be subject to your husband this does not mean that you abandon your faith or your relationship with God. In spiritual things you should be subject to Christ which means that you do not neglect fellowship with other believers. In the things of the world you can honour him and be a good wife and that could actually cause him to be converted to Christ.

That his parents are both Catholics would surely give him an understanding of your predicament. You did not choose to marry a moslem so I don't see why you should be subject to it. If he is of the type to use force and pressure then you need to maintain access with regard to the legal position.

With regard to the arguments lots of couples can have these. What are the arguments about?

Raymond

20th February 2011, 02:06 PM

I think all your posts are serious warnings for those who are in danger of entering into an Islamic marriage.

The scripture does say be not unequally yoked with unbelievers and for someone who believes the scripture is the word of God a marriage to a Moslem wouldn't come up.

To those who already feel trapped God would say His arm is not shortened and He can reach into any situation that is brought to Him in sincerity. Nothing can separate us from the love of God if we sincerely turn to him.

chosen

27th February 2011, 07:03 PM

With respect though, for Christians, Our Father makes it 100% clear that we are not to marry anyone who isnt a Christian believer, whether that be a muslim, a buddist, an agnostic, an athiest or whatever else they may be.

Brandi Leanell

10th April 2011, 09:22 PM

Hi Sarah!

i was looking up things about a Christian/Muslim marriage and ran across these post..

now im engaged to a Muslim we are getting married in may...
and may i say i was a little confused about the whole thing also but we have had deep conversations about our marriage and him being allowed to have 4 wives to when we have children. well my case is a little different from yours...some of his family does not approve of the marriage and some of my family does not approve...now with out being said i just started to go to church in march but i have never been bathtized a religion and he is not an active muslim... every one tries to say that im marring the devil! where i believe it is total discrimination. i dont think you should discriminate on color religion race or age. and thats what me and my fiancée both believe. as to my knowledge...but my eyes are wide open in this whole conflict and when i told him about when we have children and what their religion was going to be he had said "babe its not my choice nor your choice its the going to be the childrens choice." and about the 4 wives thing he had told me he can barley bear one wife why would he want 4?

now that i have read all these post im a little scared on what i should do...
i love him and trust him with all my heart but im easily mis lead by what other people think...

Forever

10th April 2011, 09:34 PM

While it may be true that your future children will ultimately choose for themselves which God they want to follow, it is your responsibility to teach them something until they make that choice.

I would sit down with my fiance and first tell him: ONE wife, no flirting, cheating, chat rooms, porn or texting other women. Then you need to decide how the children will be raised regarding which church/mosque they will be expected to go to for consistancy. I recommend raising them Christian since I am one, but if your faith is weak, you will probably make concessions to your fiance.

It is funny how some men suddenly become ultra religious as soon as they marry and then start laying down "the law" or else. Make sure you have an understanding that you will practice your faith as you feel God is directing to, or you will be in for a world of trouble, and your children will see this and likely wont want anything to do with either "faith" when they grow up.

chosen

11th April 2011, 04:54 AM

Any Christian who marries a muslim is not only disobeying God, but is mad. Do they actually WANT their children to go to hell? Light and dark dont mix. You will get badly burnt.You will be in a constant spiritual battle in your own home.

Shasha

11th April 2011, 09:43 PM

Amen to that sister!
I made a grave mistake to marry a man who supposedly said he was a Christian and now he is backslidden in his heart. As a result the problems in our marriage have escalated and are still piling up. Can you imagine me crossing the threshold to marry a muslim man or any other man of a different faith?!? That would be unheard of!

So yes, this is craziness to marry a man of a completely different faith.

YOU GUYS, ARE COMPLETELY INSANE!! DON'T DO IT!!! PLEASE!!!

There are, I'm sure enough Christian men to go around! Pray and ask God to direct you, according to His will! PLEASE!!!! Save yourself, your children and your future. Don't be unequally yoked with an unbeliever who does not know the Lord Jesus Christ as Lord of his/her life!!!!!

Ask Jesus and He will guide you and lead you to a man he has chosen for you!!!

Forever

11th April 2011, 11:20 PM

Sasha,
She is going to marry him anyway...the wedding is in May. The only thing that can stop it at this point is that she have a serious conversation with him to say that she will NEVER be Muslim, and neither will the children they have ever be taught that. Then HE will likely, hopefully, call off the wedding because he will want to put his foot down from the getgo about her calling any shots.

Her faith means little to nothing to her (yet) since she went for a man that does not know Jesus Christ. You know, "but I love him and we dont want to discriminate". Does that sound like she loves Jesus or that her faith has any real meaning to her?

Shasha

12th April 2011, 05:43 AM

Forever,
It seems like it is a matter of God verses "my will", instead of 'Thy will be done'. If we seek our own will, esp. where marriage is concerned then there is no point is there? As far as God is concerned He has given us a choice and we have stubbornly taken Him out of the equation, completely and He is very sad to see this happen and disappointed in us.
How glorious it is when we know that Christ is in our lives and in our home and blessing everything we do in His name. We can't go wrong with Him. But when you go outside of his will to do your own thing, then you're just digging a very deep pit for yourself. There is so much suffering, troubles and pain out there aLready and yet we seem to want to create even more when we are disobedient to our loving, heavenly Father.
What a devastating and dangerous path to take! It's almost as if they have chosen their own death sentence, through deception and 'false' love. What a calamity! Have mercy Lord!

Undermineness2011

24th April 2011, 04:20 PM

Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh...

Problems...problems & again problems...

Ya Allah Azza Wajal...

The issue is that we are not practising our religion as it should be...the guys are not respecting their wifes...they are ungratefull to Allah Ta'ala. Girls also...same thing!!!

If u could...Ya Allah Azza Wajal...there are certain people who are in worst condition like yours but Alhamdulillah they are finding their way...why becoz of gratefullness & Alhamdulillah they r living happily now.

In christianity...it is compulsory to wear a scarf...in the bible Paul says that the women who dont cover her hairs, shave it. this is what the bible says...and im asking...do you follow ur religion even little...nah!!!

Even ur husband is not following islam as it should be...

Thats why ull face problem now...u know why becoz now u going back to ur instial position to start again a new life...so ull have to face those things that was so called desires...comforts and so on...but insha-Allah when ull reach ur starting point n take the rite path everything would be oki...but sacrifices is there...be patient n persevere

chosen

24th April 2011, 05:11 PM

Its not compulsory to wear a scarf for Christians.

Chamomile

25th April 2011, 12:04 PM

I am aware that in some other countries, Roman Catholics do wear white ornamental little scarf, to cover their head or wear some hat. But that is not meant to excuse an oppression on women dressed only in black.

chosen

25th April 2011, 12:16 PM

Christianity is all about relationship anyway, with Our heavenly Dad, and and not about rules as the muslim religion is.

A room with a different view

3rd May 2011, 06:23 PM

Hi,
I just wanted to put my two cents in as a Christian woman married to a WONDERFUL devout practicing Muslim man for almost 14 years, and mother to 4 Muslim children. I would like to let those marrying into a interfaith marriage A LOT of pre-marriage serious discussion is required. If the husband is devout and he makes a pre-marital promise it must be kept in keeping with his Muslim faith (ie no multiple marriages, how to raise the children etc) or it nulls the marriage. Also I would like to let the people saying negative comments about Islam and about each having different gods. Just some ideas to ponder below.

- Muslims believe in the same God as Christians, His name in Arabic just happens to be Allah (Christians in Arab countries also call God Allah, because simply this is how God is said in Arabic)

-Muslims believe in the original Bible and the original Torah, but differ slightly in that they feel the more recent translations have diverted from the original (think of the game telephone where you whisper something in one persons ear and by the time you get to the end you have a totally different sentence). That is why their Quran is written, their ceremonies, and prayers are all in Arabic. But they too learned the same stories of the Bible and even give the prophets the same respect as their own prophet (ie they learned of Joseph in the well and the stories of Abraham just as the Christians).

-Muslims are waiting for Jesus to come back on the Judgment day too (they just believe he was risen before he was humiliated on the cross whereas Christians believe he actually died on the cross).

-Christian women used to cover their heads in a similar fashion in respect to God (think nuns and Amish women where religion is a large part of their life, and when women would wear hats to church). Please note that wearing the scarf in Islam is not mandatory but that it is recommended and many women choose to do so on their own. Some women do it to please their husbands or families, but not ALL women are forced to do so. Also their choice of dress is to inspire modesty, believe me Muslim women enjoy fashion, but some choose to keep their more revealing clothing covered unless in appropriate company for them so as to not inspire lust from men. Please do not judge ALL Muslim women as being oppressed many are very active in their communities.

These are just a few things that have made it so my life works for me. Just remember these similarities have to come from somewhere. You are more alike than different and pulling parts from each book out of context will not help solve ANYONE'S problems. The idea is to live peacefully and get along, but you can't get along without understanding each other. Don't get me wrong, before I married I took a crash course on Islam and my then to be husband and I had many a heated discussion about how we wanted things to be, but without a common goal and understanding we wouldn't be where we are now. Respect for each others beliefs is mandatory. I hope the people who have posted here enjoy peace and find ways to make their lives work and provide them with happiness.

Thanks for listening!
Bridget

chosen

3rd May 2011, 07:19 PM

bridget I am glad that you have a happy marriage, but your views just arent consistant with the Bible.
The ONLY way to come to God(the true Father) is through Jesus. There is no other way, and thus unless your husband and children come to know Jesus for themselves, they wont be saved. You need to pray for their salvation.Pray often.
Did you know that many muslims in the Far east are having dreams and visions of Jesus and are converting to Christianity?I love to hear that.Its happening all the time. Even muslim terrorists are coverting.
You need to read that excellent book called "I dared to call Him father" by baroness Bilquis Sheikh. She was a very high born muslim women, who met with Jesus, and she says categorically that they are NOT the same God at all, and that muslims need to know Jesus and be saved. Our Father is loving and caring, and has saved us through His son Jesus. Allah is a false god who demands works and obedience and his followers are in fear of not pleasing him enough to go to heaven, and he isnt a Father at all.

Jesus Himself says "I am The way, the truth and the life, and NO ONE comes to the Father except though me"no one means no one.
This is also why God expressly tells believers not to marry anyone outside of the Christian faith and says that those in other faiths are in darkness. They are walking the wrong road.

Confused444

8th May 2011, 10:39 PM

Hello. I am in a relationship with a 10 years older muslim man. I am an ordinary christian lady. I do drink alcohol and obviuosly eat non halal food (I stopped eating pork and other red meat which was my choice). We often discuss about the marriage but I am concerned about many things. His family is concervative. They live in Islamic country but recently arrived to the country we live (I and my bf do not live together). I still didnt meet his family. I understand he is trying to prepare them to introduce me. His parents are leaving soon. I may be not introduced to his family ever as they come to visit him very rarely. Can it be that his family has disapproved our relationship and refuse to meet me?
My bf is religiuos and follow the islamic way of life but I fighted for the right to drink alcohol.Sometimes I go to meet friends in a bar at night and we argue a lot. But we make up eventually. I understand that after the marriage any meetings with girlfriends in a bar or evening would not be tolerated. It is scary. I am not saying that I would be clubbing every weekend- but it is nice to have a freedom a choice. Sometimes you just want to have a few drinks with your mates.I would like to retain the free way of living in the marriage. I appreciate a lot a dedication for the family but I think it is good once in a while to change the environment and let's say go to the work party alone or meet friends in the bar. I understand it would not be tolerated in his family. At the moment he is lieing to them that I don't drink. It's a lie. I will not be able to hide this fact for ever if we get married. I can't imagine some birthday parties or family gatherings too. My family would be open minded and would like to party, drink alcohol and eat pork. His family would be complete opposite. How does it work in reality? I am afraid I would be unhappy pretending that I dont drink and eat only halal food in front of his family. I would neber be able to behave freely as many things that a modern western wife does would be considered as indecent or a sin in an islamic family.
We talked about the kinds too. Again my bf is not that categorical- i think I could negotiate some priviliges such as teaching some christianity apart from islam but I think I would have to pretend I teach only islam in front of his family.The names of the kids etc must be islamic.
The worst thing is his parents will come and live with him soon so there will be always father and mother in law in the house. It would mean I would have to ''behave'' 24/7. No girls coming for a glass of wine or anything else.
The hardest part is my family.They would never understand my sacrifise too. They would know that I would be unhappy and loose my identity in order to behave as I have been told. And the wedding...Both families speaks different languages, they will not be able to communicate at all. I am not talking about completely different customs and no alcohol,non halal or pork consumption. Does it mean I would never be able to host a party because both families will not undertand each other?

Is it possible to fit western (christian) way of living and islamic one?

I am very confused and can't find answers to so many questions.. However, my bf is not concerned at all about our future.I think it is already clear for him that our future will be defined by his family rules. He doesnt have any questions. I think he may believe that after marriage I will give up on drinkin alcohol,eating non halal food and stopping going to the bars etc.

I would like to know from the ladies who did not change their faiths for the husband- how did you get on with the life after a marriage. Were you able to retain your identity and finally are you happy for having married a different faith man?

Thank you.

chosen

9th May 2011, 02:41 AM

confused
from what you have said, I cant see anything but unhapiness for you if you marry this man. The fact that his very conservative muslim parents will be living with you will also be extreemly hard for you. Living with in laws alone is usually disastrous anyway and they cant even speak your language, and you may well be expected to look after them, or the MIL may well expect you to obey her. You will almost certainly have little or no freedom.
You will have no say whatsoever as to the childrens upbringing or what they are taught. They will be taught a religion that is in darkness and serious error.
He hasnt even told his parents that he is seeing you and you will be expected to behave and act like a muslim.
I have read so many stories of women like you who have married a muslim, and it has been disastrous. His parents living with you will only make it 100 times worse.
If you are a practising Christian then God does tell you not to marry a man outside your faith, and that is for a good reason. from what you have said I cant believe that you are even thinking about this.There are so many warnings and red flags. please heed them before it is too late.

Forever

9th May 2011, 03:43 PM

I agree with Chosen. What you are doing will only lead to bondage. What is your BF going to do to enforce his way of life upon you if you marry him? What is he allowed to do to you if you defy him or decide to teach your children about Jesus? What HELL are you willing to endure for a man who will soon be pulled between his present love for you and what his god and parents expect?

Helen_uk

9th May 2011, 03:58 PM

Leaving religion aside Confused would you allow someone to dictate to you in any other part of your life in this way ?

If your intended husband wasn't a Muslim but instead was just someone who wanted you to follow HIS rules and regulations , would you be happy doing that ?

I don't think anyone should allow another to rule their lives for them in this way and religion is no excuse for trying to control another person or ask them to do things against their own will.

Confused444

9th May 2011, 10:40 PM

Thank you for your replies.

I told my partner that I couldn't and wouldn't live with his parents. We all know that two women in the house is too much. One house must have one women now two let alone women of different religions and cultures. He agreed to it, however he was always very seriuos about living with his parents (he aims to be a good son and live with his parents. He always says that they are old and need someone to live with them even though they are in their 60ties. They are healthy active people, but he still insists they feel lonely living on their own.He is an oldest son so wants to set a good example for other sisters and brothers and prove he is the best son who took care of the parents).I am afraid that after the marriage if they do decide to move in I will not have any choice. I can't divorce because of this fact, can I? So it may be done quietly after the marriage when I do not have any choice.
I am afraid I would not only loose my identity but also I would not be able to do my usual things ever again. Also, as my partner would go to work I would be alone who would be cleaning after after them. They like to do big family meetings and very often. Our house would be seen as a central point of meeting since the parents would live with us. I am scared I would end up just cleaning everyone's mess and accomodating family members all the time.
I am a very private person.I am dreaming of my house where I am a queen. I dream to have a husband and kids and live in our house.To be living with his strict parents would be a disaster.Maybe they are be nice people (I still havent met them- so I can't imagine how they are- but I know his family thinks that western girls are sinful and after a few years run away with the kids) but it would not change a fact that I would have to fake my life in order to look ''good'' in front of them.
I am a little bit shocked about your opinion regarding religion- if you are true christians- you should know that There is only one God and what Islam teaches good things as well as Christianity. People are evil who do not follow religion and calm themselves muslim or christians. Every religion is good but a man is inperfect. I am inperfect, therefore even though I consider myself good- I still like to drink some good wine or meet up with my girlfriends in the bar in the late evening. So this is where me and my partner and his family differs. They may not drink alcohol but they argue a lot. I hear the stories of jealousity and hatred within family. Therefore, they are trying to follow their religion but they do not see obviuos sins they are making every day. Again, this is a human being and every singe one of us feels right. You feel right- they feel they are right too..

Confused444

9th May 2011, 10:49 PM

The most irritating thing my bf always teaches me to eat with my right hand. I see it as a blind following of some islamic rule. You are not supposed to eat with your left hand as it is considered dirty. This is absolute rubbish for me- as I personally do all sort of dirty things with my right hand as it more convinient for me. But anyway, when you eat you wash your hands anyway. So it doesn't make any difference whats so ever. This is kind of a medieval rule possibly simbolic which I will never understand. Why you wouldn't have a freedom to use any hand to put the food in your mouth? So, he always is trying to reming me using my right hand if I eat with my left hand. If I insert food into his mouth with my left hand- he immediately push it down with his right hand to make that bite sort of correct. I am thinking now- would I have to do this in front of my in laws as otherwise they will think I am dirty or sinful?

Forever

10th May 2011, 03:59 AM

Everything you do will become scrutinized through the eyes of your BF and his parents if they move in. His mother will be the Queen of the home, you will have to do EVERYTHING her way to keep peace. If you do not change the babies diaper at the moment she smells a fart, some of that arguing and bickering that goes on in their home will ensue in yours. Worse, they will refuse to speak English and will carry on conversations about you right in front of your face.

You will become the servant of all, and you will soon live in despair because of your children...not knowing how to get away, without them stealing them off to another country if you needed to leave him. Your husband will often get embarrased of you if you do not obey him AND his parents to a tee. This will cause more than the average fights that new couples normally have to adjust to. You will become the family "black sheep" and all their frustrations will easily be taken out on you because they will not love or respect someone who is so different than themselves.

This is the way of life that is expected and demanded from those who practice that particular belief...really, any belief that is so stark in contrast, and the love you have for each other now, will not be able to withstand the differences then. What was this guy thinking when he went for an American woman of a different faith?

That he is so powerful that he can mold you into a different person?

1aokgal

10th May 2011, 04:48 AM

Hi Confused 444...

One can love and marry successfully across barriers of age, race, culture, religion and other differences but you need to realize the more differences, the more problems may occur, over those factors. Something that irritates you a little today..as his insistence on what hand you use to eat..will infuritate you a few years later. The glow is off the pumpkin then. Any negatives early on get magnified a hundred fold later on. Constant correction is deameaning and controlling. Perhaps a western woman is too free thinking and used to her own personality and ideas? Women usually want their views respected and don't tolerate well to be corrected for manners, clothing and viewpoints. That door you see today may open wider later.

The best suggestion would be that you owe this man to really learn more his the religion and the ideas you may not understand. If you get more insight into the teachings behind this custom perhaps you will be able to accept that it has reasoning. Become familiar with the customs and beliefs, then make your decision whether you can accept that part of the man if you share his life.

I won't slam Muslim men as many are charming, decent, kind, loving and moral fine people. We do know that this religion does subjugate women. Additionally, the religion will only recognize and allow children to be raised as Muslims. If you met an non-practicing muslim those ideas are still there from training in childhood so these beliefs are deep seated and fixed.

You like your drink occasionally. You may enjoy some hours to socialize with friends in a club or bar. I would say that is not going to be consistent with ideas held by a Muslim husband. I doubt many would understand or tolerate that much freedom and would consider this immodest behavior. So would clothing you might like to wear which might offend conservative ideas and training. So the waves of problems are there.

Marriages work better when there are shared cultural views and social mores and mutual respect over the mates' viewpoints. You must admit western women are used to express opinions on most subject including politics and that offends some men of conservative views.

These men are defintely attractive, sexy and compellingly macho so one can sure enjoy to be
with a man with a mystique. I would say the communication needs to be in all the areas above.

Next is the large family you mentioned. It is more common in many cultures that one house is shared with the mans' parents. Life can be full and happy wih a large family but the other side you see is you are the one who will be in the kitchen. You will be the backbone of children and you will share special days as holidays when all are there. That takes an unselfish nature to care for older parents as time passes and they may need care. While there are wonderful memeories with such a family there comes the work to maintain such a household.

I would say you need to write a sheet of paper with positives on one side and negatives in the other column. Love can overcome many obstacles but for such a marriage I would say more study on these issues would be wise. The best idea is to attend socials where you meet other couples who have been successful in a mixed religion marriage. A marriage of difference works where there is mutual respect of others' viewpoints.

I think it is trash to say a person must be a Christian or they will go to Hell . These radical views don't belong here on this thread. This is nothing but intolerant, extremist dogma you will hear from some who must press their viewpoints on others. I would say their lives are empty and they need to blither such nonsense which borders on religious hysteria. Honestly we can say that people with these ideas know little of history where people have used religion to torture, kill and enslave others they believe to be inferior for generations.
I hope we post here to help and not proselytyze those of other faiths. One who posts here needn't preach someone seeking advice and help on this forum. There should be courtesy to those of any persuasion, regardless of the faith they practice.

Helen_uk

10th May 2011, 10:35 AM

1aokgal,

I can only concur. I can't abide religious extremism in any form , it has been the cause of so many wars over the years and breeds hatred.

We are ALL human beings and should not be judged by anything other than that .

I don't think a support forum is the correct media to preach any faith. All faiths should be welcomed and supported.

Nobody * knows * there is a God , isn't Christianity about faith rather than knowledge ?

It's no secret that I'm not a believer , I don't envy or applaud or wish to deny anyone their beliefs but I do get a little annoyed when posts turn into preaching.

Helen_uk

10th May 2011, 10:40 AM

Confused44

Any marriage should be the joining of two people into one unit. That doesn't mean however that one has the right to change the other. It seems you are already struggling to understand your partner's religion and I can only see this getting worse. From what you say you will be expected to give up your own beliefs and be indoctrinated into his.

My advice to you would be to think very, very carefully before entering into a marriage where your own beliefs are likely to be banned at worst and at least ignored.

I don't believe that love can overcome any problem , love is never enough to keep two people together . There also has to be compatibility , trust that the other person understands and accepts us for who we are and recognition that we are all individuals with our own beliefs .

Raymond

10th May 2011, 12:50 PM

This makes good sense to me from Helen. Obviously faith will come into it on a Christian/Muslim Marriage Forum. All views are valid whether we agree with them or not.

I think what was assumed is that Confused shared certain christian beliefs which may or may not be the case according to Forever.

I chose not to get involved here but I caught a snippet about using your left hand to eat etc. which shows that the Islamic culture is there and has to be considered. In my experience of these things this often increases after marriage, so one has to go in with open eyes and warnings about this are valid.

Helen_uk

10th May 2011, 01:10 PM

chosen

10th May 2011, 02:21 PM

Muslim men are often very hard to be married to, whether you are a Christian or have no faith at all, because their religion rules their lives, and has many many rules and regulations which must be followed at all cost, or they believe they wont go to heaven. They are also under great pressure from family and especially parents.

They even have rules that if the husband dies, the house and other assets will be divided in certain percentages between the parents(if they are still alive) and the male sons. The wife and female children are entitled to nothing. It is things like this that have to be considered.

The problems in such a marriage would be equally hard for a sikh marrying a muslim, or a buddist marrying a Christian.

Also I have three close friends who are deeply sad that they cannot share their Christian faith with their husbands who are all unbelievers, and they long for them to come to faith themsleves. It causes so many problems and difficulities for them. Its bad for the children who dont know where they are in it all.

The marriage bond is so close, that you need to be walking the same path, and to have agreement on this vital part of life.If you are pulling in opposite directions then there can only be conflict.

Raymond

10th May 2011, 06:25 PM

Faith will of course come into a discussion when considering a Christian / Muslim marriage Raymond, but the promoting of one religion above another I find distasteful . Regardless of our own religious beliefs we don't have the right to disparage another's.

Agreed. One should never condemn another's religion. It might be part of their identity. One can debate individual points of life bearing in mind that a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

mosei

12th May 2011, 02:23 AM

hi i am in a long term relationship with my boyfriend, we both love each other an unsubstantial amount and rely on and help one another because we both come from broken family backgrounds and have found hope in one another. i am muslim and my boyfriend is christian. i have also recently found out i am pregnant and we are both very happy and plan on getting married. although i have to know whether it is a good idea? i have many friends and family that have married inter-ratially but usualy the woman is the christian and the man is the muslim. am i making a huge mistake by becoming legally attached to a person of another faith? because although we do love each other i also understand that sometimes it does take more then love. and i am open to his christianity but i do want islam involved in my childs life as well as christianity. i need to know if this is, in reality, a good idea? because i have not yet heard of one succesful interratial mariage and this scares the hell out of me.

1aokgal

12th May 2011, 02:25 AM

Christian women are often very hard to be married to, whether you are a Christian or have no faith at all, because their religion rules their lives, and has many many rules and regulations which must be followed at all cost, or they believe they wont go to heaven. They are also under great pressure from family and especially parents.

QUOTE ABOVE (but substitute Christian women) because extremism, regardless of religion, is difficult to live with for others and a pain to hear when zealots need to have the last word . Before Christianity was a fact in history many religions tried to impose their beliefs on others.

The Catholic church teaches that certain precepts must be met to reach Heaven. There are many faiths with the same dogma. I believe those who preach teach best from example.

Confused has many decisions to make. We don't know the man involved or his character. We generalize about the problems of a mixed faith marriage. We also hear the hesitation and doubts in Confused postings.
That tells me there are many areas of reservation for her. There are too many unresolved questions that need to be examined. One should never enter a marriage without full knowledge of that situation. I think understanding his faith is essential.
Attraction and love won't cover all the problem areas here and we all agree on that point.
We wish her the best!

1aokgal

12th May 2011, 02:58 AM

Dear Mosei,

Welcome to the forum. Please feel that you are cared about here.

This may be a difficult time for you and I hope you have the strong support of those who love you, as your family. You have very big decisions to make. There is a child now involved. Have you told the BF that you are expecting a child? I think where you live also makes a huge difference in your story.

Are you in the US or do live in a Muslim country? What about your family situation? In some cases for a muslim girl this situation with your Christian BF could be very dangerous, depending on your family, and where you live. Women have been hurt by supposed loving families over the issue of honor. I hope you have someone that you can confide in and get solid advice. You will need good prenatal care for this child. Are you in a safe accepting environment?

I must ask why birth control wasn't a thought in this relationship? Today women need to be responsible for their own protection. There is also the matter of sexually transmitted deseases and HIV. The fact is this, a sexual partner lies about this area. One takes care to use condoms and even in a regular relationship that does not mean there is not risk involved in todays' intimate world.

It makes a lot of difference in your future and decisions where you live and whether you are in a Muslim country or elswhere. It also greatly depends on your BF and his beliefs. Does he practice his religion or not? If he is happy about the child there are not so many problems that can't be worked out. I would talk to others who have married in mixed religion marriages and see what you find there.
This should be a happy time for a young mother so I hope the doubts you have can be resolved.

Forever

12th May 2011, 03:02 AM

Hi Mosei,
Well lets see....he got you pregnant and you are both happy about that. So how strong a "Christian" does he seem to be? How committed is he to his faith and how does he live it out? Generally, Christians are not quite so dogmatic about how lives should be lived as compared to Muslims, except by adhering to the general laws of morality. In other words, you wont have to worry about if you want to wear make-up, having a glass of wine or which hand you use when eating and such.

I do not know of any Christian husbands that lead their wives and children with a heavy hand. They are taught to love their wives as Christ loves the Church and to live with them in an understanding way. Since your BF already made his union with you and a family is on the way, I can not see him NOT marrying you...for heavens sake, that is the honorable thing to do at this point. You know there is a world of difference between fanatical religion and moderate religion. How does he measure up in that regard?

1aokgal

12th May 2011, 04:22 AM

Dear Mosei,

It is more likely that you would have a successful marriage with this Christian husband who loves you and with a child involved. While he comes from a broken family, perhaps there is a chance for that family to be brought closer. His family would be less likely to be concerned about the differences of your faith than what you would find with your family or living in a Muslim community.

I think you would find many doors open to you and accepting of your relationship in the
US or UK. It is also very likely your family would be unaccepting of your intent to marry outside your faith.

True, a Christian husband is easy going and kind. Women are treated with respect and regarded as an equal partner in decisions about the family. The Muslim religion subjugates women and is very radical on that point. I am sure you experienced that.
I hope some of these viewpoints are helpful to you.

I think there are few reservations about your desire to marry a Christian man who loves and will care for you as he has been trained to do in his religion.

chosen

12th May 2011, 06:18 AM

Hi mosei
As you say interracial marriages often dont work, but Christian men have a very different outlook on women than muslim men do. God tells them to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and to treat them with respect, and to treat then as equals in God.
Is your boyfriend a practising Christian and does he pray and go to church etc? Has he said anything about the concerns that you have? Do your families know, and what do they think?Will your parents be expecting the children to be bought up as muslims?Are they likely to put any pressure on you with any children and your way of life?

Another difference is in your case is that there is a child to be considered, and you may well be treated far better with this guy than in a stricly muslim family. However if he is a practising christian there may be conflict in what children are taught to believe as they grow up, and whether they go to church or a mosque, whether they are baptised or which religious days are celebrated etc etc etc.
How would you feel if they became Christians when they were older? How would he feel if they were given muslim names and bought up as muslims? Maybe some good premarriage counselling where you can discuss all these things would help.
I think that you need to have a good heart to heart talk about this whole area before you take any definate steps. If you can, talk to those who are or were in mixed marriages and see what problems there are/were and go into this with your eyes wide open.

Helen_uk

12th May 2011, 09:45 AM

My God parents were Christians . They abused me for over 5 years . My mother was / is a Catholic she left and later divorced my dad.

I've never seen so many disagreements on this forum as there are on debates involving religion. That's how wars start....

I believe in morals , self control and compassion . I don't believe anyone of any faith has the monopoly on those .

I have faith in myself and my own abilities , I don't rely on faith in a higher being to teach me how to run my life. I've seen many Catholics and Christians over the years perform inhumane acts and then think it's fine because if they show remorse they'll be forgiven. Some Christians are loving human beings, some aren't .

I normally sit on my hands during discussions involving religion. However I do find the " My faith is better than your faith " posts a tad wearing.

I will no doubt get slated for this view , but , I come on here to support people who need it. I don't advise people to abandon their faiths because I'm not a believer and I don't wish to find God. I strongly and firmly believe that EVERYONE is entitled to their opinion.

Forever

12th May 2011, 03:03 PM

The reason that differences/comparisons about faith are brought up and discussed on this particular thread is because that is what the OP actually wanted to address about their situation.

There are hypocrites in EVERY religion, and even in those with no religion at all...all you have to do is observe how they consistantly live their lives.

I think Mosei wont have anything to worry about on her BF's side of the equation...dont know about on her families side though. If she and he are from broken families, they need to know that this is not going to rewrite history or make anything better. They are pretty much on their own.

I agree with Chosen in that there needs to be an understanding about how the children will be named/raised.

Helen_uk

12th May 2011, 03:28 PM

Indeed Forever , and as I said previously in a thread such as this I have no problem with discussions about religion. I have no problem with anyone following their own faith .

What I find difficult is the slating of any particular religion . The premise that Christianity is in some way a better way of life. And in particular the argument that only children brought up in the Christian faith will have a happy life.

Any mixed religion marriage can bring problems as can a marriage between two people of different values , races, personalities etc.

For Confused44 it's a difficult decision, and of course marrying a Muslim means also marrying a whole different religion to the one she has . A whole different way of life. That would be true if she were Jewish and he Catholic or she Wiccan and he Christian .

Discussions about differences are fine, and should be aired, that isn't what I have a problem with .

Mosei may encounter exactly the same problems as any one else marrying into a different culture , not all Christians will accept their sons or daughters marrying someone of a different faith , there can be prejudice in ALL religions.

Forever

12th May 2011, 04:23 PM

Hi Helen,
I was brought up Catholic, went to a Catholic school where the nuns beat us, and my mother beat us...I had a very unhappy childhood and have zero relationship with my mother who is now in her eighties. So I know about hypocracy first hand and the lasting effects it has on families.

I do not blame God or hold Him responsible for the choices of others, but lucky me, I found that He is nothing like what they represented during my upbringing.

I think when addressing questions about mixed faith here, one has to really understand what that "faith" means to the individual, and what they are willing to do to allow the other partner to live out their own beliefs....That someone "believes" in something different is not really the issue as much as whether or not they are zealous to live it or impose it upon their children or spouse.

Helen_uk

12th May 2011, 04:47 PM

Me too Forever , a Catholic ( when it suited her ) mother, Christian God parents who sexually abused me. I don't hold all Catholics or Christians to blame for that . I had Catholic guilt heaped on me for years...

I don't blame God either , I don't believe he exists . I believe all people are capable of good , or of evil. I believe people are responsible for their actions and I hate the way some religions excuse bad behaviours by saying acts are done " in the name of " or that repentance brings forgiveness. It's used as an excuse in some cases for all kinds of atrocities. Having said that I wouldn't discourage other's from their own beliefs.

Children are the innocents who often get stuck in the middle of marital or relationship problems and should be any parent's first concern , regardless of faith.

There is no doubt that there can be problems in inter-racial or cross religion marriages, but then we wouldn't necessarily hear about those that succeed on here.

Raymond

12th May 2011, 06:15 PM

I do not blame God or hold Him responsible for the choices of others, but lucky me, I found that He is nothing like what they represented during my upbringing.

That's exactly my experience to Forever. Having been in two convents I hated religion. If someone smacked of just a little religion I avoided them like the plague. I wanted honesty and reality. How I came to believe in Jesus is a miracle that I will never regret, but then that isn't really religion is it?

1aokgal

12th May 2011, 06:48 PM

Likewise there are those who profess Christian faiths who have marriages made in hell. We have so many shabby examples of intrigues, disgusting sex scandals and dishonesty in some mainline churches. I can't tell you how many times one reads about some famous church leader with multiple affairs within that church and one who regularly frequented hookers.
There is hypocracy and just plain awful people who profess loudly their religious faith and will try to lead others when their own lives are riddled with untruths.

Never have so many wars been fought or brutality to others except in the name of God and the attempt to silence others who believe differently. What we all hope is that we each find some center point personally, we know as God, that gives us peace and a path to follow that makes a righteous life. The promise of paradise is accepted by most religions. It is only how one gets there that seems to differ.

I think Confused will find an easy life married to her Christian man so long as they reside in an environment where acceptance in their differences is possible. I hope the children of such a marriage understand their heritage and can be enriched by that. This forum might seem unwelcoming to someone of the Muslim faith, when it fact that is one of the largest in the world. There is fear and suspicion in the world today because of the acts of some Muslim fanatics who would plant terrorism in the world in a gain for personal power.

A Muslim friend in another city lost a very good long term job because of the Muslim backlash. He shared some unpleasant encounteres over his heritage. He happens to be named Mohammed and asked me jokingly on the phone when we discussed the events of the last years, "Why did the all the crazy pilots seem to be all named Mohammed?" He has a son and a Christian wife and is a very good man. He lost financial security and almost lost the home he worked so hard to make for his family. I feel in deep sympathy for him and the encounters he has experienced.

Helen, the truth is that it is difficult to share viewpoints about religious matters. We have to use care not to try to convert, condemn or have bias about the goodness of others in whatever is their particular faith or beliefs. There are radicals in every faith. Many are people with empty lives who always believe they know best. It is good that we can put what we know as fact out there and then endeavor to learn more so we can treat others with courtesy about their beliefs.

I met a couple ladies who are Wiccans so I had to learn a bit more to "get it" where they were coming from. I still think it is a fad religion for young rebellious folks which borders on certain unhealthy areas but I respect the good things they think comes from their activities. They were into herbs and healing. I think Wicca falls not far from Witchcraft, but that is just my personal belief.

mosei

14th May 2011, 01:19 PM

hi this is mosei
thankyou forall your input
i would like to say my bf is a prctising christian with good honest morals and beliefs, all people make mistakes. he does know about the pregnancy of corse and we have both chosen to keep the child of course as we both are happy. we live in the uk and are each others' first partners so i do not feel that bad about the pragnancy because atleast it is with my first partner at atleast i love my partner and he does want to get married.
i have an alchoholic father who abused me as a child and has been in prison most of my life. he was recently released and has tried to attack me on several occasions this is why i do not have any contact with my family but i miss my mother an awful amount and no matter what our differences are i still love her and cannot see myself starting a new family without trying to reconceal with my old one. i jus dont know how to tell her i am pregnant and whether it is a good idea or not? i dont know whether i should be marrying a christian but we are very much in love and although we have had our arguements none of us have ever wnted to walk away. i am scared though that somewhere down the line he my realise he doesnt want a muslim wife and maybe he may want to explore the dating world more as i am his first partner and i feel as though i may hold him back from all of this.
i just generally need to know whether i am making the utmost right decision to marry him. i dont want to be divorced and single with a child 10 years down the line.

Raymond

14th May 2011, 07:47 PM

I don't see why you can't marry him mosei. It seems the reasonable thing to do now you are carrying his child. To be honest I wouldn't say he is a strong christian from what I am hearing. A christian girl marrying a moslem is a bit more of a problem I would say. I hope he can protect you from your father. That is awful. I can't see any problem religion wise unless your father gets involved. I cannot see you demanding any moslem rights somehow. I think you will both adapt to each other if you are comitted and love each other and will try to be faithful to each other.

Forever

14th May 2011, 07:51 PM

Hi Mosei,
Well now the question is for you...how much do you live out your Muslim beliefs? How important is it to you what to name your children or what to teach them? How much influence will your family have in your marriage should you decide to reunite with them? How dangerous is your father and how will your husband handle him if he should feel threatened by any of these issues?

I would not want to be staring at a divorce ten years from now either, but tell me, where is there any guarantee that a divorce would not happen even if you married a Muslim man? People are all subject to human sin and stupidity regardless of their present beliefs and will change over time with the influences around them....look at your father, he is a drunkard that thinks he can attack his own daughter.

I would suggest that you seriously talk to your BF...he is the father of that child and his opinion and committment to you and the baby should weigh much heavier than that of your family.

You seem like a very unselfish person thinking about your BF the way you do, very mature and realistic. However, you have already made him and the baby your own. Not marrying him seems foolish at this point UNLESS you simply cannot come to an agreement on how to handle the relatives and differences in beliefs where raising the children are concerned. The rest of the variables will not be known until you reach them....none of us have a handle on what the future holds, we go into marriage with great hope and love...not a guarantee carved in stone.

Perhaps you should contact your mother and tell her all. Her reaction will give you a good indication of what kind of problems you and your BF will encounter as a married couple and whether or not reuniting is such a good idea. Listen to the things she says AFTER she has had a reasonable period of time to let it all settle in. If she loves you, she will soon embrace what is important to you...that includes the man you love.

chosen

14th May 2011, 08:58 PM

I agree with forever, you need to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss all the things that you want and believe about marriage and bringing up children. You say that he is a practising Christian, so he will want to take his children to church and teach them about Jesus. Is this OK with you or do you want them bought up to believe in the musilm way of life? There are big differences betwen the two so this is very important. I think that he needs to go and see his pastor about this,and talk it through with him.

Raymond

15th May 2011, 10:02 AM

Raymond's wife wrote:

Given the situation where you are expecting his baby, the first question to ask is do you believe he will make a good loving husband and father?

(Privately my wife was saying that a lot of abused girls choose husbands the same for some reason. We had a case across the road. The husband, a policeman, use to beat his wife. The wife's mother, who now lives there, was also beaten up by her husband. One has to be careful that this is not happening as it is quite common actually - Raymond)

The arrangements concerning the different faiths need to be agreed before you are married. (Chosen has said this anyway - Raymond)

Raymond's wife.

Confused444

16th May 2011, 04:29 PM

We had a situation last week.My period was late for a week and we were panicking so much about me being pregnant. Now I have my period and very happy about it. During that shock and panick I heard some very worrying things from my bf. First, he said that we would be in trouble as his family would not respect me for the rest of their lifes. Of course, they would not be happy about him too. He said that he would be extremelly scared to tell the parents about me being pregnant. He wanted to take me to the hospital to check and suggested at one point to take some abortion pill. But If he wanted to get married to me anyway- why would we have abortion now and then marry and then try for kids? I thought the baby would fasten the process of getting into the family rather than separating us if we would have to do an abortion.He said his family would hate him for this..Bear in mind we both have good jobs and he has a house as well but he was panicking as if he was a 16 yo teenager who didnt have a job and a house to live..
Also, the more tension we had the more crazier thoughts got. He asked to do a DNA test. He never trusted me- but I was shocked to know that he would doubt I am pregnant from him..Yes, we both were very stressed about it (I was afraid of confronting his family, I wasnt scared as much about my family), but dont you think in these kind of desperate situations the real face of the man emerges... I now think that If I were pregnant- he would ask me to do DNA test or would be even considering to have an abortion too..

chosen

16th May 2011, 05:38 PM

Well thats a warning that he is probably a man who hasnt yet broken away from his parents and their influence.That spells trouble with a capital 'T'.

To suggest that you abort a baby so that he doesnt have to tell his parents seems dreadful. Also to doubt that the baby is his as well. I mean he has had sex with you, what does he expect? Doesnt he know that sex can equal getting pregnant?????

If I were you, I would stay away from sex with any men until you are married, (and he needs to as well with women). At least then any baby will be wanted and welcomed.

As you say it has shown his true colours and they werent too encouraging. He is afraid of his parents, and to be honest, he hasnt much intregrity.

Forever

16th May 2011, 07:04 PM

So you thought you were pregnant and are not after all. I wonder why your BF thinks (as a Christian) that having an abortion is just fine and dandy if the circumstances are not favorable??? How would your parents feel, or his parents for that matter, to find out that you two aborted their grandchild just because you had not married yet?

Now you have the time to think about what you really believe in and how you two should be living your lives before God (let alone what your parents think). Having sex is called Fornication if before marriage, and certainly muddies the waters doesn't it? The idea that your BF should want a dna test would send me running for the hills. It insinuates that he thinks you are messing around on the side does it not?

1aokgal

17th May 2011, 01:11 AM

Dear confused,

It seems the BF is not made of good stuff with decent character. The garbage that came out of his mouth is a young girls' nightmare. I feel you are a sweet young woman and maybe pretty naiive. You have been spun a tale by a charmer.

Again, it is sad that sex came into the relationship. The pregnancy scare shows you that this man is telling you he would want to abort an innocent life (his child) so he is not forced into a marriage. No holds on him. He also insults you and intimates that he thinks you are a slut who cheats and tried to pass off anothers' baby on him! Lovely! So he says there was no conception by him ...."the big innocent one." I know your heart must be burdened that he showed his true character. That Christian guy is a loser. He doesn't live his religion and is not worth your devotion.

I am sure you are both relieved (and disappointed) that there is no baby to bind you together. I am sure you do know about birth control (which is easy to obtain) so if you took that risk (also disease risk), you thought that would force his loyalty. You made a number of mistakes here. The first mistake is the choice of the BF as he is not who you thought he was.

You are not the first young lady to believe oily lies of some self promoter to lull a decent girl into intimacy. Let this chapter be over, dear, and learn from this serious mistake. This time you don't spend the next 18 years raising a child alone and chasing behind a rat who doesn't even know you. Many marry these men and spend bad years and have several kids before they realize what happened.

Perhaps you don't have family and feel unprepared to know what you want in life. It is easy to get into a bad situation without some good family input. So I say..You are lucky! You got a hard lesson here. Yet you learned but you can go on and get more education and depend on your own abilities and intelligence for awhile. Please take this to heart and bail out of that situation.

You might have been convinced to end a life and carried that forever. Maybe some back street butcher would have ruined you for a child later when it is right. Please talk to someone and hope you have a good friend who gives you FB. We worry about you here. We want you to be successful and happy.

The Muslim faith is very repressive, even for educated young women. I think mixed marriages don't often suvive the diffrence in faith. One day you will bring life into the world. That is a HUGE responsibility for your sex. Make the future event a wonderful. experience, not one of shame or fear of what others think. Sorry you are so far away..I think you need a hug.

I hope we send you that to let you know we think you are a good girl who got led the wrong way. All men can lead a girl astray ....regardless of the religion.
Use care in that world out there.
God Bless.