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View Full Version : New to this and need some advice please


Lee
25th December 2005, 04:23 PM
Hello, and Merry Christmas to all.

Over the past four years i have been single after my partner of eight years left me for another man, at the time i couldnt understand why but after years of thought i was very immature and did not consider her needs fully. I still see my daughter who is eight once every two weeks which i dont think is fair but i must live with it. Ever since i have been on my own i have never been with another woman and am starting to feel like my life is pointless. I live for my daughter but being alone for this long is starting to really get me down. I go out every now and then to try and meet the right person but to no avail, i am very busy with the job i have and sometimes leave the house at 04.30-05.00 and do not get home until 20.00-21.00 which limits my social life a lot. All i want is someone to love me for who i am not what i look like which plays a massive part in todays society.

Emergency999
25th December 2005, 09:28 PM
Lee,

I can relate to some of these problems that you are experiencing in that I had been what some would consider a workaholic. The demands placed on those that which wish to succeed are high and ultimately come at a sacrifice in that you don’t tend to have the social life that most are privy. I would really try hard to weigh-up that which is important to you at this crucial stage in your life, it would appear that you are at an age where you would like to settle down with a partner. It is necessary to really think that this one issue may well have a devastating impact on your ability to actually meet someone else. It is also the case that any potential partner may immediately assess your lifestyle and instantly draws a negative conclusion. Certainly this particular issue had for my long-term relationship, I only really realised when it came to an abrupt end. Although our particular circumstances differ in that I had another form of negative stimuli in that I had been going through a rather lengthy legal battle.



I don’t obviously know how you had felt after the separation from your partner but going-off of what you have provided it would appear you might well have a trust issue that you yet have to deal with. This may still prevent you from connecting with the opposite sex in a confident way. It beats up your confidence, I mean that it hurts when to you what seems like a shock so suddenly might have had all the tell tell signs.



I can honestly say that I did actually spend a lengthy time dealing with the confidence issue with psychological experts both after the accident and again after the separation from my long-term partner. I found solitude in that someone externally could assess my situation and provided examples of similar situations to mine. They also helped in assessing the situation from a different angle, which helped me immensely because you then realise that some people experience things which make your own seem real trivial. I’m certainly not attempting to suggest that yours isn’t but it helps. For instance I had one example which still sits in my mind today even though three years have elapsed. It was a lady who had been married for ten years only to have an accident where she was confined to her bed; her husband left her in her bed and walked away from the marriage after ten year without saying a word!



I also had that void in my life recently filled and met numerous friends by a simple suggestion from my cognitive therapist, she suggested the idea of keeping fit, which plays a big part in your self-esteem because of the release of endorphins into the brain. I then joined a gym/spa and it is something I do religiously every other day. Not to mention about two stone....



It might not be the answers your are looking for but I hope it helps – good luck for the future my friend keep us informed!