He Won't Touch Me?

[7CherAnn7]

Hello,
I'm new to this forum, and I thank God he brought me to it!
I've been married for just about 2 & a half years...like newly weds to me.
My husband was going through a divorce, my husband had passed away, we met each other...and got married to soon to get over our hurts and losses.
Anyway, my husband does not even want to touch me sexually. If we have sex it's maybe every 6 weeks, maybe once or twice. I have asked him since we got married what is wrong that he does not want to make love to me...and this is from the very beginning of our marriage. And we did make a big mistake before God, we had pre-marital sex! We've both repented and I know God has forgiven us. But I hate sleeping in the same bed with a husband that won't even touch me as far as wanting to make love. I feel like I'm tormented having to be in that bed!
The worse part about the whole thing, I have asked him from the time we got married, what is wrong that you don't want to make love to me? He says everytime, he does not know?
If there is anyone out there that can help me...please help?? I can't believe a person can answer a question like that with an "I don't know"!! He says he is attracted to me, well if your attracted to someone don't you want to make love to them, mostly your wife!
I know there's no one else, he's always here or at work. He says he loves me??
Tell me...is this normal? I don't think so!! I believe it will also destroy our marriage! We counceled with a Pastor for a while, but didn't get anywhere. Only God knows? But making love in the eyes of God brings unity into a marriage, without that, I believe you just practically just sharing a house?
Please give me some suggestions before it destroys me...he thinks nothing of it. I've tried to tell him it makes me fell so unattractive to him, so unwanted, so alone...ect!! I want to just run from it all. Help I need opinions.
In the eyes of God I know this isn't right, it will eventually destroy our marriage!
Cher

[Kate]

Dear CherAnn

It is natural for husband and wife to enjoy a good sexual relationship, but it is also common for difficulties to arise and Christians are not immune from this.

You have said yourself that you both rushed into this marriage before past hurts were healed. It may be that those hurts are still not healed. It is possible that there are things left over from your husband's previous marriage that are affecting him. He may not understand what is wrong.

The more you take it to heart the harder it may be for you both to talk about it or make progress. I do understand that you are deeply hurt by his behaviour, but beneath your words I hear quite deep insecurity. Has making love become the touch stone of whether he really loves you? Do you base your self worth on whether your marriage is going well. Our husbands can never provide that self worth fully - that must come from our relationship with God, then we are freed to love unconditionally and securely.

Can you find it in your heart to be patient with him, to just be physically close with him without any agenda for a while? Can you find your security in the Lord so that this issue between you and your husband doesn't grow out of proportion.

This doesn't have to destroy your marriage. Marital love with God's grace can rise above the hurts and disappointments. Why not look for ways to express your love (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/cftcartoon/whatlove.html) to your husband and your love will eventually melt the obstacles and prayer will brign out inot the open what needs healing and dealing with.
With best wishes

Kate