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Russell M
17th November 2005, 10:35 AM
Hi,



I recently spilt up with my girlfriend Debbie after living together for 7yrs. I've just turned 48 and she's 43 in January. My mother had died in late Feb and an old girlfriend, Jane, whom I'd always had feeling for came back into my life and I contacted her etc. Sue and I had had enormous problems over the yrs with step children and we, especially I, had often recently thought that apart from the bedroom we were really not compatible. I work away from home mainly and she stopped working so we could be together when I'm home but she always hankered after independance and her own money which often caused us huge arguments.



We broke up mid Sept and I got together almost immediately with Jane and Debbie didn’t know. My daughters 21st party was a week later and Jane and I went and during that week Debbie had asked me about getting back together but I’d said no I didn’t want to.



Debbie didn’t know about Jane but somebody wrote a letter to her telling her I took somebody else to the party and naturally she went crazy. She’d starting working behind a bar by now, 2 days after I left in fact and was asked out by another bloke.



She told me that they went out on about 4 dates and then they slept together in a hotel. She was very very bitter and almost did it for spite or at least because if I could she could.



When she told me about it I was devastated which is really unfair given that I’d walked out and hooked up with Jane. We’ve tried to reconcile, well I have, but she is so angry and bitter toward me for what I did to her she’s totally finished it with me for good and is seeing this other guy regularly, with him sleeping over in my old house with her.



On Friday (5 days ago) I went over to my old house after she had finished work to meet with Debbie as we had talked during the week about getting back together again. I’d initiated it as she was not interested at all during the week and I thought there was a chance as we had shared some laughs and talked a bit about the future. On the Thursday she was upbeat, not ecstatic, but upbeat about it. On Friday morning she was completely the opposite again so must have had a re-think or been told not to by friends, the boyfriend etc.



Sadly, I’d gone to the pub before she left and saw her leave the pub with him and they spent 20 minutes talking with him standing outside her car. When I got ‘home’and met her I’d asked her if she had seen him and she said yes for a short while but he’d just stood outside the car talking so she didn’t lie.



Anyway, she made it clear that she does not want to get together, she hates me, doesn’t have any love for me at all, and although it’s not a choice between me and him, she likes him a lot and doesn’t want to leave him.



I didn’t fancy her anymore when I saw her though and wasn’t heartbroken as I thought I would be when she told me. I left and haven’t spoken or heard from her since then. Occasionally I go past the house to see if he’s staying there, sometimes he is, often he’s not.



The trouble is I can’t get the vision of her and him from my mind and it’s killing me. I know it’s my fault, I caused it all, but I’m dying here. If she called and said it was over with him, selfishly, very, very, selfishly I’d then be ok as I wouldn’t want to go back as I’m happy with Jane.



I know I’m being a total, selfish b****** here but it kills me to think of her with him like we used to be together. She’s told me that they are nothing like we are, it’s completely different and I think she’s telling the truth, as she ‘hates’me enough to twist the knife, she has done on many other things.



What can I do, has anybody else been through this ? I don’t want to just take anti depressant pills every day but I’m dying inside every day.



Tks.

Sierra
17th November 2005, 09:53 PM
What did you expect? God you're a hipocrite.

Maybe she couldn't stand the thought or images in her head of you with someone else too. To help drown her sorrows she went out and found a new lover who now she likes better than she did you.

Sounds to me like the whole mess is already tied up in a neat and tidy package and you got EXACTLY what you deserved.

There is nothing finer in life than seeing someone pay the bill for a problem they themselves created.

D

P.s.

I would suggest you stop stalking Debbie and her boyfriend.

Russell M
18th November 2005, 08:49 AM
Tks Debbie, You're right and I know it. I made a huge mistake and am paying for it. I just feel so awful, perhaps I have no right to, but I still do.

Mems
18th November 2005, 05:21 PM
Dear Russell M, Here is my opinion. As you stated, the only thing that was good was the bedroom. That is why your having a hard time with this. When your compatable with someone physically, it's hard to move on in that area. Time will help a great deal. You seem happy with Jane and perhaps you could work on your physical relationship with Jane to better it. Keep moving forward. Put all your efforts into your present relationship and leave the past in the past.


Mems

Russell M
21st November 2005, 10:28 AM
Dear Mems,

many thks for your kind words. You're right of course, the only place it really did work was the bedroom, there were so many other issues that we just clashed on repeatedly. I kow it's a jealousy thing, I also know that I've screwed it up but I know too that we would never had got married and it was going to drift to failure sooner rather than later. Time is helping but it's hard. I'm slowly, very slowly getting past it, the trouble may also be that Jane doesn't quite do it for me and I'm wondering if I've made a mistake there as well.

I'm thinking of going on my own for a while, not certain yet, but just can't screw up somebody else's life as well as mine again.

Your thread really helped me this morning, tks again my friend.

Russell

Mems
1st December 2005, 08:11 PM
Hi Russell M, You might be right. You might really benefit being by yourself for a time. Consentrate on yourself and do your own thing. With no responsibilities that a relationship brings. Just you. And think hard about what a true healthy relationship consists of. What your really looking for in a partner.

Also, when you end a long term relationship, instead of jumping from one relationship to another, which many do, it's important to re-group, re-evaluate, morn and allow yourself to experience different emotions. Then you can truely move on with confidence, self-assurance, and a true knowledge of yourself. And as a result you have a better chance in choosing the "right" person that would fit you like a glove.

Good luck to you my friend......"rock on"

Mems