PDA

View Full Version : I need to do something


Ms Mellow
12th October 2005, 12:57 PM
This is the first tme I've posted but I've also posted this in the marriage section because I could really do wih some advice.

I am 29 and celebrate my 6th Wedding anniversary in November. My husband is a couple of years younger than me. We don't have children yet.

Generally we have a lovely relationship. We are both affectionate toward each other both verbally and physically, communicate well, have fun and enjoy being together.

The problem is that we very rarely make love. I mean - months pass and nothing. We never really got into a regular routine at the beginning of our marriage but it was more often. And we never had any real problems. My husband was very unexperienced as I was his first real girlfriend. I was a little more experienced but I have never talked about other relationships to compare etc and I always tried to respond to him. I think one of the main problems was that he didn't really communicate when he was trying to instigate and if I didn't get the message straight away he would just give up.

Six years on and I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to him and see if we can get to the route of the problem.When we do make love it is always lovely. In whatever way e.g. fun, romantic, passionate, lazy (morning,evening or afternoon). So I can't see why he should have performance anxiety although he has said this is one of the reasons. He insists that he does want me and one of the main reasons he gives is laziness. The problem is, he always says that he wants things to change but they never do. We might talk about it then soon after make love, then nothing again. I can't understand why it would be such a chore for him.

I have asked him if he hasn't just married his best friend and what happens if he meets someone he really fancies and he said this isn't how he feels. So I just don't know...

I realise how fortunate I am to have such a loving, caring husband and that sex is only a part of marriage but I want every aspect of my marriage to to happy and right.

I am so ashamed about this problem that I can't tell anyone. It is sterotypically the man who wants more and the woman who rejects him.Everywhere I've looked for advice it' all about how men want more sex than women and how to get the balance in your marriage. Or it's all put down to having children and how that changes relationships. This doesn't seem to be a very common problem. So I feel there must be something wrong with me . How could I tell anyone that my husband just isnt interested in sex with me? But I need to do something because it's starting to really affect me and how I feel about so many things.

Sierra
12th October 2005, 03:52 PM
This is the classic proof that sex is in fact an important part of a relationship that should be practiced A LOT BEFORE marriage.
There is nothing wrong with you. This is also a problem that probably won't be fixed by talking about it.

I would suggest that you invest in some sexy lingerie, be wearing it when he gets home, and jump on him.

Clear off the dinner table, put some rose petals on it and be laying there buck naked when he walks in.

Next time he showers get in there with him.

Rent a hotel room, tell him you will pick him up from work for "lunch". Be sitting in the car in a trench coat (with nothing on under it) and let it fall open as you drive to the hotel. Screw his brains out and send him back to work.

Ideas like that. You may have to be the agressor but it will pay off.

This can be a lot of fun. I never ran into a sexual problem I couldn't fix by jumping on her.

D

lucy rose
14th October 2005, 09:52 PM
Trust me this is far more common than you think Ms mellow! Actualy i wouldnt be suprised if nearly every relationship goes through a rough patch like this. Dont give up! Performance anxiety and laziness. This is what your husband says the problems might be, and they probably are. Possible ways to help the problems:

Performance anxiety - Always tell him when he's doing something well or something you like,tell him how good he is, work out what he feels most comfortable doing- Being the dominant or being dominated so that you can let him do what he is most confident at. Basically give him loads of compliments so he feels like a big strong sex machine.

Laziness- I can relate to this because sometimes I cant be bothered to have sex with my husband, not because i dont love him or im not sexually attracted to him but because i am so so so tired. So on your days off have a big lye in so later in the day you'll both be raring to go! (or get some espresso's down his neck!!!)

And definatly take Sierre's advice too!!!

p.s There is nothing wrong with you. Your husband just needs a bit of encouragment.

Sierra
15th October 2005, 08:24 AM
One other point.....

When you really love someone....sometimes its hard to want to do the things to her that you really want to do..... :)

D

Coffeebean
18th October 2005, 07:32 PM
I have exactly the same situation as you. Very loving husband but not very good at starting anything. When I realised that I was more interested than he was with a very high sex drive I did exactly what Sierra suggested above (apart from the Hotel thing - which cool idea by the way) and it works like a dream. We have been married 2 years on 25th this month and the poor man never knows when I might pounce yet. I think, although I don't know, its possible that, like my husband yours is maybe very shy and fearful of rejection. Therefore does not start anything because he may get embrassed. A bit trying for us because we have to always start something but sometimes it just happens that way and fear of rejection can caused problems - this being one of them. But honestly it does work and as long as he doesn't reject you you can have a lot of fun just jumping on him - also adds spontinaity to the whole thing. Love the way your mind works by the way Sierra. I read one of your other posts which was on similar lines you've got a wicked imagination