Ms Mellow
12th October 2005, 12:57 PM
This is the first tme I've posted but I've also posted this in the marriage section because I could really do wih some advice.
I am 29 and celebrate my 6th Wedding anniversary in November. My husband is a couple of years younger than me. We don't have children yet.
Generally we have a lovely relationship. We are both affectionate toward each other both verbally and physically, communicate well, have fun and enjoy being together.
The problem is that we very rarely make love. I mean - months pass and nothing. We never really got into a regular routine at the beginning of our marriage but it was more often. And we never had any real problems. My husband was very unexperienced as I was his first real girlfriend. I was a little more experienced but I have never talked about other relationships to compare etc and I always tried to respond to him. I think one of the main problems was that he didn't really communicate when he was trying to instigate and if I didn't get the message straight away he would just give up.
Six years on and I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to him and see if we can get to the route of the problem.When we do make love it is always lovely. In whatever way e.g. fun, romantic, passionate, lazy (morning,evening or afternoon). So I can't see why he should have performance anxiety although he has said this is one of the reasons. He insists that he does want me and one of the main reasons he gives is laziness. The problem is, he always says that he wants things to change but they never do. We might talk about it then soon after make love, then nothing again. I can't understand why it would be such a chore for him.
I have asked him if he hasn't just married his best friend and what happens if he meets someone he really fancies and he said this isn't how he feels. So I just don't know...
I realise how fortunate I am to have such a loving, caring husband and that sex is only a part of marriage but I want every aspect of my marriage to to happy and right.
I am so ashamed about this problem that I can't tell anyone. It is sterotypically the man who wants more and the woman who rejects him.Everywhere I've looked for advice it' all about how men want more sex than women and how to get the balance in your marriage. Or it's all put down to having children and how that changes relationships. This doesn't seem to be a very common problem. So I feel there must be something wrong with me . How could I tell anyone that my husband just isnt interested in sex with me? But I need to do something because it's starting to really affect me and how I feel about so many things.
I am 29 and celebrate my 6th Wedding anniversary in November. My husband is a couple of years younger than me. We don't have children yet.
Generally we have a lovely relationship. We are both affectionate toward each other both verbally and physically, communicate well, have fun and enjoy being together.
The problem is that we very rarely make love. I mean - months pass and nothing. We never really got into a regular routine at the beginning of our marriage but it was more often. And we never had any real problems. My husband was very unexperienced as I was his first real girlfriend. I was a little more experienced but I have never talked about other relationships to compare etc and I always tried to respond to him. I think one of the main problems was that he didn't really communicate when he was trying to instigate and if I didn't get the message straight away he would just give up.
Six years on and I have tried on numerous occasions to talk to him and see if we can get to the route of the problem.When we do make love it is always lovely. In whatever way e.g. fun, romantic, passionate, lazy (morning,evening or afternoon). So I can't see why he should have performance anxiety although he has said this is one of the reasons. He insists that he does want me and one of the main reasons he gives is laziness. The problem is, he always says that he wants things to change but they never do. We might talk about it then soon after make love, then nothing again. I can't understand why it would be such a chore for him.
I have asked him if he hasn't just married his best friend and what happens if he meets someone he really fancies and he said this isn't how he feels. So I just don't know...
I realise how fortunate I am to have such a loving, caring husband and that sex is only a part of marriage but I want every aspect of my marriage to to happy and right.
I am so ashamed about this problem that I can't tell anyone. It is sterotypically the man who wants more and the woman who rejects him.Everywhere I've looked for advice it' all about how men want more sex than women and how to get the balance in your marriage. Or it's all put down to having children and how that changes relationships. This doesn't seem to be a very common problem. So I feel there must be something wrong with me . How could I tell anyone that my husband just isnt interested in sex with me? But I need to do something because it's starting to really affect me and how I feel about so many things.