someone for a chat please

[katiestar]

Hey I dont even know if this is the right thing to do but my boyfriend keeps saying I need to talk to someone coz I am unhappy in general. so I was hopin someone here would help!

At the moment I am going through one of those times in my life where I hate verything but my boyfriend!

I did this before and thats how I lost my ex... because I was unhappy and everything went to pot after that. I am happy with Paul at the moment and he is the onpy thing that makes me happy so I dont wanna lose what I have now all over the fact that I need CHANGE!

Has anyone here got the same feeling as me, they dont know what they wanna do in life!

well, I have been a nursery nurse (well working in the same nursery) since 1999 and I am so bored and unhappy. Its one of those jobs where I am still there coz I am scared to move on!

I am unhappy with the money, the people, the children, the same routine day in day out!

but I have the constant pressure on my head that I dont know what I want to do!

I had an idea to become an assessor for nvq but I think the only reason I said that is coz the money can be fantastic and at the end of the day I would rather be happy than be rich! then there is also the fact that I love performing, singing,dancing, acting! I just wiesh I had of decided that when I was younger coz to me that seems like something that is for dreamers. I just dont see how going to college to do perfoming arts (not earning money while i do college) will help me in my life time!

I am now taking EVERYTHING out on Paul, I am selfish, posessive (today I tried stopping him from seeing his dad, all becuase I wanted to do something)
Paul is then not the best person at talking and I feel like there is so much I wanna say but I dont know what to do say etc...

My last boyfriend ( who was also a best friend for 5 years) finished with me and said he would be there as a friend for me and never did.. I now am very insecure and dont wanna leave Paul's sight. Paul is four years younger than me and it scares me that I am making him grow up to quickly and he is gonna realise that he is still so young and dont need all this hassle!

I just need a chat from someone please.

any advice etc

[disbelief]

Hi Katiestar,

Realizing your own unhappiness is the first huge step in trying to resolve relationship issues. From personal experience I have been on the receiving end of an "unhappy" person and destructive behaviour such as selfishness and possessiveness is, I suspect, a common trait. Being controlling over someone is often a catharsis for feelings of helplessness and ultimately Paul may end up being in your camp of dislikes as you wrestle with your lot in life. Recognizing this and working on the root causes is essential for any healthy relationship with others and with oneself. Do you have a history of unhappiness or restlessness, or is this a fairly new phenomenon? Do you have outlets, such as a counselling service through work, to discuss your feelings and behaviour? I think that one way or another, you should talk to your boyfriend about this and let him know your self awareness and how you plan to deal with it.

Unfortunately, jobs/careers are often mundane at best, but this doesn't mean you cannot mix it up a little. Have you thought about getting into a related field without having to sacrifice further time and money for education? For now, perhaps there's something at work you can do to make it a little more tolerable - is there any chance of having more fun with coworkers, for example? Joy is infectious and a cheerful disposition can rub off on others and make the whole experience better. I agree that happiness is more important than money - I guess finding the right balance can be the most difficult part. Realize that you are not trapped, and staying begrudgingly in one place out of fear is unhealthy in every way.

In terms of your interests, have you thought about doing an extracurricular activity, such as joining a choir or local theatre? This may be a positive outlet and also act as a confidence booster.

Just some thoughts....

[vdiesel]

Hey Katiestar,
One of the most memorable quotes from my school days (one which seemed to stick in my head anyway) was when the headmaster addressed the graduating students... he said "... seldom do people persue thier first career choice for the rest of thier working lives.. most people change paths several times and can spend half thier careers finding a job that makes them truly happy and is suited to them.." I have told myself that many times and have also had many changes of path in my life so far.. so take heart and take some time to think about what it really takes to make Katie happy!!!! Go to the beach or somewhere peaceful on your own and sit and chill out... removing all constraints think about what it would take to make your life perfect?? Career wise or other... How bout a singer in a piano bar... (you may not necessarily be able to make a career out of this but maybe if you can somehow do it then there is something to look forward to and the days at your job are a little more tolerable.. Have the courage to look at other jobs and work to a plan to get there in some capacity... as for your other half... he will be happy if you are. All this is easier said than done I know but I hope it has helped:) ..
I could do with some advice myself from a females perspective if you are able to... Anyway.. good luck with it all.

[Sierra]

I watched an uncle die from cancer. He was a Lt. Cl. in the air force. A vital man. You do not have real problems until that happens to you. Trust me.

There was a UK ban called Blue Pearl that had a song called "Can you feel the passion".....

" Are you tired of your life? Why don't you change it....

Danger calls... it intoxicates
beyond the walls... real excitement waits
adrenaline rush... dance along the ledge
forbidden touch... kiss the razor's edge
limits fade... fear into delight
wicked blade... shining in the night
rip the skies... show us what you feel
cut the ties... touch the naked steel
can you feel the passion, don't you realize?
the only time you feel it is when you're ready to die."

I would suggest that you turn the rudder hard one way or the other and sail off under some of life's storm clouds. See what kind of a captain you really are when the seas are rough.

A little revoloution now and then is a good thing.

You won't have time to be put out with your life and along the way you just might find yourself.

D