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View Full Version : Whats the point


shaz
3rd August 2005, 07:40 PM
Hi, l am new here and would like some advice, met my b.f about 19 months ago and things were good, never relised he had an addiction to games on-line till awhile after, l never minded so much as l liked just being with him but now it's become a problem, he spends more time on the pc than with me, we had a massive bust up saturday night about it and he stormed out of the pub and l have only heard from him the once, l know hes on-line instead of making up with me, we go on holiday a couple of times a year for 2 weeks and he says l should be lucky l get that much time with him (theres no pc where we go) l think thats crazy, yeah the honeymoon period may be over but don't i deserve more than a few weeks a year? btw he works 40 hours a week, l have to be fair he does deserve some time playing games, but am l wrong in saying things should change when you get in a relationship? l do all the running in this relationship, l don't think he would even fight to keep me, his games mean that much to him :( apart from this when he does bother to make time for us, he says the nice things to me but he don't back them up...maybe l should move on, maybe saty single or find a man without a pc :)

poppy
5th August 2005, 01:04 AM
<<<l do all the running in this relationship>>>

Keep running - away from it. Find someone who lives in the real world and not exists in a cyber one. Either that or chuck the ***** computer out the window! Why do you want to bother with someone with so little respect for you. He obviously doesn't value you or the relationship. You deserve so much more. Stop wasting your time, and move on. There's a whole exciting world out there just waiting for you.

Sierra
29th September 2005, 12:45 AM
This guy sounds like a moron. This will probably become obvious to you too when you, after having dumped him, find the person who IS right for you.


D

Drizzit
18th October 2005, 02:17 PM
Shaz,

your title is right on point --the answer is that there is no point staying with someone who gives more time to an inanimate object than to a real life breathing human being.

From experience online games rooms lead to people loosing site of what is reality and what is fantasy. It appears that your boyfriend does not have a full grip on life and is probably frightened of a living breathing person. Quit while you are ahead, don't stay in this relationship out of fear or because he made you laugh at the begining - yes the honeymoon period may be over but there is no reason for someone to neglect you so.

I also wonder is there more going on than just on-line games? I know some of these have "chat facilities" , if this is the case then just walk.

Think about how you feel and what you need from a relationship, if this one does not provide you with 80% of your needs then walk (In my humble opinion)

regards

Ed

magsy73
29th October 2005, 06:20 PM
Hi, l am new here and would like some advice, met my b.f about 19 months ago and things were good, never relised he had an addiction to games on-line till awhile after, l never minded so much as l liked just being with him but now it's become a problem, he spends more time on the pc than with me, we had a massive bust up saturday night about it and he stormed out of the pub and l have only heard from him the once, l know hes on-line instead of making up with me, we go on holiday a couple of times a year for 2 weeks and he says l should be lucky l get that much time with him (theres no pc where we go) l think thats crazy, yeah the honeymoon period may be over but don't i deserve more than a few weeks a year? btw he works 40 hours a week, l have to be fair he does deserve some time playing games, but am l wrong in saying things should change when you get in a relationship? l do all the running in this relationship, l don't think he would even fight to keep me, his games mean that much to him :( apart from this when he does bother to make time for us, he says the nice things to me but he don't back them up...maybe l should move on, maybe saty single or find a man without a pc :)
Hi Shaz,
My name is margaret and I can relate to you, I have a fiancee and he stays up all night with these on-line games too I go to bed he stays up and then in the morning I get up, take the two kids to nursery and school while he then decides to go to bed and when I get home from work he is sometimes just getting out his bed or still in it, we have been together for 12 years, he does nothing in the house to help me and yet when I want to go out with my friends atthe weekend he causes a fuss but when i stay in he ignores me all night. I have sometimes thought about leaving but we stay in a council house and even though it is in my name I know he will not go quite as easily and the council said I would need to involve the police if I want him out, but then I don't want my kids to see anything is wrong.
What do I do please talk to me.
My mum and dad have died a few years ago and I don't always talk to my sister much.

Mems
1st December 2005, 09:04 PM
Hi magsy73, You have a simular situation like Shaz. The computer goes or you do.....is what I'd say to him. He needs to know what this is doing to you and your relationship. When he is aware, and still chooses to continue, then move on.

Helen
4th December 2005, 01:46 PM
Magsy,

I don't know how old your oldest child is but I suspect he/she already knows something is wrong. It is time for a reality check - for your fiance. He is a father and should not be lying in bed all day when he has kids to support. He should be doing more to set an example for them. Kids are impressionable and those who are raised in a household where one or both parents are habitually out of work are more likely to be out of work themselves. This effect is increased if, in addition, one parent sits on their rear all day, doing nothing. It is a poor example to set and the cycle often repeats itself through the generations (which is why we had increasing unemployment and a culture of worklessness until recently). So you need to try to stop this rot now.

As Mems says, have a frank conversation with your fiance about the game playing, the lack of support at home (and financially, I suspect) and laying in bed all day. That isn't on and must change for the children's sakes. As for him treating you like a possession? Puhlease! He needs to get a grip! You are not a prisoner - you are entitled to go out without a load of drama over the tea cakes. Especially if all you have to look forward to at home (apart from your kids) is a life of drudgery and a fiance who cannot make eye contact with anything other than a computer screen.

I would suggest you think about ending the engagement until he changes his ways and tell him why. No way do you want to be married to a man like that!

And if he doesn't buck up his ideas, take the children to school/nursery as usual and get him out of the house while they are away, so that they do not have to see it. Yes, he will kick up a stink but it is your house - he has no rights there until you marry. At the same time, get the Council to change the locks. As stated, you cannot afford to continue to waste your life with a man like this. Better you forge ahead on your own than with someone who is holding you back in this way.