Secret marriage!HELP

[lucy rose]

My husband and i got married wen i was 18 and we didnt tell my family. In the next year or so we want to get married again but do it properly with friends and family, but how do we go about getting married without them finding out we already are? We cant sign papers again can we? i dont like lying to my family but it was the only way my husband and i could stay together at the time and my family would have been very upset me getting married so young. I was young but i have never once regretted marrying him and we are still very much i love.
Please help.
lucy

[roppelt]

just do it :) you dont have to say anything to anyone, everyone knows you have been living with him so whats the big deal

[Dave]

Dear Lucy,

Two houghts.

First, at some stage you are going to need to tell your family - it's bound to come up on some official form or something, and then they will know - honesty is usually the best policy.

Whilst you cannot legally get married a second time, you could consider a service of blessing or similar - most churches will be willing to do this.

Good luck

Dave

[lucy rose]

Thank you for you're advice. Both of you. I am considering telling everyone the truth, but if we decided not to we would have to re-new our vows (because as you said we couldnt legally get married again) and make it look like a proper wedding. One problem though. We would have no papers to sign.

If an unmarried couple get married in a garden or on the beach, who ever conducts the ceromony, do they bring along the papers for you to sign as well or do you have to go else where and sign them later?

[Liz]

Dear Lucy Rose,

In the UK, you can only get married in a church, register office or approved venue. The latter are usually hotels or country houses. You book the registrar separately and they come along with the paperwork. Sometimes couples marry at a register office and then follow that with a ceremony somewhere else but the ceremony at the register office is the legal one where papers are signed. In most churches the papers are signed at the church.

Most churches would be happy to help you renew your vows or have a blessing on a pre-existing ceremony, but surely it would be better to do this up front. When you got married originally you kept it quiet and simple. Now you are inviting everyone to be part of and support you in your marriage. That is a very important step to make, as it is a key part of marriage that it involves your role in your community. You are starting a new family and your friends and family are there to support you in this and hold you accountable to your vows to each other.

Modern culture has made marriage seem a private affair but both marriage and the wider community need each other.

I hope you can find some way to celebrate your marriage in a way that involves all those you love and care for.


Liz