What is a fair split when separate

[MSH]

Hi, welcome some objective advice. I posted a thread about 15 months ago as a distraught husband with marriage problems. I received some great advice and as a result I recovered my self esteem and have been able to get my life back on track.

My wife and I now agree that it is in the best interest of our daughter and our own sanity that we separate. However, I don't know what is a fair as far as dividing the finances - we want to do this without going through the courts.

My wife works full time , as do I, and I do earn significantly more than she does. We have agreed that she should have custody of our daughter. neither of us want to apportion blame, we have just drifted apart - but what is fair

I am suggesting she gets 60% of the proceeds of the house sale and about 18% of my net pay each month in maintenance. My daughter gets to stay with me 1 night a week and I have her every other weekend.

Does this seem fair?

Appreciate your thoughts

[London]

That sounds quite reasonable - out of curiosity, how did you come up with the 18% figure for maintenance?

I assume that sum is going towards paying for your daughter's upbringing rather than just financing your wife's "lifestyle". If that is the case, you and your wife need to figure out how much it will cost to raise your daughter (food, part of the housing costs, clothes, school, etc) and then agree a figure that is approprtioned to each of you based on that overall figure - eg 60-40 split of the costs of raising her.

Either way, best of luck to you - although it seems like you guys are handling this very well.

[MSH]

Thanks for responding. The % was arrived at when I calculated what I thought was a reasonable amount to support my daughter each month - as you say, it is not 'lifestyle support'

I haven't gone in to specifics about costs eg shoes, clothes and I think it is well over CSA guidelines. However, I am looking for a new start in life and happy to pay a reasonable amount to ensure I can do this

Thanks again

[Alan]

MSH - You will find that most of us are experts on this subject!!

Anyway, what you guys are doing is the best way ; agree on what's to be done financially and then present it to your respective solicitors. A Minute of Agreement is then recorded and authorised by a Court and the deal is done.

That's the way my wife and I are settling things. Divorce will be inevitable, but this will happen 'naturally' and avoids any conflict.

You should know that aliment is subject to strict guidelines and your offer of 18% is short of legal requirements which is 20% (of your salary) per month.

My own finances are complicated given that I own a business but an agreement has been reached, subject to a rubber stamp. I'm also lucky in that 'custody' of my son is mine!

No matter what road you choose, things won't happen quickly and you will need buckets and buckets of patience.

You guys will need solicitors though ; as much as these people are parasites when it comes to fees, they are necessary. While my wife and I have agreed, we no longer communicate direct and that's where the dispassionate suit comes in.

Whatver happens you have my best wishes.

Alan

[MSH]

Thanks Alan


I looked on the CSA website and there was a calculation which suggested 15% of net pay and this can be reduced by a seventh as my daughter will be staying with me every other weekend and 1 night a week..... can this be guide be overriden by the courts?

Also, I was looking to settle this amicably and not involve solicitors and just have a separation agreement.... am I being naive?
Regards

[Alan]

You will find that the CSA are more bother than their actual worth. Best to agree formally with your wife. In any event CSA rules mostly apply to divorced couples.

To save on any argument, and believe you me, there will be arguments, solicitors will need to be involved. It avoids the 'who said what' 'no you didn't' scenario, and protects your interests and rights (as husband/father, you'll find that you don't have much, but that's another story!).

Alan

[MSH]

Alan - thanks for the advice


Regards