Sexless Marriage after less than 6 months

[ljohnson]

Hi, I am just writing because I am really confused and don't know what to expect from marriage. Anyway, I got married at the end of January. My husband and I had sex before we got married, but stopped a good 6 months before our wedding.
I thought that once we got married, we'd have a great sex life. Not true. My husband doesn't seem to be turned on at all. He says he's tired, busy, etc. It's been like this ever since we got married. He doesn't seem to care. I've talked to him about it, and he's like, "ok, we'll do it more" but I don't want to do it for the sake of doing it. I want him to really want to do it.
My other newlywed phase friends seem to be having a lot of pleasureable sex. That, or they are just telling me that! :) Please share your newlywed experiences. Do you think I have a problem with my relationship, or do you think I am asking too much?

[London]

ljohnson - i think there a variety of factors that may at play here - here are some possible theories:

- is it possible that your husband is actually having sex with someone else? that he always was and that the 6 months leading upto your marriage he got involved with someone else and cannot bear to face you or deal with the guilt?

- have you changed in anyway that may have led him to think you are "undesirable"? I can see sometimes with some couples that have been married for a long time where one partner "becomes" no longer physically desirable for whatever reason to the other?

- is he scared of getting you pregnant - believe it or not, some men are babies and freak out at the mere possibility of that happening if its not "planned"

- does he think getting married was a mistake?

[RON]

Convince your husband to see a doctor. This is not normal at all. He could have erectile disfunction and be affraid to share that with you. Just let him know you love him and that the two of you will work through it. Good luck.

[LIZZY 1234]

Hi sorry to here about, your circumstances but i agree with what Ron said.

it is heart breaking though when this happens and you do feel worth less.
But get yourself down to the gym, get some new clothes, hair do and make up etc and find some friends. It is hard at first but you will get their eventually.

[jeannie]

agree with what is being said, try and make him talk. We have been married 33yrs and just didn't talk liked we used to. He was under a lot of stress from work and which led to not eating, sleeping and lack of sex. Unfortunately this has since led to a affair with a person at work he could talk to and laugh with. Luckily he told me soon after it started ( not sure why if it was guilt or he knew he was getting in deep and being weak wanted me to stop it)
I was not prepared to throw everything away and told him so. We have sat and talked like we never have, are much closer ( the issues are still there but he is at last realising what he has done to everyone) and the sex in better than ever. We still do have the odd night when he cannot do it but he now knows he can. I know we have a lot to do to get back right and I still have my down days, but hopefully it will work out. But the main reason is I let him talk, things I did not want to hear but he now says he appreciates that he could talk it out. It is so easy to just sit there and let things continue but if you can talk, I found at the start a little drink helped, you may not get the answers you want but it eases the tension and he may realise what you had and can still have again

Good luck

Jeannie

[ConstanceM]

Dear IJohnson: I feel for you! I am a newlywed...married just this past May and I think there is something just not right with my marriage, sexually that is. I love my husband very much, he is kind, sensitive, hardworking, supportive and patient. He also does have some health issues and is medicated for them, which is probably a big factor in his lack of libido. It is not that he does not want sex, he does, but not that often (once/month lately). We practiced abstinence when dating, so I just assumed that we would be having sex all the time once we got married. My husband works long hard hours andalso has a five yr. old daughter, whom we have on a part time basis. I feel really selfish because he is so tired all the time. I never pressure him to have sex and we have talked about it, sometimes arguing. I would like him to see his Dr. , he says he will but is not hurrying to do so. I feel so frustrated. He has issues from his previous relationship, but I have tried to encourage him and remind him that I am not her! And I love him. He claims that because of rejection by her, it has scarred him and it is tough to get over. Well, how about me?! Doesn't he think I might feel rejected? I am so confused. I love him in everyother way but this is really a problem for me. I pray that he will be open to seeking couples couseling......have mentioned it to him a couple of times.....he's not rushing. I know I can't force him. I am at w its end!

Thanks for letting me vent! ConstanceM