Counceling

[gettingthere]

Hi, I have recently found out that my Husband has been having an affair for about 6 months. At first he moved in with her, but after we actually talked we realised we still wanted to be together and he has moved out to live on his own for a while.
I feel that we are really moving forward and that I am well on the way to forgiving him, but I am struggling with the understanding and trusting part. I feel that if we had counceling this could really help both of us but I am at a loss on where to go. The only place I have found locally is Relate and that costs £45 a session! I really want my marriage to work and I know that it would be worth it, but what if you just haven'y got it?
What have other people out there done in this situation? Are there other alternatives I haven't found?

[Philzeee]

Hi, I have just found out my wife was having an affair. I am finding it very hard to cope but my company have been a great help. They are paying for me to go on holiday and have got free support. I know it is hard to forgive but even harder to forget as I keep having panic attacks, that I might go home and shes gone. If you need any more support I am here for you as I need lots of support aswell before I break down completely.

[gettingthere]

Hi Philzee, sorry to hear that you are going through it too and I have to admit I am really hoping that talking to other people who have been through this is going to help.
I am still off work at the moment as my Doctor signed me off for a couple of weeks - I failed miserably when I tried to go back in the first place. I am now looking forward to going back but dreading it at the same time. Its as if I want to get back to normality, but then realise that things will never be normal again.
My desperate need at the moment to see a councellor is rooted in the fact that I believe they might be able to convince my Husband that this healing process is going to take time. For some reason he seems to think that now he has left this other woman and said that he is really sorry and that he really loves me, that I should now forgive and forget and get on with my life (how easy that sounds). He desperately wants to come back home but I am so scared of letting him in in case he lets me down again.

[Kate]

Dear Gettingthere

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties, but glad you have found some support here.

I think that some counselling services will reduce fees or offer bursaries for those who are struggling to pay. It may be worth asking. You say you have only found Relate. Have you talked to your GP who often knows of local counselling agencies. Another country wide source is Marriage Care (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/php-bin/jump.php?linkid=8) See also here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/contactcouns/).

You might also try your local branch of Marriage Resource (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/marresource/) or Intimate Life Ministries (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/services/intlife/). These two are both Chirstian based but work with couples from any background.

There also useful articles about coping with affairs here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) and an article on a managed separation (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/whenover/managedsepn/) which may be helpful. Your husband's response in wanting to put everything behind him and yours in feeling anxious about trusting him again are very common reactions to an affair.

Wishing you all the best

Kate