miss_katie
21st June 2005, 09:32 PM
Hi,
I'm new here. I'm not married, but hope that someone can give me some advice anyways.
I found out last week that my boyfriend had been texting another girl. They'd been sending rude text messages and picture messages to each other. I found out cos I saw one of her texts on his phone. It came as a shock because I didn't even know he'd still been in contact with her (they met online about 4 years ago and have been friends ever since, they met a few times but never got together. She is 17 now, he is 20, so am I). It hurt so badly to find out he'd been doing this behind my back. I felt crushed, devasted and couldn't believe he was doing this to me. It hurt because I trusted him and never thought he would do that to me. It hurt because when I told him I knew I asked to see all the messages, and I looked at them all, he'd even sent me the same picture message! We'd even been texting each other rude messages at the same time! Everything that I thought made me special was taken away - another girl was getting it from him too, and I felt like nothing, like I didn't even matter.
We talked it through, he couldnt explain why he did it exactly. Just said that he didn't know, it made him feel good and that he'd been stupid. He was, and still is, really sorry. I believe that he is, and I know that our relationship can work. We are good together and love each other a lot.
I really do want our relationship to work. I just feel sad about what happened. I want to trust him and forgive him, but part of me is hanging back saying "what if he does it again?", my mind is going into overdrive and I'm thinking irrational thoughts. Part of me is blaming myself and saying that I must have led him to do it, but I know I didn't.
I really need some advice on how to stop thinking the way I am. Sometimes, when I feel a bit sad, I turn everything around and have an argument with James, I turn everything into a conspiracy and think that he's going to leave. He tells me he's not and that I shouldnt think like that because I know it's wrong. I do know I'm wrong but I just can't stop thinking irrationally.
Everything seems as though it is going to be ok, except the way I'm thinking. He's doing everything that he can to show to me that I can trust him and that he is sorry. I said to him that the only way we can begin to move forward is if he stops all contact with her 100%. He swore he would do that, and I believe him.
I know our relationship can and will work if only I can stop this way of thinking. It's destroying me. Please help.
Katie xxx
I'm new here. I'm not married, but hope that someone can give me some advice anyways.
I found out last week that my boyfriend had been texting another girl. They'd been sending rude text messages and picture messages to each other. I found out cos I saw one of her texts on his phone. It came as a shock because I didn't even know he'd still been in contact with her (they met online about 4 years ago and have been friends ever since, they met a few times but never got together. She is 17 now, he is 20, so am I). It hurt so badly to find out he'd been doing this behind my back. I felt crushed, devasted and couldn't believe he was doing this to me. It hurt because I trusted him and never thought he would do that to me. It hurt because when I told him I knew I asked to see all the messages, and I looked at them all, he'd even sent me the same picture message! We'd even been texting each other rude messages at the same time! Everything that I thought made me special was taken away - another girl was getting it from him too, and I felt like nothing, like I didn't even matter.
We talked it through, he couldnt explain why he did it exactly. Just said that he didn't know, it made him feel good and that he'd been stupid. He was, and still is, really sorry. I believe that he is, and I know that our relationship can work. We are good together and love each other a lot.
I really do want our relationship to work. I just feel sad about what happened. I want to trust him and forgive him, but part of me is hanging back saying "what if he does it again?", my mind is going into overdrive and I'm thinking irrational thoughts. Part of me is blaming myself and saying that I must have led him to do it, but I know I didn't.
I really need some advice on how to stop thinking the way I am. Sometimes, when I feel a bit sad, I turn everything around and have an argument with James, I turn everything into a conspiracy and think that he's going to leave. He tells me he's not and that I shouldnt think like that because I know it's wrong. I do know I'm wrong but I just can't stop thinking irrationally.
Everything seems as though it is going to be ok, except the way I'm thinking. He's doing everything that he can to show to me that I can trust him and that he is sorry. I said to him that the only way we can begin to move forward is if he stops all contact with her 100%. He swore he would do that, and I believe him.
I know our relationship can and will work if only I can stop this way of thinking. It's destroying me. Please help.
Katie xxx