If someone really loves you, why would they be so hurtful?

[marriedMOM]

Hey everyone, I am having some more problems. I thought my husband and I had started to work through whatever our problem is right now( I am not completely sure what the problem is I just know there is a big one:confused: ) but it seems as though we haven't.
He says he loves me more than anything in this world and he is really scared of losing me, but yet he still says really nasty and very hurtful things to me right in front of our children. I love him and I can't understand why if he truly loves me like he says why is it so easy for him to disrespect and hurt me?:confused:
I try to talk to him about my feelings and have even tried to ignore or forget about the things he says but nothing seems to work. He always apologizes after a while but then he does it again. I need to be happy and my kids do not need to see this behavior. I don't know what to do. He refuses to go to counselling and up until recently I was going myself but he threw a fit over the cost so I quit going. Does anyone have any advice?
I am a stay at home mom of 4 and we cannot afford the cost of daycare for 4 children or I would go to work to help with the cost of couselling.
Thank you so much for any advice you may have!:)

[packerman]

did you ever hear that you hurt the one you love. i do. it is because of an intenal problem that we have.. i hurt her because she gave her virginity and first year of living with someone to another. i am resentfull that he had his way with my wife and hurt by this. even though it was way before me... it has created an internal resentment which i have a hard time dealing with..

there is something that your husband has against you for some reason... it may be very deep seated... i hope you find it.. i wish i could deal with my problem.. just stay positive and supportive.. realize maybe that every relationship has its bumps in the road... best wishes

[marriedMOM]

yes, I am familiar with that saying.....I just didn't remember that. I think that you may be right. I was previously married and have two children from that marriage which live with the ex. I go visit them often and he gets jealous of that. The ex was my first boyfriend in highschool and we were together for about 7 yrs. through a lot of tough times. And a VERY bad divorce and custody battle. I think maybe he has some resentment towards me for my past relationship as well. I was going through the divorce when I met him and the relationship had been over for quite some time before that. But I didn't think of this stuff before so thank you for your input. I will definately do the best I can to stay positive and I know all marriages have hard times at some point. We have had many this one is just more difficult to get through than the past ones I guess. Thanx again

[Debbo]

You might try praying for your husband.

There's a book out called "The Power of a Praying Wife", by Stormie OMartian.
She was experiencing the same things you are describing with her husband.

I have been praying for my husband using this book for over a year now and I have seen some great changes happening in him.

I wish you well in this.

[marriedMOM]

Thank you Debbo. I actually have been praying almost daily for him. I will look into the book. Thank you so much.

[packerman]

How about telling him how important he is and letting him know how much you care about him. i know i need this almost daily... it makes the other problems go away... ask him why he says the things he does maybe he knows... ask him what is wrong... not if something is wrong but what is wrong... if he is doing this then something is wrong and you need to get to the bottom of it.. if he is jealous of your kids then this may be a big clue.... hope you find it...