frustrated

[Charles]

My wife and I have a live in group home for at risk teens, males, up to 11. We also have 3 of our own kids here. We feel we are doing what God has called us to. However, since I am usually busy with the at risk teens she is busy with our kids it leaves no time for us. My sex drive is much higher than hers and sex may occur 2-3 times a month. I desire her much more FREQUENTLY than that but it does'nt happen. Her desire is low. I know that our life work has something to do with this. Also I often suffer from pre-mature ejaculation. She says it is no problem and usually gets satisfied, but I desire to last longer to enjoy it longer. She says be content because she is. My doubt is if she is why does'nt she disire it more. I have used the muscle control techenics to learn control but it just doesn't seem to work well. It feels like she can live without the sex. Any suggestions on what to do?

[Kate]

Dear Frustrated

It sounds as if you need to find some support from friends to have some time out for each other. You have lots of demands on you, but the thing that will help both your own children and those you care for is to see the quality of your relationship. You need time and space to communicate about the issues that come along like this one about your physical relationship. It's so easy for no go areas to arise and then to cause difficulties between you.

Women's desire for sex can be adversley affected by tiredness and your life sounds really busy and tiring, but women also need to feel emotionally close too to make love.

As well as trying to organise perhaps a regular time off each week, you might consider a weekend away doing some marriage enrichment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/). I'm not sure that you are UK based but if not some of these can be found elsewhere around the world.

I hope you can find some caring friends to give you some space for each other. God is concerned for your marriage as wella s the work you are doing.

Kate