This is going to be hard (and long)

[@-Dawn-@]

Hi all Im new to this board, and Im looking for advice. My name is Dawn and Im not victim but was the one to cause heart attach in my spouse of 12 years. Let me tell you alittle about me and my spouse. He is hispanic and not a very open effectionate person, I am effectionate not overly but I try to show effection but dont get much feed back. We arent very talkitive we are both quiet people. But are comfy with one another.

3 years ago my husband allowed a friend of his to come live with us. A month went by after this man was living with us and he started talking to me more, I felt comfortable with him and was able to talk easy with him. I talked to him about Bill hurting me and making me sad that he didnt show me the effection that I wanted. He said he noticed it too, and was sorry that Bill wasnt like this. One day he kissed me and my daughter happened to see us. I was confused and wasnt sure why I allowed him to kiss me. After much time I had feelings for this man. He cared of me he told me that he cared for me, he should me effection ect. He told me he would take care of me and my 2 children if it came down to that. I was happy that he was giving me the type of effection I had craved. And yes we kissed a few times after the first time but I never let it go further. One day my daughter told her dad that she saw him kissing me. And things got out of hand, when Bill confronted me I denied it all. Then eventaully I got upset yelling at Bill saying it was all true, that I loved this man ect. But I loved Bill still. Bill ask me if I wanted to leave him and go live with this man, He was moving to Maryland and it was my choice. I choose to stay with Bill realizing that this man never could takle care of my kids or me, and he told me it was all and act to try and get me to bed. I stayed with Bill. We moved on we were doing great, we had our last child, and things were good. Then this last month I guess I stopped showing him so much attention and effection and he thought I had found someone else, and I hadnt. All the memories from befire came rushing back to him. And now are marriage is rocky. We have vowed to try and work this out, for our children and for US. BUt he says he needs time to change will iun his words time to forget. What can I do, just give him time, he feels uncomfortable at times when I try to give him effection because he remembers everything that happeded before. What can I do to help him move on? Does he need to do it on his own, should we even try? There were rumors at work that he had been seen with another women, but he has told me that if he was to find anyone else he would be the first one to tell me. I belive him on this. SO Im asking what can I do, I wish that I could go back and time and I feel so sorry for what I did. At times I cry thinking how I could have been so foolish. And I hurt thinking about how much pain I have caused him.

[Kate]

Dear DawnWhat's done is done and your husband needs time to come to terms with what has happened. Even though things didn't go very far with this man, your husband will be hurt that you looked elsewhere and didn't respect him.



Have you thought of writing down how sad you are about what happened and how much you love him and giving it to him. It won't make things right straight away but it will help for him to know how you feel about him and your regret and sadness at the pain that you have caused him. Have you asked his forgiveness (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/forgive/)?



Do you know how best to show him love (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/cftcartoon/whatlove.html)? What would demonstrate your love for him? Showing him steadfastly that you care about him is the best ointment for his pain.

Kate

[@-Dawn-@]

thanks for replying and yes I have asked for him to forgive me, and this is why we are working things out. things have been really crazy. People at owrk are angry with him and spreading nasty rumors about him, and even had one of them calling me to tell me he was doing this and that with a girl at work. When i told him he didnt get angry and he said I cant believe how low people stoop. Being a women I am very suspicious but my gut tell sme I am being paranoid but for some reason I cant leave it alone and borought it up. I didnt anger hiim he just told me please dont think I have someone else I wont thigs to work with us. IF I had someone else you would be the first to know that I wouldnt want what happened to me happen to you. I cant help to be suspicious at times. Its my nature I guess. I love him and truley wish to work it out, I dont go over board, I show him effection and pray that he will eventually let it go, and bable to forgive me. He says he needs time to forget it, it only came about cause of stress at owrk and me not being very close or affectionate. Im sorry Im rambling Im just very upset and praying it all works out, I hate to lose him.