jvalloric
4th June 2005, 06:07 AM
Six weeks ago my wife spent about three days around the house with a very cold attitude toward me and the kids. During this time she brought hom a pack of cigarette's and declared "I'll handle stress my way, you handle it yours" A few days later I called her and she said she was out running errands and had left my daughter with the neighbors. I came home that night and came upon a mapquest map showing directions from my house to the house of a man Tom (whom I have never met) my wife works with. She had talked about him before and how he was her friend and let's her bum cigarette's (even though at the time she had not smoked for 8 years). When I asked her about this she made up a story about buying something for me from him for our 10 year anniversary (althought we had agreed not gifts since we spent a week in mexico.) We talked about why she was so upset those three days and she said because she was wokring so much and didn;t get a chance to see the kids and had lots to do on her days off. Two days later, she called from work to ask if I was alright if she switched her schedule to go out with a girl she works with. I said fine but reminded her that she would be missing more time with her kids if she did this. She called back later to say she decided she would call in sick, go to the zoo with my son and go out later. Turns out, she had plans to go out with a bunch of her coworkers not just her frioend as she has originally said. I asked if I could go too and she reluctantly agreed. While Out, I inquired with the others what Tom sold. She became very upset with me about this and ended up int he bathroom crying.
The following Monday, while at Subway, I was in ine behind an emt named Tom. I told my wife about this and she confirmed it was probably him. On tuesady, the next night we had a chance to talk, she informed me that she had lied to me and that she did not buy anything from Tom and had only made the map out of curiosity. She said she never went to his house.
During this time my anxiety has skyrocketed and I have begun to have panic attacks when she does things that are out of her ordinary routine.
The following week, we went to one of her coworkers parties. The entire time she was encouraging me to go play volleyball or horseshoes. I did these things then we all sat down around a bonfire. After about twenty minutes of chit chat, she got up, took her beer and walked over to the barn where other people were, without saying a word to me. 45 minutes later, I was the only one left at the fire and she had not returned. I decided to go to the barn and she did not acknowledge me when I entered. The night ended with her being upset and us leaving earlier than she wanted to (1AM) The following friday I told her, in an effort to help build my trust back she should go out with her girl friend on friday (which happened to be the only day off she had in 8 days) The next day she said sthey planned to go to a movie. On the day they were to go, my son and I were going to see Star Wars, while at the theater, I called to ask if she wanted me to get her tickets too. She then informed me that they were not going to the movies. She left before my son and I returned from Star Wars.
I went to sleep at 11:30 and awoke with a panic attack around 1:45am. I paced around outside smoking cigarettes when I heard a car drive down the road, headlights went off before it stopped, so I went out to look, only to see my wife three doros down getting out of Tom's truck. We had a major blow out, I ended up going to the hospital to get help with my panic attack. They prescribed Klonapin.
I started counseling for this the following Tuesday (an appointment that had been arranged for over a week) and do no return until June 13.
Last night while paying my bills, I noticed that she bought cigarette's in a city other than the one she told ne she was in the night she went out. She picked up an extra 4 hour shift last night, and called a half an hour after the shift ended to see if I minded if she stayed til 3AM. I said it was up to her but reminded her that she had been complaining about being tired before she went into the shift. She got upset, said she would come home, and hung up. 10 minutes later she called to say she was coming home. She arrived 25 minuted later (35-40 minute commute) and I said "Wow you made record time" This of course inflamed her (not what I had intended) to do. We talked about it for awhile (which is one thing that has been good, we have been able to talk about these things pretty well rahter than argue.) She decided to stay up and have a beer. Today she told me that should could not sleep last night because she was thinking about what has happened to us and she is not sure if we can ever be back to the way we used to be. Now I feel like she has given up on us.
I know this is a long story. I hope someone can read through it all and help figure out what I can do. I DO NOT think she is cheating on me, but am worried that her new friends (she rarely talks to the longtime friends she had back in March) are becoming more important to her than her family and me.
Anyone have any advice on what I can do to make amends with her?
The following Monday, while at Subway, I was in ine behind an emt named Tom. I told my wife about this and she confirmed it was probably him. On tuesady, the next night we had a chance to talk, she informed me that she had lied to me and that she did not buy anything from Tom and had only made the map out of curiosity. She said she never went to his house.
During this time my anxiety has skyrocketed and I have begun to have panic attacks when she does things that are out of her ordinary routine.
The following week, we went to one of her coworkers parties. The entire time she was encouraging me to go play volleyball or horseshoes. I did these things then we all sat down around a bonfire. After about twenty minutes of chit chat, she got up, took her beer and walked over to the barn where other people were, without saying a word to me. 45 minutes later, I was the only one left at the fire and she had not returned. I decided to go to the barn and she did not acknowledge me when I entered. The night ended with her being upset and us leaving earlier than she wanted to (1AM) The following friday I told her, in an effort to help build my trust back she should go out with her girl friend on friday (which happened to be the only day off she had in 8 days) The next day she said sthey planned to go to a movie. On the day they were to go, my son and I were going to see Star Wars, while at the theater, I called to ask if she wanted me to get her tickets too. She then informed me that they were not going to the movies. She left before my son and I returned from Star Wars.
I went to sleep at 11:30 and awoke with a panic attack around 1:45am. I paced around outside smoking cigarettes when I heard a car drive down the road, headlights went off before it stopped, so I went out to look, only to see my wife three doros down getting out of Tom's truck. We had a major blow out, I ended up going to the hospital to get help with my panic attack. They prescribed Klonapin.
I started counseling for this the following Tuesday (an appointment that had been arranged for over a week) and do no return until June 13.
Last night while paying my bills, I noticed that she bought cigarette's in a city other than the one she told ne she was in the night she went out. She picked up an extra 4 hour shift last night, and called a half an hour after the shift ended to see if I minded if she stayed til 3AM. I said it was up to her but reminded her that she had been complaining about being tired before she went into the shift. She got upset, said she would come home, and hung up. 10 minutes later she called to say she was coming home. She arrived 25 minuted later (35-40 minute commute) and I said "Wow you made record time" This of course inflamed her (not what I had intended) to do. We talked about it for awhile (which is one thing that has been good, we have been able to talk about these things pretty well rahter than argue.) She decided to stay up and have a beer. Today she told me that should could not sleep last night because she was thinking about what has happened to us and she is not sure if we can ever be back to the way we used to be. Now I feel like she has given up on us.
I know this is a long story. I hope someone can read through it all and help figure out what I can do. I DO NOT think she is cheating on me, but am worried that her new friends (she rarely talks to the longtime friends she had back in March) are becoming more important to her than her family and me.
Anyone have any advice on what I can do to make amends with her?