Thinking about it..........

[helenrw200]

I've spent quite a few days now wondering and pondering on why I seem suddenly so unable to face partner with what I found and I think I'm starting to make a little sense of it .

My self esteem and self confidence hit an all time low in recent months . I had to have surgery to remove some xanthelasma from my eye lids ( lower and upper ) which were caused by a high level of cholestral in my blood , this following a thyroid problem caused after I overdosed on anti depressants 2 years ago. I used to be a reasonably attractive woman, not beautiful, but not ugly either and had bags of confidence . My weight shot up after the OD and the xanthelasma appeared on my face. I now have scars and I find them quite ugly, my body now has trouble maintaining a low level of cholestral by diet alone and I have to medicate to keep it down. It also means I have trouble controling weight gain . Consequently, along with my clinical depression, I am feeling at an all time low.

Maybe what is at the bottom of all this is :-

1 I feel low and unloveable so I am doubting he could still find me attractive .... or
2 My lack of self esteem means that I am scared that by confronting him he will walk out....or
3 If he did walk away now I am afraid that I would never have the confidence to meet anyone new .

Or all of the above ?

Helen

[Hope]

My self esteem and self confidence hit an all time low in recent months . I had to have surgery to remove some xanthelasma from my eye lids ( lower and upper ) which were caused by a high level of cholestral in my blood , this following a thyroid problem caused after I overdosed on anti depressants 2 years ago. I used to be a reasonably attractive woman, not beautiful, but not ugly either and had bags of confidence . My weight shot up after the OD and the xanthelasma appeared on my face. I now have scars and I find them quite ugly, my body now has trouble maintaining a low level of cholestral by diet alone and I have to medicate to keep it down. It also means I have trouble controling weight gain . Consequently, along with my clinical depression, I am feeling at an all time low.
Hi Helen,

you've had to deal with a great deal so I'm not surprised you feel low! The thing is a loving partner should be supporting you and offering you comfort to help you get through the bad times. This is often when relationships end because our partners just can't give us the support we sometimes need when life gets a little tough. Don't blame yourself for feeling the way you feel. You may not have felt so low if he was there for you - your self esteem wouldn't be at an all time low if he was treating you with respect.

I think I lost confidence during my marriage. My self esteem dropped right down and to be honest I just felt like a frumpy old housewife. I stopped having any me time. Stopped going out with friends and having fun because I was afraid to leave my H home alone because I didn't trust him!!! I lost 2 years of my life really and just plummetted into a bit of a depressive state I guess. Even though my H has gone and its been terribly difficult to deal with it all at times I have come alive. I dress up, I pamper myself and love life and enjoy going out - my H and I obviously weren't as happy as I first thought otherwise I wouldn't have lost my self esteem..... its most certainly come back now though.

I can't give any advice really I can only tell you my experience but I would just say don't be affraid to be alone. You may find that your relationship is just not helping you. Don't worry about finding a new partner yet. Give yourself some "you time", give yourself some breathing space..... go out with friends and just "enjoy life". Don't let one person spoil your out look on life... its precious and sometimes life can be cut short.


1 I feel low and unloveable so I am doubting he could still find me attractive .... or

None of us are super models and often beauty can come from within...... I think if you are happy and content with life you ooze confidence and self esteem and people enjoy your company - thats attractive. Stop putting yourself down!

When you feel good about yourself you feel attractive. Why don't you try having some time apart from your partner to see if you begin to feel better? I think you need some fun times..... time to give you that real zest for life that's missing right now.... Can you spend some time with other people to help you to feel better about life. I think when you are part of an unhappy relationship it just drags you down to the point where life is just no fun anymore.

I hope things improve.

Take care of yourself
Hope