masturbation

[softly_spoken_lady_2005]

I am married to a wonderful man but have a very serious issue. He gets all the sex he wants and when he wants it and we are very erotic in our lovemaking and adventurous and it is very satisfying for both of us. The problem is > he masturbates when I am not there and then is distant towards me after he has done it. I do not have a problem with the masturbation itself, it is the feeling of being unattractive and not needed by him afterwards. He does not even hardly touch me after he has done this and this is happening more frequent with him looking at porn now more often. When I bring up this issue with him and tell him how he makes me feel, he gets really upset with me which makes me feel even worse and like it is my fault in some way. Can anyone help with this? This is coming between our marriage and I desperately want to save this from happening.

[softly_spoken_lady_2005]

I am married to a wonderful man but have a very serious issue. He gets all the sex he wants and when he wants it and we are very erotic in our lovemaking and adventurous and it is very satisfying for both of us. The problem is > he masturbates when I am not there and then is distant towards me after he has done it. I do not have a problem with the masturbation itself, it is the feeling of being unattractive and not needed by him afterwards. He does not even hardly touch me after he has done this and this is happening more frequent with him looking at porn now more often. When I bring up this issue with him and tell him how he makes me feel, he gets really upset with me which makes me feel even worse and like it is my fault in some way. Can anyone help with this? This is coming between our marriage and I desperately want to save this from happening.[/QUOTE]

[helenrw200]

If you read the thread on masturbation, porn and marriage you will see that you are not alone in this problem. Quite a few of us have been/are going through it .
There are no easy answers , all you can do is try to make him aware of how much his distance afterwards upsets you and try not to let it dent your confidence too much, this I know being far easier said than done.

Many men have posted saying that porn and masturbation does not in any way detract from their feelings for their wives, but when it interrupts intimacy in this way then it obviously is having a detrimental effect.

I've been there myself , and though he promised never to do it again because of the effect it was having on me, I no longer trust him and it is slowly driving us apart. I now doubt everything he tells me ( see my other threads ) and to be honest, I really don't know whether we have a future.

I hope, as you obviously love your H very much, that you can help him to understand that whilst you don't find porn or masturbation a bad thing, you feel it is having an effect on your lives together and hope that he can limit it.

Helen

[packerman]

how about sharing the porn with your husband... i know that when my wife and I share this it is much better than when i do it myself.... let it go and tell him what turns you on and ask what turns him on.. this is not something that a man and wife should keep from one another... you sound like you are adventerous... well share this together it can be very satisfying... best wishes

[alidawn]

I also find that sharing porn with my husband has worked. I said straight out that I dont mind him doing it, just not to hide it from me, and to invite me to participate with him.

How about watching a video with him and have him hold you, or touch you while you do the same to him?

Maybe you could suggest that he look at the porn with you, and see how that goes down? It might be less threatening to him than telling him that he's hurting you...

Alidawn