Relationship woes!

[Mr Angry]

Dear readers,

I hope you can help me. I've known my Current Girlfriend for 7 years and have been going out with her for 2 years this weekend. After a year of living in her mams we moved i nto our own house and Within 5 months she was pregnant.
Now When We argue, she generally walks away shouting at me, that wynds me up and I really have a short temper now when this happens, I start to shout and screem at her and within minutes shes packing up her stuff and leaving just after she starts to throw things at me. I Sometimes throw things back and have caught her a few times. I see us as equal, If she can throw things at me, then she deserves something thrown back at her. I know that this is not the case but I cant help myself.
Once I have calmed down, Usually when It sinks in that she has left me, and left with my Daughter of 8 weeks now. I then begin slowly to think about what I have done and what I should have done but of course its too late. She Shouts and screems at me, I shout and screem back but She seems to be getting away with it because as soon as I start to shout back she walks away, Which In Turn Wynds me up. HAs anyone experienced the same sort of relationship woes?

Many thanks
Nick

[Kate]

Dear Mr Angry


What a mess! This won't be much fun for your baby growing up with warring parents. Don't you think it's about time you both grew up and stopped this tit for tat attitude and tried to sort yourselves out and cut out the violence and abuse.

I don't know whether this fighting is new. Perhaps it's the strain of suddenly finding yourselves as parents, but I would encourage you for the sake of your daughter to get some help in communicating and sorting out conflict. You could try Relate (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/contactcouns/relate/) or Prepare/Enrich (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/marenhnonres/prepinc/). Why not also have a look at some of the tips here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/). I assume you want to sort things out.

Kate

[trhs]

New relationships and new babies can cause alot of stress by themselves. Not to add the rest of lifes worries with it. You both need counseling. If not for you, your baby. Do you want her to grow up and think that its normal to behave this way in a relationship? Would you want her boyfriend to throw something at her even if she threw first. Think about this and get help. Good luck! And yes, most of us have been there.

[raven]

I am in the same kind of situation. My boyfriend/fiance? has the same problem and so do i. our 1 yr old son was crying early one moring and being the insomniac i am i was very cranky.i was sick of him hiding under the covers when i couldn't get our son to calm down. i yanked the blanket off of him and started screaming at him. He nudged me with his feet and i fell to the floor. i got up to punch him and by the time we were finished he had his hands around my throat. He didn't choke me but it was enough to scare me to death. i broke off the engagement, but we are still together. what advice do you have for me and him? what did you learn that you couldnt fix because it was too late...

[confussed]

WOW this is an explosion waiting to happen and if something isnt done soon someone is going to get seriously hurt, an im not meaning emotional.
You say your daughter is only 8 weeks old, so there is a good chance your partner could be suffering from a little bit of post natal depression here, maybe you should be taking her to the doctor and explaining her actions to him or her and see if they can either help with medication or counseling for the both of yous.
Although it is her that may have this you also need help in understanding it as it is not an easy thing for either of yous to live with.
As for lifting things and throwing them at each other this has to stop, as you daughter grows she is going to see this and even be in the line of fire one day and get seriously hurt. If this continuse then you daughter is going to grow up thinking this is the way all couples live as she wont know any different, our children learn by our actions. Im sorry if this sounds harsh but if the situation dosnt change then you and you partner have only each other to blame the first time your daughter comes in and has been beaten or hit with something from some guy, as this is all she has ever known at home.So to her this is what couples do......its normal.
Im sure as a father you would have something to say about this, if it were to happen. So sort it out now before it gets to out of hand and you project this onto the next generation and seek some help as soon as you can.Good luck and I do hope for the sake of you baby daugher you BOTH can sort this out.