H alcoholic and I'm in bad mental health

[Stayc Clarke]

My H and I were involved in bad auto accident 7 years ago. My best friend and his girlfriend passed. H only smart one with seatbelt on and walked away. I spent 32 days in hosp not expected to make it out. Received major head trauma and had to learn everything all over again (walk, write, understand things). Didn't remember that I was married and had a 5 year old son (he's now 12). I've come a very long way and am almost normal now.

I suffer bad depressive episodes and take anger out on H. I've hit him, cursed him, and called him names. He's been drinking alot since wreck and is now an alcoholic. He got arrested recently for a DUI. I haven't seen him since (happened about 4 weeks ago). He doesn't like the fact that I'm doing better than he thought I'd be doing with everything that's happened. I've been a single parent for the last 4 weeks and he's been sending friends to pick up kids for him on weekends (we had another son since wreck).

H stated that he knows he now needs help w/ the alcohol. He now claims that he wants a divorce and I don't know how to deal with it. Is it because I'm doing so much better and it scares him? Or is it that he really doesn't love me anymore? I love my H and don't want him to leave me for good, but am at a loss. Any advice would help.

[helenrw200]

Dear Stayce

This must be doubly hard for you, I am diagnosed with clinical depression myself and I know that you always take it out on the one closest to you, having said that it sounds as if you very much want your marriage to survive and I think that you need some outside help. You both obviously have had problems dealing with what happened and it has resulted in different problems for each of you.

Could you persuade your H to go to counseling ? If not, would you consider going yourself ?

You could be right in as much as your H is scared of the fact that you seem able to cope without him , have you asked him outright ?

It is sad that an accident has had such far reaching effects on both of you and it may be worth giving it one more cards-on-the-table talk, if you can get him to sit down and talk to you.

Helen

[Stayc Clarke]

Thx Helen!
Yes, we've tried counseling and for now, we're doing it on an individual basis, not together. I believe he is scared that I'm coping fine w/o him, but he's making me feel worse by not even talking to me. All I can do right now is guess.

Things have been really quiet with no "dad" in the house and my boys are confused. I'm doing the best that I can and he's trying to explain our being apart has nothing to do with them. My 12 yr old's taking this hard but our 5 yr old's fine. He doesn't understand and I like it that way.

Even though H lies about everything under the sun, I think he'll stop once he gets the help he needs. Of course, I hope he stops! I guess lying comes with being an alcoholic. Mainly it was about finances. I'm sorry that you have to deal with depression, too. I appreciate your concern and comments.

Hopefully, H will want to sit and talk one day soon...