Desperate help

[lynnette]

I have suffered from eating disorders most of my life. I am getting married in Nov this year and have bought my dress (whichI had a friend try on as I darent).

Originally I was supposed to be getting married in August, but I cancelled it and moved it to nov as I am binge eating and terrified about the day, dress, people looking at me etc. (to give me time to sort myself out)

In the last 12 months i have put on 3 stone and my dress will not fit now. My weight is increasing by the week and I am on the edge of losing my mind.

I am tired of living with this eating problem, I either do not eat at all or I constantly binge. This is of course a brief summary of how I am, but all I can think about it how disgusting i look and how I know I will not beable to wear my dress and enjoy the wedding because of my problem.

I went to the doctors and he has referred me to a phycologist, but the wedding is in 6 months now and I feel terrified and wont talk about the day or plan things. Wearing a dress and having everyone looking at me is probably my worst nightmare.

The wedding is all paid for and I feel like im going to have some kind of breakdown as I am so afraid. I dont socalise anymore. None of my clothes fit me as I was always a size ten.
I sit in the house with a huge fleece on (and in summer!) and make excuses alll the time.
Time is running out, my dress was really expensive and I feel ashamed that this is all going to be a disaster because of me.
I just hate being me and I dont know what to do apart from stop eating until the wedding, but I try and I cant anymore. Im 28 and have been starving myself for 15 years, but now I cant do it and I dont know why.
I have a great job and a lovely partner, but this has been with me for most of my life and I cant get better.
Please help me anyway you can, as im scared what i might do.
xxxx

[Kate]

Dear Lynette

You sound very stressed by the situation. I am glad to hear that you are getting help trhough the doctor to deal with the root cause of your eating disorder.

You don't say whether you have been able to talk to your fiancé about your problems. He must be aware of your weight gain, but is he aware of your fears and low self esteem? Do you think you can talk to him about it?



It is important for you to be able to be open about these sort of things so that you love and trust can grow. Would he be willing to go to the psychologists with you for some of the appointments to support you.



You might also consider talking to a nutritionist about finding a suitable diet once you begin to face up to things with your psychologist. Sometimes bad diets can in themselves cause cravings. There are websites here (http://www.eatingdisorderscentre.co.uk/) and here (http://www.eating-disorders.org.uk/) with some useful information.



Another thing that isn't clear from what you've written is whether your eating problems have got worse at the thought of the wedding. If they have, could it be that you are afraid of the commitment or could it be that you don't want to be the centre of attention on that day. If it's the day itself you are really struggling wiht, why not talk to your fiancé about scaling down the arrangements so that there is less fuss and keep things simple.

Now that you are getting help with your disorder, then I am sure you will find a way through this. One day in the not too distant future you will be able to enjoy your food and your appearance and know that you are a very special person who just needed a little help to recognise that she was.

All the best

Kate

[Valerie]

Hello,

It seems as if you are fighting this battle alone. You see sometimes a mission like this one takes support from loved ones, like your soon to be husband. I did not see you mention what is your definition of overweight. Is your eating disorder visible to those that surround you? If you have had this problem for 15 years it seems more like an emotional disorder and you need to attack a game plan. You need to add regular exercise to your life like taking a shower everyday. You need to add up the hours, get a lifeline of people calling you to meet at a gym or to go running. Buy foods that change your diet and learn the healthy areas of each product so that you remember "this is for my heart, cholesterol, fiber, etc". As opposed to making your fears a daily ritual, focus on this daily and you will shed those pounds off, but keeping it a daily part of your life will keep you stable. Don't think that you will exercise until you loose this weight, marry your routine. "I will add this to my priorities for the rest of my life because this makes me feel good and I want to be happy." The money and time you spend at a counselors you can utilize at the gym. In addition, have your labs drawn by your family physician and assure its not thyroid. You will have to sacrifice and be agressive. But sometimes we have to fight for what we really want, and mental stability is important for your future, and your new marriage.