Confused

[mikey1461]

Hi All,

Just got married last weekend and i already seem to have a problem. I am confussed about a few things and I am no able to find the complete answer. So I feel I need a little help in finding it.

It statred Wendsday evening and S was having a bad day. She felt she was cornered into a situation with now way. We talked about and we found a solution but, other matters happend during the day and she was brought down future thrughout the evening.

S went to bed at her normal time as she had to goto work in the morning leaving me me a home. When I awoke I felt a bit lost as the honeymoon was over. The previous night I noticed she left her wedding ring on the coffee table and never gave it a second thought. Well, she came home after work and I had fallen asleep on the floor as I sometimes do. She walked in and I woke up after hearing her said hello and gave her a kiss and sat down.

The she made mention that I hadn't started any dinner and I apologized about the mistake. Than it seemed everything started a cascade effect after that. I made mention I wished to goto work and pick up my paycheck and that started a whole new incident. She made mention that I would rather leave her while she was still awake. I do things spontainiously and that is what I do at times.

In anycase she started to question my love and I told her that was not it. I am just confused. Then this morning she went to work and left her wedding band on the coffee table. That has really bothered me today as I feel I am losing her after only 6 days.

I am the one who is making the big adjustments as I am the one who is moving into her place. Could it be that I am just getting overwhelmed with everything happening at one time and the wedding ring just intensifing the effect? I am lost, confused and hurting on the inside.

[Concerned Reader]

Dear Mikey

I realize that the rules may not be very clear to you.

You are married now and that means working co-operatively as a partnership. It is not possible to do things spontaneously as you did previously because that does not take in to account what the other person may need to do.

You can be spontaneous when you are not married because there is no-one else to consider. This is very nice, but it does mean you are more alone.

Sometimes people do not properly explain what they need you to do and can be very angry if you cannot anticipate what they want. Explain that you do not know what you have to do and say that it would help you to know this, and you will learn to do it.

Some wives become very angry because they are good at knowing what their husbands want, but their husbands are not good at figuring out what the wife wants. It is best to ask if you are not sure.

Please do not fall asleep on the floor. If you are too tired to begin to make dinner, please put a note on the table explaining you are tired and then go up to bed. This is not completely rational, but it annoys women more when men fall asleep on the floor. I don't know why this is. If you go to bed, she will be less annoyed.

Please note: both of you are making big adjustments. Your wife has decided to share her space with you and that is a very big adjustment.

I don't know if you have felt this way before, but if you sometimes have trouble communicating with people, especially if you are a computer programmer, there are some communication programmes which can help you learn to do this better. Please post again if you would like help finding some programmes.