Your Sister needs help

[Altered Heart]

I am married .. I left my husband five years ago , but did not divorce. I left him for a man I met on the internet, a man with whom I have been living for five years. ( See my post on marriage forum)
They are both good men and I love them equally.( I am not having sex with either) I just don't want to hurt anyone...So I continue to hurt myself by living with this lie and trying to please
I do not know which direction God would have me to go.
Back to my spouse? Or move forward with this new man?
I just know that I cannot continue to give my everything to both.
I know I am wrong ... Please don't judge me .. I am your sister in Christ ~I have fallen ........I need your help...
Please lift my situation up in your prayers and respond to me with any words God may lay upon your heart.
I so need rest.... I am weary and tired... fractured and feel broken in a million pieces.
My heart is sincere ~ Please reach out to me

[1aokgal]

Dear Altered Heart.....

I am as confused as you seem to be. Now you have "buyers remorse" that the new man/package is not working out? What makes you think your clothes and bags were not tossed out the door when you left your husband? Time does NOT stand still for 5 years. It is highly unlikely that the husband cares to wait for any change of heart from you. It is over ...and he may have moved onto a better life.
He may just need a signature on the papers and you sure owe him that.

It seems you need someone to hold you up...either this one or that one? Do you have a life of your own as work or profession? You said you have sex with neither man. It sounds as if you seek lucky #3 now to keep you secure since these two have not worked out. Something is seriously wrong that you say you love them equally and have sex with neither. I see you say you gave your everything to both???? What did you give to either? You sure did not give honesty and closure to the husband. What is chasing behind you in the latest situation? ?
I think you look for a soft spot to land now and things at the present location are not good. I feel you are very depressed and should seek some counselling. You also may need some training to acheive some skills to make your way that does not depend on another. Sad thing is the husband may need closure and a divorce so he can move on into a healthier relationship. I would close that door. Then you can seek your strengths to define who you are and what you can do to make yourself happier. You escaped from your marriage rather than work through closure or problems.

This means one usually brings a bag of problems from the last marriage to the present. Baggage never adds positive elements to a new relationship.
Good luck on some soul searching and finding your own strength.

[Raymond]

Dear Altered Heart forgive this brief response as I am rushing off to work.

You have got into sin through adultery. The logical thing is to go back to your husband, if he will still have you.

Obviously there needs to be an apology and an asking for forgiveness from him. You also need to confess it to God and ask for His forgiveness. Then you need to receive God's forgiveness who is faithful and just to forgive all our sins (where there is repentance).

I think these are the first steps to moving forward.

Raymond