Avoiding separation and divorce [Archive] - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

andy

6th May 2005, 08:12 PM

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Flo

11th August 2005, 12:08 PM

Dear Andy,

What you said really makes sense. how do you cope with that revelation? I think I am the same as your wife. I very much love my husband and even if he's been having an affair for months now, I would give him a chance to work out a solution. I suppose i might even forgive him...
According to him, he got confused, thought marriage would make everything better and set himself standards... Which he did not achieve and concluded that he did not love me. He went off to have an affair with a girl at work. 8 months on and 2 months living in his own flat, he's not too bothered about her any more, he's scared of meeting me or contacting me (I think he's afraid he might have very strong feeling but doesn't want to acknowledge them) and refuses to end everything.
He just says that I should lead my life for myself not think about life with or without him. He just wants time on his own...

I am interested in how you view your love for your wife and what you think about the way she feels about you.
Don't give up and keep talking with your wife about how you feel.

Good luck!

andy

11th August 2005, 08:39 PM

Hey Flo -

This "mature love" is quite amazing and has nothing to do with the emotion of being in love. Certainly, I am "in love" with my wife, but there are times when the emotional love is not as intense, and I must remind myself that this is a marathon and not a short race. Thankfully, no affairs have occurred in our marriage. She has had to deal with some issues from her previous marriage. But, never did she want to leave me for someone else, or indicate a desire to go back to her first husband. If you get time, read my post (more like a journal) in the big forum below... You will see how much you may be like my wife... don't know. She is an amazing, level headed, loving person.

In many of these posts, I notice a sad ending, or unhappiness. My situation is one with a good ending, and a bright future... We caught it early.

However, I can relate to the uneasiness of "not knowing" and wondering where you (and he) will be in a year, two years, ten years...

My wife and I have talked in general about what trust is, etc... and what she would do if she found me to be having an affair. Honestly, I do not think she would forgive me. Also, I do not think I could forgive myself either for hurting her. I feel the same way if the situation were reversed. We all want to know that we are the ONE PERSON on our spouses mind. I think it is called exclusivity.

If you have the ability to forgive... wow. That other book I listed - SACRED MARRIAGE - talks about forgiveness in affairs... It is heavily based on Christian faith, and even though I am a strong, faithful Christian, this type of forgiveness is foreign to me.

Andy