He doesn't love me anymore.

[nickip]

I have been married for 4 years and last night my husband told me he no longer loves me. He wants to stay and try and get his feelings back but we just don't know where to start. I am in bits as it was a complete shock and I didn't see it coming. Please help!

[RON]

I hate to be the one to tell you but when a man tells his wife he doesn't love her anymore, he usually loves somebody else. Do you have any suspicious behavior with other women that you can identify? Several years ago my wife told me the same thing and I found out she was having an affair and apparently she loved him more than me. We have since worked things out but you need to get to the truth first. Find out from him what he needs from you and be ready to forgive him if he's done anything wrong. Good luck! Ron

[disbelief]

Hi Nickip,

I think Ron is right on the money - my wife told me she was no longer "in love" with me and I found out weeks later that there was an affair. This may not be 100% the case with you, but I'd say there's a very high probability. Getting the truth out may be hard. I tried numerous times until I found out the hard way. There are a number of websites that outline the signs that your partner is having an affair, so this may be worth checking out.

In a strange kind of way, it may almost be better if there's an affair going on. At least there's a source to focus on and it may be easier to see through the exaggerated emotional feelings toward someone else vs. truly diminished feelings/experience towards you.

Try as much as possible to stay level while around your husband and promote honesty. Should you find out there is an affair, there's lots of great feedback and tips on this site.

I hope you are able to find out the true cause and work toward a resolution soon. Take care of YOURSELF.

Disbelief

[nickip]

Thanks for your replies.

I later found emails on my husband's computer to some woman he slept with while he was meant to be away seeing friends. I confronted him about it and he admitted it.

I left four weeks ago, finding it really hard but we met last night for dinner and he even had the nerve to bring up divorce - there is nothing like someone just twisting that knife a little further.

But I have realised that my life has improved 100% without him. I refuse to curl up and die!!

To anyone who is scared of leaving their partner after an affair - don't be affraid, get some self esteem and get out - my husband has no respect for me, it is easy to replace a lying scum bag but he will find it hard to replace someone who completely loved him.

[Angel]

I totally agree! good on you. He has had the best - he has had someone who totally loved them - you deserve the best! Best of of luck xx

[disbelief]

Hi Nickip,

I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way about what was going on (like me), but I'm glad you discovered the truth.

I'm sure you'll miss your husband at times, but in the end you're absolutely right; it's easy to find someone better than a lying cheater! I know in a lot of cases reconciliation is entirely possible, but your intuition may be your best indicator of whether this could ever be considered. Like you, I've resigned myself to the fact that we will probably never reconcile and so we move on with our lives!

In a way, his discussion of divorce may be a good thing as it will bring closure for you. Good show - I hope it doesn't take you long before you find someone who truly respects you.

Take care,

Disbelief

[nickip]

Thanks again for your comments.

They are really appreciated.