Finding My First Love Again but both still attached

[Julieann]

Three months ago I received an email out of the blue from my first love, he had located me on Friends Reunited. We agreed to meet and really that is where it all started. I was married at the time with a two and a half year old daughter. I was not particularly happy but not particularly unhappy. My first love is not married but has been in a relationship for the last 14 years. We split 15 years ago. Things have moved on and I have separated from my husband after three years of marriage to start a new life with my first love. We both have agreed that in order to be together things have to be done the right way, so I have moved out and am renting until October. In the meantime, my first love is still living with his partner who has said he needs to sort out financial affairs etc before telling her he is going to leave to be on his own. A time limit of around 6 weeks has been set from which time on we will be able to see each other every other weekend until I move to be closer to him and start a new life taking my daughter with me. I am experiencing terrible highs and lows, we have just spent a weekend together but as he has not left his partner had to leave the hotel to return to her at night, also he still sleeps in the same bed as her every night. I am finding it very hard to put my trust in him and believe it when he says he will leave her. I decided that things have not been right between my husband and I and did not want to have an affair but now I feel like 'the other woman'. I do not like it and would not like it to be done to me. We are meant to be meeting tomorrow for a few hours both having to travel a couple of hours to see each other. I want to believe him and trust him but how do I control these feelings of extreme pain for my husband, my daughter and the selfeshness of wanting to make a better life for myself and my daughter. I am not in love with my husband and to be truthful never really was. My first love is my soul mate and I want him back in my life. Please help, thanks

[Liz]

Dear Julieann

I think you are chasing unreality here. What gives you confidence that you have a future with this man, however much of a soulmate he “feels”? It sounds as if a lot of what you are basing this new (renewed) relationship on is your feeling,. just like you rejected your marriage commitment based on emotions.

A marriage or other type of long term relationship cannot survive on emotions. There will be times when you have doubts, don't feel loving or attached to your man. What is going to see you through that when it hits you? Love is about choices, your will, and commitment to make things work.

What about your husband and your daughter - where do their needs and happiness come into this? Your daughter deserves to grow up with her biological mother and father together loving each other and her.

I think you are in danger of kidding yourself and you may end up losing both men. I would suggest that you sit down long and hard and think about the consequences of your actions and what will make a long term relationship last.


Liz

[Alexis]

I have to agree with Liz here and I think you stand to loose everything. Infact I think its mighty selfish of you for leaving your Husband and taking his child away from him. Have you stopped to think about how he feels at all?
If your first love was such a soulmate how come you split up and then went onto to marry someone else?, Did you have negative feelings about your Husband BEFORE first love appeared out of the blue?
The majority of people on this forum are here to try and save their marriages and here you are throwing it all away and expecting your first love to do the same to his long term partner.
No sympathy Im afraid, get on with it.

Alexis

[London]

Julieann , the above two posts have some validity to them, but to be honest, I don't necessarily agree with their reasoning (especially Alexis' "get on with it" comment - that was UNCALLED for!). I empathise with you and what you are going through!!

It looks like you have made all the sacrifices so far - separating from your H, renting another place and waiting for OM to leave his partner. Has he given any indication that he will live upto the 6 weeks deadline? Do you guys discuss that at all when you meet up? What's the feeling you get when he answers you?

On the H side, you mentioned that you aren't in love with H anymore and never were. What brought these feelings on? Was it the OM? Or did you have these feelings of "coasting" with your H before he came along? Giving you the benefit of the doubt - that you are certain you do not want to be with H any longer, are you sure that your feelings for OM are for *him*, or are they for the *situation* it represents i.e. an *excuse* to leave H?

[Alexis]

London

I am appauled at the behaviour of people like Julieann, relationship breakers. Im not the first to say that friends reunited is the cause of many break ups and affairs, I should know my Husband has been in contact with one of his ex's and has no doubt caused BIG problems.How may people is she going to hurt here?

My god what does she want sympathy, save it for someone who needs it
You make your bed you lie in it.

Alexis

[London]

Alexis -

I am sorry but i disagree with you. We don't have all the facts here. If you don't want to offer her sympathy, then that's fine. How about you give her something she can use - if not, then why do you even bother replying to her? She can use someone's input, someone's critical questioning and reasoning. From her post - SHE DID NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR. She did the "right" thing by splitting up with her H and THEN proceeded to follow her heart. How many people on this board have either done that OR been the reciepient of that? Not many.

The vast majority of posters here tell us that they discovered their partners to have had affairs (or in some cases have had affairs themselves) and that some of them wished that their partners split up with before doing that. Other posters have been quick to judge the spouses who have had affairs and were just as quick to say "they should have split up with their spouses BEFORE embarking on such a relationship. Well, guess what - Julieann comes here to tell us that she did just that!!!

I for one am not about to "condemn" her for that and shame on you or any other posters for doing that! If you read my post above, there are a few questions Julieann needs to address for herself.

This board is really great for giving people a sounding board when they don't have readily available or to air their thoughts. Posters here come to the aid of the "victim" of an affair. But in this case, there is no victim of an affair. Julieann has mentioned to us that she doesn't love her husband (and never really had) and decided to pursue, what is for her, her true love. Kudos to that. How many people here have had the guts to do that? How many wish they did?

Yes, there responsibilities and consequences that Julieann will have to face. But so far, I don't think she's done anyhthing wrong in the way she's handled it from her side. She's just asking for advice in how not to feel like the OW - which she is now.

One of the things that has always struck me on thi sboard is how many people decide to neglect the "love" side in a marriage. These people would rather hold on to some archaic myth that becuase you "committed" to marriage you HAVE to stay in it come hell or high water. The last time I checked, marriage is "to love and to cherish". What happens if you can't fulfill either of these? I would say its time to act as an adult and leave. By staying, you are only kidding yourself and your partner and thereby making both of you unhappy.

[Liz]

Dear London

I thought loving and cherishing was about what you did not what you felt. If I had only loved nad cherished when I felt loving then my marriage would be in a mess. That is where commitment comes in. When we marry, we agree to marry and promise to love and cherish, ie act lovingly, care for our spouse even when it's tough and it hurts. More often than not the feelings actually follow the decision and action rather than coming first.

Liz

[Waterman]

Julieann says the process started when she was contacted by her former lover and that until that point she was neither hasppy nor unhappy.

At that point she had a choice. She could have acted lovingly towards her husband and cherished him. She chose not to, and now, three months later she feels the need to come on this board, becasue the situation is getting messy and she is not comfortable. From her own words she appears to be unhappier now than she was before she was contacted by her ex-lover.

She now doubts her love for her husband, even whether she ever loved him at all, but she doesn't say whether she ever had those doubts before.

Is she rationalising? Is she seeking to justify the choice she made following her ex-lover's call three months ago? It was either a mistake, or it wasn't. If it was a mistake then she is really in a difficult situation now, having broken up her own marriage for a new relationship that is already hitting the rocks after only a few months. Is she in denial? Even if she isn't, I bet that plenty of other people in similar circumstances are, having broken up sound relationships indulging fleeting emotions.

[London]

Liz - Now you are playing with words. Of course, "loving" is an action - but i disagree with your premise that necessarily "feelings actually follow the decision and action rather than coming first." One needs to feel something for someone before they will act lovingly. In your case, you ar sugeesting that if you put two people in the room and ask them to "act nice" to the other then within time they will come to love each other. What nonsense. If there is no desire, no feeling of love, odds are there is no real relationship. What you are describing is how many cultures (force the idea of and) rationalise arranged marriages.

[Concerned Reader]

Dear London

You wrote:

"What you are describing is how many cultures (force the idea of and) rationalise arranged marriages".

It might be better to put this subject on a separate thread.

It might also be useful to stipulate the difference between a forced marriage (usually unlawful in Britain) and an arranged marriage.

For info; an arranged marriage is consensual and is conducted in various ways, depending on the ethnic group it refers to. Veto by either side is possible. There is nothing to stop any part of the population adopting the same techniques.There is little difference between going to a marriage bureau and asking them to find someone suitable and having your Ma and Pa do it for you.

Whilst I am not denying that there is a problem with marriage-trading and forced marriage identified with certain ethnic groups, this is not typical of ethnic groups as a whole, nor even of the groups where the forced marriages occur.

My experience of living within an ethnic group in a multi-cultural society is that arranged marriages stand a better-than average chance of making everyone happy over a lifetime. This is not a guarantee, of course, but since it offers a better chance than one-in-three ending in divorce, and can beat any arrangement where a partner can walk off merely because they have gone off you or found someone else, you don't need to posit coercion as a reason for engaging in arranged marriage. Self-interest is reason enough.

I wonder, since you have mentioned this before, if it is possible that you have a particular case in mind which is weighing heavily on your thinking?

[London]

CR -

Whilst I agree that there are "legal" differences" between "forced marriages and "arranged marriages" - in practice they are very similar! Yes, often the "results" are better than freely arranged marriages but it is a false perception. I say that because more often than not, and its usually the woman, has no choice but to put up and bear it even if she is unhappy and does not love her H. She has no choice - divorce or seperation would most likely if not absolutely bring shame on her family. The family rationalise it in many ways and when the topic of "no love" comes up, they respond by saying - act like you love him and in no time you will see that you will fall in love with him. The idea of freedom to choose your partner based on free will and love is removed entirely and the pressure to live up to outside expectations is great.

So, while the actual divorce rate is quite low, the rates for people having affairs in arranged marriages (eg marriages not based on freedom to love ) is actually quite high, not to mention the suicide rates amongst some women and from certain ethnic groups who still have arranged marriages is also higher than the average. As is levels of domestic abuse (emotional and/or physical).

[jacqueline]

Dearest Julieann,

I can so see where you coming from, the emotions you are feeling are genuine i assure, you are only human. Without rocking the boat with your FL would it help to let him know just exactly how your feeling, surely this can't be good for yourself, your child, your heart, and your conscience. Obstacles are never ever easy to overcome but reading your post it appears even though i may be wrong, that you don't trust him and you are feeling extremly uneasy with the way things are going even though you are making sacrifices to be near him, in order to further your relationship. (i do apologise if i am completely off the mark here) either way it must be so hard for you to take in emotionally especially when he is leaving you to go back to his other woman when really he could just lay his cards on the table and be honest to either one of you about the whole situation (i'm sorry if i appear to be jumping the gun a bit) but your starting to worry and i do hope you don't get hurt in the weeks to come, I really hope he stands by his word and makes you happy.

Please keep in touch and let me know how you get on,

warmest smiles to you julieann

jacqueline

[Concerned Reader]

Dear London

You haven't actually said whether you are basing your opinions on wide experience of marriages in various ethnic settings or empathy with one particular case.

If it is the former, then we will just have to differ because none of my friends among the Sikh, Hindu, Parsee, Jewish, Christian or Chinese communities have ever mentioned being forced to get married, or forced to stay married.
(I have a very mixed immigrant background.)

If it is the latter, then I can see how empathy with one person might lead you to conclude this problem was widespread. However, this would indicate a perspective problem rather than an informed and balanced opinion.

Some of the views you have expressed sound suspiciously like a problem with anybody who isn't white, masquerading as concern. The cry of 'they're beastly to women' is an old trick for trying to discredit any of these 'furriners' whose customs are not like ours and therefore must be coercive, suspect, inferior, secretly violent and duplicitous.

If I am talking to a member of the BNP, I would prefer to know it as I do not wish to give you any more platforms for slandering those with different but valid marriage practices. If you have a grudge against a particular group, then you should understand that your comments may be taken to apply across the spectrum of British society and are insulting to those who pay great attention to the issue of consent.

You are not entitled to denigrate the practices of people who believe that decency, constancy and kindness over many years express a profound and mature love which they have created of their own free will.

I have witnessed them doing it at first hand and can only admire their example and commend it to you.

[London]

CR - it seems then we have different experiences within the same group of ethnic groups - big surprise there.

If it is the former, then we will just have to differ because none of my friends among the Sikh, Hindu, Parsee, Jewish, Christian or Chinese communities have ever mentioned being forced to get married, or forced to stay married.

actually, most of the groups you mention do have a trdition of "forced" arranged marriages and staying married. For example, there was a highly publicised case in the UK just last year of a Pakistani girl tricked and forced by her parents out of Birmingham to go back to Pakistan to marry someone they had already agreed to when she was only 5 yrs old!!!!!


Some of the views you have expressed sound suspiciously like a problem with anybody who isn't white, masquerading as concern. The cry of 'they're beastly to women' is an old trick for trying to discredit any of these 'furriners' whose customs are not like ours and therefore must be coercive, suspect, inferior, secretly violent and duplicitous.


CR - i am getting a little tired of your diatribe and patronising attitudes towards me in your posts. In case it matters I am NOT white and am a mixture of about 6 different cultures going back to my great great grandfather and grandmother. But of course, that is irrelevant since you have ethnic friends and think you are talking to the BNP here.

You are not entitled to denigrate the practices of people who believe that decency, constancy and kindness over many years express a profound and mature love which they have created of their own free will.

And where have i done that?


I have witnessed them doing it at first hand and can only admire their example and commend it to you.

yes, and I am sure they have been 100% open with you and have told you their inner-most problems if any existed in their marriage!!!!

[Concerned Reader]

Dear London

You wrote:

"In case it matters I am NOT white and am a mixture of about 6 different cultures going back to my great great grandfather and grandmother. "

Snap.

Actually, I do think I am likely to have had much better intimate access to my friends thoughts on their up-coming marriages, because you know, girls do talk.

I'll see your race and raise you a gender.

Your call.

[London]

Yes, girls do talk. But playing the gender card won't win you this one necessarily. I suggest if you want to continue this childish debate of yours we take it to another thread.

Back to Julieann's issue.

[jacqueline]

Dearest julieann,

As you can see every one has different opinions with very strong veiws, this must not be an easy time for you emotionally - Their is a light at the end of the tunnel - their always is honey, without 2-in-2-1 discussion forum my marriage wouldn't be sorting itself out, on here you will find that people are allowed to express and show their emotions - so don't be deterrd by recent posts, its just everyone has strong opinions at times.

Their is a light - please keep talking to us people do want to listen and help you through your difficult time.

Big smiles & hugs to ya

Jacqueline
x

[Julieann]

Thank you for your replies which are very much appreciated especially to London and Jacequeline. I certainly do not like being the OW and have informed my FL on every ocassion that we speak that unless he sorts himself out then I am not prepared to continue with this 'affair'. I do not agree with having affairs and I am certainly not happy about the situation and him cheating on his partner. I must point out that when my FL contacted me via the email he made it quite clear he wanted to meet and he said that if ever I became free again to give him a call. I could not cheat on my husband and that is why I decided to follow my heart and my emotions to try and make things work with my FL. I care about my husband but never really felt passion and love in the marriage. The reason we broke up 15 years ago was my FL left me and broke my heart since then I have also tried to recapture what we had and unfortunately found my husband who made me feel 'settled' and decided that is what life really is all about but that was until I heard from my FL again who wanted to put things right and explain what happened all those years ago and that he did try and put things right then but I would not listen. I feel like I am losing grip on sanity and really cannot continue with this if my FL does not live up to his promises. I have asked my FL to be true to himself and to his partner and to me. My FL says not to doubt him and he wants to be with me. I just feel that he is stalling, if he does not want to be with his partner then he should do the right thing and leave. What he is doing really is not fair on any of us. I have a young daughter to consider and the feelings of guilt of taking her away from her father are terrible. However, my daughter does seem to have adapted well to the situation and sees her father regularly. To be true to myself I must face the consequences of my actions and also face the possiblitiy of losing my FL and being on my own.

[Julieann]

Thank you for your replies which are very much appreciated especially to London and Jacequeline. I certainly do not like being the OW and have informed my FL on every ocassion that we speak that unless he sorts himself out then I am not prepared to continue with this 'affair'. I do not agree with having affairs and I am certainly not happy about the situation and him cheating on his partner. I must point out that when my FL contacted me via the email he made it quite clear he wanted to meet and he said that if ever I became free again to give him a call. I could not cheat on my husband and that is why I decided to follow my heart and my emotions to try and make things work with my FL. I care about my husband but never really felt passion and love in the marriage. The reason we broke up 15 years ago was my FL left me and broke my heart since then I have also tried to recapture what we had and unfortunately found my husband who made me feel 'settled' and decided that is what life really is all about but that was until I heard from my FL again who wanted to put things right and explain what happened all those years ago and that he did try and put things right then but I would not listen. I feel like I am losing grip on sanity and really cannot continue with this if my FL does not live up to his promises. I have asked my FL to be true to himself and to his partner and to me. My FL says not to doubt him and he wants to be with me. I just feel that he is stalling, if he does not want to be with his partner then he should do the right thing and leave. What he is doing really is not fair on any of us. I have a young daughter to consider and the feelings of guilt of taking her away from her father are terrible. However, my daughter does seem to have adapted well to the situation and sees her father regularly. To be true to myself I must face the consequences of my actions and also face the possiblitiy of losing my FL and being on my own

[London]

Julieann,

I know what you are going through - you've done everything right inso far as the situation is concerned.

Do you know how long you'll allow FL to "sort" things out on his side? I know it's easy to say six weeks and hope he'll stick to that - but I doubt that time frame will work and I suspect you know that as well.... The pressure to sort things out under an imaginary gun is great but then so is hanging 3-4 people's lives on a thread!

Do come back and let us know how you are making out..... I know it can be frustrating in trying to make sense of something like this, especially since you've done all the hard work and have made the huge sacrifices to date!!

[Julieann]

London

Things are as I suspected. FL is backing off. I explained that I have laid all my cards on the table and can no longer give anymore. FL has an opportunity of telling his partner and moving out to a house which he owns and which has become avaialble straight away. He explained late last night after a drink that he is scared of how she will react and cannot bear to see the hurt on her face. He also said could I go back to my H and could we still be friends and keep in touch. I am no longer going to contact him and explained that it is his decision and no-one else can make that. He says he loves me which no doubt he does but he also said he is weak and a coward. He wants to be with me but cannot face the reality of what needs to be done. I can do no more. I have followed my heart and stayed true to FL giving no false promises. FL also said that he has a problem with the implications of me having a daughter. I explained to FL that he knew the situation right from the start and I have not lied or hidden anything. I am extremely hurt by all this and will have to now face the prospect of life on my own with a young child. My H wants to move on with his life and I agree it is not an option to go back as there are no true feelings to build on there. FL explained that he has had a conversation with his brother who has said he will back him up and get him out of this situation should I decide to contact his partner and tell her what has been going on. I found that extremely hurtful as I would never hurt his parnter that is why I said I do not want an affair and will not stand for it. FL provided all the promises the chance of a fresh start, a new life together etc and now he is backing away from that. I am very sad and very low but will have to remain strong for my daughter and build on making sure she is ok which is what my H wants to. I made my decision to leave my H which I still stand by as the right decision although it is very painful. My FL has just shown his true colours and torn my heart in two for the second time. Thank you for your advice it is very much appreciated at this very difficult time

[London]

Julieann,

I am so sorry that you have been hurt by FL. I know this may not be any consolation, but from reading your posts you have so much to offer and seem to be a very caring person. You will find someone right for you.

You did the right thing by not having an "affair" while still married to your H, and while you had to go through the ordeal of leaving your married life for your FL, at least you made that decision based on your feelings and were true to yourself. I know many people here will say "we told you so" - but that is BS. Yes, there were no guarantees with FL - but you did the right thing by leaving your H before you embarked on anything. HUG.

Your FL was a coward and is playing it safe. He had his fun but when faced with the reality of the situation, he purely chickened out. The thought of having a real family with a daughter may have freaked him out. Right now, he can enjoy being a lad without any real responsibilities. In a way, its a good thing that he backed out now. When you find your TL (true love) you'll know and he'll have you and your daughter as a package......

[scarletfalls]

i haveto comment to you people who have affairs already know they are invoveled with a liar and cheat for what he does to his wife hell do to you and frankly maybey you could do with a persent of the hurt your about to cause his wife.im affraid i dont pity you at all justify it howyou like and maybey oneday when your daughter runs to you broken hearted cause her husbands done the same you can justfy it again .women like you need help scarletfalls

[Waterman]

Sorry but I think you are a hypocrite Julieann. You talk about being true to yourself and true to your FL. You also say that you didn't have an affair while you were still married (do you mean together?) Any you say you weren't unhappy with your H, and that you care for him.

But as soon as FL contacted you, you were off, just like that, with not a thought for H. So you left H before you slept with FL. Big deal, you responded to his e-mails when you had a choice not to, and that's where the deceipt started. Why did it need FL to make you think you weren't in love with H? If it was true, wouldn't it have been obvious without that? Now, after the fact, you've decided you were never in love with H, though you have never said that you thought that before FL contacted you. You seem rather shallow to me and very self-centred. And you say you care for H, but you've dumped him at the drop of a hat.

The amazing thing is you weren't even unhappy. If you had spoken of much deliberation and regret, and if the catalyst hadn't been the excitement of old love then it might be different, but it seems to me like you had a chance of happiness and you've blown it.

[London]

Waterman - I don't think she's gotten it wrong at all.

Is not being unhappy = to being happy? No its not. Many people come here and whine about not being happy in their marriage or that their spouse always state something along those lines as a reason to leave or have an affair. Julieann did neither of those things and basically had the guts to do what few people who come here would ever do (even though they would like to). The real hypocrites are those who shout nay to Julieann but then say that they wished the people in their lives who had affairs did exactly what she did!

Juileann did the right thing in leaving a boring and stale marriage behind, regardless of the "catalyst" (as you put it). She was NEVER happy in the marriage so, NO she DID NOT blow her only chance at happiness (as you put it!).

[Concerned Reader]

Dear Julieann

Oh well, at least you've exorcised the ghost which has been haunting you these past 15 years.

The important thing is not to spend the next 15 thinking 'gosh, I should have worked on that marriage when I still had a chance'.

[Waterman]

But London, is "not being unhappy" equal to "being unhappy"? Certainly not. Nothing she has said indicated that she had thoughts about leaving the marriage until she was contacted. The rest is speculation, but that alone suggests to me that she had a relationship that at the very least had potential, but she wasn't prepared to work at it.

She might well be right in the final analysis but I think that if she had been true to herself, her H and indeed to her FL that she would have given it time to determine that the new feelings weren't fleeting and that the old feelings for husband were indeed dead (or never alive) and not just in abeyance, time to determine that her disatisfaction was coming from her relationship and not from within.

She didn't do that, she just jumped at the chance of a reunion with FL, after 15 years, and 3 months later both relationships are over. We don't even have the other side of the story, but it seems to me as though it's a case of familiarity breeding contempt, the grass being greener on the other side, and that she's been both silly and selfish.

[jacqueline]

Follow your heart princess, I'm sure whatever problems occur, you will conquer either by yourself or with the one you want to be with.

All things happen for a reason, take time, deep breaths take one day at a time mentally to decide what is the best solution all round which will make things easier, don't beat yourself up once you have made your decision (follow your heart) because usually the deicison you make is generally the right one (but for which reason)

You are only human, we all make mistakes and what you are going through is only human too, its something from the past that has brought back good times to you - in another time in your life.

Julieann i really do hope things work your way in order that you don't remain unhappy and that you don't feel completely lost - your not alone princess, big smiles, be strong my love - you will get through this with whatever decision you make

Jacqueline x
;)

[Waterman]

I would not agree that whatever decision you make is generally the right one, or that you'll get through it whatever decision you make. People make mistakes, and those decisions can ruin their lives. Shakespeare wrote about that with his "to be or not to be" stuff a long time ago, and it is still true today.

Don't just abandon yourself to "your heart", because you don't really know what that means; it's might be shorthand for following a shallow crush, or it might be something deeper. And don't just make a decision and then hope it will all come right. Look inside yourself and try to find out where your unhappiness or disatisfaction is coming from. If it is coming from within then the chances are that it will whel up again some day regardless of what decision you make now.

[London]

Waterman - the decision this woman has made to date has not led her down the "wrong" path. As noted before, the decisions she has made so far have actually been the right ones based on a moral code that very few people, including her FL, dare to follow.

The facts remain, she was not happy (nor was she unhappy) in her marriage - she felt she couldn't continue and FL comes along and gives her the "excuse" to leave her marriage - a marriage she didn't really have her heart in. If she did, I am sure she would have stayed. Rather than having an affair, she calls it quits and pursues FL who rather than do the same thing cheats on his partner to be with Julieann for a short time. Realises that there would be a lot to take in (eg the daughter, breaking up with his current etc), decides he's a coward and has had his fun for now.

So that leaves Julieann on her own raising a daughter. Has Julieann done anything "wrong"? NO. She followed her heart and her moral code. WHy stay in a relationship that has no love in it?

[jacqueline]

Thanks london! phew..... i thought it was my turn to get rail roaded for my opinion!!

Julieann's situation is ever so sensitive i can only pray that whatever decision she makes is the one she feels comfortable with and can move forward with - no one wishes anyone bad luck on this site but some people can be very bitter towards other peoples delicate situations. Julieann needs advices and has come on here to share her problems, but some of the replys have more aless attacked her problem with anger, which is very unfair.

having a problem is never easy to deal with especially when you are a single parent mother, emotions are so high at the time and your thinking cap is very confused, sharing a problem with others can be easy & also reassuring on the heart that you are not going mentally insane. It can also reduce the tears which flood heavily from your eyes day in day out until people want to listen and dry those tears just with words of wisdom. Thats what julieann needs & 100% support from us guys & gals who are real people going through real problems just like julieann.

Big smiles julieann

Jacqueline x

[London]

Jacqueline

I couldn't agree with you more. Part of the problem i find is some people here are actually jealous of the decisions that Julieann has been able to make (becuase they themsleves wish they had the guts to do that themselves or that their partners would have done that!)and while they read like they were done so swiftly, I am sure Julieann has left out a lot of detail.

Julieann, do keep coming back to the board for support and ignore the words of anger and bitterness from many of the posters here.....