I Need Help

[akron]

I have been married to the most wonderful person alive. we have 2 great kids. we both have great jobs however we have moved in the past 2 years. In the past 4 years my wife has become quite distant to me, i have felt unloved and pushed away, this has led to me becoming very down and low. I now suffer from low self esteem and dont rate myself very highly in life and in the bedroom.
My wife is easily stressed when she comes home from work and no matter how much i have done around the house it just never seems enough. if she is not shouting at me then she is having a go at the kids.
We talk regularly during the days when we are both at work and she sounds the most happiest when she is at work.
we both agree to try and make family life a little better, to stop shouting although i have no energy to shout anymore and the louder she shouts the more effective she thinks she is and she wins the argument. i just give up.
I have thought for a while that she has been 'enjoying the attentions' of another person. but anojther side to that is that she wouldnt do this. I have confronted her, asked why she is the way she is with me, and again im accused of allsorts like mistrust etc etc. i then feel really low again and it becomes a vicious circle. she doesnt work late, although she has regualr meetings with her boss, out of the office, and spends a lot of her working day away from the office anyway. i really am quite frightened about our prospects as i love her immensly.
im not looking for answers, i just need that ear, someone to tell me that either im going round the twist or i do have something to worry about. where do i start?

[Vikkki]

Something is obviously bothering her. Has she been promoted/given more responsibility at work? SOmetimes it can be difficult for a woman to change roles on a daily basis. I know sometimes when i've had a tough day at work, I need some space to take off my 'work' head and to put my 'domestic' head on, and if I don't i can appear bossy and argumentative as thats what i've had to deal with al day at work.

Have you sat her down and talked to her in a non confrontational way ie i can see that you're not happy/upset/aggitated, and ask if there is anything you can do a) right there and then ie run her a bath b) on a regular basis to make her feel better. Could you not ask family members to look after the children and take her away for a weekend to a health spa/country hotel where it is quiet and you have the chance to indulge each other like take moonlight strolls are or in the woods/on a breezy beach and talk to each other where she is not 'the mother' and you're not 'the father'.

I understand when you lose your confidence its difficult to make the first move for fear of being rejected, but doing one small thing every day (without expecting anything in return) for her will, if she still loves you, help you step in the right direction. It could be anything, leaving her a loving note in the morning saying how beautiful she looked as she was sleeping, running her a bath, asking to wash her hair for her.

Maybe she feels as though she hasn't got time for herself and she feels like she's losing herself and so is stressed all the time. I wouldn't engage in a shouting match. Women do know that the louder they talk the less they are heard and maybe she is releasing tension. It's hard to stand there and be shouted at but i would try and ask quietly if there is something right there and then you could do for her to make her feel better.

When a man hears a woman venting, his immediate reaction is to try and fix the problem, whereas a woman most of the time just wants to vent and to be heard ie acknowledged that she is upset so that she can go away and find the solution to her own problem or whatever is irritating her.

I hope that helps a little.