Is the distance destroying our relationship?

[tboo]

Me and my boyfriend are together for almost 6 years. I live in Europe and he lives in USA. We see each other twice a year. 2 or 3 years ago I started noticing that he was looking at porn every day. I didn’t find it was important until it started affecting us sexually. A few months ago he told me about his porn addiction and his need to masturbate every day. He kept telling me he could work that out himself and I trusted him and showed him all my support. The whole thing started when he told me about getting married and a few days later told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me because the passion it wasn't the same. I started thinking that he found somebody else and I decided to go the States without telling him anything and check things out by myself.

Everything was normal when I got there. He was very shock but happy to see me. He started telling me again about getting married and we did talked about that in the following days, until I decided to check his computer. I found a few women in his chat contacts; he even got the phone number of one of them. I checked his email and saw a few emails he sent to them of himself naked. I felt so disgusted and betrayed. All the trust I got on him it was gone!

When he came home I asked him if he ever chat with any woman and he told me no again, until I showed him what I found and his face changed. He told me he did, but he didn't felt anything when chatting with them. He told me he never talked by phone with any of them and that he never had sex with any women while being my boyfriend. How can I believe that now?? He told me then he needed to have sometime for himself, get help and cure himself before marrying me because he wasn´t making me as happy as he wanted to. What should I think about all this? I'm so confused. He doesn't see I gonna be there and help him out, I want him to share with me everything he's going through, but he's pushing me away telling me I can't help him. Please, I need some advice!!

[Dave]

Dear Tboo

I hate to be harsh, but I think you need to do some really deep thinking before taking your relationship with this man any further.

He's betraying your trust involving himself in "chat" relationships with other girls. He has a problem with porn, and he's prepared to lie to you rather than face up to the issues.

It is a HUGE mistake to go into a marriage thinking you, or your love, will change him. Firstly, it will almost certainly fail. Secondly if it does change him he will feel manipulated by you, which is rarely a great foundation.

Hard as it is, I'd say walk away now, with your head held high. Let him know you will always have a special place for him in your heart, but be true to yourself, leave, and someday the right man, who will treat you with respect, will come along.

Best wishes

Dave

[dryvanda]

Yes I have to agree with Dave. Firstly you only see each other a few times a year and even although it has been six years you do not really know each other. I am sorry to say this but you have to live with someone to really know them.
On the other hand if he really loves you then why worry about masterbation is it not better he relieve himself than actually go with another woman. You cannot expect him to sit and twiddle his thumbs and never see or speak to anyone.
It is only chat lines and maybe he gets a buzz from sending naked pictures of himself the imagination can only streatch so far.
These women he is sending them to may think it is great or even sexy and may tell him how good he looks but remember if he IS NOT seeing anyone he is doing no harm. when he does see you, you may be reaping the benefits of this so try not to be so harsh on him or yourself, what do you do to keep yourself happy do you sit all alone or never speak to anyone, or do you go clubbing? Marriage is a huge committment and it should be thought about in every aspect before actually getting into it. It is not so easy to get out of a marriage as it is to get into one. He should have been truthful with you but he would not find it easy to explain his actions.

good Luck.S