Settling scores

[Ronny]

YtuOuZ Really appreciate you sharing this post.Much thanks again. Great.

[Liz]

Dear Ronny,

It's very easy for people to judge others and forget that they too make mistakes, but you have managed to make yourself very unpopular.

Perhaps the place to start is to try and put things right with your wife, then you will be able to face the other challenges together.

Have you tried asking her for forgiveness for the things you have done that have hurt her. You may not have been unfaithful, but it sounds as though you have not been as attentive or caring as you might have been.

You might also consider, after that, sharing with her your fears and concerns. She will have noticed the stress you are under and may be worrying and imagining all sorts of things. Better for her to know what it is you are facing.

If your communication has got a bit out of shape you might consider looking at the articles in the Relationship Basics (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/) section of the site, which includes articles on Forgiveness and learning to trust again. Perhaps you might consider some time away with her in which case I would recommend an enrichment weekend (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/). Alternatively you may need someone to talk to in a counselling (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/) setting either on your own or with your wife, to help you to face your fears and decide how you can rebuild your life.

Finally many people find that when life gets very difficult that is the time to consider what it really is all about. I have found that there is one person who always understand and who never lets me down. Knowing that gives me hope in very difficult circumstances, especially when I know I’ve messed up big time. You can find out more here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/tips/hope.html).

Keep in touch

Liz

[Ronny]

Good to get a reply.I feel my life at the moment is more messed up than anyone can percieve. I do not like my new workplace since compared to the previous one it is totally a non-entity.I made a decision in fear and desperation and it is a bad one.
Coming to my wife I have tried really hard to convince her that I was not unfaithful but she is feels sure it was an affair.Her logic--- I was spending lot of time talking with this girl while I had no time for home & kids.To be honest I now feel I too am not sure if all I felt for her was only freindship although i always mantained that.I miss her terribly I really could talk to her only and I wish she was still there in my life.I don't know I can't think straight.I tried discussing my fears and stress with my wife but she says it is my own doing.Infact she always used to tell me that I was putting too much in my office.On the face of it she says it is OK I beleive you were only freinds but her behaviour is very different. She says don't worry about me and concentrate on your work ,she says she has no time to talk to me and she is quite detached.
The office cases are pretty serious and I am scared of the outcome.
I feel I am losing grip.

[smackie9]

You've lost direction in your life. Instead of worrying about what has happen, stay focused on smoothing things over with your wife. You have to reassure yourself that everything will work out. People tend to make the mistake of finding emotional refuge at work. That's when things get out of control. Work is work. I keep my personal life private. To be professional, you shouldn't have intimate relationships with co-workers. It's time to reassess how you handle yourself at work and how you relate to others. There's nothing wrong with being an acquaintance, go out for drinks, whatever. I tell my husband everything. Maybe you need to start talking to your wife again and keep everything out in the open. Your wife should be your support system, not the lady at the office!!