Has this ruined my relationship?

[janet]

I posted a message yesterday about one of my friends coming on to my partner.
We are due to get married and she stood and shouted at me (after I had told her partner what had been going on) that my partner had said he loved her and that she is beautiful (amongst many other graphic things). She was with her partner in their house when she said this. I was on my own as theyd asked me to go round alone.

I cant get over the things she has said hes done. I believe my boyfriend has no interest in her and cant beleive someone would make up these disgusting things and try to ruin my relationship.
I know she is not happy with her partner, and she was defending what shed done by making up that my boyfriend had come on to her. I know all this, but i cant leave it as it is.

I did not say a word when she shouted what hed supposed to have done, I just sat in tears. My partner has also not had his say as she did it when I was on my own.
We are going to see them this evening (which they dont know about), as I want her to say the accusations again to me and my partner as a couple. I want to see her lie infront of both of us. I need to have my say also as we live literally a couple of doors away from them.
I cant sleep, eat, work or think straight since this has happened. I feel angry and dispointed that someone would blatantly ruin my life because shes been caught out. If any one has any advice for me, i would appreciate it.
Im going round at 5pm this eve with my partner and I feel sick at the thought. But i need closure from this.
Im not a strong person and she knows she can walk all over me as she knows me well. I want to stand up to her and make her realise what a digusting person she is.

Please let me know if you have any ideas.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Concerned Reader]

Dear Janet

Your friend - and I strongly suggest you make this person an ex-friend - is irrelevant.

The only issue is whether you give any credence at all to the things your partner is supposed to have done. The only person to have this out with is your partner, and from what you write you regard these accusations as baseless.

If that is your belief, then simply refuse to have any further contact with this person on the grounds that you do not care to listen to slander and, moreover, that you refuse to subject your chosen love to such deplorable character-assassination.

You have nothing to gain from 'making her realize what a disgusting person she is'. That is your opinion and you are entitled to hold that if you are satisfied with the reasons for doing so. What she may or may not think of that is her affair and of no consequence to your relationship.

You are not proposing to marry her, and, from what you have written, there is no further purpose in having any contact with her as this only feeds her behaviour. I would not go round at 5pm or at any time this side of judgement day.

You are entitled to be as angry and disappointed as you like, but you would be wise to deal with this by refusing to be drawn in to any further wrangling.

Go somewhere enjoyable instead with the person who really matters to you and remember that living well is the best reply.

BTW, was it really a good idea to tell her partner anything? It could hardly have failed to start an argument. The response to her 'coming on' to your partner should have been to politely cut ties earlier.

If you want to end this, then end it. But if your purpose is merely to have a bit of a ruck, then carry on in your present mode. Sorry, but I only have limited sympathy for people who are determined to have a fight when it isn't strictly necessary.

My very best wishes for your future.

[janet]

I dont want to fight. Im a terrible pushover and this is why i need to stand up for myself for once. I just want to be happy again.

I feel as though she has poisoned our relationship, and i dont how to get over this.

Thank you for your reply.