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View Full Version : I feel hurt and cheated - he thinks I'm just being silly!


sad
11th November 2004, 11:58 PM
My husband has recently hurt me badly, not physically. He travels on business regularly, often to places that sound exciting and that I would really like to see. I never mind him travelling and going away for weeks on end, after all it is part of his job, but naturally miss him whilst he is away. We have two small children, oldest is five and we have not had any quality time away from the family together since my oldest was born, I work full time and as you can imagine I am often tired/worn out and feel in need of a break, on my own with my hubby.

About three weeks ago, I received a phone call from my hubby, whilst I was at work. He phone to tell me that he was going to the Far East (China) in early November and as he was travelling alone would I like to go with him- you can imagine my response "of course"! I asked him if he was joking - "no - of course not". So, as it was very near Christmas I said I would accompany him if the flight was the right price. All this happened on a Friday Lunchtime. He told me to arrange to have the time of work, which I did and to arrange for my Mum to have the kids for a week, which I did.

That Friday night, he said flights were coming in at about £1200, which I thought was too expensive, so near Christmas, and told him that I would go if he could buy my seat at £600 or less. That weekend, I was so exited. The Monday after I was off work and checked flights out on the internet, I couldn't find anything suitably priced. On Tuesday evening, my hubby informed me that he had booked his flight, be paid £502 for his seat and "by the way" I am taking a female collague. That moment my world fell apart. No only had my hubby dropped my in favour of a "female collague" but my exciting trip had been stolen from me.

As you can imaging, several rows happened over the next two weeks, during which I was told, by him, that I was being stupid for being upset and that I needed to seek some form of councelling. Only when he went to my Mum, I assume to try and get her on his side (which did not work) did he actually appreciate how I felt.

I have asked him about this woman, and I think I am happy that there is nothing going on.

He returns tomorrow and I am picking him up from the airport. I am still very incredibly hurt. My friends and family all feel that I am acting "normally" by being so upset. But after speaking to my husband several times while he has been away, I get the impression that he thinks it's all over now and he will return home and everything will be normal. But, I still feel very sad and to be honest I don't know if things will every be the same again - or at least for a long time. If he ever asks again - can I trust him that he will hold true to his word. I can't understand why, when this woman decided to go with him, why he didn't just say "I'm taking my wife and everything's arranged".

If he hadn't have asked me to go, I wouldn't be feeling like this.

Tell me, I am just "throwing my toys out of the pram" or do you think that I've every reason to feel this way??

Rosieq
12th November 2004, 11:32 AM
Hi. I think his behaviour was confusing and hurtful. Why allow you to make all those arrangements? Why ask you at all if he didn't mean it?

I think the hardest thing to deal with must be his attitude now. Why doesn't he understand that he has hurt you? and that what he did was wrong?

If you have been communicating solely by phone, it has probably been quite difficult to discuss this properly. I would wait until you can speak face to face and then express how you felt about this to him again.

Your feelings on this are valid and should be respected by him. He needs to accept that he has hurt you, explain his actions and reassure you that he understands why you are hurt and that he won't do it again.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

Sad
16th November 2004, 07:43 PM
Thanks for you kind words Rosieq. Hubby has now returned and we have talked quite a bit. The day that I picked him up I had booked a hotel, at my Mum's suggestion, and we stayed out over night, we actually had the best part of 36 hours on our own, which was great, my Mum has been so supportive.

We talked about what had happened and he actually said sorry for what he had done. I asked him what had happened and he explained that this woman had decided to go on the trip at the last minute. I asked why he hadn't been "man enough" to say "I'm sorry, my wife is accompanying me and it's all arranged...", he could not reply to me.

Things are not too bad at home now. I have told my husband and myself that I have put this whole affair away in "a box", but I will not forget it.

Hubby knows that I still feel very hurt, especially as I did not get any token gift from him - not even a toblerone from duty free!! (The kids got several items each).

As I write, I can't help feeling sad still and think that it will be a while before I have 100% faith in my husband again.


Sad