my husband's encounter with another man

[Christine]

A few nights ago, my husband and I went out to a bar. When we returned home, he told me that he had a sexual encounter with a man who followed him into the restroom. (incidently, during this encounter, I was on the dance floor with a woman, dancing very promiscuously) He also told me that he had a one time encounter with a man before we were married - 13 years ago. I'm not sure how to feel. Sometimes I feel intrigued and turned on, sometimes confused and sometimes afraid of what the outcome of this will be.

I am usually very open-minded to bi-sexuality, as I have had a couple of encounters with women, and my husband has always loved that concept! However, I'm not sure where he stands now with bi-sexuality as far as he is concerned. (I hope this all makes sense to someone reading this)

We have recently had a marital crisis. 3 years ago, I learned that he had a brief affair with his (former) co-worker and about a month ago, he learned that I was having an affair with a former co-worker. Since these discoveries and the major blow out that occurred, the air has cleared and we have found new love for each other. Our sex life is very much re-kindled, we talk more openly now than we ever have (which is why he told me about his encounter the other night) and we're having fun together again. We have three children and very different work schedules, which had caused us over the years to kind of drift apart. So it seems that our relationship has become much closer due to these indiscretions.

So, I guess my biggest concerns are these: Should I be more concerned than I am over the fact that my husband seems to be intrigued with being with another man? Will he realize that he may prefer men over me? Is this a somewhat "normal" occurance to have your husband have these brief encounters?

Please help me figure out how to feel.

[Concerned Reader]

Dear Christine

You don't say the ages of your children, but they generally do not benefit from promiscuity in either parent.

It is up to you really - how do you feel about this?

I wouldn't be touching it with a bargepole in this age of fatal sexually transmitted disesases, especially when strange men in toilets are involved. But that's just me.

[mjdirect]

Hi Christine,

You and you hubby sound like your love for each other is geniuine.
The most important thing for you is to live in truth and looks like you are doing this, just be honest and truthfull in all you do..

MJ

[sexlessngoodlookn]

Why do u think children are so messed up in the head these days. Because BISexual to me means u r out to ger it one way or the other. Well u r responsible for the lives u brought into this world, and dont think u can fool them. they will know. So it sounds like u and your husband need to sit down and discuss morals and raising a secure, confident person.

Think about your life, my mother worked 3 rotating shifts, for 30 yrs, my father worked a straight day shift, they didnt party or go out, one of my parents were with us (5 children) at all times. Since the last child left my parents party their asses off. And my parents still have sex in the afternoon, still go parking at the old spots, and i can swear on my childrens lives, my parents have alway been faithful.

My marriage is so far wierd it isnt funny, but i dont cheat, and niether does he. Where are your children when u two have these arguments, how do u think that affects them.

When i got divorced the first time, my parents sat me down and said" your young, there are things u r going to do, dont do them in your daughters home. Dont discuss them when she is home, she doesnt need to hear your problems, she needs to know that your r there for here always, that she is the most important thing in your life. so dont bring all that mess home.\

I never did.



Good luck, because sounds like u two need it.