Please Help

[Hurt]

MY husband of just two months is having an affair. He wants to leave for thrity days to clear his head, he does not understand why this is happening. Has anything a man could ever want beauthiful wife and home. However, as his wife, I feel in order to get through this we must work on this together with counsleing, I feel our realtionship will suffer if he is away for thrity days to clear his head, I thought marriage was for better or for worse, so I am already in counseling he is starting soon, but even the counselors says that either he wants this marriage or he does not, so either stay and work things out or if he leaves he should leave for good. My husband wants to stay away during the week and return home on the weekends, I feel if he really wanted me he would not want to leave at all.

[Kate]

Dear Hurt,

It strikes me that he isn't sure that he wants to go, but somehow wants some space to think clearly. It is good that he is willing to join you for counselling and I hope that the counsellor will try to find ways to enable you to realise what good things you have together and encourage you to try and sort things out.

If you do find he is detremined to try a separation do have a look at the article on managed separation (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/whenover/managedsepn/) and see whether you can negotiate something that would help you both find a way forward together.

Kate

[Velvetrope]

*sigh*.... I can only imagine what you are going through you poor lamb!! How long were you together before you got married?? Did he propose? It seems that after 8 weeks the commitment of marriage has made him feel trapped or unsure about what he wants and how he feels about you. Sometimes a beautiful wife and home is not the answer to true happiness if there were other issues that weren't rectified before you chose marriage.
Please keep in mind your own self worth, and allow him the time to think. You may also use this time to think about your relationship. 8 weeks is a very short period before being unfaithful when your vows are so fresh in your mind!! I can't imagine what caused it. Maybe when he gets back you could try and find out his motivation. You haven't really had time to form a secure base for a marriage. You really do need that for the marriage to survive.. I would hold off on the counselling (depending on how long you have been together) until you find out why he did it.

[smackie9]

It's obvious he didn't take those wedding vows too seriously. Either he hasn't grown up or he's not ready for marriage.

[Rosieq]

Is the affair still going on? Is that why he wants the time away?

When you found out about the affair was he sorry? did he give you any explanation? Has the affair definately stopped? Does he know what caused it?

It is up to you whether you give it another chance. Dont feel pressured into staying and trying just because you are married. It is a big commitment but he's made a mockery of it, and you need to do what is best for you.

You need to work out whether you do actually want to try again, or are just doing so because you feel you ought to. Remember you do have a choice.

Try to just think from your point of view with this. Do you need some time to think? Or have you decided to forgive and want to start work on the marriage now? Take some time to make sure you are making the best decision for you.

I'm struggling with a similar thing, I have posted on here about my husband of four months having a brief text affair. Although it wasn't physical, I feel very much emotionally betrayed, very disappointed and like my dreams and plans are smashed on the ground. I imagine you will be feeling the same.

Talk to your family and friends a lot, let all the pain and hurt out as often as possible. Lean on your loved ones and let them help you through it. Try to focus on your wants and needs and not his. He is his own person and will decide whatever he decides.

Good luck and take care.

[Sierra]

I would suggest youget rid of him now BEFORE you have kids and before there is too much co-mingling of assets.

[SH Jack]

I agree with the above. Get rid of him and go find a good man that is worthy of you.